Tales From The Chelsea Life

Posted on May 26, 2025 by Chris Axon

Nottingham Forest vs. Chelsea : 25 May 2025.

Our final league game of this typically odd Chelsea league campaign was to take place beside the River Trent against Nottingham Forest. This game represented a couple of milestones for me. This would be another 38/38 league season, my third-in-a-row (I haven’t completed too many, I always seem to miss one or two games), but also Chelsea game number one thousand five hundred. It honestly doesn’t seem that long ago that we travelled up to Burnley for the first game of 2014/15 for my one-thousandth.

I suspect that my mindset for this game was quite different to most. Yes, we were in with a very decent chance to secure a UEFA Champions League spot for 2025/26, but if I am perfectly honest, I do not think that my mind was as besieged with a “do or die” mentality like many of our supporters.

At the start of the season, before a ball was kicked in anger, my prediction for us under a relatively untested new manager was to finish between sixth and eighth. That view did not really waver too much as games were played. We all know how the quality of this year’s Premier League – God, how I dislike the term “Prem” – has not been great, and so as our rocky league campaign stalled in the New Year – God, those back-to-back Brighton games – at least I thought that we might be able to sneak into a European place, as a result of other’s failings as well as our own.

We then hit some form, reached the UEFA Conference League Final, and a Europa League place next season seemed attainable via whatever means.

Going into our last game against Manchester United, I remember thinking that the Europa League is maybe our level for next season; maybe we are not quite ready for a full Champions League campaign,

We are, we must be reminded, a young team, finding its feet,

So, of course I wanted us to win at the City Ground in the way that I want us to always win as many games as we can, but I was not about to fling myself off Trent Bridge should we be pipped by Forest, or Newcastle, or Villa, to a Champions League place.

In the words of the song, whatever will be will be.

At this stage of my life and my Chelsea life, European campaigns are increasingly more about new cities, new teams, new grounds, new experiences, rather than total global domination.

It’s all about the journey, right?

That’s what I keep telling myself in quiet reflective moments, but then Chelsea Football Club comes along and buggers things up by habitually reaching finals and we then become trophy-hunting savages.

Wink.

I left work on Friday, and a lovely football-fuelled break was ahead of me, a tantalising notion. The game in Nottingham would be immediately followed by a trip to Wroclaw.

This is the, Chelsea, life.

However, the game would not be taking place in Nottingham at all.

My friend Craig – Stoke, 1984/85 and all that – who is an ardent supporter of Notts County always likes to mention that Notts County are the true team of the city since they play in Nottingham, yet Nottingham Forest, who ironically play at the City Ground, only play in West Bridgford, but in the county of Nottingham.

Confused, me owd duck?

I had collected PD at 9am. However, he managed to quickly get himself in a pickle when he ordered me to quickly return to his house as he had forgotten his Polish currency.

“Poland is tomorrow mate.”

I collected Parky at 9.30am and I drove due north, via the beautiful and scenic Fosse Way, bypassing Coventry and Leicester, then north for a few more miles. Ironically, this was the first time that I had driven on the A46 – still the Fosse Way – this far north since game number seven hundred against Hull City in October 2008.

The plan was to avoid Nottingham city centre and the noisy pubs around the ground and have a few drinks in a country pub somewhere.

Thankfully, at about 1pm, we pulled up outside “The Plough” in the quaintly named Normanton-On-The-Wolds. I am never sure of the origin of the term “wolds” but for a few minutes shy of two hours we were on one of them, and it was a very pleasant experience.

Four pints of “Cruzcampo” for the drinkers, three “Diet Cokes” for the driver.

I was parked up on Radcliffe Road at 3.10pm, and by 3.30pm I had smuggled my SLR into the away enclosure and had made by way to the fifth row alongside my usual awayday companions Gary, John and Alan. Annoyingly I had left my sunglasses in the car, a similar story to last year. I hope the sun overhead would soon disappear behind some clouds.

The team were going through their drills in front of us.

One wag behind me yelled out “smile, you should be enjoying this, you’re on a hundred grand a week.”

I had a look around. There were two new structures in the opposing corners; a Craven Cottage style rack of executive boxes to the right of the Trent End, and what looked like a TV studio perched high to the left.

Dotted around the ground was the “Forest” logo with the two European Cup stars. I think I have mentioned before about how the “FOReST” logo looks a little odd, and it garnered a little discussion on the internet recently. Somebody suggested that the lower case “e” flowed better with the curve of the “R”, but there was a further commend that had me chuckling.

“It’s the san serif of Nottingham.”

Kick-off approached and the sun played hide-and-seek. I was low down, and I prepared to be frustrated that I would not be able to take too many decent photos apart from the area on the pitch close by.

“Mull Of Kintyre” boomed out with the words changed to echo the spirit of 1977/78.

Then, the Trent End lit up with a full mosaic.

“TAKE US ON A TRIP”.

A crowd-surfing minibus began its movement “To Europe” just before the game kicked-off but then ran out of steam and collapsed on peoples’ heads as the game began.

A metaphor for the game? I hoped so.

It was a lively, physical and energetic start to the match The home team were not afraid to venture forward, and they were roared on by their red-clad supporters. Chelsea enjoyed a few counterattacks. There was a fine advance by Enzo Fernandez down the right using the dummy run of Noni Madueke to exploit space, but his cross way out to the right flank was not only an odd pass but was hopelessly overhit. If it had hit its intended target, I would have realised that Jadon Sancho was playing. It took me a quarter of an hour to realise it.

Our team?

Sanchez

James – Tosin – Colwill – Cucurella

Caicedo – Enzo

Madueke – Palmer – Sancho

Neto

Pedro Neto, the winger turned false-nine-figurehead kept finding himself out wide but wasted a couple of decent chances to ping over a decent cross.

After eighteen minutes, Marc Cucurella had already headed three dangerous crosses away. He covers space so well. There was a constant aerial threat from Forest, and Tosin Adarabioyo began heading away crosses, and blocking, and tackling.

Elsewhere, goals were not forthcoming.

Aston Villa 0 Manchester United 0

Newcastle United 0 Everton 0.

Our songs had quietened down and so a loud “Carefree” was met with derision and disdain from the noisy locals to our right.

We attacked when we could, and we seemed to own possession for much of the second half of the first period. We moved the ball rather slowly, and Cole Palmer often dropped very deep.

“I just can’t see us scoring, Gary.”

On the half-hour, a decent move found Noni Madueke, who passed to Palmer. His cross found Neto, close-in, but his effort flew over the bar.

I sensed that the home crowd – red hot last year – were not quite so intense and loud this year. I think the nerves were getting to them.

On forty-two minutes, a great cross from them and Chris Wood really should have hit the target. His effort flew over, in much the same way that had happened with the Neto effort. Both efforts came off shins.

The locals yelled “Come on you reds” and the place heated up again.

I noted how Tosin was in the right place to clear so many times. His battle with Wood was an attraction all by itself.

At the break, the home team were cheered off the pitch.

I just wondered where on Earth a goal would come from.

There was a second huddle of the day from Chelsea, and another rendition of “Mull Of Kintyre”. I was if both teams wanted to reset and go again.

The Chelsea team attacked us in the Bridgford Stand. On fifty minutes, a Chelsea move resulted in the ball being headed around the box. Neco Williams meekly headed the ball to Neto who, simply playing percentage football, pushed the ball across the six-yard box, the ‘keeper stranded. I did not see whose leg prodded the ball in, but I saw the net bulge, and I saw everyone explode.

Limbs.

I punched the air continually. I knew I would not be able to take any shots of the scorer celebrating. Instead, I looked ahead and saw the wide grin from Palmer as he trotted towards us. A photo of him would have been a nice and cool comparison to the noise and madness happening all around me.

But the limbs were still getting in the way.

Drat.

As against Manchester United, Palmer’s celebration was to flip up a spare ball and welly it into the sky.

Bosh.

“Who scored?”

“Colwill.”

In a moment of quiet :

Alan, two seats away : “THTCAUN.”

Charles, in Texas : “THTCAUN.”

Ben, in Massachusetts : “THTCAUN.”

Garret, in Tennessee : “THTCAUN.”

Rick, in Iowa : “THTCAUN.”

Me, in Nottinghamshire : “COMLD.”

This single goal pushed Chelsea above Newcastle United into fourth place.

Fackinell.

All around me was noise and happiness.

But could we hang on?

On fifty-seven minutes, Wood was close-in on Sanchez again, but his effort was blasted over. The offside flag had been raised anyway.

A loud guttural roar from us.

“AND IT’S SUPER CHELSEA.

SUPER CHELSEA FC.

WE’RE BY FAR THE GREATEST TEAM.

THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN.”

Some substitutions.

Romeo Lavia for Sancho, a poor game from him.

An update :

Newcastle United 0 Everton 1.

We were now three points up on the Geordies, the team we lost against just a fortnight ago.

It was happening.

The play continued.

I said to Gary :

“Forest are currently seventh. It’s going to be a scramble to get back to my car tonight.”

Thankfully those days are over.

An update :

Manchester United 1 Aston Villa 0.

It was happening, Villa were out of the equation now surely.

Malo Gusto replaced Neto, who had put in a fine shift.

Forest attacked sporadically, but the defence – and that man Tosin – was exceptional.

There was a shout of “Celery” in the crowd in the corner section, and I wondered what was happening? In days of old, this was usually prompted by the sighting of an attractive girl or woman, please don’t judge us.

Well, lo and behold, Bonnie Blue (who? her?) was indeed sighted and it just about summed up the craziness of the day. From what I could remember, this woman had been banned from the City Ground. How she managed to get a ticket in our away end, God – or maybe Todd – only knows.

She was wearing the new Chelsea shirt too.

Perhaps, she should have gone with the current shirt; the design is more appropriate, cough, cough.

The ball was booted clear and ended up behind me. Gary – a kleptomaniac – reached down and would eventually hide it away in his rolled-up jacket.

I then looked up and found out that Keirnan Dewsbury-Hall was on the pitch, replacing Madueke.

An update :

Manchester United 2 Aston Villa 0.

A Forest corner at the Trent End resulted in a series of mad blocks from our resolute defenders. Sanchez eventually fell on the ball, and we breathed a sigh of relief.

I found it funny that the home fans were not happy with the referee Anthony Taylor, in much the same way that we are not too enamoured.

“Anthony Taylor. It’s all about you.”

On ninety-three minutes, the Forest ‘keeper Matz Sels trotted up field and launched a fantastic ball towards Wood. Thankfully, the striker missed the target, the ball flying high into the stand.

Fackinell.

In truth, an equaliser for Forest would not have hindered our progress into next season’s Champions League.

After eight and then nine minutes of injury time, the referee blew.

We were in our happy place once again.

Back in Europe.

Back in the Champions League.

Back at the top table.

What a mad, noisy, funny, crazy – but perfect – day.

There was time for a few hugs and handshakes in the concourse and outside. My good mate Callum approached me.

“Never been a big fan of the manager, but he has done it, he has to stay.”

“Yeah, would be churlish to want him out.”

A last photo of the season, and then a slow walk back to the car.

It was a bloody magnificent drive home, through the shires of England, as the sun set to our right, above The Cotswolds.

I reached home at 10.15pm.

It had been a great day.

I will see many of you in Wroclaw.

1,500

Game 1 : Chelsea vs. Newcastle United – 16/3/74

Game 100 : Chelsea vs. West Ham United – 23/3/87

Game 200 : Coventry City vs. Chelsea – 4/2/95

Game 300 : Chelsea vs. Real Betis – 5/3/98

Game 400 : Chelsea vs. Middlesbrough – 31/3/01

Game 500 – Chelsea vs. Real Zaragoza – 8/8/04

Game 600 – Chelsea vs. Levski Sofia – 5/12/06

Game 700 – Hull City vs. Chelsea – 29/10/08

Game 800 – Manchester City vs. Chelsea – 25/9/10

Game 900 – Wigan Athletic vs. Chelsea – 19/8/12

Game 1,000 – Burnley vs. Chelsea – 19/8/14

Game 1,100 – Chelsea vs. West Ham United – 15/8/16

Game 1,200 – Perth Glory vs. Chelsea – 23/7/18

Game 1,300 – Chelsea vs. Villareal – 11/8/21

Game 1,400 – Chelsea vs. Newcastle United – 28/5/23

Game 1,500 – Nottingham Forest vs. Chelsea – 25/5/25

Tales From An Easy One

Posted on March 2, 2025 by Chris Axon

Chelsea vs. Southampton : 25 February 2025.

Straight after the away game at Villa Park, Chelsea were up against Southampton at Stamford Bridge with just two days of rest for players and supporters alike.

Aston Villa Saturday evening, Southampton Tuesday evening.

No time to breath.

I worked another early shift – up at 4.45am, work from 6am to 2pm, kick-off 8.15pm, back to bed God-only knows when – and a little part of me doubted my sanity. If ever there was a game to politely miss, it might be this one. We were on a run of three straight losses and Southampton were so far adrift of safety that they were hardly an exciting attraction. I recalled the away game in early December when we won an odd game 5-1, and some easy-to-please supporters were swooning with a new Enzo Maresca chant. It was clear, then, how poor the Saints team in 2024/25 would prove to be.

But I would be there, in my seat in The Sleepy Hollow, where I have been for most games since purchasing Seat 169 / Row D / Block 9 in the summer of 1997. Apart from the enforced absence of the COVID era, I haven’t missed too many. I would guess I have missed around twenty games since August 1997; through holidays, work commitments, occasional spells of illness, taking care of my mother in her declining years, but none through a simple “I can’t be bothered.”

“It’s what I do.”

Unfortunately, His Lordship was unable to attend this one. At about 4.30pm, I dropped PD off down by The Eight Bells. I wasn’t quite sure what my pre-match would entail, but I was pleased to be able to park up in exactly the same spot as against West Ham United three weeks earlier, right outside “The Elephant & Barrel.”

I took a photo of the setting sun bouncing off both the Clem Atlee and the Empress State Building to complete my recent triptych of Chelsea pre-match sunsets. As with the photographs, I posted it on Facebook under the title “And All The World Is Chelsea Shaped” after the XTC song of a similar title.

There were a couple of comments that soon followed about the band and the song.

It was 5pm, with still quite a wait until the game began. I decided to dive into “Koka” once again for a pizza. I spotted Gary walking on the other side of the North End Road and he came over for a quick chat. After my bite to eat, I walked up to “The Elm” to enjoy a drink and a catch-up with Gary, Alan, Daryl, Chris, his son Nick and Simon. I hadn’t seen them all together for a while. This was the only the second visit that I have ever made to “The Elm”. It’s ridiculously small, with the world’s smallest gents’ bogs to go with it.

One of the comments about my “Facebook” post came from Pete from Swindon, who I had spotted drinking in a quiet corner of “The Elm” and so I went over to chat to him. Many years ago, he had worked with XTC’s singer Andy Partridge in a department store in the town. I asked if Partridge still lives in Swindon.

“Yes, he still lives in the town. You’d see him around Swindon if you ever visit.”

“Ah, I don’t visit Swindon and I don’t visit it as often as I can.”

Pete smiled.

I was inside Stamford Bridge in good time. Fair play to the Saints faithful; three-thousand strong.

Karl, a friend who lives up on Tyneside, came down to my seat to say a few words. He was here with his young son Harry who was attending his first-ever game at Stamford Bridge. Ironically, Karl explained that Southampton would have been the first team that he would ever see Chelsea play at Stamford Bridge, but the game in early 1995 was postponed. I remember this well, since I had driven up from the West Country on my own for this, only for the match to be called off due to a waterlogged pitch or a frozen pitch, I forget what exactly.

I have been lucky; in almost 1,500 games, only four were called off with me at – or near – the stadia.

West Ham Away – 1986.

Watford Home – 1986.

Southampton Home – 1995.

Aston Villa Home – 1998.

In the early ‘eighties, it seemed that football schedules were often hit with postponements due to frozen pitches. Season 1984/85 was certainly hit by a few. On Saturday 23 February of that season, Chelsea travelled to play Coventry City at Highfield Road. I forget the reason for my non-attendance, but perhaps I had not been able to afford it. I had hoped for a 14,000 gate but just 11,430 showed up. We lost 0-1, a revenge for our 6-2 defeat of Cov earlier in the season. The game is memorable for the first start of the season for Micky Droy after his cameo appearance the previous Saturday. In fact, there is a great photo of Micky Droy with Coventry City’s Stuart Pearce, a photo that covers the Football League from Droy’s debut in 1970 to Pearce’s final game in 2002.

Back to 2025.

Clive was unable to make this game, so I was alongside Alan and PD.

Us?

Jorgensen

Gusto – Tosin – Colwill – Cucurella

Caicedo – Enzo

Sancho – Palmer – Nkunku

Neto

Without Jackson nor Guiu fit, our “team full of wingers” were asked to adapt their games once more.

There had been rumours in the build-up to this match that many tickets were going spare, but as the minutes ticked towards the kick-off time, it was obvious that most seats were filled.

Good effort.

At the ridiculous time of 8.15pm, the game began.

The light yellow shirts and the dark shorts of the Southampton team brought back instant and disturbing memories of the “Iniesta” game against Barcelona in 2009. Soon into the match, the Matthew Harding tried to sing three different Chelsea songs at the same time, and it seemed wholly appropriate as Chelsea struggled to link passes and link players. The “team full of wingers” seemed to be doing their own thing. It was, suffice to say, all a bit frustrating.

We soon spotted a potentially physical battle between our own Tosin Adarabioyo and Paul Onuacho – “bless you!” – and in these days of slight and spritely attackers this was perhaps something to relish.

An old school battle.

Jadon Sancho, out on the right, advanced and fizzed in a cross towards the far post but the ball skidded away with nobody remotely close to the ball. In fact, the Southampton fans in row ten of The Shed Lower were closer than any Chelsea player on the pitch.

Pedro Neto was the most fluid of our attacking four, but in general the first ten minutes or so were full of misplaced flicks and kicks.

On fourteen minutes, the gargantuan Saints striker – at 6’7” he was built like the proverbial brick out-house – created some space inside the box but his effort was well over the bar.

“Good defensive clearance that, Onuacho.”

“Bless you!”

“Thank you.”

On twenty minutes, an encouraging move at last. Enzo Fernandez received the ball and combined a beautiful drag-back with a quick turn and was able to set up Cole Palmer. Unfortunately, despite steadying himself, his left-footed shot was ridiculously wide of the left-hand post. He had slipped just at the key moment.

Just after, Palmer found himself just eight yards out, but Aaron Ramsdale blocked the shot superbly. From the resulting Enzo corner, Tosin rose at the far post and headed across the goal. Rushing in at the far post was the previously quiet Christopher Nkunku, who bravely headed in despite the presence of a Saints defender.

There was a VAR wait, but the goal stood.

We were one-up.

Al and I went through our “THTCAUN / COMLD” routine.

On thirty-one minutes, I had to admire a fine cross from a Saints player down below me that found the head of Onuachu – “bless you!” – but Filip Jorgensen saved the day with a fantastic leap and tip away.

On thirty-three minutes, nice work from Sancho enabled Palmer to receive the ball and I willed him to finish using his favoured left foot from the right of the Saints goal. Alas, his low shot ended up a few feet wide of the far post.

In baseball parlance, Palmer was 0 for 3 thus far.

Not to worry, just three minutes later, Nkunku played a fine ball into the inside-left channel into the path of Neto, who slammed the ball, first-time, between the post and the ‘keeper.

A very fine goal.

I didn’t catch the Neto goal on film, but just before the break I was delighted to photograph another goal. Neto curled in a free kick from the left and Levi Colwill rose unhindered at the far post to head past Ramsdale.

Click.

Goal.

A run to the corner.

Click, click, click, click, click, click.

It hadn’t been the best of performances, but we were three-nil up.

If it was possible, Southampton were even poorer in the second half than the first.

On fifty minutes, a Nkunku header was pushed over by Ramsdale and then Palmer’s shot went straight to the ‘keeper.

“Palmer, swinging, caught : 0 for 4 in his plate appearances so far.”

On fifty-five minutes, decent play by Nkunku set up Palmer, but he appeared to be leaning back as he connected, and the ball was skied over the bar.

“Palmer, an easy out : oh for five.”

Neto, through on goal, stumbled.

Going forward, Southampton were nothing. They were, perhaps, peaking from behind their parked bus.

Some substitutions on sixty-eight minutes.

Tyrique George for Neto.

Keirnan Dewsbury-Hall for Sancho.

George impressed with his running and close control. He enjoyed a shot – sadly blazed over – and set up Nkunku. His efforts soon convinced the Matthew Harding to sing his name.

“Tyrique George – he’s one of our own.”

On seventy-eight minutes, some decent play by George down the Chelsea right, just inside the box, allowed the youngster to look up and spot an un-marked Marc Cucurella. It would have been easier for the full-back to smash the ball home with his right foot, but he took a touch for safety and swept it home with his more trustworthy left peg.

Chelsea were four to the good and there was a roar from the Stamford faithful. Cucurella is obviously loved by his teammates, and he enjoyed the hugs and handshakes.

I wasn’t sure about his Charlie Chaplin / penguin impersonation though.

We live in odd times.

Two very late substitutions and a debut.

Mathis Amouogu for Caicedo.

Josh Acheampong for Enzo.

A couple of late chances were exchanged, and then one final very very late substitution and another debut.

Shumaira Mhueka for Enzo.

The debutant almost scored with a header with his very first touch at the top level.

A late free kick for Palmer in prime Palmer territory was saved by Ramsdale.

“Oh for six.”

Sigh.

It stayed 4-0.

I don’t know about others, but sometimes I find myself driving along a road, and I spot a docile pigeon sat on the road ahead. I drive on, hoping that the sight of my car, the noise of my car or the vibrations on the road from the car initiate a sudden sense of panic and worry and the pigeon flies off to seek safety elsewhere.

Sometimes, the pigeon is a very stupid pigeon.

Sometimes, there is oncoming traffic.

Sometimes it is impossible to avoid the pigeon.

Sometimes, I grit my teeth and drive over the pigeon, hoping that it miraculously escapes.

Usually, in such circumstances, I look behind and see a flurry of soft white feathers floating up into the air behind me.

Southampton Football Club; you are a very stupid pigeon.

We crept up to fourth place.

My post on Facebook was an easy one.

“Four goals. Fourth place. Fourkinell.”

No game for me for almost two weeks now.

I’m off for a lie-down.

Tales From Forty-Four Years And Counting

Posted on January 16, 2024 by Chris Axon

Chelsea vs. Fulham : 13 January 2024.

On the long drive home from Middlesbrough last Wednesday, with the Semi-Final first leg defeat still fresh in my mind, I am not sure if I was overly brutal or just pragmatic about the rest of our campaign.

“Listen, we are a tenth place team. We’ll beat Middlesbrough in the second leg and get to the final but lose to Liverpool once we get there. We’ll lose to Villa in the FA Cup. And that’s our season done.”

However, by the time I had picked up the others – PD, Glenn, Parky, Ron – on the Saturday for the drive to London for the Fulham game at Stamford Bridge, my viewpoint had noticeably softened.

“Well, I saw the highlights on “YouTube” and let’s be honest, Cole Palmer should have scored two. It could so easily have been one of those games where we didn’t play particularly well but squeaked a narrow win. New manager, new players, let’s give it some time. We have seen worse.”

Thoughts turned towards Fulham. We have a bloody marvellous record against this lot and at Stamford Bridge especially. However, although I had recently read that our last defeat at home to Fulham was forty-four years ago, there was absolutely no chance of me mentioning this to the lads in the car, bearing in mind how they had chastised me for talking about my unbeaten record against ‘Boro.

The last home defeat?

Saturday 27 October 1979, a 0-2 loss in front of a very healthy 30,567 gate in the old Second Division.

44 years.

21 games.

13 wins.

8 draws.

0 defeats.

It’s a very decent record indeed. Going back further, to our first home game against Fulham in 1911, the total stats are equally impressive.

113 years.

45 games.

25 wins.

18 draws.

2 defeats.

The only other home defeat?

Saturday 7 March 1964, a 1-2 defeat in front of a disappointing 26,219 in the old First Division.

With the kick-off for the 2023/24 version of the “SW6 Derby” taking place at 12.30pm, the pre-match routine took on a different guise. When I had dropped into “The Old Oak” last week, Alan had informed me that its doors would be opening at 9am for the Fulham game. This news was met with nods of approval from my fellow passengers. So, at about 9.20am I dropped Parky and PD outside the pub, which is just over the border to the north of Fulham in Hammersmith. I then drove down the North End Road and the Fulham Road to deposit Ron at the main gates bang on 9.30am. I was parked up on Normand Road a few minutes after. We bumped into Liz and Pete just as they were parking up. Glenn and I soon disappeared into a packed “Café Delight” for a quick breakfast, a first-ever visit. There were a couple of familiar faces in there. The clientele then moved south to “The Clarence” or “The Old Oak.”

PD and Parky were supping pints of lager and we joined them at about 10.15am. More familiar faces were dotted around. I soon spotted Stu, a fellow season-ticket holder, who only lives four miles away from me. He sadly lost his wife Sue not so long ago – I went to Sue’s sixtieth birthday four years ago – and so I gave him a hug and offered words of sympathy. I spoke to Jonesy and Jocka, two lovely lads from the Nuneaton area, and we spoke a little about life – and Chelsea.

Jonesy pulled up a seat.

We mentioned the photos that I shared from the 1998 League Cup Final. We spoke about how quickly the time has gone since then.

“Twenty-six years ago.”

Jonesy stated the unbelievable truth that in another twenty-six years some of us won’t be around.

“Yeah. I’ll be eighty-four.”

And yet 1998 seems fresh in my mind.

“Life is accelerating away these days, mate.”

“Don’t worry, Jonesy. The way we are playing at the moment, the next ten years will drag like fuck.”

We laughed.

I met Mick from Hemel Hempstead for the first time and it was a pleasure. Mick has been reading these ramblings of mine for a while. He spotted me and came over to chat with the lads. It’s always nice to get positive feedback. I chuckled when he dropped one of my catchphrases in to the conversation.

At 11.45am we set off down the North End Road. A little mob of Fulham were – in football parlance – “giving it large” on their walk past outside the West Stand.

“Stamford Bridge is falling down.”

I just chuckled.

I took my place in The Sleepy Hollow. Two of the usual four – Alan and Clive – were unable to attend. Glenn had Clive’s ticket and a young lad called Dan from way up in Carlisle had taken Alan’s ticket.

“You’ve got some big boots to fill, mate.”

But Carlisle. Phew, that’s some train ride. Respect.

There was pre-match chat with Oxford Frank and we were both hoping for another three points to maybe edge closer, or even past, Manchester United and Newcastle United.

Our team? It was the same as against ‘Boro apart from one change. Armando Broja was in to the lead the line, with Cole Palmer shifted to the wing in place of Noni Madueke.

27 – 6 – 2 – 26

8 – 25

20 – 23 – 7

In the Fulham team, one man stood out.

It was a cold winter day; a time for warm jackets, hats and caps.

Big Brother vs. Little Brother.

SW6 1HS vs. SW6 6HH.

Blues vs. Whites.

Pensioners vs. Cottagers.

Chelstam vs. Fulhamish.

There has always been a very special relationship between the two clubs. It was always said that for the local populations in and around Fulham, Hammersmith, Chelsea, Putney and Battersea, football fans would go to Stamford Bridge one week and Craven Cottage the next.

As payment for taking wedding photos at a Chelsea wedding back in 2020, I was gifted a huge case of football programmes, including some lovely Wembley Cup Finals and England internationals from the ‘fifties. They all belonged to one man, a friend of Mick, the groom. But of special note here is that among many Chelsea home programmes were hundreds of Fulham programmes, from the ‘fifties onwards, too. It illustrates how the support was shared between the two clubs.

However, they hate us these days.

On the other hand, we can’t be bothered about them.

Oh well.

The game began and for the first five minutes it felt like a continuation of the Middlesbrough game the previous Tuesday; tons of foreplay and no penetration.

We needed to get dirty.

The Fulham fans were bellowing about “One team in Fulham” and we responded, half-heartedly, with the usual “Come on Chelsea.”

It was all pretty timid stuff.

As the game began to get going, a shot from Enzo was blocked, and then the best move of the match resulted in a shot from Conor Gallagher rising over the bar at The Shed End.

We soon all admitted that we could see Willian – 20 for them, not 22 for us – drifting inside, down below us in familiar territory, dropping a shoulder and curling one in under the bar.

Shudder.

On twenty minutes, Armando Broja made a fine move towards the near post and flashed a header just wide of the goal. Until then, his lack of movement and lack of a physical threat was starting to wind me up.

Midway through the half, there were two Fulham efforts on the Chelsea goal to my left. The second came after a fine move had found Harry Wilson and it needed an excellent save from Djordje Petrovic at his near post.

Chelsea were unsurprisingly dominant, but there were only glimpses of decent play, of players combining well, of coherent patterns. Not for the first time I lamented the movement off the ball. On two occasions, if only Broja had realised it, he was in acres of space if he had feinted one way and then spun the other. A pass or two from Silva would have released him.

Willian came over to take part in a short corner. I rose to applaud him. As did many. I don’t go for singing songs about former players, but I certainly felt fine with applauding him just the once. The noise was loud. He clapped us too. I see nothing wrong with any of that. It shows us all in a good light, I think.

Two efforts from us; one from Cole Palmer, not at his best thus far, and a riser from Enzo, who was starting to show a lot more spirit to his performance.

A crunching tackle from Malo Gusto left Willian rolling in pain, but I was too far away to see the detail.

We were treated to a ridiculous turn and dummy from Moises Caicedo on Wilson. The look of pain on the Fulham player’s face was – er – a picture.

In the last moments of the first-half, Palmer advanced and was thankfully aware of Raheem Sterling screaming for the ball to be played into him. A lovely reverse ball set him up. It seems that the Football Gods have decreed that Fulham must always have a towering player called Diop in their team, and it was the 2024 version – Issa – who took an ungainly chop at Sterling just as he cut past him. From one hundred yards away it looked a penalty.

…in my mind : “either a penalty or a booking for a dive.”

The maligned Anthony Taylor pointed to the spot.

Phew.

Cole Palmer took the ball. His record with penalties is perfect for us.

He slotted it home.

GET IN.

The goal came at a perfect time. It meant that there were no boos at half-time. In truth, although not a vintage performance, I was quietly content with some of our play. In my mind, Enzo Fernandez and Levi Colwill were enjoying their best games for a while.

Baby steps and all that malarkey.

The second half began. There was a noticeable increase in intensity from the players, and the crowd, certainly in the Matthew Harding, responded well. In the first few minutes of the second period, Broja found himself in a central area of the box, but could not get a shot away. He was ridiculously marked but took an extra touch, as is his wont.

On fifty minutes, a bender from Palmer whizzed over. Two minutes later, Sterling rose so well and headed down and against a post, but was flagged for offside.

At the other end, a deflected Fulham cross from in front of their fans, but a resulting header flew over.

A couple of pacey Chelsea attacks, the fleet-footed Gusto involved on both occasions, but blocks from the Fulham rear-guard kept us at bay. This was an excellent spell from us.

On sixty-six minutes, Noni Madueke replaced Broja.

Palmer moved centrally as a false nine. From here, there were a few tricks and spins. I like him in a central role.

Just after, Colwill curled a shot over from the edge of the box.

We longed for a second goal.

Enzo continued his little resurgence. He showed a lot more spirit, fight, intensity, and drive. We need that. We need him creating from deep. We need Palmer creating further up field. Amongst everything, Conor Gallagher was on his game, closing down space, winning fifty-fifties, setting the tempo. Thiago Silva was magnificent as the second-half developed.

Madueke was often involved. I like the way that he uses his body, how he forces himself across defenders, using his upper body to barge past.

However, a rare Fulham chance caused palpitations. Andres Pereira found space in the box and passed to Raul Jimenez. The low shot was thankfully saved by Petrovic, who dropped to his right and threw out an arm. It was a really fine save.

On seventy-seven minutes, a roar as Ben Chilwell replaced Sterling. I spent a few minutes working out if our shape had changed. Chilwell for Sterling seemed to be a straight swap.

On eighty-two minutes, a nice run from Madueke set up Gallagher, who was rather hemmed in, but beautifully curled a shot at goal with the outside of his right boot. The ball curved and smacked the left upright.

Fackinell.

Colwill continued to impress. One ball out to the wing was immaculate, with just the right amount of fade for it to drop into the path of our player.

On eighty-four minutes, Enzo gave the ball up cheaply and it lead to a free-kick being rewarded by Taylor. It was central, right on the edge of the box. Who else but Willian took the ball. I hoped that it was too central for him to get a good angle.

I turned around to the blokes behind me.

“Here we go then. We have all been fearing this.”

He clipped the ball over the wall, but over the bar too.

I turned to them again.

“He has gone downhill, that Willian.”

We laughed.

Madueke forced a low save from Leno.

…inside my head : “shouldn’t we be closing this game out rather than chasing a second?”

Two late substitutions.

Nice applause for Carney Chukwuemeka, replacing Palmer.

Warm applause for Alfie Gilchrist, replacing Gusto.

It was all very fraught in the final moments of the game. A couple of Fulham free-kicks out on their right were slung into the box. The first one was sent deep, but after penalty-box pinball, the ball was hoofed clear. The second resulted in head tennis, but again our goal remained intact.

Taylor blew up.

Relief.

Back in the car, we were happy. It wasn’t a bad outing and we had marked our third consecutive league win in a row. We had beaten Fulham at Stamford Bridge yet again. We had risen slightly in the table. I headed back to the West Country a contented Chelsea supporter.

I stopped at Reading Services to hear that Frome Town were drawing 0-0 at home to Paulton Rovers. As I dropped off Parky, just after 5pm, I was to learn that my home town team had edged it 1-0. Lovely stuff.

I dropped off Ron. I often say to him, as I collect him to take him up to Stamford Bridge, “have you brought your boots?”

His stock reply to this is always “they couldn’t afford my wages, Chris.”

Well, on this occasion, perhaps it was just as well that Chopper had left his boots at home. The reason? Ron was playing for us on Saturday 7 March 1964 and also on Saturday 27 October 1979.

I didn’t like to mention it.

I dropped off Glenn, I dropped off PD. I reached home at just after 6pm.

It had been a good day.

Next up, that second leg against ‘Boro. Let’s make some bloody noise. See you there.

Tales From The Loyal Three Thousand

Posted on December 9, 2023 by Chris Axon

Manchester United vs. Chelsea : 6 December 2023.

Originally the plan was to stay up in the North-West for four nights, taking in the matches at Manchester United and Everton without the need to travel up and back twice. I had booked accommodation near Piccadilly for Wednesday night, and accommodation near Goodison Park for the other three nights. With it being our last-ever visit to the old lady, I thought it worthwhile to base ourselves in Liverpool, exploring some previously unvisited areas – North Wales maybe – while being close to the stadium for one last hurrah.

That was the plan.

And then Frome Town buggered it all up.

The Mighty Dodge drew ex-Football League outfit Torquay United in the Third Round of the FA Trophy. Well, I couldn’t miss that. I even thought about leaving PD and Parky in Liverpool and driving to Frome on the Saturday. But then Parky decided that he needed to make other arrangements and we chose to cancel both stays.

At 1pm I collected PD in Frome and we began our journey north. It honestly did not seem too long ago that I last visited Old Trafford; it came at the end of last season, the first of two games in Manchester in a mere five days.

It’s a well-worn path. This would be my twenty-eighth away game with Chelsea at Old Trafford. It used to be a decent hunting ground. However, those days seem a long time ago. It is now over ten years since our last win at United, a lone strike from Juan Mata giving us the points in May 2013. Alex Ferguson announced that he would retire as United manager the very next day. I would like to think that the two are linked.

We reached “The Windmill” at the Tabley Interchange on the M6 at 4.45pm and we had a bite to eat. At 6pm, I set off on the last stretch. Alas, we were hit with tiresome traffic congestion as we crawled along the A56 through Altrincham and Sale, and then eventually along Chester Road and into Stretford. Past the old Art Deco cinema. Past the new McDonalds where “The Drum” used to be, past the shopping centre. We were parked up at 7.15pm.

It was a clear night. A little cold. No rain.

I am sure I could walk this last section in my sleep. It is so familiar.

Across Gorse Hill Park. The floodlights of the cricket ground to my right. Back onto the Chester Road again. Past a lot of new buildings, much changed in the last fifteen years. But still that working men’s club on the right. A new car dealership. The hot dog stand. The steel of Old Trafford across the way. That large “Tesco” on the right. A new pop-up bar on the other pavement, a re-furbished 20’ sea container. Those tower blocks to the left. The trot over the road. “The Bishop Blaize” pub. The line of fast food places as you walk up to the cross-roads. Red-brick terraced houses beyond. Lou Macari’s chip shop. People queueing for food. The pungent smell of vinegar. The grafters selling match day scarves. Onto Sir Matt Busby Way. The bloke yelling out “United We Stand” and yet more stalls selling scarves and tat. The crowds getting deeper, a mix of accents. The line of police as the forecourt is reached. The neon signage on the East Stand. The Munich memorial. The Munich clock. The slope down to the away turnstiles. The hunt for familiar faces.

“Kim!”

I spotted Kim, from the US, now residing in Liverpool, and I handed over her match ticket. We bump into each other at a variety of locations – the last one a boat in Bristol harbour – and this was her first visit to Old Trafford for a few years.

It’s always the biggest away game for me, this one. It’s a classic battle. North vs. South. Red vs. Blue. Manchester vs. London. Old Trafford. The largest club ground in the UK. The scene of our 1970 FA Cup win. The scene of our 1915 FA Cup loss. Some huge battles over the decades.

My SLR is banned at both Manchester stadia and so I again wanted to take a few photos of the match-going support, close-up, rather than rely on too many grainy and fuzzy action shots using my smaller camera. There was a mandatory search and I was in. It was 7.50pm.

There was a new vantage point for me for this one. I am usually positioned in the curve above the corner flag. This time I was in Section 233, square behind the goal-line, a few yards inside the pitch. I was only a few seats away from the home fans. It allowed me a few new angles of Old Trafford for which I was grateful.

This was an 8.15pm kick-off. This relatively new kick-off time, at the behest of Amazon, seems particularly pernicious. An extra twist of the knife for match-going fans. There seemed to be no valid reason for it. Why not stage all of “their” midweek games at 7.30pm? With an 8.15pm start, it’s more tiredness, more pain, more stress, especially for those pour souls who were straight back in to work the next morning.

Alan, alongside me in row seven had travelled up by coach. There were no trains back to London after the game. He aimed to get back home to South London by around 6am, another couple of days of annual leave used up, just like me.

Kev, a few rows behind me, had travelled up with some friends from the Bristol area, and although his father Brian was taking a turn to drive, Kev would be back in work at 6am on the Thursday, the poor sod.

Despite the ridiculous kick-off time, our end was full. Three thousand strong. But of course. We may be going through a tough spell but the clamour for away tickets is as frenzied as ever. I saw no gaps in our section. Not one.

Top marks.

Before the kick-off, I met up with Pete from Texas. His wife, a United fan, was in The Stretford End.

The teams entered the pitch from the corner. I had not yet seen the team.

Sanchez

Cucarella – Silva – Disasi – Colwill

Enzo – Caicedo

Sterling – Palmer – Mudryk

Jackson

Or something like that.

The home team had a mixture of names that I was and wasn’t overly familiar with. This isn’t the team of Rooney, Ronaldo, Ferdinand and Evra.

It isn’t even the team of Coppell, Buchan, Hill and Macari.

The current United team is not known in my household.

The game began.

I had heard a new song in the crowded concourse before the game and here it was again.

“Who’s that twat who comes from Portsmouth?”

Well, Mason Mount wasn’t even playing, nor was he even on the bench.

We were under the cosh from the start and in the fourth minute Robert Sanchez collapsed well to finger-tip an angled shot from Rasmus Hojland, whoever he is, past the far post. It was all United.

On nine minutes, after another United attack, the referee signalled a penalty after VAR was called into action. I did not know why the penalty was given. There is no TV screen at Old Trafford. There was just the briefest of mentions of the penalty on the scoreboard in the corner of the Stretford End. So, I was left in the dark as Bruno Fernandes tee’d up the penalty. I lifted up my camera to capture the kick. With everyone stood, I saw nothing. I just heard a roar and I immediately tried to ascertain, in a nanosecond, if the roar was from us or from them. It was from us.

GET IN.

I had no idea if the ‘keeper had touched it, but I did not care one jot.

It was still 0-0.

Not long after, Cole Palmer intercepted a pass from Sofyan Amrabat, whoever he is, and the ball fell to Nicolas Jackson. He passed to Mykhailo Mudryk who tamely shot against the near post.

Gary wasn’t sure who the United midfielder was and we both said that he looked like Juan Sebastian Veron.

“Don’t worry, we’ll sign him in the summer.”

United were carving us open, with their wide men enjoying tons of space. I didn’t like how Levi Colwill, the night’s captain, was not close to his man, while Raheem Sterling was reluctant to double-back and help Marc Cucarella, who often had to cope with two or even three men running at him. A shot from Alejandro Garnacho was saved by Sanchez and in the immediate break, Mudryk must have been overwhelmed as he raced forward with players in support to his left and right. In the end, his pass to the right to Sterling was awful, and was easily intercepted.

Shots were exchanged. Antony at Sanchez. Enzo at Onana.

Possession was given up easily. It was as if the ball was an unexploded bomb awaiting detonation. The ball was nobody’s friend. On twenty minutes, a move down our right carved us open, and when the ball came back to Scott McTominay, the midfielder purposefully volleyed it low and into the net. He celebrated down below us.

More mistakes followed. And chances. A poor touch by Jackson allowed Onana to block.

It frustrated the living hell out of all of us to see Chelsea continue to play the ball out from the back. This well-rehearsed ploy attempted to entice United on, allowing us to cut them open with a series of blistering passes played with cutthroat precision that would lead to devastating counter-attacks.

“Er…what?”

Our passing throughout the first-half was to prove to be our Achilles heel. Yet United were almost as bad. This was no remake of the 2008 Champions League Final.

On the half-hour, Jackson set up Mudryk. He drove on in the inside left channel but his effort was as tame as they come, the ball idly missing the near post by yards.

The mood in the away end was of frustration and then perhaps even anger.

I noted how Cole Palmer often came deep in an effort to knit things together but he found it oh-so difficult. Enzo was quiet. Caicedo non-existent.

Approaching the last five minutes of the first-half, I quickly tallied up that it could have been 5-3.

Crazy game.

With Harry Maguire finding himself in an advanced position on their right down below us, the tall centre-back adeptly back-heeled the ball to a team mate and the United fans in the Sir Bobby Charlton Stand collectively laughed.

On forty-five minutes, Mudryk played in Palmer. He drifted in along the edge of the penalty box, defenders close by, and magnificently stroked the ball in at the far post.

YES!

We went doo-fucking-lally.

He must have loved that, an ex-City player scoring at the Stretford End.

There was a song for Palmer.

“He moves it from the left to right. Cole Palmer is dynamite.”

This was followed by a loud “Carefree” that rung out from Sections 230 to 233. We had been pretty quiet as the half developed but here was a moment to enjoy.

The inevitable “just like London your city is blue.”

At half-time, I bumped into a few faces in the concourse.

“Not much quality but there’s a lot going on.”

I briefly met up with Johnny Twelve from California, celebrating his fiftieth Chelsea game. His wife was alongside him in the away section. I spotted that hundreds of central seats in the lower tier of the Stretford End were empty at the start of the second-half. This is obviously where United had decided to locate many of their corporate guests, many of whom were taking their time to return to their seats.

The lower tier of the Stretty.

Good God.

This end was the beating heart of Old Trafford when I was younger, when I first visited the stadium in 1986, and throughout the next few decades. I can’t imagine what the United faithful think about this.

Modern football, eh?

Mauricio Pochettino replaced the keen but exposed Cucarella with Reece James. The second-half began and we wondered what on Earth would happen next.

Chances were not so frequent as in the first-half.

Luke Shaw, at left-back, and defending near us, was the object of some abuse from Gary.

“The size of your shorts, Shaw.”

“Oi, Shaw. Billy Smart wants his tent back.”

A corner from down below us from Mudryk was flicked on by James and Jackson’s header at the far post really should have hit the target. A strong run from Mudryk then took him into the danger area but his shot was deflected for a corner. At the other end, Garnacho cut inside and his shot on goal reminded me so much of Ole Gunnar Solskjaer’s late equaliser against us in the autumn of 1997. Thankfully, this effort continued to rise over the bar.

Alas, from virtually the same place in the penalty box, Garnacho sent a teasing cross over to the far post and Teddy Sheringham, Eric Cantona, Andy Cole, Denis Law, Lou Macari, Ruud van Nistelrooy, Wayne Rooney, Gary Pallister, Billy Meredith and Bobby Charlton were among those lining up to head home. Scott McTominay got the touch.

2-1. Bollocks.

Two goals for McTominay. Bollocks.

There was a sniff of VAR cancelling the goal – again, I have no idea what for – but the goal stood. What with late kick-off times and VAR replays for those watching elsewhere, football is a TV game now. As if anyone was in any doubt.

There were twenty minutes’ left. The mood in the away end deteriorated. Rather than improve things with stability, James was having a ‘mare. In fact, the whole bloody team were awful.

Garnacho, with an instinctive angled shot, wide.

Fackinell.

In the first-half there had been rare breaks. In the second-half there had been virtually nothing. Armando Broja replaced Mudryk on seventy-seven minutes, and I wondered why Jackson will still playing. He had been, perhaps, the poorest of the bunch all night long.

Reece James blazed over from an angle.

Ridiculously, we were only losing 2-1 and we were one goal away from the most improbable point. In the last few minutes, a deep cross from James found the leap from Broja at the far post. He hit the frame of the goal.

Oh God.

The final straw for me took place in added time, with us showing no urgency at all at a throw-in, and no players looking like they were too bothered about anything.

No movement. No desire. No talking. No gesticulating. No fervour.

No hope.

The final whistle was blown and I headed for the exits. I couldn’t face clapping the players, but I heard the boos from among our fans. I just glowered.

We walked, as quickly as we could, back to the car. I overheard a few conversations from the home fans. They were pragmatic, but generally subdued, far from euphoric.

“Scott McTominay. He’s our top scorer now.”

“Says it all, doesn’t it?”

Yeah, Scott bloody McTominay.

We walked past the chippies. The smell of vinegar cut through the air again. Along the Chester Road, the familiar walk, the familiar feeling.

We were back on the M6 at 11pm and, after stopping at Keele Services and Strensham Services, I made good time heading south. PD ran through the league positions and – yes – all of the teams above us are undoubtedly better than us. We seem destined to finish in tenth place this season. I joked that the best that we can hope for in May is to finish top of the West London League, ahead of Brentford and Fulham.

Everton on Sunday will be a struggle and I can hear the words already.

“I’ll take a draw now.”

It is becoming our mantra this season.

I eventually made it home at 2.50am.

There is no punchline.

TEAMS

CORNER

STAND

YELLOW

STEPS

THEM

ALONE

OUTSIDE

> dedicated to the loyal three thousand

Tales From A Ball Of Confusion

Posted on December 6, 2023 by Chris Axon

Chelsea vs. Brighton And Hove Albion : 3 December 2023.

There was a black and white photograph of Terry Venables on the front of the match programme. The news of his sad passing, at the age of eighty, came through while we were sat at a café in Gateshead on the day after the match at Newcastle. He had actually died on the day of the game. Although he had played for three other London teams, and managed them all, he was always fondly remembered at Chelsea, a club that he never really wanted to leave. Later that Sunday, in the pub that had become our local for the weekend, we raised our glasses in memory of one of the brightest lights of that ‘sixties Chelsea team, and one of the most innovative coaches of the past few decades.

I never saw Terry Venables play. In fact, he was the manager of the opposing team in games that I saw a surprisingly few times. But he always seemed to me to be a genuine football man. The tales of him taking on Tommy Docherty with ideas of football tactics are legendary, and undoubtedly the reason why he was eventually moved on from Chelsea. There was only ever going to be one winner there. He joined the hated Tottenham, then QPR, then Crystal Palace. He was cherry-picked by Barcelona and won La Liga in his first season at Camp Nou. Alongside him as his number two was Alan Harris, brother of Ron. I always remember that I did a tour of the towering Barcelona stadium with two college mates in September 1987 on the very day that “El Tel” got the elbow, sacked after just over three seasons at one of the World’s largest clubs. As we left the stadium, I remember a gaggle of folk assembling outside the main stand and, at the time, I did not know why. The next day, we found out.

Later, there was Tottenham and a few famous battles with Chelsea. With England there were the highs – I was at the Holland and Spain games of Euro ’96 – and lows of being national team manager.

Terry Venables was an English football legend who lived life to the full – a singer and novelist too – and touched the lives of many. I often wonder how Chelsea’s story would have panned out if he had stayed in 1966.

Rest In Peace.

I was inside at about 1.30pm ahead of the 2pm kick-off, and I found myself chatting to my mate Daryl. Neither of us were too optimistic about the outcome of the upcoming match with Brighton.

“I’ll be happy with a draw mate.”

After the second-half capitulation at Newcastle, it felt that the twin games against Tottenham and City were a blip and that our state of health was again being questioned.

It had been a decent pre-match and the tight confines of “The Eight Bells” had been livened by the appearance of our friends Linda and Deano, calling in before their three-month adventure in Thailand, and also my Brighton mate Mac and his four pals, plus Chad, Danny and Josh from Minnesota.

Unlike the coldness of the day before, the weather was mild. The Chelsea team was announced and I took a look at it.

In goal, Robert Sanchez. A back four – without the suspended Reece James and Marc Cucarella – of Axel Disasi, Thiago Silva, Benoit Badiashile and Levi Colwill. In midfield, Moises Caicedo, Enzo Fernandez and Conor Gallagher. Out wide were Raheem Sterling and Mykhailo Mudryk. In the middle, Nicolas Jackson.

No Cole Palmer.

Three former Brighton players; Sanchez, Colwill, Caicedo.

I immediately turned to Alan and admitted that I – probably for no logical reason – disliked tall full-backs.

“Only Ivanovic was any good…”

Why is that? I do prefer full-backs to be more compact, nippier, think Ashley Cole, Graeme Le Saux, Cesar Azpilicueta.

Our back four was made up of centre-backs and with Brighton likely to be quick and agile, I feared the worst. At least there was no Kaoru Mitoma in the starting line-up.

There were a few moments of applause in memory of Terry Venables before the game began.

After showing up in a vivid orange away kit for the League Cup game at the end of September, this time the Brighton kit man chose green and black striped shirts. It didn’t look right. If you were playing for your school and an opposing school showed up in green and black stripes, you would fancy your chances.

“Looks like a rugby-playing school this, lads. Who wears green and black? Into them!”

Well, despite all this, Brighton began brighter and I wondered if even a draw might be a tad optimistic. But we dug in, became a little more aggressive and won some battles. Conor Gallagher carried out his usual corner routine of holding the ball up above his head for a moment, before placing it in the quadrant.

“That’s code for another shit corner…”

One or two of these missed their intended targets.

A ball was played through to Nicolas Jackson who ran on but soon ran out of steam. I would soon lament that he had neither the pace, strength nor nous to be effective.

Lo and behold, on seventeen minutes, another Gallagher corner from out on our right beat the first man and Benoit Badiashile did ever so well to keep the ball alive and hook it back into the six-yard box. Enzo Fernandez rose to head home, and then celebrated wildly down in Parkyville.

GET IN.

Jackson then surprised everyone with an excellent dribble into the box and to the by-line before prodding it goal wards but the Brighton ‘keeper Jason Steele saved. The rebound was headed well wide by Enzo.

This was a good little spell for us and a cross from Sterling was hit into the danger area but went off for a corner. Gallagher’s delivery again caused Brighton problems. Jackson headed back for Levi Colwill to head towards goal. In the follow up, a shot from Axel Disasi was thumped against the side netting. We groaned. But within a heartbeat the initial header from Colwill was signalled as having crossed the line. There was only four minutes between the two goals.

2-0, oh my bloody goodness.

The game then meandered for a while. Despite us being 2-0 up, the atmosphere inside Stamford Bridge was truly dreadful. The away fans – any away fans – can usually be relied to stir things up a little, but the Brighton fans were as quiet as us.

Pah.

There was defensive hari-kari in our six-yard box, and – really Mister Pochettino – we need words, I already had a few heart attacks back in 2020. Please stop all that buggering about please.

Simon Adingra seemed to be giving Axel Disasi a bit of a runaround.

Mykhailo Mudryk spun on a sixpence and accelerated away but his shot just missed the target. His effort was warmly applauded. Bit of an enigma, that kid, eh? We all wish him well though.

It wasn’t great, despite the 2-0 score line.

PD blurted out “poor” just as I was thinking it.

It was deathly quiet.

Sadly, just before half-time, Facundo Buonanotte was on the end of an uncontested move and sent a fine curling shot between defenders and past Robert Sanchez to narrow the margin.

Bollocks.

Raheem Sterling danced into the Brighton box but then fell over himself.

Another rapid break from Mydruk down the left showed him at his best; electric pace, a dangerous cross. Sadly, this resulted in a quite brilliant reflex save from Steele as a Brighton defender deflected the cross goal wards.

The away fans had found their voices.

“Albion, Albion…Albion, Albion.”

Then, a very clumsy – and silly – challenge by the previously-booked Gallagher on our former player Billy Gilmour resulted in a second yellow and marching orders.

The Brighton lot were happy.

“Cheerio, Palace scum.”

This was the second red for a captain in consecutive games.

Fackinell.

It had been a Curate’s Egg of a first-half. There had been periods of good play but areas of concern too. I spoke with Oxford Frank about our failings during the first period. Despite the two goals, much of it was pedestrian. I recounted the game I attended on Saturday, a come-from-behind win by Frome Town at home to lowly Exmouth Town, and soon realised that I was far more excited as I found myself describing that game than dwelling on the match taking place below us. A special mention for my mate Josh – one of the Minnesota triplets – who travelled down to Somerset specially to see Frome play. The win, in front of a decent 376, left Frome in third place but with plenty of games in hand.

As I returned to my seat, Clive and Alan were in discussion about our second teams; Clive with Hereford, Alan with Bromley, me with Frome Town.

“If your two teams played each other, who would you want to win?”

And it is a great question.

I was asked this same question years ago, maybe before my love for Frome Town reached its full blossoming, and I replied “Chelsea, of course…”

Now, it’s a little more blurred.

But it’s still Chelsea.

Say, though, Frome Town defeat Torquay United in the FA Trophy next Saturday and are then drawn away to Oldham Athletic on the same day that Chelsea at home to Fulham on Saturday 13 January. What to do? What to do? Thinking about that could ruin my Christmas.

The second-half began.

After five minutes of play, the Stamford Bridge crowd eventually took the bull by the horns and got involved with the usual strains of “Amazing Grace” being used :

“Chelsea, Chelsea, Chelsea, Chelsea – Chelsea, Chelsea, Chelsea.”

You know how it goes.

I joined in. But I then – gulp – realised that this was my first vocal involvement of the entire bloody game. Oh Christ. Is this what I have become? My 1993 self would have been distraught to see this. Bloody good time travel is not yet with us.

We were down to ten men, of course, but it didn’t really show.

Roberto De Zerbi made four substitutions on the hour, including James Milner, a player I have loathed for ages now.

Alan had just been talking to Clive about playing Mudryk down the middle – not always, just on occasion, to mix things a little – when we broke at pace.

A Brighton corner was claimed by Sanchez. A roll out to Sterling. To Jackson. To Mudryk. In on goal. Milner racing back.

I took a photograph.

Mudryk’s legs crumpled.

Did I immediately think it was a penalty? I hoped so.

Play continued. The crowd was roaring. I studied the image I had taken. I had my own little review. It looked like he had been caught.

VAR was called into action.

The nerds at Stockley Park were not sure.

Back it went to the referee Craif Pawson.

Penalty.

I did not cheer.

Enzo.

Goal.

A roar from me.

A roar from everyone.

A slide into the corner down below us.

Snap.

GET IN YOU BEAUTY.

Objectively speaking, my thoughts are that if the team of VAR “experts” can’t decide, then it doesn’t go back to the referee on the side of the pitch. The initial decision stands. I know that it would have meant that we would not have won that penalty, but VAR is killing our game.

The chants in support of the team grew louder.

“Chelsea, Chelsea, Chelsea, Chelsea – Chelsea, Chelsea, Chelsea.”

We played well in the remainder. Pochettino made further substitutions.

Cole Palmer for Sterling.

Ian Maatsen for Jackson.

An extra man at the back now? I thought so,

Armando Broja for Mudryk.

We were treated to a punt up field from Sanchez for Broja and I approved. A little variation in our attacking play always makes the opponents uneasy.

“Chelsea, Chelsea, Chelsea, Chelsea – Chelsea, Chelsea, Chelsea.”

That man Mitoma looked lively. Sanchez stretched low to turn away a long shot from Pascal Gross.

Ten minutes of extra time were signalled.

A corner from their left, in front of their fans, was whipped in and Joao Pedro lept well to glance the ball in; near post to far post.