Tales From Badgers Hill And Stamford Bridge

Posted on March 20, 2024 by Chris Axon

Chelsea vs. Leicester City : 17 March 2024.

This was another weekend where I was able to attend two games of football.

I spent the fiftieth anniversary – to the hour – of my ever first Chelsea game at Badgers Hill, the quaintly-named ground of Frome Town, for the league game with Yate Town. I met up with Francis and Tom in a local hostelry and we enjoyed a power-hour of conversation about not only the Robins but top-level football too. It was a real “State Of The Nation” chit-chat. With a promotion charge taking place for my local team, I admitted how annoyed I am when I discover that I can’t attend a Frome game as I am otherwise engaged with Chelsea.

In the ground, I met up with a few other pals; the ever-present Steve, plus Glenn from Chelsea, who was with Neil from Chelsea too. I liked the look of the crowd as soon as I walked in. Frome have averaged around 440 this season; this seemed a lot more. We watched from the Cow Shed along the side of the pitch as the home team dominated possession but were limited to a few chances in a frustrating first-half.

We decamped to the club end for the second-half and the visitors came into it a little. Manager Danny Greaves made some fine tweaks and it paid off as two good strikes from James Ollis and Kane Simpson gave Frome the points. The gate was a hefty 571. It was a solid performance; gritty, physical, but with quality where it counted. The only negative was hearing that leaders Wimborne Town had nicked a late 2-1 win at Malvern Town. However, if we win all of our remaining eight games – three at home, five away – we will be automatically promoted. The away game at Wimborne on Saturday 20 April could be pivotal. On that day, Chelsea are due to play at Brighton in the league or at Wembley in an FA Cup Semi-Final. Let’s see how that pans out.

I enjoyed the Saturday evening, basting a little in the glory of another fine Frome win, but my thoughts soon turned to the Sunday game; our FA Cup Quarter Final at home to Leicester City.

But my mind also wandered to those first fifty-years of match-going Chelsea support. It took my fancy during the week, thinking of the number fifty, to attempt to compile a list of my favourite fifty games from that period. That Saturday night I finished it all off. Of the 1,438 games I had seen, at first I narrowed it down to an initial list of sixty. Then came the final cull, swiping left on ten games. I include the list, the final fifty, at the end of this piece. It’s impossible to rate them in order of preference, so they are in chronological order instead.

Favourite games are not necessarily the greatest games, and not every single piece of silverware is listed, but these fifty games are the ones that leave a lingering feeling of warmth and appreciation.

The Sunday game was to kick-off early at 12.45pm. I was up at 5.45am, and left Frome at 7am. We were parked up in Hammersmith by 9.20am. After a breakfast at “The Full Moon Café” on the Fulham Palace Road, we met up with others at “The Old Oak” on the North End Road. The reason for this was two-fold. Firstly, we were hoping that Alan would be making a reappearance at this game after an enforced absence of over two months due to ill-health. If so, he would surely be in this boozer.

Secondly, the pub is to close very soon, and the property will make way for flats. I think it has a week left. This would only be my fourth visit over the years. It seemed right to make a final visit.

I dropped the lads off outside and spun back to park up. When I walked in a few minutes later, I was so pleased to see Alan sitting at a table opposite Gary. He slowly got up and we hugged. We have all missed him so much.

Oh, there was a third reason; the pub opened at 10am.

A few other folks arrived; firstly, Salisbury Steve, then Andy and Sophie, Neil and Nigel, all from Nuneaton. There was a brief chat with Huddersfield Mick.

As we left the pub at about midday, Andy was muttering disparaging things about the folk from Leicester, just up the road from him in the East Midlands.

“Let’s go and see the knicker makers.”

There were around six thousand visitors from Leicestershire in town for this cup tie. Sophie mentioned that as they spun around the Hammersmith roundabout, she had spotted that a few police vans were parked outside “The William Morris” pub, no doubt keeping a close watch on a section of the away fans as they neared Stamford Bridge.

There was a loud group of them exiting from the guts of the Fulham Broadway tube complex at about 12.15pm too. I noted a large police presence outside the West Stand on the Fulham Road. I soon made my way in. I stopped to take a “welcome home” photo of Alan with PD and Parky in The Sleepy Hollow and then made my way to my single seat, almost behind the goal in the MHU.

The team was announced.

Sanchez

Gusto – Disasi – Chalobah – Cucarella

Caicedo – Gallagher

Mudryk – Palmer – Sterling

Jackson

Before the game began, I had realised that I had left my glasses in the car. Added to the fact that Leicester City had chosen to wear an all-black away kit, it was a little difficult to tell the two sets of players apart. I struggled for the first few minutes before my eyes got to grips with it all.

There were a few early barbs from the away supporters aimed at the Chelsea sections.

“Football in a library.”

“Ben Chilwell – he sits on the bench.”

I felt like muttering “apart from when he wins European Cups” but I wasn’t in the mood.

The visitors began the brighter and an effort went ridiculously close to the right-hand upright of the goal right down below me.

“Ooooooooh.”

At The Shed End, there was a flicked-effort by Cole Palmer from a corner that was kept out by Jakub Stolarczyk at the Shed End.

On thirteen minutes, a really strong run by Nicholas Jackson on our right went deep into the Foxes’ penalty area. He had the beating of the last man, Jannik Vestergaard, and also the awareness to spot the unmarked Marc Cucarella at the far post. The low cross was perfect, the finish from the left-back was clinical.

Chelsea 1 Leicester City 0.

It was a perfect start.

We needed to be wary of the away team on the counter-attack and they threatened on a couple of occasions. The ever-alert Cucarella was able to head away a couple of over-hit crosses at the far post.

I spotted Jackson signal to Axel Disasi to play him through – great awareness, great movement – but I growled with displeasure as his request was ignored. The ball went square yet again…

On twenty-five minutes, just as Raheem Sterling was about to take aim at goal from a central position in the box, his legs were unceremoniously taken from under him by Abdul Fatawu. It was a clear penalty.

We waited for Palmer to take control of the situation, but to our surprise it was Sterling who placed the ball on the spot. My thoughts were along the lines of Sterling needing a goal, so the penalty was gifted to him.

It was a terrible penalty, the central shot kicked away with ease by Stolarcyck.

Bollocks.

Well, that did nothing for Sterling’s confidence.

We kept going. A strong shot from Mykhailo Mudryk was parried. On forty-five minutes, Sterling was through, one on one, with only the ‘keeper to beat. Alas, his shot did not hit the target, instead it missed the right-hand post by yards rather than feet and inches. The crowd howled at the enormity of the miss.

There was redemption immediately after. Sterling created space on the left and his perfect cross was nimbly pushed home by Palmer.

Chelsea 2 Leicester City 0.

Coasting.

Conor Gallagher let fly just before the break but his curling effort went just wide of the far post. I had been impressed with Mudryk in the first-half, not always potent going forward, but showing a much greater desire to put opponents under pressure, to close space, to tackle. There was a lot more energy from him.

He began the second-half with a fine bursting run.

On fifty-minutes, with Leicester City attacking their fans in The Shed, Disasi made a brilliantly-timed sliding tackle on a forward. Sadly, just seconds later the same defender, under pressure from Patson Daka, completely over hit a back-pass to Robert Sanchez. The ball always looked like dropping into the open net.

Chelsea 2 Leicester City 1.

Fackinell.

Jackson broke away but hit the side netting to my left. Moises Caicedo’s strike was saved. But the gifted goal had given Leicester a lifeline and it felt like they had the bit between their teeth.

On sixty-two minutes, Stephy Mavididi danced away as he cut inside the Chelsea penalty box.

“Put a tackle in.”

The Leicester player shimmied and drove a fine effort into the Chelsea goal.

Chelsea 2 Leicester City 2.

Fackinell.

Shots, both over, from Palmer and Mudryk.

On seventy-minutes, a strong run from Jackson ended with a challenge on the edge of the box by Callum Doyle. At first the referee seemed to signal a penalty. Then VAR stepped in. No penalty, but a free-kick on the edge of the box instead. But Doyle was off. Advantage Chelsea? Maybe.

But first we had the free-kick. There was the usual delay as the away team sorted out a wall, then made a substitution. We then we focussed on Palmer and Sterling, both seeming to want the ball.

We waited.

Palmer did not move.

Sterling strode forward.

His effort sailed ridiculously high and ridiculously wide.

I cupped the back of my head in my hands and turned to look away from the pitch in disbelief. Everyone behind me was equally as flabbergasted.

Good grief.

There were immediate boos.

On seventy-six minutes, Carney Chukwuemeka replaced Mudryk, and there were more boos. However, Mudryk was then clapped off by the home fans, especially those in the East Lower when he walked past them. He was warmly hugged by the manager.

On eighty minutes, ten minutes from the end of the game, I can honestly say that I heard the first real bone-crunching, lung-bursting, ear-piercing song from the Chelsea faithful.

“Chowlsea – Chowlsea – Chowlsea – Chowlsea – Chowlsea, Chowlsea, Chowlsea.”

Eighty fucking minutes.

Sterling was booed when he had the ball.

My heart slumped.

Pathetic.

Everyone knows my thoughts about supporters…er…supporting.

The substitute Chukwuemeka went close with a curling shot that strayed past the post.

We penned Leicester in to the final third, even the final quarter of the pitch, but space was at a premium. Malo Gusto had been neat all of the way through the game and his confidence grows with each appearance. Some of his flicks under pressure were lovely.

We kept going. On eighty-three minutes, Noni Madueke replaced Sterling. There were boos; not for the substitution, but for Sterling.

I spotted many, though, in the MHU who were stood and clapped him off.

This warmed me a little.

Bad day at the office? Oh yes. But he didn’t deserve the level of nastiness aimed towards him – “Get him off, get him off, get him off!” – in that second-half.

A few late chances came and went. Jackson flashed over from close-in.

Where was Erland Johnsen when we needed him?

On ninety minutes, Ben Chilwell replaced Cucarella.

The Bloke Next To Me : “Please score, Chilwell.”

Our dominance continued as eight minutes of injury time were announced. It was quite a sight to see Carney and Ben doubling-up on one attack down the left.

On ninety-two minutes, Carney found a little space and cut in. The ball was played to Palmer. I expected him to set up Gallagher, but he took us all by surprise. Palmer back-heeled the ball perfectly into the path of Chukwuemeka who pushed the ball home.

GET IN.

Chelsea 3 Leicester City 2.

The place was alive at last.

On ninety-eight minutes, it was the turn of the second substitute, Madueke, to set the place alight. A fine dribble into the central area, a couple of step overs, and then a lofted curler into the top corner, right in line with yours truly.

Chelsea 4 Leicester City 2.

I managed to catch bits of the manic celebrations from the two late goals on film.

We made it, we’re off to Wembley yet again.

I walked back to the car and caught up with PD and Parky. The traffic was light and I was back home by 6pm, a very early finish to the day.

The weekend had been a success; a pleasing league win from my twenty-seventh Frome Town game of the season and a last-gasp win in the cup from my thirty-ninth Chelsea game of the season.

We now have a break – no Chelsea game for a fortnight, no Frome Town game for even longer – as winter turns to spring.

See you on the other side.

Fifty Favourite Games :

4 March 1978 : Chelsea 3 Liverpool 1 – First Division.

25 October 1980 : Chelsea 6 Newcastle United 0 – Second Division.

13 February 1982 : Chelsea 2 Liverpool 0 – FA Cup.

27 August 1983 : Chelsea 5 Derby County 0 – Second Division.

22 November 1983 : Chelsea 4 Newcastle United 0 – Second Division.

10 March 1984 : Newcastle United 1 Chelsea 1 – Second Division.

31 March 1984 : Cardiff City 3 Chelsea 3 – Second Division.

28 April 1984 : Chelsea 5 Leeds United 0 – Second Division.

25 August 1984 : Arsenal 1 Chelsea 1 – First Division.

1 December 1984 : Chelsea 3 Liverpool 1 – First Division.

9 April 1986 : Manchester United 1 Chelsea 2 – First Division.

13 September 1986 : Tottenham Hotspur 1 Chelsea 3 – First Division.

18 March 1989 : Manchester City 2 Chelsea 3 – Second Division.

1 February 1992 : Liverpool 1 Chelsea 2 – First Division.

3 November 1994 : Austria Memphis 1 Chelsea 1 – European Cup Winners’ Cup.

14 March 1995 : Chelsea 2 Club Brugge 0 – European Cup Winners’ Cup.

26 January 1997 : Chelsea 4 Liverpool 2 – FA Cup.

17 May 1997 : Chelsea 2 Middlesbrough 0 – FA Cup.

16 April 1998 : Chelsea 3 Vicenza 1 – European Cup Winners’ Cup.

13 May 1998 : Chelsea 1 Stuttgart 0 – European Cup Winners’ Cup.

3 October 1999 : Chelsea 5 Manchester United 0 – Premier League.

5 April 2000 : Chelsea 3 Barcelona 1 – Champions League.

13 March 2002 : Chelsea 4 Tottenham Hotspur 0 – Premier League.

11 May 2003 : Chelsea 2 Liverpool 1 – Premier League.

8 March 2005 : Chelsea 4 Barcelona 2 – Champions League.

30 April 2005 : Bolton Wanderers 0 Chelsea 2 – Premier League.

11 March 2006 : Chelsea 2 Tottenham Hotspur 1 – Premier League.

29 April 2006 : Chelsea 3 Manchester United 0 – Premier League.

3 April 2008 : Chelsea 3 Liverpool 2 : Champions League.

10 March 2009 : Juventus 2 Chelsea 2 – Champions League.

8 April 2009 : Liverpool 1 Chelsea 3 – Champions League.

14 April 2009 : Chelsea 4 Liverpool 4 – Champions League.

3 April 2010 : Manchester United 1 Chelsea 2 – Premier League.

2 May 2010 : Liverpool 0 Chelsea 2 : Premier League.

9 May 2010 : Chelsea 8 Wigan Athletic 0 – Premier League.

14 March 2012 : Chelsea 4 Napoli 1 – Champions League.

15 April 2012 : Chelsea 5 Tottenham Hotspur 1 – FA Cup.

18 April 2012 : Chelsea 1 Barcelona 0 – Champions League.

24 April 2012 : Barcelona 2 Chelsea 2 – Champions League.

19 May 2012 : Chelsea 1 Bayern Munich 1 (won 4-3 pens) – Champions League.

27 April 2014 : Liverpool 0 Chelsea 2 – Premier League.

1 March 2015 : Chelsea 2 Tottenham Hotspur 0 – League Cup.

2 May 2016 : Chelsea 2 Tottenham Hotspur 2 – Premier League.

23 October 2016 : Chelsea 4 Manchester United 0 – Premier League.

5 November 2016 : Chelsea 5 Everton 0 – Premier League.

3 December 2016 : Manchester City 1 Chelsea 3 – Premier League.

22 April 2017 : Chelsea 4 Tottenham Hotspur 2 – FA Cup.

12 May 2017 : West Bromwich Albion 0 Chelsea 1 – Premier League.

29 May 2019 : Chelsea 4 Arsenal 1 – Europa League.

29 May 2021 : Chelsea 1 Manchester City 0 – Champions League.

Tales From ‘Boro In Our Borough

Posted on January 25, 2024 by Chris Axon

Chelsea vs. Middlesbrough : 23 January 2024.

My seat for the second leg of the League Cup semi-final against Middlesbrough was in row Q – the rear row all but one – of the Matthew Harding Upper and I was inside with about fifteen minutes to go. There had been a greater queue than normal outside. It was a very mild night in SW6. I was beginning to regret to regret wearing a bulky puffer jacket. Up the other end, in The Shed, were the brightly-coloured visitors from Teesside, around 5,000 of the buggers, their biggest turnout at Stamford Bridge since “that” game in 1988.

While we attempted to overturn a narrow 0-1 deficit from the first leg on this Tuesday night in the Borough of Hammersmith & Fulham, just twenty-four hours later, Fulham would be attempting to overcome a similar result in their semi-final against Liverpool. All of a sudden, our home borough was the centre of attention.

While latecomers took their seats, I remained quietly confident of us advancing to yet another Wembley Cup Final. And – of course – we hoped that Fulham would join us.

On the pitch, the ground staff in matching dark grey puffer jackets of their own prodded away at the wet grass using forks. Then the lights dimmed, and the 1-2 punch occurred.

Firstly, the pulsing electronic beat boomed out of the stadium’s speakers, the strobe lighting began and then the flames flashed into the sky.

Secondly, the “what the fookin’ hell was that?” from the away support.

It was a very colourful away support, with many of the ‘Boro bedecked in red and white scarves and with replica shirts on show under unbuttoned jackets. I remember a similar number of Tottenham fans at our semi-final in 2019, occupying those same two tiers, and with everyone dressed in dark jackets, a large unsavoury mob, almost looking like a European team. This lot were far more brightly attired. There were a few flags dotted around too.

“We Built the World.”

“You Make Me Happy When Skies Are Grey.”

“We Are Boro.”

My Middlesbrough mate Chris texted me :

“You’ll probably win the match, but I’ll be happy if we out-sing you.”

With the players of both teams on the pitch, they then moved to the centre circle and the PA asked us to remember one of our own.

I only ever saw Tommy Baldwin play once for Chelsea. On Saturday 10 October 1974, my second-ever visit to Stamford Bridge, Tommy played against Tottenham in a game that we won 1-0, the goal coming from an early John Hollins penalty.

The Chelsea team that day was :

John Phillips.
Gary Locke.
Ron Harris.
John Hollins
Micky Droy.
John Dempsey.
Steve Kember
Tommy Baldwin.
Charlie Cooke
Ian Hutchinson
Peter Houseman.

It was also the only time that I saw John Dempsey play. Later that season, Tommy joined Manchester United on loan before drifting away from Stamford Bridge and finishing his career with a few games at Brentford. He had been a stalwart at Chelsea for eight years, playing almost two-hundred games as a bustling midfielder or inside-forward.

I often used to see Tommy Baldwin meeting up with other former players as they congregated together before darting off to engage in hospitality activities on match days. Unfortunately, Tommy had been unwell for quite a while and on Monday we heard that he had sadly passed away. He was seventy-eight. Tommy Baldwin was nicknamed “The Sponge” for reasons that were sometimes debated. There are those that said that it was because of his ability to soak up pressure, attack after attack, in his midfield role. But I suspect that those that knew him better, knew that this was a name derived from his ability to drink. I had read through the detailed obituary that appeared on the Chelsea website on Monday evening; it was a fine summation of his time as a footballer in Chelsea colours and illustrated his often-under-appreciated role in that most revered of Chelsea teams.

Although his name was not widely known outside SW6 circles – unlike Bonetti, Osgood, Cooke, Harris, Hollins, Hudson et al – his role in the functioning of the team was acknowledged by us all. He was as no footballing Corporal Sponge.

While his image appeared in black and white on the two TV screens, both sets of supporters applauded in his memory.

Rest In Peace Tommy Baldwin, The Leader Of The Team.

I scanned our team.

Petrovic

Disasi – Silva – Colwill – Chilwell

Palmer – Caicedo – Fernandez

Sterling – Broja – Mudryk

We attacked the Middlesbrough fans in the first-half. They were, unsurprisingly, noisy.

“That’s why we sing this song for the ‘Boro all night long.”

For the first ten minutes or so, it seemed like a seamless continuation from the game on Teesside a fortnight ago. They were sat back and we took forever to move the ball from one side of the pitch to the other, while the movement upfront was almost non-existent. A few pumps up field from deep did not hit targets.

There were a couple of worrying signs early on. Raheem Sterling was ball-watching during a ‘Boro attack, leaving his wide man ridiculously free but thankfully the ball stayed on the opposite side. Then, after getting sucked inside, Ben Chilwell had to race back – and across – like an express train as we were embarrassingly cut open down our left.

But we enjoyed a couple of efforts in this period; one from Mykhailo Mudrk, one from Chilwell.

Djordje Petrovic got down well to save to his right.

On fifteen minutes, a swish move down our right involving Cole Palmer and Raheem Sterling set up Armando Broja. From my seat, I could not see the fine detail, but only the ball ending up in the net. We would soon find out that Johnny Howson had stuck out a leg and had scored the goal for us. But, I did not celebrate. Such is the spectre of VAR these days – even when it is not being used – that my celebrations were dulled. Of course, there was no flag, no nothing. The goal stood. It came at just the right time because the supporters in the Matthew Harding were starting to get a little agitated and nervous.

Phew.

The tie was tied.

The rest of the first-half, unlike in Middlesbrough, certainly went to plan.

On twenty-eight minutes, some solid play between Sterling and Axel Disasi down the right set up a chance for Broja. His shot was blocked by a defender but Enzo Fernandez was on hand to slam the ball in. A slide into the corner from Enzo. I could celebrate that one.

Eight minutes later, Disasi broke up an attack with a superb tackle and passed to Sterling. As Sterling, who had enjoyed a mixed opening period, raced on, so did Disasi. Sterling played the ball back to our rampaging defender and his low finish put us 3-0 up. There was another slide into the corner.

“That makes up for the chances we missed in the first-half two weeks ago.”

It was all Chelsea now.

Some were singing “We’re Going To Wembley” but I resisted. It was a little too soon for me.

Middlesbrough tried to keep their shape but they suddenly looked tired.

Despite the away fans dominating the night for most of the first-half – the twin staples of “your support is fooking shit” and “shall we sing a song for you?” were often heard – they were silent now.

On forty-two minutes, Palmer pick-pocketed a Middlesbrough defender and casually, and coolly, swept the ball in to the net.

Chelsea 4 Middlesbrough.

Now I could join in…

“Que Sera Sera.”

It had been an excellent half. After that slow start, we had grown as the game progressed. Petrovic had made the one save when he was needed. It was a joy to see Chilwell patrolling the left flank, and just inside him Levi Colwill looked a steady centre-back. We had been treated to two trademark sliding tackles from Silva. Disasi had enjoyed his best half for ages. In midfield, Enzo and Palmer created a few chances with their intelligent play and Moises Caicedo – not the easiest player to appreciate – was very solid. Broja was steady if not spectacular. Sterling was back on his game. The only negative was Mudryk, as perplexing as ever, a mixture of breath-taking speed mixed with jaw-dropping slowness of thought.

But we were happy at the break.

Fackinell.

At half-time, Nonu Madueke replaced Mudryk.

“It’s probably for the best.”

The second-half began and I wasn’t quite sure how to behave. Did I want us to rampage away and score four more or conserve ourselves for the FA Cup game on Friday? In truth, we controlled the game without causing too much further damage to the scoresheet nor the away team’s morale.

On the hour, for the first real time, the whole crowd sang as one.

“CAREFREE.”

That’s more like it.

Some substitutions.

Carney Chukwuemeka for Chilwell.

Conor Gallagher for Broja.

On seventy-seven minutes, Gallagher played in Palmer down below me, who did not bother with the burden of an additional touch and – as cool as you like – side-footed the ball in. Soon after, a blue flare was thrown onto the pitch from the MHL. It made for a great photo opportunity if nothing else.

On eighty-one minutes, Gallagher passed to Madueke, who shimmied and danced past a marker before slamming the ball at goal. The shot took a large deflection.

Chelsea 6 Middlesbrough 0.

I was impressed that the away fans had been singing in the build up to the sixth goal and continued doing so when the goal came and for a while after too. Fair play to them. The biggest compliment that I can give them is that they reminded me of us when we were in our hey-day.

There was even time for a late debut.

Leo Casteldine – “player number 54 where are you?” – replaced Sterling.

I am unsure if we were being intentionally ironic, but we sang :

“Shall we sing a song for you?”

Middlesbrough had two late goals; one annulled for offside but one stood, a fine low effort by Morgan Rogers.

At the whistle, Chelsea 6 Middlesbrough 1.

I quickly gathered my stuff and headed out.

“Blue Day” from 1997 blasted out on the PA. As I headed down the multiple flights of stairs at the rear of the stand, I heard the sweet voice of Doris Day. It did not compute. The opening bars just made me think of “that” Leeds song.

I then got it.

“Que sera sera.

Whatever will be, will be.

We’re going to Wem-ber-lee.

Que sera, sera.”

On the Fulham Road, there was some boisterous behaviour, some name-calling, some gesturing, some punches, some arrests.

Outside the town hall, I spotted a female ‘Boro fan, arm in arm with her man – to possibly stop herself from falling over – who pointed at two Chelsea women and shouted “Chelsea Rent Girls!”

Well, I had never heard that one before.

We got back to the car and set off for home at 10.30pm. I would be home by 1am. We hoped that the little brothers from Craven Cottage would do the business in the other semi-final, but our business in our borough was over for a few days.

Next up, Aston Villa in the other cup on Friday.

See you there.

Postscript 1 :

There was a regret that I didn’t hear Tommy Baldwin’s song during the game. Admitedly it is best suited for pre-match beers in the pub or concourse, but we always used to sing it at games.

“Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee’re the Fulham Road supporters and we’re louder than The Kop.”

Postscript 2 :

Nice to see my two friends Annette and Mark featured in the evening’s programme. They sometimes act as my unpaid spell-checkers.

Tales From Bedfordshire

Posted on January 1, 2024 by Chris Axon

Luton Town vs. Chelsea : 30 December 2023.

Luton Town, eh? What’s the back-story here then?

“They’ve come a long way, baby.”

Those idiots that think some sort of “closed shop” European Super League is the rightful and logical next step in the evolution of football really miss the point. My plain and simple objection, shared by many, is that it would end the natural and organic progression of teams, such as Luton Town, through national pyramid structures across Europe.

Let us not forget that in season 2008/9, Bournemouth, Brentford and Luton Town were all plying their trade in the old Fourth Division. Fifteen years later, all three clubs are playing in the Premier League, the top table, alongside more established and historically successful outfits. This is to be heartily applauded. Luton Town were even relegated that season and spent the next one in the National League. Their rise through five divisions is a magnificent yet humbling story.

As some sort of comparison, this is the equivalent of Stockport County, Salford City and Forest Green Rovers playing in the Premier League in fifteen years’ time. And here’s the thing; Chelsea playing Stockport County in a regular league fixture thrills me a lot more than us playing Barcelona (again and again and again, ad infinitum, ad nauseam…). I love the way that our football has given rise to a good number of teams that have spent many years in nether regions of the Football League and seen them reach the top division. Since 2010, Chelsea have played regular league games against Blackpool, Wigan Athletic, Bolton Wanderers, Reading, Cardiff City, Swansea City and Huddersfield Town not to mention the three teams already mentioned. These names are not powerhouses. They are small to mid-sized clubs that occasionally have a run of form and get a chance to tilt at giants. I think this is wonderful.

Our game at Luton’s cramped Kenilworth Road would be our third and final game over the Christmas period. The hosts had enjoyed a mini-revival of sorts, winning two games in a row against the two Uniteds of Sheffield and Newcastle, whereas our last two games had resulted in a loss and a win.

We set off from Frome at 7.30am. On the drive up to Bedfordshire, we discussed the game but I was not particularly swayed one way or the other. A win would be lovely, a draw would be bearable, a loss would be disappointing if not totally unexpected.

There were mixed feelings about our last encounter at Kenilworth Road; it came in the FA Cup in March 2022 and although I was excited to be able to tick off a new ground, the news that Roman Abramovich would be forced to sell the club hit the headlines that very evening and dampened the mood. With hindsight, a narrow 3-2 win seemed almost irrelevant that night, despite us all enjoying the win at the time.

The weather was pretty miserable during our three-hour journey. Alongside me were the usual ones this Christmas; PD, Parky and Glenn. A ridiculous amount of time during the morning was spent trying to sort out a ticket for the game for Sir Les from Melksham. There was a spare, but it was stuck in Newport in South Wales. We tried to solve the conundrum. The first thought was for Les to drive over to collect it but there was not enough time. Grabbing at straws, I then sent a photographic image of the ticket, its bar code and also its QR code to Les and left it to him to try to scan it at the turnstiles. I didn’t hold out much of a hope.

I had booked a “JustPark” space outside a nearby house from 11am and I arrived with a quarter of an hour to spare. The weather was still rotten; overcast and drizzly, grey. Luton was grey too. It is not a town to easily admire. Luckily, the ground was only a fifteen-minute walk away. We soon found ourselves outside the away turnstiles on Oak Road. I chatted to a few familiar faces.

I spoke to Andy, who I first got to know almost thirty years ago.

“In our time, in those Second Division seasons, teams like Luton, plus Watford, QPR and teams like that were our main rivals for promotion. And we always seemed to struggle against Luton.”

One Chelsea win in ten Second Division games in the period from 1975/76 to 1981/82 would back that up. In the two seasons that we were in the top flight – 1977/78 and 1978/79 – during those years, they were still in Division Two. They seemed to be perpetual foes. I never liked playing them.

There was no news from Les. I wondered where he was.

I met up with Alan and Gary, alongside Terry Wine Gums, and a few other faces walked past.

I was waiting in the light drizzle for one person in particular. Back in the mid-‘eighties when a whole gang of us used to assemble centrally on the back row of The Benches – Alan, Glenn, Paul, Simon, Dave, Rich, Mark, Swan and little old me – there was another lad who was in our group. Leggo was from Bedford and used to go home and away. He was part of my match-day routine. We were a tight little set. I remember that while he was on duty with Chelsea down in Devon for a pre-season game at Plymouth in 1985 or 1986, he was set upon by local thugs and his leg was broken. He stopped going for a while and then our paths didn’t cross quite so often. I think I stopped seeing him when I went back into The Shed around 1988. I eventually presumed that he had given up going.

Then, in “The Goose” before a game against BATE Borisov in 2018, I happened to spot Leggo. I couldn’t believe it was him. It took a while but we connected on “Facebook” and chatted a little. Like me, he watches his local non-league team. He watches Bedford Town and I watch Frome Town and both teams play at the same level within the Southern League structure. Hopefully we might both get promoted this season and end up playing each other in the Southern League Premier in 2024/25. We were in that division together in 2011/12 to 2013/14.

I was lucky enough to get hold of a spare ticket for the Luton game and, since Leggo lives in Bedford, I offered it to him. He was so happy. I was pretty sure that Glenn had not seen him since around 1986, and Alan a few years later. I sincerely hoped that this reunion of sorts would be a lovely end to 2023.

I saw Leggo slowly walk up Oak Road. Alan greeted him and they gave each other a lovely big hug. It was a very special moment.

I darted inside, keen to start snapping away, but I was well aware that I didn’t really want to replicate every photo that I had taken on my one and only previous visit almost two years ago. I made my way through the security and bag check, then through the turnstiles. The gate was manned and I had to show my ticket rather than scan it. I quickly messaged Sir Les to tell him. This would not be an easy manoeuvre for him at all. I feared the worst.

I made my way down to the unreserved seats. I caught up with PD, Parky and Glenn. They were a little more centrally positioned than for the FA Cup game in 2022. Alan, Gary and Leggo joined us. Five of us in a row, with Alan and Leggo stood behind.

The Magnificent Seven.

I had a chat with a few others. All the usual faces were here. How many tickets did we have? Around one thousand I believe. We took up two thirds of the Oak Road Stand.

At midday, with half-an hour to go, the pre-match PA started. “I Predict A Riot” by the Kaiser Chiefs was first up. I raised my eyebrows. Mention Luton Town to many football fans and a few key words roll off the tongue.

“Millwall riot, plastic pitch, all-ticket, David Evans.”

For a while, Luton Town – despite their fine football under David Pleat – were a very disliked football club. The Millwall riot pushed them into a corner and their chairman David Evans instigated a “members only” scheme, which did not sit well with the football public at the time. There were claims of an unfair advantage, especially when this home-only support was combined with a plastic pitch that suited Luton more than their visitors.

In light of all this, “I Predict A Riot” was a rather tongue-in-cheek start to the day’s events. We were then treated to twenty minutes of standard stadium / dance music crossover, from “Freed From Desire” to “Insomnia.”

Still no news from Sir Les. I wondered if he was near.

“In the pub, leaving now.”

Our team seemed half-decent.

Petrovic

Gusto – Silva – Disasi – Colwill

Caicedo – Gallagher

Madueke – Palmer – Jackson

Broja

Ross Barkley was playing for the home team.

As he walked over to take his place on the subs’ bench, Alfie Gilchrist was serenaded.

“He’s one of our own.”

Then came the entrance of the teams. Unlike in 2022 there was not an overly raucous atmosphere. Two years ago, Luton’s game with us in the FA Cup was a high-water mark for them, but there are high-water marks every month at Kenilworth Road this season. Maybe their poor season, until of late, has drained some of the buzz out of them.

Their tight stadium, hemmed in on all sides by terraced streets, has been altered since our last visit. To our left, a decent new stand, but only five or six rows deep. There was a small section of fifty away fans closest to the Oak Road Stand. I recognised a few of them.

Cathy, Dog, Pete, Nick, Robbie, Donna, Colby, Robert, Pam, Sam.

The main stand to my right was a very odd structure. It is cranked at each end, giving the impression of three separate sections. The end seats, tight above each corner flag, must be excellent places to watch the action. They reminded me of old bandbox baseball stadia like Ebbets Field where spectators could hear the cursing of the batter or the thud of the ball in a catcher’s mitt. Those seats overlooking the away end were festooned with many flags of St. George and I expected some noise from the locals within.

The Luton home shirt now has a vertical white stripe, harking back to their much-loved kit from the mid-‘seventies. This year’s kit has black shorts, not navy, though and I am not sure why there is that misfire. Unlike in 2022, we had decided against our home colours and were kitted out in the mint green away colours.

At 12.29pm, a message from Sir Les.

“In mate.”

Bloody hell.

Before the game, with every team having played nineteen games – the half-way stage – we were in tenth position. A win would keep us locked in that position. There is no punchline.

The game began.

We started brightly, attacking the other end, and we began noisily.

“Until you’ve taken my Chelsea away…”

Noni Madueke, after his fine cameo against Palace, wriggled on the right and set up Conor Gallagher but his shot was blocked by the Luton ‘keeper Thomas Kaminski.

Despite an early kick-off, the floodlights were on, and the sky was Tupperware grey. The noise from the thousand strong away support continued nicely. At the FA Cup game in 2022, bodies were crammed everywhere. This time it wasn’t so bad.

Cole Palmer launched an early sighter at the Luton goal but cleared the target.

With Nicolas Jackson employed on the left-wing, at times not so far away from us, I sensed that he seemed a little more effective. In those early exchanges he seemed to be playing with a little more nous. On twelve minutes, a searching ball from Palmer set Jackson free and he was allowed to advance down the left. His shot from an angle was saved easily but the Luton defence did not clear the ball. It ended up at the feet of Palmer who did not need much time to drill it low and in at the far post.

GET IN.

The Chelsea support screamed and shouted.

Phew.

Alan and I were stood around four yards apart and so our “THTCAUN / COMLD” routine took on a new look. We improvised a rather nifty mime and we had a proper giggle.

Ross Barkley, already showing that he was the main playmaker for Luton, blasted over from a free-kick.

After twenty minutes of play, the home support was still quiet. It came as a shock. I had expected more from them.

Thiago Silva inadvertently flicked on a cross from the Luton right but there was nobody gambling to take advantage. Luton had a little spell, but we kept them out. I lost count of the number of times that Barkley rolled his studs over the top of the ball before shimmying and losing a marker. Glenn shouted over :

“Barkley is running their show.”

Andros Townsend was coming in for a bit of stick from the Chelsea support but he took it well.

Gallagher ran off an injury to his leg after seeing his shot blocked. Moises Caicedo gave away a brainless free-kick but thankfully Barkley misfired again.

A chant from the travelling support :

“You have to stay here. We get to go home.”

On thirty-seven minutes, we purred at a really fine counter-attack down our left. Colwill to Jackson to Caicedo – one touch football – who then released Colwill down the wing. His first-time pass was hit square to Palmer. He took a touch but moved it on intelligently to Madueke in the inside-right channel. He danced and shimmied a little, knocking his marker off balance, before slamming the ball into the roof of the net.

You beauty.

The rest of the half was a little scrappy and with lots of free-kicks. A Chelsea effort seemed to be cleared off the line.

At half-time, we were happy.

“All players 7/10.”

At half-time, I saw Liz, Pete, Margaret and Roy appear in the side seats.

An exciting early break from Malo Gusto down the right looked like causing a threat. However, with four team mates in decent positions, the right back took it too deep and a defender blocked the final ball. Tahith Chong – with the Cucarella locks – ran unhindered at us and played the ball out wide. Townsend was unmarked but thankfully Silva was able to block when the ball eventually dropped at the far post. Those in the away end began tensing up a little.

The home team had more of the ball in the second-half and we were not as potent on our rare breaks.

I noticed planes ascending through gaps in the cloud and waited for a perfect shot of Djordje Petrovic taking a goal-kick just as one flew overhead.

The Chelsea support were a little quieter.

We watched as a whipped-in Luton cross from their left rolled tantalisingly through the six-yard box but missed everybody.

Phew.

On the hour, Christopher Nkunku replaced Broja who had not really been too involved. I would later comment on the drive home that he had spent a lot of his time on his arse. Jackson stayed out wide. There was a decent run and shot from him.

With twenty minutes remaining, a super move. I often want early balls played centrally by the defenders and Axel Disasi, taking a free-kick, spotted Jackson spare and so drilled the ball to him. He did well to spin away from his marker and played in Palmer. I saw him advance, roll his studs over the ball to glide past the ‘keeper, but could not see the finish.

I heard the roar.

Luton Town Chelsea 3.

The players celebrated wildly with the fans in the front row just yards away. Great scenes. At least one of the several photos that I took paid off.

“Sign him up for eight more years. Chelsea boys are on the beers.”

And then it all got a bit crap.

Another cross from their right and Elijah Adebayo headed home. Groan. But then VAR was consulted and the goal was cancelled. No cheering from me.

Madueke hit over.

I got my “up, up and away photo” at last as Petrovic launched one.

A cross from the Luton right now, and a header from Adebayo that rattled the bar. It rattled us too.

“Come on Chels!”

Alas, from a corner that quickly followed, Barkley glanced a header in.

Game on? Maybe.

With ten minutes to go, Enzo replaced Madueke. I thought to myself “if only Enzo could dominate the Chelsea midfield in the same way that Barkley dominates the Luton midfield.”

There was yet another cross that caused us worry. This time it came from the left foot of Alfie Doughty from a free-kick. Carlton Morris connected but his header came back off the bar, though I suspected that Petrovic had managed the slightest of touches. Our goal seemed to be living a very charmed life. A two-on-one down our left and a low cross was cleared. Then, Chelsea defending so deep now, the ball was crossed from the Luton right. It was dinked up. A header at the far post from Doughty. I expected a goal. Petrovic scrambled over to save but the ball was knocked in at the far post by Adebayo.

Fackinell.

Game on? Yes.

Luton had scored goals in the eightieth and eighty-seventh minute. This was quite ridiculous.

“Come On Lu’-on, Come On Lu’-on, Come On Lu’-on, Come On Lu’-on.”

Six minutes of injury time were signalled. Our nerves were being stretched out of shape. This was a tough final few minutes.

Alfie Gilchrist replaced Palmer.

The minutes ticked by. Alan showed me “five minutes” on his stop-watch. The game continued. One final punt up field and it came down to a battle of the two Alfies. Their Alfie dallied and our Alfie pounced. The ball was won and then hacked away. There was a roar from the thousand. And there was another roar when the referee blew up just after.

Phew.

Next up, a good old-fashioned FA Cup tie against another of the lowly teams that float up and down the Football League.

Chelsea vs. Preston North End.

See you there.

Tales From Memory Lane Café

Posted on December 28, 2023 by Chris Axon

Chelsea vs. Crystal Palace : 27 December 2023.

The drive up to London had been horrible. Due to traffic congestion throughout the journey, and not helped by persistent rain, it took four hours rather than the usual three. I had set off from my house at 10.30am, then collected the three others, but wasn’t parked up on Mulgrave Road until 2.30pm.

We were in town for the delayed Chelsea vs. Crystal Palace game, pushed forward a further day from Boxing Day. As I battled the rain and spray I was able to tell the chaps all about the game that I had seen on Boxing Day, the local derby between Frome Town and Melksham Town. It was a mad but deeply enjoyable encounter that resulted in two players from each side being sent off, plus the visiting Melksham manager too, and a 2-2 draw in front an attendance of 696, the highest home league gate of the[i] season. It had it all. I was breathless at the end of it. Proper football.

I made my way down the North End Road, the rain almost stopped, and decided to call in for an all-day breakfast at “Café Olé” for the second time this season. As I sat at the table, I tuned in to the café’s wi-fi to put out a post on “Facebook.” I wanted to detail what was happening exactly forty years ago to the day.

On 27 December 1983, we played a game against Portsmouth at Stamford Bridge. I uploaded a couple of photos with a little narrative. I then realised that it was in this same café back in November before the Manchester City game, in the exact same café, the exact same table even, that I had detailed a similar “forty years ago” moment on “Facebook.”

So, 1983/84.

For my generation it’s everybody’s favourite season, and I will be dipping in to its reach seam of memories occasionally during this campaign. I originally wrote about that season in greater depth during my 2008/9 match reports on its silver anniversary. There will be a few more “memory dips” this season. Let’s go back in time…

I travelled up with my parents…they had seats in the East Lower, but I had decided to get in amongst the boisterous and noisy supporters in The Benches, for the first time in fact since my first ever game in 1974. Up until that point, all of my games that season had been in The Shed, but both Glenn ( who was staying in London with his grandparents ) and myself fancied a change. Portsmouth, newly-promoted and with Mark Hateley and Alan Biley upfront, would bring a good following to The Bridge and we were both looking forward to some banter with the away fans on that huge slug of terrace to our left.

And – it would give us a chance to get in amongst the trendies.

Yep – December 1983 against Pompey was when I was brought fully up to speed with the football fashions of the time. Both Glenn and myself had entered the season completely oblivious to the movement which had been developing, unbeknown to us, in the main football cities since 1977.

Since then, many books have been written and many magazine articles devoted to this vibrant sub-culture; ”the thing with no name” one Manc has called it…but I can only describe it from my perspective.

Most youth trends are music based. God knows, Britain in 1983 had many; there had been the Mod revival of 1979, skinheads, suedeheads and two-tone / ska boys and girls were in abundance, the punks were still around from 1977, there were those into heavy metal with their long hair and denim, the Goths were around, there was rockabilly, psychobilly, soul boys ( definitely a London phenomenon )…then we had the lighter end of it all – the new romantics, with girls – and boys – who dressed like make-up was going out of fashion…hip hop was making inroads from across the Atlantic too.

But – as Glenn and myself were to find out over the remaining months of that most seminal of footy seasons, here was a movement which was solely based around what young people wore to football. It was a tantalisingly “underground” movement – that’s what made it so amazing to us. None of my friends back in Frome would be clued up about it for years and years.

The season was fermenting most beautifully; not only were Chelsea playing some great football, I was also going to more games – and now this.

“What – a totally new way of dressing up, based on football? Yes, please. Where do I sign up?”

There’s no point trying to reinvent history – up until December 1983, I really had no clue, though Glenn had met some casuals on an away day to Carlisle I believe. However – looking back – I guess by some kind of fashion fluke, I could have been mistaken for a football trendy. I have a photo of myself, taken on holiday in the summer of 1981 in Italy with my two Italian pals Tullio and Mario with me wearing a polo shirt, cords and a pair of Dunlop Green Flash. If I squint and avoid the glaring mistakes, I guess I could be mistaken for a football trendy. But I’d really have to squint hard. The horrible bog standard English schoolboy haircut gave it away. If I had been in the know, I would have realised that The Wedge was the way forward. There are people in their forties who coolly claim that the whole movement, the whole football thing, began with The Wedge in Liverpool in 1977. Who am I to argue? However, during the summer of 1983, I had helped myself to a great new haircut…before it the standard fringe and hair over the ears…we all had this haircut. Horrible it was. But, I decided to change all that…get a side-parting and sort myself out. Without really knowing it, my transformation from clueless fan to wedged-up trendy was beginning.

So – The Benches 1983 – a crisp sunny winter morning, my first Chelsea Xmas game and Glenn and myself clocking all of the hitherto unnoticed fashions of the time.

Why were those lads only wearing light blue jeans, many with side splits over their trainers? Look at all those pastel-coloured jumpers. They’re either “Pringle” ( small lion rampant, how Chelsea ) or “Lyle & Scott” ( yellow eagle ). I had only ever heard of “Slazenger. Why are all the trainers either “Nike” or “Puma” or “Adidas”? Wait, what are they? “Diadora”? Never seen them before.

Then the hairstyles…those side-partings, those huge flopping fringes, the famous flick… lads with hands in pockets, posing, walking up and down the Benches like a catwalk…what is that badge…a crocodile? And another! What is that?

John McEnroe’s “Sergio Tacchini” and Bjorn Borg’s “Fila”. Desert boots. Scarfs. Ski-jackets. Bright colours. Swagger.

Glenn and myself were hooked. Funny – at the time, it really was the cult with no name. Glenn called them “trendies”, quite correctly as it happens…but the cult was never really sure of itself…I would learn later – after much research – that “the football trendies” were known as “casuals”, “scallies”, “perries”, “dressers” and “trendies” depending where you were in the UK.

And here’s the thing – it was all about football; the terraces, the away games, the specials, the buzz, the noise, the colour, the lifestyle.

Chelsea versus Pompey at Xmas 1983 opened my eyes. The game ended 2-2 and has almost gone down in casual folklore. Pompey always seemed to have a photographer in their 6.57 firm and there are a few from the north terrace that day in circulation. Kerry Dixon infamously missed two penalties during the match but the one abiding memory is of a lone Pompey fan sauntering in, high on the terrace, hanging on to a fence, gesturing to us down below and wearing a pink pullover.

My diary from that day records our words to him as ”who’s the poser in the pink?” but this has since changed in popular culture to “the wanker in the pink”, as featured in a line within John King’s “The Football Factory.”

Several years ago, I chanced finding a photo from the game – both teams were wearing exquisite Le Coq Sportif kits – showing Kerry going up for a header with the West Stand in the background. I wondered if I might be spotted in the crowd. I zoomed in and found myself, way right, almost out of shot. I loved seeing myself from all those years ago, complete with floppy wedge. I include it here. I don’t like including photos on this site that aren’t mine but I make exception on this occasion. I include a few photos from Fulham Broadway of the Pompey mob, the North Stand – which, alas, I never stepped foot on – and the game.

Ah the memories.

Back to 2023.

I soon found myself catching a train from that same southbound platform at Fulham Broadway to join up with the lads at “The Eight Bells.” There was just time to take a couple of photos of the old station exits, including the ancillary one that was only used on match days. It bypassed the booking hall and went straight from platform to street level in a steep ascent. I had taken an outside shot too, to complete the picture. It’s an almost forgotten and un-noticed feature of the old station that I am sure 90% of current match-goers simply do not notice. That and the old Shed wall; that’s all that’s left from my first visit to Chelsea in 1974.

I reached the pub at about 3.45pm. Glenn, my mate from beside me on The Benches in 1983, was with Parky, PD and Salisbury Steve in “The Eight Bells” with some German lads who have featured in these tales before. Ben used to work for a company on the Swiss border that I used to contact for onward shipping of our furniture. He has visited Chelsea a number of times; the last time in 2019. He was with Jens and Walt, who we had met before, plus another chap called Michael. Everyone was getting on famously, despite the barmaid mischievously putting a couple of “WW2” films on the pub TV for their viewing pleasure. They were howling with laughter. Kyden originally from Kent, but now living in Florida called by for a drink and a chat. The pub wasn’t too busy. We rarely, if ever, visit this pub for an evening game. Top marks to Salisbury Steve who was first in at 11.30am. That’s pretty keen for a 7.30pm kick-off, eh?

I was shocked, and saddened, to see a huge poster advertising a PSG club shop in London on the northbound platform as I alighted at Fulham Broadway. There are no words.

I was inside Stamford Bridge very early at about 6.30pm. I waited for the troops to arrive. For a team that has seemed to have had our number on occasion recently, I was staggered to read that we had won our last dozen games against the Stripey Nigels in all competitions; I hoped it would be unlucky thirteen for them.

Nobody, though, seemed confident.

Our team was announced, and there was a full first team debut for Christopher Nkunku.

Petrovic

Gusto – Disasi – Badiashile – Colwill

Caicedo – Gallagher

Maatsen – Nkunku – Mudryk

Jackson

…”or something like that.”

Ben, Jens and Michael were around fifteen yards away to my right but Walt was down in The Shed. There was the usual “lightshow and flames bollocks” before the teams entered the pitch.

At 7.30pm, the game started and Crystal Palace began brightly attacking the Matthew Harding. They enjoyed a couple of efforts on our goal.

“Colwill is too tall for a full-back.”

On eight minutes, we were treated to a magnificent turn of pace from Mykhailo Mudryk who slotted a perfect pass through for Ian Maatsen. It ran away from him a little but he poked a toe at it as the Palace ‘keeper Dean Henderson raced out. Sadly, a Palace defender recovered to clear from just a few yards out.

On thirteen minutes, a very fine move carved Palace open. A majestic turn / drag-back from Malo Gusto had the crowd purring and the right-back then set off up field. A little fortune saw the ball continue to Nkunku, who had two stabs at getting the ball between two defenders into Gusto, who had ridiculously continued his run from the inside-right channel to the inside-left channel. His perfect low cross was pushed home by Mudryk.

GET IN.

We roared but he seemed subdued. There was no trademark Chelsea run to the corners. The central celebration seemed odd.

Not long after, a terrible pass from Nicolas Jackson – intended for Nkunku I think, but it hit a Palace player – did his cause no good whatsoever, but thankfully the move that followed fizzled out.

On twenty-one minutes, Mudryk was in on goal after good passing from Caicedo and Jackson but Henderson saved well. There was a roller from Jackson across the goal but wide of the far post. Next, at last some consierable styrength and doggedness from the currently maligned Jackson who battled off the challenges of two Palace defenders and set up Nkunku, who was not able to get a shot away.

This was decent stuff from Chelsea.

Pass the smelling salts, nurse.

And it was reassuring to hear genuinely positive reactions from the crowd. Stamford Bridge was clearly not a riot of noise, but there was warm applause from our surprisingly intricate and pleasing passing movements.

A pass from Gusto to Maatsen, but wide.

In the last ten minutes of the half, the game died a little. The frustrations from the crowd returned. Nkunku seemed peripheral now. Maatsen looked out of place out wide, often afraid to take his man on, too often happy to play the ball back. I spotted how slow Moises Caicedo is with the ball.

“Seen treacle move quicker.”

For all of Conor Gallagher’s energy, we missed a playmaker.

“Oh please exploit the spaces out wide.”

What I’d give for someone to loft a ball into those wide open spaces for a willing wide man to attack.

A sturdy tackle on Maatsen by Chris Richards released the ball for Palace. A deep cross towards the far post from Jordan Ayew always looked like causing us grief. Michael Olise, lively in the half-thus far, was scandalously unmarked and he had time to chest the ball down and smack past Djordje Petrovic at the near post. Caicedo had lost his concentration. Terrible defending.

It was 1-1 at the break.

So, moans at half-time. The relative positivity from the first half-hour had evaporated. It seemed to be the same old Chelsea of 2023/24.

One step forward, several steps back – and sideways.

In the first minute of the second period, I spotted how easy it was for the Palace attackers to roll off our defenders.

After a few more minutes of toil, I said to PD “there is nothing unexpected about our play.” All of it was without invention, without a spark, all of it in front of the defensive lines.

On fifty-three minutes, a Palace free-kick went just wide.

“We could lose this, boys.”

I looked over at the Germans; at least they were still awake.

Benoit Badiashile – he had impressed me at the end of last season, but has played poorly of late – allowed Jean-Philippe Mateta to roll off him and break. Badiashile and also Disasi raced after him but could not stop a shot on goal. Petrovic saved well at the near post.

A debut for Romeo Lavia on the hour, replacing the really poor Maatsen. Thiago Silva replaced Colwill at the same time.

Gallagher pushed up, Lavia sat alongside Caicedo and immediately looked more mobile and interested than his new midfield partner.

On sixty-six minutes, Gusto was so tenacious to stop a rapid break. Whisper it, but a few of us would not be unhappy if Gusto replaced Reece James in the long-term. We love Reece but his play has stalled for a while. He is so injury-prone and is too quiet for a captain. Gusto was enjoying a really excellent game.

More substitutions with twenty to go.

Noni Madueke for Nkunku.

Armando Broja for Mydryk.

More than a few supporters : “how is Jackson still on the pitch?”

Jackson then missed a one-on-one. Gallagher prodded the ball centrally – a great ball actually, one we had been missing – but the young striker fluffed his lines and his shot faded wide. Jackson fell into the netting and probably wished that the goal would swallow him up. Shortly after, we thought there was redemption.

A cross from Silva was deflected but Jackson pounced at the far post.

A roar.

We celebrated wildly.

He celebrated wildly down below.

He slid.

He crossed himself.

He closed his eyes.

He pointed to the sky.

He was mobbed by team mates.

I took some half-decent photos.

Then, after about a minute or so, to my disbelieving eyes : VAR.

Silence in my brain, sadness in my heart.

I was still stood, but slumped back against my seat.

No goal.

Oh do fuck off.

A save from Olise by Petrovic after an error by Silva.

Broja rippled the side-netting.

Late on, Madueke – who had looked lively – fell just inside the box after a corner. There had been a challenge, but I did not really see it. I could not judge its severity. With Madueke down, Palace broke with four against one. The referee played on. I screamed expletives. I’m good at that. That chance thankfully passed, but then VAR was signalled. I am tired of VAR now. I didn’t applaud nor cheer.

Eventually, a penalty was given.

Again, no cheer from me.

Jackson took the ball. Gallagher took the ball. Then Madueke, the fouled, took the ball. He looked confident. A staggered run-up. I clicked.

Goal.

I cheered now alright.

GET IN YOU BASTARD.

Eighty-nine minutes had passed.

Bloody hell.

Eight minutes of injury time were signalled.

One last substitution.

Alfie Gilchrist for Badiashile.

The young lad certainly made a strong impression in his first fleeting minutes as a first-team player. There was the “gee-ing up” of team mates, at least one crunching tackle, and much running around like a man possessed.

Alfie. Alf. Welcome to the show, son.

There was just time for one last save from Petrovic, again down low at the near post, again from Olise.

It finished 2-1, a well-won victory if not an easy one.

We rose to tenth place. It is, I think, where we will be come May.

Next up, an away game at Luton Town and a visit to the Oak Road End once again. I will see some of the lucky ones there.

1983

2023

Tales From The Southern Section

Posted on September 1, 2023 by Chris Axon

Chelsea vs. AFC Wimbledon : 30 August 2023.

A Winning Weekend.

Last Friday’s 3-0 win at home to Luton Town was the first of four wins out of four over the Bank Holiday Weekend. It was followed by a narrow 1-0 away win for Frome Town at Yate Town on Saturday afternoon and a decent 2-0 home win against Larkhall Athletic on Monday afternoon in another local derby for my home-town team. I really enjoyed both games.

Sandwiched in between the two Frome games, I made an appearance at the Royal United Hospital in Bath on Sunday afternoon. Back in June, I had experienced an odd tenderness in my stomach, that thankfully only lasted around three weeks, but in the various tests that had followed, it was decided that a colonoscopy was required. This obviously brought a certain degree of worry. I think it was seeing the words “suspected bowel cancer” on a letter than brought it all home. There was one in early August that turned out to be inconclusive, but I was overjoyed to hear that the second one had found no abnormalities at all.

I was clear.

Suffice to say, I was a lot more relaxed at the Frome Town home game on Monday than I had been at the away game forty-eight hours earlier.

So, four wins out of four.

Peroni don’t do weekends, but if they did…

Different Club, Same Name.

Playing in the early round of the League Cup is a rare thing at Chelsea. As always, most people I know were looking for a new away ground to visit in the “Southern Section” (is that a new thing? I guess we had just never been exposed to it before) so there was a certain degree of being underwhelmed at the prospect of a home game, albeit against AFC Wimbledon. The rise of this new club through the football pyramid since the original team were moved lock, stock and barrel to Milton Keynes is surely one of the greatest stories of the past few decades. The tie would represent the two team’s first-ever fixture.

The original Wimbledon Football Club came into my recognition back in 1974/75 during their FA Cup run. They won away at Burnley, becoming the first non-league team in over a century to defeat a First Division team in an away tie. In the next round, they drew 0-0 at Elland Road against champions Leeds United before narrowly losing the replay at Plough Lane. They joined the Football League in 1977. The club rose steadily through the divisions and joined Chelsea in the First Division in 1986/87.

Existing on small crowds, the club were favourites to be relegated. But in that first season at the highest level, despite an average attendance of around 8,000, they finished in a ridiculously high sixth position, way ahead of us in fourteenth place. They even beat us in the two league meetings; 4-0 at Stamford Bridge in December and 2-1 at Plough Lane in May.

They would often hand us heavy defeats at Stamford Bridge. There was a 5-2 win in December 1989 and a 4-2 win in October 1996.

We might well have had the last laugh in 1996/97 though, beating the Dons 3-0 in the FA Cup semi-final at Highbury. It was only when the club ground-shared at Selhurst Park from 1991/92 that gates increased, topping off with an average of 18,000 in 1998/99. Away fans often boosted crowds at these Wimbledon home games.

I watched from a distance as the club fell apart and were moved to Milton Keynes. It was the saddest thing. For this reason, MK Dons remain hated throughout most of our football landscape.

A side story. It is rumoured that Wimbledon’s move from south-west London to Buckinghamshire in 2004 was as big a shift as Arsenal’s move across London in 1913. The time it took supporters to physically travel from Wimbledon to Milton Keynes on a match day was virtually the same as the time it took supporters of Woolwich Arsenal to travel from Plumstead to Highbury using the transport available at the time. Think on that, Arsenal fans. It’s no wonder Tottenham dislike them so much, the original franchise team.

There is no place for franchise football in the UK.

Farewell My Friend.

Over the weekend, I heard some horrible news. My friend Russ, who used to sit a few rows in front of me in The Sleepy Hollow from 1997 to 2011, had sadly lost a long battle with cancer on Saturday evening. Russ was a lovely man, and Chelsea mad like all of us. On many occasions, I would leave my car at his house in Shepperton and he would drop me off at various terminals at Heathrow as I travelled to see Chelsea in far off locations. He did this for me from 2009 – Chelsea in Baltimore and Arlington – to 2019 – Chelsea in Baku – and I used to love chatting to him on those drives. I last spoke to him on the ‘phone just after Thomas Tuchel took over in 2021 and we were chatting on WhatsApp earlier this summer. He faced his battle bravely. He leaves his wife Kim and daughter Emily.

On the last few miles of our trip to London for the AFC Wimbledon game, for some reason I spotted a grey van as it slowly moved along a tree-lined avenue as I flew past on the M4. I have no reason as to why I paid attention to it. Imagine my reaction when I spotted that the van belonged to the same small firm of freight forwarders that Russ worked for.

Russ Kemp. Love you mate. Rest In Peace.

Chelsea Is A Club, Not A Team.

The build up to the game was dominated by the news that Chelsea Football Club, despite promising a full period of consultation with supporter groups, had unilaterally decided to abandon the away travel subsidy this season. This dismayed many supporters and hinted at a bleak future of poor fan-related decisions under the new regime. In reality, this only affected a few hundred supporters per away game – maybe between three and five coaches – and indeed not all away games were serviced by the coaches, but this news cut deep. Originally, from my memory, Chelsea used to subsidise some coaches – and trains – at £10, and then after a large TV deal, the Premier League asked for some of the monies to be used by clubs to take away the sting of away travel. As everyone with half a brain knows, away fans are the lifeblood of our game in this country. Without a loyal band of vociferous away supporters at every game, noise levels would decrease and “the product” would be more difficult to sell to TV companies and, with it, advertisers.

The game needs away support.

And those coaches have been a Godsend to many. I know many have used them over the past ten years or so. My fellow companions Alan, Gary and John always use them for tough away games in the Midlands and the North. Not everyone can afford car travel, nor standard train fares. Many users of the club travel are physically disabled. I know that the club has continued to take at least one fan that I know to away games in a specially designed van with wheelchair access. It is a disgrace that this service will be stopped. It is especially galling when the board has spent over one billion pounds on largely unproven players in just over a year.

It would appear that the platitudes that are issued by Clearlake regarding our support are indeed empty.

The new regime must realise that Chelsea is a club – a club that includes its supporters as the main ingredient, the main focus, the heart – rather than just a team. We might moan about players, but there is so much more to Chelsea than the players alone. It’s all about our combined ability to carry on and continue our support of those players in an environment where we are respected, not in a mollycoddled way, but where our voices are heard and where we feel we belong.

If I ever lose that feeling of being part of the club, I will be out.

Simmons.

I sidled into “Simmons” at around 5.30pm after wolfing down the worst cheeseburger – with onions – that I have ever had from “Delish” on the Fulham Road. As I waited for friends to arrive, the music blared and the scene began to be set.

The Killers, The Undertones, Franz Ferdinand, The Housemartins, The Fratellis.

JR and his wife Erin joined me, but there were few others in that I recognised; only the two Marks and Mr. Pink on a nearside table. It had been a really good drive in from Wiltshire; virtually bang on two hours, my best yet for a midweek game. JR had watched AFC Wimbledon on Saturday against Forest Green Rovers and had enjoyed it. Erin had flown in from Detroit on Monday; her first trip to Europe, her first trip to England, her first trip to London, her first visit to Stamford Bridge, her first sighting of Lord Parky.

Parky joined us at 7pm, but it was soon time to get to the game.

New Faces.

In a period of change on the pitch, this was always going to be a night of fresh faces. As I took my seat alongside Alan and PD, I prepared for a night of acclimatisation. In The Shed, Wimbledon – can I call them that? – were backed by around 4,000. It meant that Parky was somewhere in the MHU too, but we never did spot him. Mauricio Pochettino named these players and it took me most of the first-half for them to settle in my consciousness, but the fluid formation took all game for me to suss.

Sanchez

Humphreys – Disasi – Colwill – Cucarella

Gallagher – Uguchukwu

Madueke – Maatsen – Moreira

Burstow

With Manchester United absurdly sniffing around Flopsy And Mopsey, the Cucarella twins, it was a surprise that he got a start. We had seen Bash at City in the Cup, but this was a home debut.

One of the Chukle Brothers was paired alongside Conor, the night’s captain.

The M and M and M Boys in support of the lone striker and a first look at Moreira, and a full debut for Maaatsen.

Up front, Mason – let’s have a proper look at him, eh?

SW6 Versus SW17.

Chelsea dominated the early exchanges to the point of absurdity. The visitors from SW17 were firmly encamped in their own half, in front of their noisy supporters in The Shed, and we hoped that a goal would soon come. It was slightly off-putting to hear “Wimbledon” being sung to the same tune as “Li-ver-pool” but the away fans were giving it their all. The home areas, which included Erin and JR right below us in the MHL, were quiet.

Noni Madueke immediately shone out like a beacon, full of intent, full of running, full of flicks and tricks. I did however hope that there was an end product too.

Wimbledon – in a reverse of our kit – had hardly passed the half-way line but from a free-kick down below us, I caught on film the moment that Robert Sanchez crashed into Harry Pell and a penalty was signalled. James Tilley smacked it home.

SW6 0 SW17 1.

Would we struggle to get out of this round? Last season our involvement in the same competition lasted just one game. I wondered if this might follow similar lines. It’s an odd competition this. I explained it’s importance to a mate at work :

“We attend the first games with not much interest in the hope we get to visit a new ground. We only get excited if we draw Tottenham. We sometimes get to the final. It’s a good day out, but it has lost its appeal really.”

We continued our stranglehold on the game. However, after half an hour, I only remember two deflected shots that missed the goal frame with ease. Madueke continued to dance and Gallagher was chasing every ball down with a fervour. But others were struggling somewhat. Both Burstow and Moreira were spectators. Maatsen looked a little lost too.

But we acknowledged the fat that this time had not played together before and that in a season of new faces, this game was the epitome of it. Our expectation levels were tempered accordingly.

For some bizarre reason, the “Willian Song” was sung by the MHL.

Why?

There had been just two Wimbledon attacks the entire half. But our chances seemed to be equally rare.

Cucarella had been worse than shite. We hoped United weren’t watching.

Just as I was fearing boos from the knobheads at the break, Noni danced and wriggled once more and Alex Pearce poleaxed him. Madueke, the star thus far, took the penalty.

Goal.

SW6 1 SW17 1.

Phew.

For the second-half, Pochettino replaced Moreira with Nicholas Jackson. He received a fine reaction. We love a trier at Chelsea.

The second-half was much better. Jackson soon shot on sight, and drew a save from the latest incarnation of Dickie Guy.

Then a shot from Gallagher.

Wimbledon created a little more in the second-half but we were never tested.

“Wim-ble-don, Wim-ble-don. Wim-ble-don, Wim-ble-don.”

A break from Wimbledon got me all edgy but thankfully a perfectly-timed toe-poke from Colwill cut out the danger.

Enzo Fernandez came on for Burstow with twenty minutes to go. This reminded me so much of years past when first teamers were rested in these home League Cup games, but with the game tied – or worse – the manager would throw on Frank Lampard. At the same time, Malo Gusto replaced Colwill.

Our current number eight soon looked involved and drew a very fine save from their ‘keeper from distance.

A Super Blue Moon rose behind The Shed.

On seventy-two minutes, Maatsen chased down a ball and the ‘keeper failed to clear. The ball bounced off Maatsen into the path of Enzo who steered the ball in to the empty net from the edge of the box.

SW6 2 SW17 1.

Phew. Again.

A new song.

“OHHH, ENZO FERNANDEZ. OHHH ENZO FERNANDEZ.”

For all of our spending (note : I am still not convinced, far from it), I am sure we have a very fine player here, this young maestro from Buenos Aires.

Moises Caicedo replaced Madueke.

More shots rained in on their ‘keeper, we were all over them now. In a similar instance to our goal, the Wimbledon ‘keeper again made a mess of things as he wandered too far from home, but Enzo, on this occasion, planted his shot just wide of the far post. It could have been a game of two penalties and two open goal hits.

It stayed 2-1. It was a decent enough game.

Exeter City Away Please.

Nah, we got lumbered with another tedious home game. We reconvene against Brighton in around a month.

Just The Ticket.

I returned to my car to see that my earlier super-human performance in getting from Portal Road in Melksham to Mulgrave Road in Fulham had been rewarded with a £65 parking ticket.

Fackinell.

It was a silly mistake really. We rarely get to London before 5pm – the cut-off time – on weekdays, and if we do, we have been lucky not to get ticketed. On this occasion, I arrived at around 4.15pm, and I was ticketed at 4.32pm. It spoiled a decent night, but after the worry about “Sunday’s win” last weekend, I honestly did not care one iota.

Next Up.

The twice European Cup winners Nottingham Forest are at Stamford Bridge at 3pm on Saturday. I will see you there.

Tales From The First And The Last

Posted on June 3, 2023 by Chris Axon

Chelsea vs. Newcastle United : 28 May 2023.

A month or so ago I mentioned that Ron Hockings, one of our greatest ever supporters, celebrated his 1,400^th first team Chelsea game with our away match at Craven Cottage in April 1983. At the time, as a seventeen-year-old from Somerset, I could only dream of such ridiculous numbers of attendance. While Ron was clocking up game number 1,400, I was yet to break thirty matches. In those days, I would go to around four games each season.

But years pass, right?

Lo and behold, our last game of the 2022/23 season would be my 1,400^th Chelsea game too. As I reviewed the letter from Ron in the programme from forty years ago, I was reassured that he counted first-team friendlies in his total. As do I.

It gave my total a certain cachet of authenticity.

“Bloody hell, I am not travelling to Kuala Lumpur with Chelsea without including it in my total.”

I like it that Ron celebrated 1,400 in 1982/83, a season that I have been detailing during this campaign. And here I am celebrating 1,400 forty years later. I am not sure that I ever spoke to Ron. I may have “nodded” a hello on a few occasions, but you used to see Ron everywhere. Like Peter Kemp and Alan Bruce, they would appear wherever Chelsea were playing. I have dipped into his book “100 Years Of The Blues” to help me add to my own memories of that season and I owe him a huge pile of gratitude. From 1947 to 2006, Ron went to a grand total of 2,703 Chelsea games, a ludicrous amount. He passed away around fifteen years ago, but his books will live forever.

With a lovely touch of symmetry, game number 1,400 would be against Newcastle United, as was my very first game in 1974.

16 March 1974 : Chelsea vs. Newcastle United.

29 May 2023 : Chelsea vs. Newcastle United.

Perfect.

And while we are on the subject of numbers and milestones, my attendance at the game on 29 May would allow me to complete my third – and only my third – ever-present league campaign of Chelsea matches.

2008/09 : 38/38

2015/16 : 38/38

2022/23 : 38/38

As my friend Ian would point out, a pattern has emerged here. Is my need to attend all the league games a seven-year itch? Is my next ever-present season due in 2029/30 when I will be – gulp – sixty-four? No, it’s just a product of being able, or not, to get to as many as I can. There is no plan.

I can’t really explain all this. But ever since that first game almost fifty years ago, I just love going to Chelsea matches. At the start, it was all about the players. Seeing my heroes play. Then, over time, I fell in love with the routine of attending games, the camaraderie, the laughs. Now, that is more important than the football.

“Which is just as bloody well after this season” I hear you all joking.

Well, I’ve seen worse, as my chronicles of 1982/83 prove.

This season hasn’t been the worst in our history, but at times it has felt the most disjointed, disappointing, under-achieving and – crucially – the least enjoyable.

It’s a shame that this accolade is bestowed by myself on 2023/24, my fiftieth consecutive season of match-going support for the club.

We can’t really class that as an honour can we?

The pre-match routine for the final game of this tortuous season followed the usual lines. Once I had walked down to Stamford Bridge with Ron – he played in Game #1 of course – it was lovely that my friend Kathryn and I managed to sort out a photo that would include four players from the 1982/83 season; Colin Pates, Paul Canoville, John Bumstead and Gary Chivers, plus Rodders thrown in for good measure. Kathryn and I then decamped to “The Eight Bells” via a stop at “The Broadway Bar & Grill” and we spent a decent hour or so with the two Glenns, Salisbury Steve and the Kent Lot.

The pub was bouncing with laughs and giggles; an outsider would find it hard to believe that we had all been following such a poor team over the past ten long months.

Inside “The Eight Bells”, there was a poignant moment for a few of us too. The Chelsea match-going family had recently been saddened by the death of a friend, Ian Oliver, who we had last seen in “The Eight Bells” before a game at Chelsea around six weeks ago. Ian was one of those chaps that you always bumped into at Chelsea, usually in “The Goose” but other pubs too. His was a face that I recognised from decades ago. And Ian was one of those rare Chelsea fans that lived locally, in Fulham, along with just a handful of other fans in my circle. I am pretty sure that his sister worked at “Chubby’s Grill” on match days, a hot dog van that was part of the furniture for years. Ian had recently gone to the gym and I commented to him during that last time in the pub that he had lost some weight and was looking good, bless him.

Ian – “Elvis” – will undoubtedly be missed by all of his Chelsea friends.

Rest In Peace.

As we left the pub, two female away fans sauntered past and one of them noisily remarked :

“Oh, youse have had a shite season, eh?”

“No need for that, is there?” I replied.

Indeed, there was a noisy bunch of Newcastle United fans, who had been drinking in Putney and close to our pub in Fulham, alongside us on the tube journey up to Fulham Broadway. A few were in fancy dress. There had been a few boats containing away fans alighting at Putney and I got the feeling that this was the happiest that the Geordies had been at a game at Chelsea since the days of Kevin Keegan as their manager.

To be fair, Eddie Howe has had a fine season up on Tyneside and all of us look forward to visiting the area again next season, as always a favourite away destination.

Elsewhere, three teams were fighting off relegation; two of Everton, Leeds United and Leicester City would join Southampton in a final relegation place by the end of the afternoon. I know that many wanted Everton to go, but not me. From a purely selfish reason, I wanted to be able to plan, visit and appreciate one last away day at Goodison Park at some stage in 2023/24 before they decamp to their new stadium at Bramley Moore Dock in 2024. It has been my favourite away ground for ages. I hoped for a win for them at home to Bournemouth.

On the Saturday, we had learned that Luton Town would be joining Burnley and Sheffield United in the top flight, though I wanted Coventry City to prevail. With Luton Town, Sheffield United and Burnley in the top flight, 2023/24 was beginning to resemble 1974/75, and this sent a shiver down my spine.

I was inside Stamford Bridge with plenty of time to spare. There was a small eulogy, with a photo, of Ian Oliver in the match programme.

Before the game, trophies were handed out to Lewis Hall – Academy Player Of The Year – Conor Gallagher – Goal Of The Season, Crystal Palace away – and Thiago Silva – Player Of The Year.

Frank presented Silva with his award. Surely this was a unanimous decision. The man ought to have won it last season too.

There had been Chelsea chat on the way up to London in the car. A lot of it centered upon Frank Lampard. I remember how happy he was on his return to the club, smiling at Cobham, full of delight. Looking back, it is clear that the club that he was forced to leave in early 2021 is not the same beast that it is now. Everything seems to have changed for the worst. There is no continuity now, that “Chelsea DNA” seems to have evaporated, we are a club in disarray. With hindsight, Frank’s gamble hasn’t paid off. I wonder how difficult it will now be for him, should he really feel the need, to get back into football management after this second spell with his beloved Chelsea.

That said, it has really disappointed me that so many in the Chelsea fan base, and – alas – even in my band of match day acquaintances have almost gleefully mocked Frank Lampard in recent weeks using language that I really found hard to stomach.

No respect.

Before the game, we were reminded that the day would probably mark another “farewell” to a Chelsea great. Since signing in 2012, Cesar Azpilicueta has played over 450 games for Chelsea and I always say he is “Mister 7/10”. His legs have gone recently but nobody can doubt his spirit. Before the players appeared on the pitch, a banner with mosaics honoured Dave – I still call him Dave, you might have noticed – in The Shed.

Franks final starting eleven?

Kepa

Dave – Silva – Chalobah – Hall

Enzo – Loftus-Cheek – Gallagher

Madueke – Havertz – Sterling

Newcastle were in white shorts, and I remembered that they wore these in a 6-0 Chelsea win in 1980, but I doubted a repeat.

“Grabbing at straws, there, Chris.”

The Sleepy Hollow was ready; the Buchmann Brothers Alan and Gary – sons of lovely Joe – Glenn, Clive, Alan and little old me. Clive had treated us to hot chocolates once again before the game.

This has often felt like the longest ever season, what with the horrible World Cup break in November and December, though the COVID hit season three years ago went on even longer. It seemed like this one was never going to end, and there was a slightly surreal to the game with both teams having not a great deal to play for.

Here we go then, Chelsea…game one thousand, four hundred.

No pressure.

The travelling Toon Army were in good voice as their team edged the opening exchanges. A white flare was set off in front of their fans; that fog from the Tyne was drifting long distances. Kepa did well to save at his near post after Aleksander Isak found space in the penalty area.

In an open first few minutes, it was the away team who looked the likelier to score. Indeed, we looked stretched after ten minutes when Allan Saint-Maximin was released on their left, amid acres of space, with Dave sadly nowhere near the wide man. It was if Dave had forgotten that he was the wide defender in the back four. The ball was played outside to Elliot Anderson who drilled a low cross into that infamous “corridor of uncertainty” for Anthony Gordon, hopelessly unmarked, to pounce.

Back in 1974, Ian Hutchinson gave us a 1-0 lead on ten minutes. In 2023, the start was sadly reversed.

On fourteen minutes, a Thiago Silva effort seemed to be creeping in at the far post but Martin Dubravka clumsily pushed it out for a corner. We were clawing our way back into the game. We enjoyed some pressure with Noni Madueke looking lively at times. A deflected shot from his volley soared just over. The corners mounted up.

On twenty-seven minutes, a free-kick was awarded in a deep but central position. Everyone was expecting a cross towards the far stick, but Enzo was switched on and drilled a ball into the path of Raheem Sterling in the inside-right channel who cut in past his marker and unleashed a goal-bound shot that was deflected in by Kieran Trippier.

Phew.

Just after, Stamford Bridge was united with a stadium-wide chant for the first time.

I looked around and, despite our rotten – by our standards – season, there were not many empty seats in the stadium. This has to be a good sign. This augurs well for the future.

Madueke, a teasing threat down the right, then went close but a defender blocked his shot.

Just before the half-time whistle, the two ‘keepers made two fine saves. The first came from an awful, unchallenged break from Saint-Maximin who set up fan favourite Miguel Almiron, with Lewis Hall out of position, but Kepa stood up and palmed a weak effort away. Then, Dubravka clawed away an effort from Sterling, after a pin-point cross from Hall, and the follow-up was hacked away too.

As first-halves went it was “fair to middling.”

I mentioned to Ian, who sits a few rows in front, that supporting Chelsea this season has been like watching a tribute act, a poor one at that, to a once great band.

The intermission came to an end and one last forty-five minutes remained.

Wesley Fofana replaced Trevoh Chalobah.

The game continued and the first part of the second-half was neither dull nor entertaining. With Chelsea attacking us in the Matthew Harding, I was hoping for some action down below us. Elsewhere, it was advantage Leicester City, winning at home to West Ham United but I fully expected Everton to nab a winner. Leeds were losing at home to Tottenham and were dead and buried.

We were having the majority of the ball now, but were unable to do much with it. The game was in danger of fizzling out.

A Madueke effort, after a shimmy inside, curled high over the framework of the goal.

We heard that Everton had scored.

On the hour, some substitutions.

Carney Chukwuemeka for Loftus-Cheek.

There was a slow walk to the touch-line from Ruben, and he applauded the fans who were applauding him. Undoubtedly, this was his final game in Chelsea blue. I first saw Ruben, aged just seventeen, at a friendly in New York against Manchester City in May 2013 and he has been on the periphery of our first team ever since. We have waited in vain for his early promise to blossom – his injury in a superfluous friendly in Boston in 2019 was cruel in the extreme – and it is hard to believe that he has played ten times for England. His play confused me and often irritated me. I longed for him to show more urgency in his play and in himself. He will move on, but I don’t think he will improve in the next five years; a shame.

Joao Felix for Kai Havertz.

Havertz’ play irritates me too, but that’s another story.

On sixty-four minutes, an over hit cross luckily found Hall, but he in turn over hit the shot.

Good work from Carney and Hall set up a chance, close in, for Sterling but he blasted wildly over.

I was convinced that we’d win this.

“COME ON CHELS.”

An old favourite was aired, which I adapted to my own styling.

“Fabregas is magic.

He wears a magic hat.

He could’ve signed for Arsenal.

But he said ‘no, fuck that’.

He passes with his left foot.

He passes with his right.

And when we win the league again.

I’ll be ninety-seven.”

On seventy minutes, Mateo Kovacic replaced Conor Gallagher.

We still dominated possession.

There were Shots from Felix and Enzo but these did not really threaten Dubravka.

One excellent move lit up the final part of the game. A high ball by Enzo out to Hall was delightfully flicked on to Madueke, who hunted down a defender and passed back to Carney, who in turn set up Sterling. His shot was destined to be going in, I thought, but was deflected wide. I stood up and scowled at everyone behind me.

There was a VAR review for a possible handball but nothing was given.

A cross from Maduele and a slide from Felix; just wide. A shimmying run from Madueke – he has had a good few games – but a weak shot signalled his last participation. He was replaced by the forgotten man Christian Pulisic, who struck poorly at Dubravka. Our chances were coming thick and fast now, as if the painful season-long constipation in front of goal had been suddenly relieved by a powerful laxative. A Felix free-kick flew wide.

A beautiful move then saw a perfect cross from Hall pick out the jump from Felix. His body contorted wonderfully to allow a fine header, but the effort flew just over.

It was a surprising end to our season; and yet, not.

Tons of chances; no goal scorer.

Right at the death, a loud and resounding chant of “Super Frank” enveloped the whole stadium. We couldn’t say goodbye to him properly in 2014 nor 2021 with a proper “Franksgiving” send-off, so this was better, though far from ideal in lieu of the unconvincing end to his second spell as manager.

The game ended 1-1.

Elsewhere, Everton stayed up.

I suspected that Frank would be happy about that.

We had spoken about the risk of a “lap of honour” on the way up in the car. Usually, at the end of far more successful seasons, players disappear and then come back on to the pitch. My view was that it would be better for the players to stay on the pitch at the final whistle, because if they went off for even five minutes, not many Chelsea fans would be left.

They played it right, just like I had hoped for.

The Newcastle team went over to thank their fans, then the Chelsea squad walked slowly in front of The Shed End and Parkyville specifically – where Kathryn was spotted ten seats away from Parky – before slowly marching towards us in the Matthew Harding.

“Azpilicueta. We’ll just call you Dave.”

Bizarrely, I only focused on Frank – in a navy tracksuit – quite late on. My eyes must have been on others, and his final farewell was relatively subdued. There were no smiles on Frank’s face, nor did I expect any. This had been a tough two months at the end of a tough season and a tough fifteen months for Chelsea Football Club.

N’Golo Kante and Mason Mount were reduced to throwing small footballs into the crowd; I wondered if we would see these two players next season. N’Golo has been wonderful for us since 2016, but we are all concerned about his recent injuries. But oh what a player, what a person, and what a smile. Mason has endured a frustrating time since Porto. I will not be surprised if he decides to move on. Let’s see what happens.

The season has ended, and it has been such a tough watch. Looking back, the highlights were undoubtedly the three Champions League trips to Milan, via Turin, to Salzburg, via Nurnburg, and to Dortmund, via Brussels. I really enjoyed them. Outside of those, there has been little, and not even a win against Tottenham. Yes, it has been that bad. The football itself, from day one at Goodison, has been dire and I have found it difficult to get emotionally close to any of our players.

I admire Thiago Silva though. I like Enzo. I am thankful for Dave’s service. I worry about Reece. Let’s get a striker and we’ll see what develops.

I took my time leaving the Matthew Harding. Outside, I took one final photo of other fans walking down the last flight of steps, now adorned with “CFC”, and I am using it now as a closing photo, and end point, for this season.

I will pair it up with the very first photo that I took this season, previously unshared anywhere, and I repeat here the story that I told way back in August

“I hopped up onto a small wall to gain a good vantage point of the overall scene. This would be photo number one of the season.

Snap.

On leaping down from the wall, my legs crumpled and I fell.

Splat.

The camera and spare lens went flying. My knees – my fucking knees! – were smarting. I was sure I had torn my jeans. There was blood on my right hand. What a start to the season’s photographs. I dusted myself down, then let out a huge laugh.

The first fackinell of the season? Oh yes.

One photo taken and carnage.”

I should have known, then, that this was going to be a tough old season.

From Goodison Park, and Bramley Moore Dock, to Stamford Bridge – from first to last.

One final word. I have enjoyed recapturing the feelings that I had for Chelsea in 1982/83 throughout this campaign. It has been a ten-month dip into my youth. I have re-read diaries, checked old programmes, researched on-line and devoured Ron Hockings’ books. To be honest, it’s almost as if I knew that this current season was going to be – er – “troublesome” and that I needed a historical counterbalance to the turmoil of 2022/23.

“Was 2022/23 bad? Oh yes. But you should have lived through 1982/83.”

One thing made me smart though. I noticed that in my diaries, I usually referred to Chelsea as “they” which really surprised me. I am always chastising Chelsea fans for referring to Chelsea as “they” and “them” rather than “we” and “us” for reasons that I hope are clear.

We are one of the same.

Yet, forty years ago, I too was referring to Chelsea as a separate entity. Fear not, I am sure that this was soon to change. After all, 1983/84 was just around the corner, and that was my team.

And we will be Chelsea forever.

See you in August.

Before Game 1,400

Game 1,400

After Game 1,400

1982/83 & 2022/23

The First And The Last

The First And The Last

The First

The Last

The 1,400 Games

1973/74 : 1

1974/75 : 2

1975/76 : 4

1976/77 : 3

1977/78 : 2

1978/79 : 2

1979/80 : 3

1980/81 : 2

1981/82 : 4

1982/83 : 4

1983/84 : 11

1984/85 : 22

1985/86 : 22

1986/87 : 20

1987/88 : 15

1988/89 : 15

1989/90 : 2

1990/91 : 10

1991/92 : 14

1992/93 : 10

1993/94 : 15

1994/95 : 29

1995/96 : 31

1996/97 : 33

1997/98 : 35

1998/99 : 30

1999/00 : 38

2000/01 : 27

2001/02 : 29

2002/03 : 31

2003/04 : 31

2004/05 : 44

2005/06 : 40

2006/07 : 51

2007/08 : 55

2008/09 : 54

2009/10 : 51

2010/11 : 44

2011/12 : 58

2012/13 : 57

2013/14 : 47

2014/15 : 42

2015/16 : 55

2016/17 : 47

2017/18 : 56

2018/19 : 56

2019/20 : 41

2020/21 : 2

2022/23 : 55

2023/24 : 47

Tales From The Arse Ends Of 1982/83 And 2022/23

Posted on May 5, 2023 by Chris Axon

Arsenal vs. Chelsea : 2 May 2023.

My season-long companions were missing for the trip to North London and the away game at Arsenal’s Emirates Stadium. Over the weekend, PD collapsed twice while away at his static caravan and had been admitted on the Sunday to a hospital in Taunton. On the morning of the game he was fitted with a pacemaker. Best wishes for his speedy recovery flooded in from his many friends. On the Monday, I had heard from Parky who had been paying a visit to a hospital in Bath, undergoing tests for a very problematic knee. He too would be unable to go to the game at Arsenal.

At 2.15pm, I set off for London but I was not alone. Sir Les, from Melksham, was alongside me and although I missed the laughter from PD and Parky, the time soon passed on the trip up the M4. We parked up at Barons Court in readiness for a flit into the city on the Piccadilly Line. First, though, Sir Les got the coffees in at a little café near the train station. It was here, after a game at Arsenal in the April of 2012 – a 0-0 draw – that Parky and I chatted to Chelsea fan Lord Coe who had also been to the game, and who had uttered the immortal line :

“Arsenal are a bloody miserable bunch aren’t they?”

We split our trip to North London in two with a stop-off at Holborn where we spent half-an hour or so at “Shakespeare’s Head”, a pub that I had not frequented since the day of the calamitous 0-3 reverse at Arsenal in early 2016/17.

The place was full of the younger element and I only recognised a handful of people that I knew, adding further fuel to the belief that there is a way to circumnavigate the “virtual waiting room” for away tickets.

“These young’uns surely know of a way to beat the system.”

They were full of song though, a good sign. There was a nice reprise for the Fabregas song that I ironically heard for the very first time in the same pub before our game at Arsenal in April 2015 – another 0-0 draw – and the pub was rocking.

I would have given anything for a 0-0 this time.

This would undoubtedly be a tough match in an increasingly tough run-in of games. Clutching at straws, I tried to explain a positive spin from the build up to the game.

“We have had six months of being shite. They are experiencing it for the first time this season. Maybe they’ll find it more difficult to cope with this dip in form tonight than us.”

I wasn’t just clutching at straws; it felt like I was wrapping my arms around a large bale of straw and then hugging it to death.

The pub was awash with away day clobber; I spotted just one replica shirt among the hundreds of Chelsea fans, a Jesper Gronkjaer shirt from 2003/4.

A new song filled the air.

“We’re gonna have a party, we’re gonna have a party, we’re gonna have a party – when Arsenal fuck it up.”

Then another new-ish one.

“Todd Boehly went to France in a Lamborghini. Brought us back a centre-back, Benoit Badiashile.”

A ten-minute trip deposited us at Arsenal tube station and we began a slow walk to the away turnstiles. I stopped-off for a hot dog and onions that I liberally doused with ketchup and chilli sauce. A foreign Arsenal fan asked the server what he thought the score would be and he replied “3-1 to Arsenal” while I whispered “1-0 Chelsea” to him, but I knew damn well that it would never happen.

We were inside at about 7.30pm. Despite it feeling that Arsenal have had the upper hand over us of late, my last two visits to the Emirates both resulted in Chelsea wins; 2-1 under Frank Lampard in December 2019, 2-0 under Thomas Tuchel in August 2021.

Everyone I spoke to wasn’t confident.

At all.

With my good friend Alan also unable to make it alongside Gary, John and me for this game, I joked that we’d have more space than in the Chelsea defence. In the end, Clive left his seat towards the rear and sat alongside us. It was Clive’s first visit to the Emirates.

The stadium is a grand size and although its undulating top deck is steep, its big failing is the lower tier, relatively far from the pitch and so shallow. I was way down in row five and I knew my view would not be great apart from when the action was within twenty yards of me.

The team was flashed up and it looked like a 4/3/3.

Kepa

Azpilicueta – Fofana – Silva – Chilwell

Kante – Enzo – Kovacic

Madueke – Aubameyang – Sterling

Seeing Dave in the starting eleven was a surprise. An even bigger surprise was the appearance of Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang. Oh, and I don’t think many were too pleased with Raheem Sterling upfront either. But, this was Frank’s team and he would live or die with it. Ask a hundred different Chelsea fans about a starting eleven and the result would probably be a hundred different variations. But you have to wonder why Badiashile, looking so calm and equipped in his appearances thus far, has been dramatically overlooked for weeks, while the impish Mykhailo Mudryk was not chosen on a night when Arsenal would undoubtedly come at us, leaving space to exploit on the counter. Maybe that is where Noni Madueke came in, rewarded with his first start for ages.

Banners were draped from the balconies at both ends. A small section of youngsters, clad in black, have clearly aped the Holmesdale Road Ultras. They were stood at the front of the Clock End and started to wave a few flags, bless’em. They have called themselves, roll on drums, The Ashburton Army, though they resembled an errant boy scout group on this particular evening.

At kick-off, there were a few, but only a few, gaps in the away section. I saw “Gronkjaer” arrive. I only saw one other replica shirt on show in our end the entire night.

As always, we attacked the North Bank in the first-half. Or at least, that is what we tried to do. This wasn’t pretty stuff and although we enjoyed a fair proportion of the ball early on, it was the home team that looked more likely to score.

A mistake from the otherwise immediately impressive N’Golo Kante was not pounced upon by an Arsenal player and the ball was hacked away. Then, a head in the hands moment as Dave headed the ball back to Kepa with an Arsenal striker loitering dangerously. Our ‘keeper saved us.

The Chelsea choir were in good voice.

“Crying in Baku. We saw you crying in Baku.”

On the pitch, Kante was on fire, full of his usual vim and vigour, with his neat control and his ability to knit things together. With Madueke keen to run into spaces on the right, a partnership was forged with surprising ease.

On fourteen minutes, a cross from Granit Xhaka a few yards away on the Arsenal left resulted in a threatening header from Bukayo Saka, but Kepa rose well to save.

Three minutes later, another cross from the left, again from the boot of Xhaka.

Clive : “That’s too easy.”

Martin Odegaard, completely unmarked on the edge of our box, swept it in with a sweet first-time strike and the ball crashed in off the bar. Kepa’s gloves got a touch but the pace beat him. Thiago Silva looked horrified and gesticulated his disdain at what he had witnessed.

Bollocks.

We struggled to get into the game but a fine raking pass from Kante on twenty-four minutes released Ben Chilwell in the inside-left channel. His shot across Aaron Ramsdale gave the ‘keeper an easy ball to swat away past the far post. It was our first shot on goal.

Elsewhere, Aubameyang had hardly touched the ball. Sterling was just as bad. At least Madueke was showing genuine pace and promise, testing his marker and looking dangerous.

Clive lambasted the home fans for nicking Liverpool’s “Allez Allez” chant.

I spotted that in order to combat the regular attacks down our right, Silva had swapped with Dave. Alas, on thirty-one minutes, a carbon-copy move involving Xhaka and Odegaard – inside the box this time – resulted in a second Arsenal goal.

Fackinell.

Just four minutes later, a deep cross from the right from Ben White caused problems at the base of our far post and the ball was eventually stabbed home by Gabriel Jesus.

Shite.

Here was a repeat of 0-3 first-half shellacking that we experienced in September 2016, but Frank Lampard – bless him – is no Antonio Conte and there was never likely to be a seismic shift in shape in the near future. By now, Silva had returned to the centre.

The home fans turned the screw.

“Super Frankie Lampard.”

We stood and took it. This was just horrible. I grimaced. I thought back to the drubbing at Elland Road in September, a very similar feeling. Sigh.

With two minutes to go to the break, Wesley Fofana pushed a finely-weighted ball through an open channel towards the waiting Aubameyang but his control was dismal and the chance was lost.

We howled.

At half-time, a sizeable number of Chelsea supporters left.

This match report is not dedicated to them.

At the break, Lampard changed things a little.

Kai Havertz for the abysmal Aubameyang.

Yes, he had little service but he rarely moved into space, rarely tackled, rarely put players under pressure, rarely jumped for a high ball. Shocking.

Kepa was beaten to a cross soon into the second-half but Silva majestically cleared from the line. Our ‘keeper then redeemed himself with a series of fine saves, mainly down low, and as the second-half progressed we marginally improved.

For some undefinable reason, one song galvanised us all throughout the middle of the second-half…

“He comes from the Ivory Coast, Kalou, Kalou.

He don’t do coke like Adrian Mutu, Mutu.

He crossed the ball from the left.

It landed right on Riise’s head.

That’s why we love Salomon Kalou.”

It came out of nowhere, but kept us going…

On sixty-five minutes, the otherwise quiet – and that’s being polite – Mateo Kovacic spotted a central run from Madueke and picked him out with an exceptional ball. The young English striker prodded the ball, a bouncing bomb, past Ramsdale.

I had a moment of insanity.

“Half an hour to go. Maybe. Just maybe.”

More substitutions.

Conor Gallagher for Sterling.

Another shocking showing from Sterling, often seen on this night in North London walking around the park as if he had been told by the club doctor to avoid undue stress and toil.

Mykhailo Mudryk for Enzo.

I like Enzo, but this was a really poor performance from him and his form has been off for a few weeks. It is, of course, his first few months in a new league and I am definitely prepared to give him time. That’s good of me, innit?

Mudryk especially looked “up for it” as soon as he came on and gave White and a few other defenders a merry dance down our left. Luckily, I was close enough to capture some of his captivating play. This was another fine cameo, on a par with his debut at Anfield. One dribble was pure theatre.

Two final substitutions.

Hakim Ziyech for Madueke.

Trevoh Chalobah for Fofana.

In fairness, although some miscreants fucked off at half-time, many more stayed on and the mood in the away end was not as sombre as it really should have been. I felt that the Arsenal crowd were quieter than they ought to have been too.

“…when Arsenal fuck it up.”

Sir Les walked over to watch the last few minutes of the game with me and, at the final whistle, we began the slow walk back to Highbury and Islington tube. The mood among the Arsenal fans was definitely subdued.

“…when Arsenal fuck it up.”

Our walk down the Holloway Road reminded me of my visit to the same street in the late winter of 1983 when I attended an open day – not an interview, oddly – at North London Poly. I remember the faculty buildings being dull and depressing and I thought “how Arsenal”. In that era, Arsenal was the dullest of clubs.

1983, eh?

With a demoralising 0-3 defeat at bottom club Burnley on St. George’s Day 1983, Chelsea Football Club dropped into the relegation zone of the Second Division of the Football League for the first time that season. After a few days of contemplation came the gut-wrenching realisation that my beloved team would – very likely – be unable to avoid the drop and would be playing in the Third Division in 1983/84.

I was so certain of our fate that I even penned this – admittedly terrible – poem about our imminent demise.

“Going Down.”

The time has come I’m sad to say.

We ain’t no good and we’re on our way.

We’ve had some great times and we’ve had some bad.

Now we’re hopeless and I think you’re glad.

Speedie and Walker can’t score goals, Droy’s defence is slack.

And the famous royal blue has turned to fucking black.

The fans are loyal, there ain’t no doubt.

They’ll cheer the blues, they’ll swear, they’ll shout.

But they know they can’t reverse the slide.

When a prick like Alan Mayes is playing in the side.

So, we have to accept the news.

Look what’s happening to the Chelsea Blues.

We’re off to a land Down Under.

When will we be back I wonder?

Can you hear, can you hear that thunder?

You’d better run.

You’d better take cover.

At the arse-end of this horrible season, we had just four league games remaining.

30 April : Rotherham United (H)

2 May : Sheffield Wednesday (H)

7 May : Bolton Wanderers (A)

14 May : Middlesbrough (H)

Luckily, three games were at Stamford Bridge where our overall record was fair-to-middling, winning eight, drawing five and losing five. Sheffield Wednesday were a decent team, but not so the others, with all three right in the relegation mix. So, we had at least some chances to gain points and try to secure safety.

On the Friday before the home game with Rotherham, there was another local party and another dalliance with the elusive Rachel, but that evening did not end well either, despite early promising signs.

Maybe I should have read her my poem.

I had been hoping for a better conclusion because on the Sunday there was a sponsored walk from Frome to Wells and, by some odd twist, Rachel and I had been thrown together as two responsible sixth-formers to head up a group of younger kids on this twenty-two mile walk to raise funds for a charity.

On the Saturday, nursing feelings of regret and sadness at my inability to impress Rachel, I focussed on the radio and score updates coming out of Stamford Bridge. We went behind against Rotherham, Kevin Arnott the scorer, but Clive Walker equalised before half-time. There were no more goals in the second-half and so nothing much had really changed. We still remained third from bottom. The gate of 8,674 was par for the course.

On the walk to Wells the next day, Rachel and I took care of our brood for the first three miles but then went on our separate ways, both of us walking with different sets of mates. I have a very strong recollection of her looking gobsmacked when I told her that I had gone up to London to see Chelsea play Newcastle a fortnight earlier. I am sure she thought that I was deranged. It probably didn’t help my cause.

On the Bank Holiday Monday, I recuperated at home from the sponsored walk and again listened in to score updates from Stamford Bridge on the radio. It was a game that we had to win. I predicted a gate of 10,000. We went ahead via David Speedie in the first-half but perennial poacher Gary Bannister equalised for the visitors in the second-half. The gate was 10,462. The corresponding fixture the previous season drew a healthy 17,033. The shortfall was proof enough of our demise. My diary noted that we had crawled out of the relegation zone, leap-frogging Crystal Palace but they had two games in hand.

With just two games remaining for Chelsea, things still looked bleak. We had, remember, never played in the Third Division in the seventy-eight years of our existence. The season had turned into a real nightmare.

…to be honest, not unlike this one.

Sir Les and I took the Victoria Line to Green Park and then changed onto the Piccadilly to take us back to my waiting car at Barons Court. We reached there at 11pm and I eventually returned home at 1.30am.

Next up, an easier away day.

Somerset to Wiltshire to Dorset.

PD, bless him, will be sitting this one out, but Lord Parky and Sir Les will be going. Such is the lure of football, that even in our worst season for decades, there is still a clamour among my friends to get tickets for games, any games, and as I kept saying at the Arsenal match –

“It’s what we do.”

See you there.

Gallery 1 : Pre-Match

Gallery 2 : Match Action

Tales From The SW6 Derby

Posted on February 5, 2023 by Chris Axon

Chelsea vs. Fulham : 3 February 2023.

There was an air of anticipation bordering on excitement – but only just, I am fifty-seven after all – as we made our way up to London for the SW6 derby at Stamford Bridge. Who on Earth could have possibly forecasted such a big transfer spend-up during the winter transfer window? Certainly not me. The events of the previous few weeks had left many, including myself, in a whirl. We had already seen a few debuts in January but there would soon be more ahead. Players – the majority of whom were new names to me – were joining Chelsea Football Club at a rate of knots not seen since the transfer flurry in 2003 when we plundered the market for Glen Johnson, Adrian Mutu, Damian Duff, Hernan Crespo, Juan Sebastian Veron, Geremi, Wayne Bridge and Claude Makelele.

I had heard of all of them.

The signings of 2003, twenty-years on, were a different ball game.

Did it all make sense? Again, who knows? It may take a while, and the test of time, to evaluate if the massive financial outlay on players will have been a success.

Into the future we go.

But first, let’s take a look back at two games that are on the schedule for revisiting from forty years ago.

Saturday 22 January 1983 : Wolverhampton Wanderers 2 Chelsea 1 – 19,533

After the surprising 6-0 win against Cambridge United at Stamford Bridge, a week later we were on our travels. We were up against promotion hopefuls Wolves at Molyneux. This game drew a very healthy 19,533, although not as many as the recent 22,567 for the visit of Leeds United to the Black Country. These were decent gates for the time; excellent, in fact, for the Second Division and actually pretty decent when compared to First Division attendances that season. On the same day that we visited Wolves, just 9,946 saw Coventry City play Swansea City and 9,718 saw Notts County entertain Arsenal in the top flight.

Wolves’ famous old stadium was in a state of flux in those days. A massive ground redevelopment had stalled and it meant that, due to the eventual planned movement of the pitch, the one completed stand stood around fifty yards away from the nearest touchline. The huge South Bank still stood, as did the cranked main stand and the covered enclosure at the north side, and it looked altogether ridiculous. Molyneux was eventually completed in around 1993. In 2023, the once distant stand is the only structure remaining, and in fact the north enclosure has been replaced not once but twice.

I am sure that I wasn’t expecting the goal rush of the previous weekend to continue and Chelsea didn’t let me down, losing 1-2 with Colin Pates the lone scorer. That evening, I moped around Frome with some school friends, from an eighteenth birthday party to a variety of local hostelries. I suspect that the trials and tribulations of Chelsea Football Club was not high on my list of conversation topics.

On the same day, Derby County drew 3-3 at the Baseball Ground against Leeds United in front of 17,005. The main story of that game, though, involved the hooligan element of the travelling support who detached many of the seats in the away stand, the Osmaston Stand, and launched them at anyone within range. Why do I mention this? On the following Saturday, Chelsea were to play at the Baseball Ground in the fourth round of the FA Cup.

The song lyrics “anything you can do, I can do better” were surely ringing in the ears of Chelsea’s support on the way home from Molyneux that evening.

Saturday 29 January 1983 : Derby County 2 Chelsea 1 – 23,383

I had high hopes for this cup tie. I was absolutely sure that we would ease past Derby County, who were not enjoying a great season themselves, and we would then then be handed a plumb home draw in the next round. For some days, I was convinced we’d get Manchester United, the team supported by Rachel, the girl that had briefly appeared in my life before Christmas and who was still the object of my unrequited affections. From forty years on, this seems all rather pathetic and I suppose it was. But at the time communication between the two of us was minimal at best – I was an expert of furtive glances and occasional smiles, which I am pleased to report were always reciprocated when we passed each other – but a Chelsea vs. Manchester United cup tie would have definitely, I was sure, got us talking.

The lure of the FA Cup managed to entice large numbers to the Baseball Ground on this Saturday forty years ago and this was typical of the era. Derby’s league average for the whole season would eventually be 13,601 – there were only 8,075 present for our visit in the September – yet this tie drew almost 10,000 more. These were big numbers. Of the 23,383 present – I was not there – it is highly likely that Chelsea would have taken over 6,000.

The Baseball Ground, cramped twixt terraced streets, factories and industrial units, was a classic football stadium, famous for its ridiculously muddy pitches and tight stands. There were double-deck structures at each end, and the stands did not run parallel to the pitch.

Sadly, Kevin Wilson gave the home team a 1-0 lead in the first-half, but Mike Fillery equalised with twelve minutes to go. Alas, Wilson – who would sign for Chelsea in 1987 – grabbed a very late winner. And, yes dear reader, a sub-section of the Chelsea support dutifully copied their Leeds counterparts the previous week by lobbing seats everywhere, even on top of fellow Chelsea supporters on the terrace below if I am not mistaken.

I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.

There is no doubt, no doubt at all, that in 1982/83 Chelsea Football Club was more famous, or infamous, for its hooligan support than its football. This was an altogether strange thing for me to have to handle, especially being so distant from the club geographically, and so distant from the heartbeat of the club, and fellow fans. It was a lonely existence to be honest. There was, of course, in the warped logic of a school playground or sixth-form common room, some sort of badge-of-honour kudos in Chelsea’s reputation, but at the same time I longed for us to get back into the top flight again.

1982/83 was turning into a desperate campaign, a nightmare in fact.

Oh, and guess what? I was to learn on the following Monday that Derby would play Manchester United at home in the fifth round.

Fackinell.

Let’s hop forward forty-years. I was up at the stadium just before 5pm. There was a little time to kill, so I took a few photos underneath the old Shed Wall, which can be one of Stamford Bridge’s most photogenic areas. I found myself by the repositioned photo of Gianluca Vialli, and touched his left boot for luck and in memory of the great man.

I had already seen on various social media platforms that Chelsea would be celebrating the Chinese New Year for the game against Fuham and I had to wonder why. The players would be – wait for it – wearing special pre-game training tops honouring the year of the rabbit, and as I walked around outside a couple of stands, red Chinese lanterns were regularly positioned. It was all very odd and rather pathetic.

Why were we honouring the Chinese New Year? Is it now a big thing among sports clubs the world over? I must have missed that memo. Let’s just thank our stars that American Independence Day is in the summer. What about South Korea? What about Venezuela? What about Rwanda? Will they get their moments too? I know we are a global brand – ugh – now, blah, blah, blah, but it left me cold. I wondered if we will soon be honouring other important dates in the calendar. What about the onset of Lent for starters and, specifically, Pancake Day?

Yes, Pancake Day. I had an idea. Chelsea should market supporters’ shirts for our next home game against Southampton with the words “I’m with this tosser” on the front. Someone contact the marketing department pronto.

As I left the West Stand forecourt, a Chelsea steward was going into a frenzy, yelling out “bag search on the table, bag search on the table” as if his life depended on it. I looked back one last time and saw a mass of hi-viz tabard-wearing stewards standing in a regulated formation – maybe a 7/5/3 with pushed-on wing-backs – and I wondered if our team against Fulham might be sporting a similarly over-loaded formation to get everyone a game.

I walked down the Fulham Road towards the CFCUK stall. Mark Worrall had put aside a book for me – “Come Along And Sing this Song” – which is an old-style football annual type book detailing 1983/84 (which I covered during the 2008/2009 season here) and looks a fine tome. I took a photo of the “Broadway Bar and Grill” – formerly the “King’s Head” and then “The Slug and Lettuce” – which, despite being a very handy pub at Chelsea, I have only ever entered a few times. There was a buzz that you don’t often get on match days. The signings had certainly energised the Chelsea support.

Pre-match was spent in “Simmon’s” with Parky, Andy and Sophie from Nuneaton, but also some friends from California; Tim and Hooman, who I had met on a number of occasions before. A surprise guest was BJ from Dallas who I last bumped into over in Michigan in 2016. It was a joy to see him again. He was with Emily, originally from Missouri but now living in Dallas too. We had a decent natter. It was her first visit to Stamford Bridge. She received the usual “if we lose, you’re not coming back” welcome from me. There was talk of the upcoming trip to Dortmund – not long to go now – but I also mentioned the home tie. I had recoiled in horror when I recently read that West Upper tickets for that game are on sale for £240.

Yes, that’s correct, £240.

What was that about the normal working man being priced out of football? At this rate, even the well-off are being priced out.

“A family day out at the football? That’ll be a thousand pounds please, thanks, enjoy your pizza.”

We checked the team on Sophie’s ‘phone.

“Ziyech playing? What? The fucker was meant to be in Paris, sipping champagne and smoking Gitanes tonight.”

I immediately wondered why Enzo Fernandez was not playing. But I then spotted, with some relief, that his name was given as simply “Enzo.”

He was to take Jorginho’s number five shirt.

It was great to see Reece James back.

“Hopefully not too soon though, eh?”

Andy was excited about the game. And although I was too – something I thought I’d not be saying a few weeks back, maybe after Forest – I couldn’t help but say that, knowing Chelsea, it would be a 0-0 draw, “another false dawn.”

Andy gave me a very old-fashioned look before we then dived headlong into a chat into our shared Chelsea past and memories of Bolton 2005, Munich 2012 and Porto 2021.

I was in early. I had a quick chat with Oxford Frank – “not sure about the morals of all this, but I guess it’s not our money…well, it will be our money when our season tickets undoubtedly go up next season” – and a young lad behind me from Ukraine, draped in a yellow and blue flag, bless him.

The troops arrived. The ground slowly filled.

There was a montage of Dave on the front cover of the programme having recently totted-up his five-hundredth game for our beloved club. I checked the spelling of a couple of our new acquisitions then quickly forgot them. Noni Madueke was going to be a struggle for sure. It annoys me that attendances are nowhere to be seen in this season’s match programme. They don’t always appear in newspapers. It is a pet peeve that seems to have developed since the COVID seasons. I don’t get it. It wasn’t so long ago that Chelsea used to add away team’s numbers to all games too. Is it me being cynical in thinking that by not publicising attendances, the myth of all games being sell-outs continues unabated?

A little more history about the SW6 Derby.

This would be the forty-fifth Chelsea vs. Fulham game at Stamford Bridge in all competitions – League, FA Cup, League Cup, Anglo-Scottish Cup – since our first encounter in 1911. In the previous forty-four, Chelsea had suffered just two defeats. No wonder Fulham hate us so much. Of course, we are so ambivalent to them. So much so that they hate it.

Despite our close proximity, a little under two miles between the two stadia, there simply hasn’t been any notable tit-for-tat rivalry on the pitch. Our lack of matches against Fulham in our formative decades is the main reason. Of those previous forty-four games, only twenty-two took place from 1905 to 2001. If anything, the rivalry has only ratcheted up in recent years, with the other sixteen games having taken place since 2001.

Is this, then, a new rivalry, having been dormant for over a century?

Possibly.

It wasn’t so long ago that the quiet neighbours were a main stay in the Premier League. Fulham enjoyed thirteen straight seasons in the top flight from 2001/2002 to 2013/14. There was a time, with them floundering in the basement, that I wondered if Chelsea would ever enjoy a local league derby ever again. I can remember the joy of March 2002 – it seems odd to admit this now – when I saw a derby against Fulham for the first time in eighteen years…a decent game, a narrow 3-2 win, a good atmosphere.

The team? OK, here we go.

Kepa

James – Silva – Badiashile – Cucarella

Gallagher – Enzo

Ziyech – Mount – Mudryk

Havertz

It almost felt like a new beginning.

Back in December, during that shite break, the names Benoit Badiashile, Enzo Fernandez – I did not watch any of the World Cup remember – and Mychailo Mudryk existed in another world.

Certainly not in London SW6.

Pre-game, two crowd-surfing tributes to Reece James dominated the two ends. It was a nicely-timed “welcome back” to our much-admired right back. There was also an odd, awkward, moment when the PA asked us to remember Jorginho, now passing sideways at Arsenal. I have never known that before. I don’t remember the PA asking us to remember Gordon Durie after he fucked off in 1991.

How odd.

Anyway, Jorginho. He had his moments. I never warmed to him particularly and his style was difficult to get excited about, but he put in some decent performances over the five years. We’ll miss the hop, skip and jump at penalties, eh?

“The Number 5 is dead, long live the Number 5.”

The game began. It was a mild night and I took my jacket off and placed it on a spare seat. Another full house, or near it. The pitch, parts of it, looked ropey, with it looking close to cutting up.

Immediately, I became flummoxed at the sight of us attacking the Matthew Harding and it took me a while to adapt.

I whispered to Clive “some team that, now…”

My eyes were soon settling on Mydryk and Enzo.

I now have two Argentinian friends in Buenos Aires – hello Victor, hello Vanesa – and we had been chatting about our new World Cup winner during the immediate pre-match. I like it that Enzo once played under Hernan Crespo at Defensa y Justicia, one of the city’s legion of professional clubs, and he reminded me a little, facially, of Juan Roman Riquelme. I have developed a little love affair with Argentina of late, and we have had a trickle of Argentine players since the madness of 2003. Apart from Veron, Crespo and now Enzo, Wily Caballero and Gonzalo Higuain have recently played for us. I also recollect the fleeting presence of Franco di Santo who I once saw score a goal for us in Dallas, the home of Emily and BJ.

The number five seemed to be playing quite deep, but I hoped he had a licence to roam.

Vamos Enzo!

After the first ten minutes, I had to admit that Fulham had probably started the livelier of the two teams despite a little activity down our flanks. Mydryk looked lively at the start but he certainly had no wide open spaces to exploit, like at Anfield, and he soon started to fade.

I soon spotted Emily and BJ down in Parkyville.

On nineteen minutes, our first real chance, and a super lob over the back line from Thiago Silva towards Kai Havertz, but his prod was stopped by Bernd Leno. The offside flag was raised anyway.

To Clive : “it’s actually nice to have an away team attacking us, rather than a side defending deep all the bloody time.”

Indeed, the away team were tight, putting us under pressure and attacking with intent. On twenty-four minutes, the unmarked Andreas Pereira spun and shot low at Kepa in the Shed End goal, but our ‘keeper responded so well to parry.

On the half-hour, at last we had some chances of our own, two in quick succession. Mudryk set up Havertz with a fine pass, but another offside. And then Mount set up Havertz came close again, but his first-time blast was wasteful, drawing groans as it flew high off his boot. On thirty-five minutes, there was a crunching tackle from Enzo in the centre-circle, and this was followed by a perfectly-weighted pass out to Hakim Ziyech, but his right-footed shot was blasted high and wide. That little cameo from the Argentine warmed me.

The atmosphere had been pretty rotten until now, with few songs and chants. Fulham had sounded like West Ham what with their demands for us to stick our blue flag up our collective arses. At last the home crowd responded with a loud-ish “Chelsea, Chelsea” a la “Amazing Grace.”

There was a quick break from the visitors and with bodies in the box, they really ought to have scored; a long cross towards Willian was headed back but Kepa gathered.

In the final minute of the half, Benoit Badiashile – enjoying a good performance – brilliantly intercepted a pass and set up an attack. At last a perfectly-flighted ball from the foot of Ziyech found Havertz, but his studied touch saw the ball sadly strike the post. There was nobody close to touch in the rebound.

Clive : “Mount stood and watched. Lampard would have been racing in.”

It hadn’t been a great performance. There seemed to be a positive reaction to our showing at Anfield, but this one was drawing groans as the match developed. I don’t always do it, but I sent out half-time ratings in a WhatsApp group.

Kepa 7

James 5 – Silva 6 – Badiashile 7 – Cucarella 4

Gallagher 6 – Enzo 7

Ziyech 4 – Mount 5 – Mudryk 4

Havertz 5

At the start of the second-half, another debut ensued as Graham Potter sent on Noni Madueke to replace Mudryk on the left wing. His initial involvement was thrilling, with a great show of speed and a willingness to race away and dribble in any direction, like a footballing Forrest Gump.

To Clive : “maybe this will be it for the next few games, every second-half we get to see a new rapid winger thrilling us all.”

There was a cross from a relatively quiet James but Leno was able to claim the ball before Maduenke could pounce.

On the hour, Willian rolled back the years with a super direct run into our box down below us, but his effort was blazed over.

Clive : “man of the match so far.”

There was a horrible tackle on Peireira on Cucarella, but no red card after a VAR review.

Two more substitutions followed.

Dave for Reece.

Raheem Sterling for Ziyech.

Madueke was now able to run amok on the right wing.

To Clive : “to be honest, I think we are worse this half.”

There was a stupid foul that lead to a booking for Gallagher, then another fleet-footed run by Willian but a thankfully weak shot straight at Kepa. Those half-time ratings were dropping to fours and fives with only Enzo and Badiashile maintaining a decent level, although Sterling started decently.

On sixty-nine minutes, an optimistic lob from the half-way line from Aleksandar Mitrovic resulted in Kepa back-peddling but we were grateful that he stopped the ball high on the line.

We improved a little, with Enzo going close with a fine curling drive that flew past a post.

On seventy-five minutes, David Fofana substituted the very disappointing Mount, who was now sporting a haircut that must have been based on a certain Butt-Head from around 1994. I wondered if Dennis Bergkamp was available for a routine alongside him…

”Arsenal. You said Arsenal.”

To Clive : “how has Havertz stayed on?”

A shot from Gallagher – that I caught on film – flew past the post.

More groans.

Willian was widely applauded when he was substituted on seventy-five minutes, a fine servant over recent years for us.

On seventy-eight minutes, Fofana broke in well from the right and, after some decent footwork as he rounded Leno, was perhaps unlucky to see his shot blocked on the line.

Fackinell.

My biggest moan of the night? On at least one occasion in the first-half and two in the second-half, Chelsea players, I remember Mount and Gallagher, failed to get their corners past the first man. How is that possible? Nothing infuriates me more.

To the bloke behind me : “all that sky to hit…for fuck sake.”

Late on, we were cheered to see Ben Chilwell make a cameo appearance for the under-fire Cucarella.

It stayed 0-0. In the bar before, I was only semi-serious, but I suppose I knew deep down. I have been going to Chelsea too long now.

There was rowdiness from the Fulham fans on the walk down the Fulham Road as we walked past the CFCUK stall, on towards the “Broadway Bar and Grill”, and one mouthy lad must have barked this out five times :

“All that fuckin’ money and you still couldn’t beat us.”

Things were heated between a few individuals and several police were seen rushing to quell a few flashpoints. A few obvious tourists looked on in horror.

I must admit that I was getting annoyed with them, these Fulham fans, probably for the first time ever.

After well over a century, perhaps that rivalry is beginning to heat up a little.

A little mob of Fulham fans trotted off down the Fulham Road – I suspect the majority of their fans live more locally than us – and it seemed strange to thank that, perhaps, a few would be able to get home within a few minutes. I wondered if many lived on the Clem Atlee.

I made a quick exit and was soon heading west down the M4. I would get home at around 1.15am, my weekend over before it would begin. There would be no Frome Town game for me to relish on the Saturday; they had played on this Friday night too, a home game with Bishop Cleeve from near Cheltenham. At least Frome won 2-0.

A disappointing performance from Chelsea? Yes.

But I like the look of Enzo, who I hope can develop into the goal-scoring play-maker that we have missed for what seems like an ice-age. I think he showed enough promise in his first game for us for me to pin some hopes on him. He looked neat in possession, with no Jorginho-style dawdling, and his range of passing can hopefully set our runners free. The pre-match optimism seemed to have deserted everyone in the stadium by the end of the game, so whereas a nice win would have set us all up for a tough, but winnable, game at West Ham next Saturday, we now go gingerly into the future.

Cue clichés about “trusting the process”, the “long haul” et-bloody-cetera. Is Potter the man to lead us? Ah, that’s the $64,000 question. Or the $640,000,000 question these days.

See you in East London next Saturday.