Sheffield United vs. Chelsea : 7 April 2024.

On this weekend of football, there would be the need for extensive travel plans to enable me to make back-to back trips to East Devon and South Yorkshire.

On the Saturday, I drove the seventy miles down to a Devon seaside town where Exmouth Town were up against Frome Town. This particular trip brought back some horrible memories from last season when the home team inflicted a 5-0 defeat on Frome. Frome went into this game in prime position in the league table, hoping for an away win, but also hoping that our rivals Wimborne Town might drop points at home to Paulton Rovers. In blustery conditions, playing on a soft pitch, the game was always going to be a tough one. It did not help when our star player Jon Davies went off early with a nasty injury. However, we soon heard that Wimborne were losing 1-0, and so a cheer went up from the decent away following. The game developed into a scrappy affair in very difficult conditions, and despite some late pressure on the Exmouth rear-guard, a goal was not forthcoming. The match ended goal-less. We were to learn that Wimborne had recovered well to win their game 2-1. Frome Town, however, grimly clung on to top spot, despite being level on points and with the same goal difference as Wimborne. We remained top because we had scored one solitary goal more.

Talk about tight margins…

I was up early, at around 7am, on the Sunday. Again, PD was my only travelling companion for this Chelsea trip, a visit to Bramall Lane for our game against Sheffield United. I picked him up in Frome at 8am. This would be PD’s first-ever visit to Bramall Lane; it would only be my second.

Over the years that I have been watching Chelsea play, our paths haven’t crossed too often.

My only previous visit to Bramall Lane had taken place on Saturday 28 October 2006.

From the date of my first Chelsea game in 1974 to this game thirty-two years later, we had only visited Sheffield United six times.

I travelled-up to the game in 2006 alone but dropped in to see a friend – and Sheffield United supporter – Simon at his house a few miles to the south and west of his team’s home stadium. On that occasion, we went 2-0 up soon into the second-half – goals from Frank Lampard and Michael Ballack – but my abiding memory of the match is how Jose Mourinho didn’t “go for it” in the remainder of the game. It left me a little deflated. Here we were, a team in our pomp, but seemingly happy to be content with a 2-0 win against a team that would be relegated at the season’s end. I remember saying to my match day companions “Ferguson would be urging his United players to score five or six against this lot.”

Our team that day?

Hilario

Ferreira – Carvalho – Terry – Bridge

Ballack – Essien – Lampard

Robben – Drogba – Cole

Petr Cech had been badly injured at the away game at Reading just a fortnight earlier, and Hilario was his replacement. But elsewhere, what a team, eh? At the end of 2006/7 – and despite only losing three league games – we would finish six points behind Manchester United in second place.

We stopped off for a breakfast at Strensham Services at 9.30am. The place was awash with Manchester United supporters en route to Old Trafford for their match with Liverpool. A part of me wanted to ask each and every one of them what they thought of their team’s late capitulation at Stamford Bridge the previous Thursday.

PD mentioned a “Facebook Memory” from forty years ago. On Saturday 7 April 1984, Chelsea walloped Fulham in the old Second Division in front of 31,947. This game is not usually featured as an important game in a season of many important matches, but it remains important to me. This was the afternoon that I first met my Chelsea pal Alan, who has been sitting alongside me at Stamford Bridge in The Sleepy Hollow since 1997 and at away games since 2006. This was perfect timing, since Alan would be attending his first Chelsea away game at Bramall Lane since Luton Town in late December.  

Forty years, eh?

From that chance meeting on The Benches in April 1984, we have shared so many amazing Chelsea moments, so much laughter, and our friendship is one that I absolutely treasure. From The Benches in 1984, to the Full Members Cup Final in 1986, to Wembley and then Fulham Broadway in 1997, to nights out in Blackpool, Scarborough and Brighton, to Stuttgart in 2004, to Bolton in 2005, to Depeche Mode at Wembley in 2006, to Moscow in 2008, to Munich in 2012 and Elizabeth Fraser at the Royal Festival Hall a month or so later, to Amsterdam in 2013, to Jerusalem and Bethlehem in 2015 and to New Order in Brixton in the same year, to Baku in 2017, and all points north, south, east and west in between, from “They’ll have to come at us now” to “Come on my little diamonds”, it has been a fucking pleasure.

We were back on the road at 10am and it didn’t seem too long before I had turned off the M1 at Chesterfield – the town’s crooked spire looking quite ridiculous – to approach Sheffield via the A61. I was aware that Sheffield was a city built on hills and I had mentioned to PD that I fully expected us to meet the brink of a hill and then to see the city displayed before us. I was not wrong. The sight of Sheffield down below us in the bright sunshine was splendid. There was a fleeting moment of being excited about visiting a relatively unknown city. I hope that I never stop experiencing those thrills, however mundane it might seem to others.

In the week or so leading up to the game, I had contacted Simon once again. I last saw him at a mutual friend’s mother’s funeral in Rotherham in 2015, but we often chat about the performances of our two teams. A few years ago, Simon embarked on a massive cycle ride – from south to north – and cycled through my home village without either of us realising it. In this recent chat, Simon had recommended the “Golden Lion” on London Road as being “away-fan-friendly” but I didn’t fancy getting there too soon in case this wasn’t the case.

So, my plan had always been to stop off en route to Bramall Lane and to drop into a local pub away from the madding crowd for a while. We did so at “The Abbey” pub at Woodseats, just as the road continued its slow march towards the city centre.

It was midday. We were ridiculously early for the 5.30pm kick-off, but we very content and happy to kill a few hours in this pub before getting closer to the ground. I soon texted Simon to say that we were plotted up at “The Abbey” and – typical – he said that it had been his local when he had lived nearby a few years previously. PD sank some lagers, I sank some “Diet Cokes” and we kept an eye on the events at Ibrox.

At around 2.30pm, I drove the last couple of miles into the city.

Sheffield is not a city that I know too well. There were visits to Hillsborough in 1985, 1986 and in 1996 and that sole match at Bramall Lane in 2006.

In previous editions of these match reports, I have called Sheffield “the forgotten football city” and it still feels to me that this rings true, and probably not just to me. The city’s two clubs are big – if not massive – yet the city has experienced just three Premier League seasons since Sheffield Wednesday dropped out of the top flight in the year 2000; Sheffield United in 2020/21, 2021/22 and now in 2023/24.

Sheffield Wednesday’s last major honour was the League Cup in 1991, their only success since an FA Cup win in 1935 and Sheffield United’s last honour was the Football League Championship in 1925.

It feels like the city is in desperate need of a footballing renaissance.

The brief drive to my parking spot at a local school took me right past the “Golden Lion” pub. Just after 12.45pm, PD got drinks in. The boozer was full of Sheffield United fans, many wearing colours, and the walls were plastered with memorabilia. We zipped into the beer garden where two Chelsea supporters were waiting for my arrival. Tommie Senior and Tommie Junior – aged just four – were over from Los Angeles for a couple of games. I had sorted tickets for them for the Everton game, but they had managed to find tickets by themselves for this game.

We had a good old chat and waited for others to arrive. Deano, Dave and Gary – from Lancashire – joined us, along with a few more semi-familiar Chelsea faces, and then Simon arrived. It was lovely to see him again.

So here we all were; Chelsea fans from the West Country, Chelsea fans from Lancashire, Chelsea fans from California and a Sheffield United fan from Sheffield. It was a fine pre-match.

I explained the lyrics to Tommie of the Sheffield United “hymn” that would undoubtedly be aired during the game. Teaching a guy from Los Angeles about gallons of Magnet, pinches of snuff and greasy chip butties was perhaps one of my most testing conversations of recent seasons.

We set off for the ground in good time. I wanted to circumnavigate the stadium, no doubt like I did with Simon in 2006, and I wanted to take a few photographs of course. We walked across the car park where Yorkshire once played cricket until the main stand, now the Tony Currie Stand, was constructed in 1975. Until then, Bramall Lane was an oddly-lopsided ground, similar to the one at Northampton Town, hosting both cricket and football.

Simon told me that he had recently completed some research for a local website detailing the football heritage of Sheffield. Sheffield FC, located a few miles to the south, are the oldest football club in the entire world that is still in existence. They date from 1857. Nearby Hallam FC is third on that list, formed three years later.

Sheffield has so much football history, though very little recent silverware.

I loved the colours and the architecture at Bramall Lane, the old turnstiles, the angles, the red bricks, the signs and the way it feels like a part of the community. Simon lamented the facilities in The Kop though, where at half time you have to make a decision whether to use the toilets or get some refreshments. The queues are too long to do both.

As we turned a corner we wished each other well and said our goodbyes.

There is always a certain nervousness as I approach the stewards at the away turnstiles, but after I opened up my camera bag, the young lad made a comment that pleased me.

“Ah, a camera. Take some good photos.”

If only this attitude existed elsewhere.

The away concourse was packed, and the youngsters in our support seemed to be on the very cusp of throwing their beer everywhere. I nervously edged my way through, shielding the camera as I went. The 5.30pm kick off – ridiculous, thank you Footballing Gods – had obviously enabled many in our support to get tanked up from late morning.

I soon found our seats near the front. I soon asked a friend to take a photo of Alan and little old me to celebrate our Chelsea anniversary.

Lots of faces nearby. Lots of bevvied-up faces too. Fackinell.

It was obvious from the off that the gate would be several thousand shy of the capacity, a shame. There were swathes of empty seats in The Kop at the other end of the stadium. Bramall Lane is a neat enough stadium, but its single tiered stands on three sides do not give it much of a presence. I wondered if there were plans to enlarge the Tony Currie Stand. The pitch is set back from the pitch and there is certainly room in the car park behind. Our end was the only double-decked stand, but our support was stretched out in the entirety of the lower, and I suspected that it would be difficult to generate much noise.

The team? Thiago Silva returned, but alas there was no Malo Gusto.

Petrovic

Disasi – Silva – Chalobah – Cucarella

Caicedo – Enzo

Madueke – Gallagher – Palmer

Jackson

The five of us were lined up in Row G as below :

Gal, John, me, Al, PD.

Sheffield United featured the wonderfully-named Bogle and Trusty, and also Brereton, the Chilean international from Stoke.

Bloody hellfire, duck.

The teams entered the pitch and the locals joined in with their hymn.

“You fill up my senses
Like a gallon of Magnet.
Like a packet of Woodbines.
Like a good pinch of snuff.
Like a night out in Sheffield.
Like a greasy chip butty.
Like Sheffield United
Come fill me again.”

With the sun shining above, the game began.

We attacked The Kop and began brightly enough. Noni Madueke made a few forceful runs out wide and at least one took him deep inside the Sheffield United box. I captured our first real shot in anger, one from the raiding Cole Palmer that was blocked.

A new song, but quite irritating too.

“Palmer again, ole, ole. Palmer again, ole, ole. Palmer again, Palmer again. Palmer again, ole, ole.”

6/10.

After just eleven minutes, Conor Gallagher dropped a high ball from a corner on our right into a dangerous area of the box and to our amazement, Silva was completely unmarked and able to calmly side-foot the ball in on the volley.

I forget who it was now, but one of my favourite sporting comments came from somebody who, when talking about cricket, wished that, as a batter, he was able to face his own bowling. On this occasion, such was the lack of resistance, it looked like Chelsea attacking a Chelsea defence.

Sheffield United 0 Chelsea1.

Easy.

Alan : “They’ll have to cum at us naa.”

Chris : “Cum on me little diamunds.”

The away choir rattled the home crowd.

“Just like London, your city is blue.”

This seemed odd to me, as I still remember the titanic battles with Sheffield Wednesday back in the mid-‘eighties, and I wasn’t particularly happy that we were now siding with Wednesday. Old habits and all that.

We are a funny bunch, us football fans.

We all hoped to put a stranglehold on the game, but this is still a fragile team. Just like in 2006, we didn’t get at them. If anything, the home team came at us. The sun disappeared behind the clouds and we struggled to shine. Our passing was laboured and there was not enough bite in midfield nor movement in attack.

I was just about to praise the super-cool Silva for effortlessly dealing with an attack a few yards away when the same player inadvertently played a suicide ball to Oli McBurnie. The ball was passed to Senor Brereton but Moises Caicedo was suitably placed to deflect the effort away from Petrovic.

Phew.

The diminutive but busy Gustavo Hamer forced a fine save from Petrovic. The away support sighed with worry.

On the half-hour and with our chances drying up, the home team pounced. That man Hamer played in Bogle, running free, and from an angle he slashed the ball into the net, beating Petrovic easily at the near post.

Sheffield United 1 Chelsea 1.

Oh God.

The Blades in the main stand to our right sharpened their tongues and aimed some vitriol back at us.

“Just like Sheffield, your city is red.”

Righty-oh.

We countered with a few breaks, but it was all so unconvincing. The first-half petered out amidst moans in the away end.

At the break, the woman behind me – who had been slumped with her head in her hands for fifteen minutes, the victim of too many pre-match drinks – summed up the mood in the away end.

She was sick.

Luckily, Gary, John and I – who would have been in the line of fire – were away from the torrent as it cascaded down the terrace steps.

The second-half began and the temperature had noticeably dropped as the evening drew on. Sadly, it was the home team who went for the jugular. I wasn’t sure where Simon was watching the game, but he must have been happy with his team’s showing. They peppered our goal with a few efforts.

We retaliated with a couple of efforts; a header from Silva at a corner, a drive from Madueke.

“Come on Chelsea, come on Chelsea, come on Chelsea.”

On sixty-six minutes, the relatively quiet Palmer played the ball wide to Madueke and as he drove on and then twisted inside, I prepared my camera for a hopeful money shot. He shot, as did I. The ball fizzed past Ivo Grbic and I snapped away, screaming no doubt, as Madueke ran towards us.

Sheffield United 1 Chelsea 2.

Grbic then saved a good effort from distance from Palmer. A goal then, surely, would have killed the game.

Palmer was replaced by Carney Chukwuemeka.

Later, Madueke was replaced by Mykhailo Mudryk.

On eighty-six minutes, a superb save at full stretch from Petrovic kept a looping header out. It was one of the saves of the season, a magnificent stop.

I had been watching Benoit Badiashile and Cesare Casadei warming up near us on the touchline, but I was shocked to see them brought on so late in the game; Badiashile replaced Cucarella, Casadei replaced Jackson. I guess the idea was to pack our defensive lines full of taller players, but it smacked of desperation from my viewpoint in the away end.

Lo and behold, on ninety-three minutes, a Sheffield United attack did not want to die and a ball was chipped into our box. It was headed away by Enzo but only to a Sheffield United player. His header was flicked on. My sixth-sense easily sensed the equaliser. The ball fell, too easily, at the feet of McBurnie who bundled the ball in from close in.

Sheffield United 2 Chelsea 2.

Bollocks.

The anger in the away end was palpable, yet I am afraid I have seen this all too often to get too down about dropped points.

The referee soon signalled the end of the game.

Not much of a game, not much of a match report.

We stayed in ninth place, just away from everything of note.

PD and I slowly trudged back to the car, and for a while the match-day traffic slowed my immediate progress south. As we crept out of Sheffield, we devoured some home-made sandwiches, and I badly needed that sustenance. The traffic soon cleared, and I made good time on the return leg. I had driven five-hundred and forty-four miles to the games in Exmouth and Sheffield and I soon fell asleep once I reached home at midnight.

We have a rest of eight days now. On Monday 15 April, we reconvene at Stamford Bridge for the visit of Everton. See you there.