Tales From The Men In Black

Aston Villa vs. Chelsea : 4 March 2026.

Chelsea were amid a run of away games against Arsenal, Aston Villa, Wrexham and Paris St. Germain; this midweek fixture at Villa Park was being talked about within many Chelsea circles as a “must win” game, bearing in mind Villa’s place in the league – just ahead of us – but also because they were on a run of poor form.

This had been a simple enough flit up the M5 for me – via a curry at “The Vine” in West Bromwich – and I was parked-up on Bragg Road around fifteen minutes from the away turnstiles at 6.30pm. I fastened my coat and walked east. Kick-off was an hour away.

It was the usual scene at Villa Park; the police vans parked on the roundabout where Witton Road meets Aston Lane, the approach along Witton Lane, the bloke with the “God Is Love” placard, the red bricked buildings, the souvenir sellers, the floodlights in the distance. I did notice a new pre-match hospitality area as I got closer, a good use of those old existing buildings. Villa have plans to enlarge the existing North Stand, and they have plenty of space to enlarge the hospitality areas further.

I was sat in the second row alongside John; alas Alan and Gary could not make this one. Parky and PD were down in the lower tier.

The famous old stadium slowly filled, and we were soon treated to the usual pre-match rituals at Villa of “Hi-Ho Aston Villa”, flames, and fireworks, and dear old Ozzy belting out “Crazy Train.” Other clubs – yes, including ours – have gone for the “Flames & Fireworks” as a pre-curser to the match, but Villa have taken it to a different level. If you were to rate their pre-match claret and sky-blue pyrotechnic trickery, it would certainly be top of the pile. In fact, Villa are so desperate for silverware these days that we might soon find this in their honours section of their match programme.

Amid the sulphurous fumes, the teams made their way onto the pitch.

Liam Rosenior had chosen this team :

Filip Jorgensen

Malo Gusto – Wesley Fofana – Trevoh Chalobah – Jorrel Hato

Reece James – Moises Caicedo

Cole Palmer – Enzo Fernandez – Alejandro Garnacho

Joao Pedro

Was Robert Sanchez injured or dropped?

We were dressed in our all-black kit, and I had immediate memories of us in that colour at this venue in other years, most memorably the Frank Lampard game in 2013 when he equalled and then surpassed Bobby Tambling’s 202 goals. I also, and oddly, remembered the black-shirted Alexandre Pato’s penalty kick in a 4-0 win in 2016.

The game began with us attacking the towering Holte End. I spent the first few moments trying to work out who was where on the right side of the field. Was Reece at right back, but able to push into midfield with Malo Gusto as a right-sided attacker – unlikely, I know – or was Gusto at right back, with Reece alongside Caicedo in midfield? The positioning of Enzo and Palmer seemed to confuse me more than help me. I think it was the initial position of Gusto, so high on that far side, that had baffled me. Within those first fleeting moments, we had won a corner but then got caught on a rapid break from the home team. I took a couple of photos of Leon Bailey teasing away down below us. He got the better of Hato and drove a low ball into the box, where Douglas Luiz delicately and deftly touched it past Jorgensen.

Only three minutes had passed, and we were already 0-1 down.

Fackinell.

I was shell-shocked.

The home support was enlivened.

“Holte Enders in the skoy.”

Two minutes later, Garnacho on the left curled a great cross over for Joao Pedro to head down but Emilano Martinez saved well.

Soon after, at a Chelsea corner, we noticed how the Villa team left four players up, and of course it meant we had less numbers in attack. It was a new and novel approach to defending corners, though I seem to remember Jose Mourinho leaving three up in his first stint with us.

Palmer shot weakly at Martinez on a quarter of an hour, and up until now our support was getting increasingly frustrated with the slow approach play from the back. Chalobah must have touched the ball more than anyone else in this period.

“Get it forward!”

I heard that Arsenal were 1-0 up at Brighton and I told John “I hate football.”

On twenty-one minutes, another chance for Palmer inside the box after a great ball into him, but his finish was as weak as before. Then, two minutes later, and with Chelsea picking up the pace and finding some good angles and spaces, a lovely move set up Enzo, but his effort was hit tamely at Martinez. By now, Garnacho was getting more and more involved out wide and giving Matty Cash a real test.

The game was hotting up. We had, also, quietened their crowd, always a good sign.

Out on the far side of the pitch was Ian Maatsen, our former player, and I could not help noticing how short he seemed in comparison to the other players. I had only been commenting to Alan, I think, at a recent home game how we never see short players at football these days. It’s a mark of the modern game; how most players need to be tall and physically strong, and especially fast, in this era. Gone are the days when will o’ the wisp players…cheeky wingers, midfield dynamos…were everywhere…our own Pat Nevin, our own Mickey Thomas, our own Gianfranco Zola spring to mind. All these players – and Maatsen – were 5’6” and it’s an oddity that there seems to be a shortage – sorry! – of these players today.

Maybe I noticed Maatsen because I am 5’6” too.

We continued to be press forward.

Just after the half-hour I turned to John to say “it’s a much better game now.”

We had thrown off our shackles and were now having a real go at Villa. There was a shot from the energetic Garnacho, and the Chelsea choir were now getting behind the men in black. But Villa were still an occasional threat and Ollie Watlkins perhaps should have tested Jorgensen better when one-on-one.

On thirty-five minutes, a wonderful ball from Enzo was sent over the Villa defence to the onrushing Gusto. He spotted the run of Joao Pedro and I sensed a goal. I mouthed “here we go” at the exact moment that he arrived to slide the ball home.  

GET IN YOU BEAUTY.

More Chelsea pressure, Garnacho revelling in the space out wide.

“Go on son, get past him.”

Cash was being run from arsehole to breakfast time.

In the third minute of added time, Hato – who was enjoying a very solid game – dribbled into the Villa box with ease but his shot was blocked.

Then, a rapid Villa break, and I kept an eye on the passage of play, trying to spot if an offside was about to happen. The ball was passed out to Ollie Watkins who struck the ball past Jorgensen. The Villa hordes roared again,

To me, it looked onside. Thankfully, VAR ruled otherwise. Phew.

Then, with five minutes of added time played, Chelsea were again knocking on the door, and Garnacho was involved once more. He found Enzo who wriggled into some space and lifted an exquisite ball into Joao Pedro. He nonchalantly guided the ball past Martinez.

Now it was our turn to roar again.

Then, to our horror, VAR was called in to rule on a potential offside.

Nah. The goal stood.

At the break, we were 2-1 to the good.

“Great recovery that, John.”

I just hoped that we could continue in the same fashion. Sometimes we just can’t seem to play two consecutive halves in the same way, can we?

Joe Cole, with former Chelsea fan Peter Crouch on TV duty, were spotted a few times and Joey walked over to pose for some photos with a few Chelsea supporters in the break.

Before the second period, more “Crazy Train” and another Chelsea huddle on the centre-circle that seemed to irritate the Villa players.

The second half began, and there were two early chances for Garnacho but he spurned them both.

On fifty-five minutes, we broke when Caicedo won a ball inside our half and we moved the ball quickly – no honest, we did, I was there – via Palmer and Joao Pedro and found Reece on the wing. His low cross was punched away by Martinez, but only as far as Palmer. The Palmer of old – er, two seasons ago – would have struck it home easily, whereas the little less confident Palmer of 2026 might struggle. I watched to see which version would prevail.

He struck the ball with venom. Its trajectory was unhindered. The back of the net rippled.

GET IN.

I watched Palmer cup his ear as if to say “what’s that you been saying about me?” and then saw his trademark celebration.

Snap, snap, snap, snap, snap, snap.

“Palmer again, ole, ole.”

We were 3-1 up.

Beautiful.

We continued to purr, and the Chelsea fans were energised and happy. This was just how I wanted us to play. With more freedom. With more pace. With more style.

Chelsea is all about style.

But this was still an open game – Mourinho would have hated it – and chances for Palmer and Garnacho were matched occasionally by Villa. Watkins was put through, one on one with Jorgensen but he dallied, enabling Chalobah to twist his body and dig out the ball, a fine piece of defending.

On sixty-three minutes, former blues Jadon Sancho and Ross Barkley were among the three substitutions made by Villa.

A minute later, Caicedo – from deep – swept the ball out to Gusto, who touched it to Palmer. His trusted left peg floated the ball out to Garnacho. I photographed his surging run, deep into the box, and watched as he very unselfishly played the ball square to Joao Pedro who guided the ball in, his hat-trick.

The goal immediately reminded me of that Lampard goal from 2013.

The scorer raced over to the Chelsea section, and I was lucky enough to capture his beatific smiles.

4-1.

Fackinell.

Not long after, there was an audacious bicycle kick from Joao Pedro.

On seventy-two minutes, Tammy Abraham came on and so Villa now had four ex-Chelsea players in their eleven.

In the last fifteen minutes, Rosenior rang the changes.

75 minutes : Romeo Lavia for Gusto.

79 minutes : Marc Cucurella for Enzo.

79 minutes : Tosin Adarabioyo for Fofana,

85 minutes : Liam Delap for Joao Pedro.

85 minutes : Andrey Santos for Palmer.

John and I had a little laugh about Lavia and his unfortunate habit of getting injured. I envisaged a scenario where he is chosen to start a game and lasts the entire match. He comes into the Chelsea dressing room at the end of the game and sits on the bench alongside his teammates.

Liam Rosenior sees him and asks “what the fuck are you doing here?”

With the game won, and the number of changes, it was no surprise that the game drifted towards the end. It was nice to see the former Chelsea players again, and Barkley had a trademark shuffle through the middle and shot.

“I can actually see them scoring” I said to Gary, just as Barkley floated a ball in and Abraham leapt to head the ball on to the top of the bar.

In the stadium, the home fans were drifting away, and the Chelsea crowd aired the “fire drill” chant.

The game finished and the men in black had triumphed. This was a lovely surprise, a great Chelsea performance – admittedly against an increasingly disheartened Villa team – and a perfect response to the doom mongers after Arsenal. The plaudits must got to Joao Pedro and his sublime touch, and his ability to drift in and score, but Garnacho was a revelation, his best game for us by a country mile. A special mention for Hato, too; what a polished performance.

I was able to take a selection of photographs at the end as the Chelsea players celebrated down below. I loved the way Enzo was serenaded. He has many admirers at Chelsea. And I loved how we sang Tammy’s name as he walked, slightly, towards us. The photo of him with Trevoh is my favourite of the whole night.

And so that was that. A great away win in a “must-win” game, and a nice fillip before trips to Wales and France.

Oh, there were three extra bits of drama that I won’t bore you with that took place during the afternoon and evening involving Parky’s ‘phone, my SLR camera and my wallet.

“I still can’t download the ticket. I reckon I’m knackered.”

“You can’t bring that camera in. There’s a “drop-off” place just over there.”

“The team are doing a sweep of the stadium; it’s going to be an hour mate. Will you wait here to see if we can find it?”

Thankfully, everything worked out.

Next up, a first-ever trip for me to Wrexham.

Stay tuned.

Tales From A Day With Foreign Friends

Chelsea vs. Brentford : 17 January 2026.

PD, Parky and I were heading to the capital once again. The league game at home to Brentford would be our fourth of eight consecutive matches in London.

On the drive east, we spoke about the two domestic cup competitions.

The tickets for the second leg of the League Cup semi-final at Arsenal will go on sale from Tuesday 20 January, and I fancied the idea of watching from the upper tier at The Emirates for the first time. We have an allocation of 5,975. The last time that we went to Arsenal for a semi-final, we were all in the lower tier. The only problem with this game will be the time we get back home in Somerset. I am guessing it will be around 2.30am. Oh the joys.

Sadly, none of us will be attending the FA Cup tie at Hull City on Friday 13 February, and the main reason is that I can’t afford to give up a whole day’s holiday for another domestic game when I might have to use my last few days for the Champions League. It’s a shame, because we don’t mind visiting Hull. We have good memories of our visit in the FA Cup in 2020. The hotel that cost us £7.50 each still gets a smile six years on.

Brentford were one of the form teams in the Premier League and were one place above us – fifth – in the table ahead of our encounter at Stamford Bridge. We knew we would be in for a tough game. All eyes would be on their free-scoring Brazilian Igor Thiago. At work on Friday, I predicted a 2-2 draw when a Brentford-supporting colleague enquired of my thoughts.

I was forced to park way out, by Queens Club, and it took me a full twenty-five minutes to reach Stamford Bridge by foot.

I met up with some friends from the US at Stamford Bridge at 11am.

Ben, from Baton Rouge in Louisiana has been a mate since 2012. I last saw him in Wroclaw in May. Matt from DC has been a friend for only a few years, and I last saw him in Philly in June. I have known Josh, though, since around 2008, and we first met at a game in Baltimore in 2009. This was Josh’s first-ever game at Stamford Bridge, and it was fantastic to see him. I saw him in Philly in June too. Josh hails from Louisville in Kentucky and was with two fellow Chelsea supporters Roger and Andy. We were able to chat to a few of the former players who take part in the hospitality at Stamford Bridge. John Boyle was especially entertaining as he reminisced on a visit to Los Angeles with Chelsea when Tommy Docherty was the manager, and how he was captain of the Tampa Bay Rowdies team that won the “Soccer Bowl” against the Portland Timbers in San Jose in 1975.

We then decamped to “The Eight Bells”, no big surprises there, eh?

We met up with the usual crowd and chatted about a million things at once.

This was the day of the protest against Clearlake, and we had been tipped off to arrive at the turnstiles a little earlier than usual. To that end, we caught the tube back to Fulham Broadway at around 1.30pm. I took the lads over to meet Mark at his stall.

“I always say the same thing to first time visitors, Marco…if we lose today, Josh isn’t coming back.”

Josh replied “well, I have three games to get that win.”

I replied “you might need four.”

The so-called protest did not amount to anything much. I am all for demonstrations and free-speech, but I was never sure what would be accomplished by a protest out on the Fulham Road (it was outside the “Kona Kai” – or “Vloggers Corner” as I call it) and by the time I reached it, just random Chelsea songs were being chanted, and I walked away when a young kid of around fourteen was singing about “bugle”.

It was time to get inside.

At 2pm, I was in, and it allowed me time to relax before the game. I spotted a couple of tourist-types (replica shirts, scarves) taking selfies in the gangway behind my seat and I volunteered to take their photos in front of the empty pitch and stadium. We got chatting and they were from Iceland, just outside Reykjavik, and of course Eidur Gudjohnsen’s name soon came up.

“He is why I am a Chelsea fan.”

The stadium filled. I checked the team.

Sanchez

James – Chalobah – Tosin – Cucurella

Caicedo – Fernandez

Neto – Palmer – Garnacho

Joao Pedro

The three Kentuckians would be watching from the Matthew Harding Lower. Ben, who was with his father, would be watching in a hospitality area, while Matt would be watching a few yards away from me in the Matthew Harding Upper. Now then, dear reader – for those of a nervous disposition, you might want to skip over this next sentence or two – Matt is a lovely bloke and I have met his wife, and she is lovely too. But – and it’s a big but, I can’t deny it – she is a Tottenham supporter and was in fact watching their game with West Ham in the bleak Badlands of North London while were in salubrious SW6. It just so happened that as I saw Matt walking over to see me at about five minutes to three, “The Liquidator” was playing and, with perfect timing, Matt arrived just as we both belted out “We Hate Tott’num.”

We cracked some smiles, and I wondered, worryingly, if that just might be the highlight of the day.

As the teams took to the field, I took to my seat, and the Icelandic couple took their seats right in front of me.

The game began, with us attacking The Shed.

Within the first minute of play, Brentford registered a shot on target via Kevin Schade, but Robert Sanchez was able to save.

On ten minutes, a lovely swivel from Enzo in a central position and he surged on and released a ball for Joao Pedron to use. He ran into the box but couldn’t seem to get the ball out of his feet. He fell to the floor after contact with a Brentford defender but there was no penalty.

On nineteen minutes, a nice break, initiated by a long ball from Sanchez to Pedro Neto on the right. He set up Cole Palmer, but his shot was sent curling over.

Just after, Brentford advanced and Thiago set up Schade, who then looked free and about to cause problems. Surprisingly, he returned the ball square to Thiago. Tosin deflected the ball towards the goal, but Sanchez reacted well to block. Reece James then booted the ball clear.

“Save of the season, that” uttered Clive.

At this point in the game, I was warmed by a few pieces of decent attacking play from us and optimistically hoped that the Rosenior era would blossom. But I then thought again and wondered if my standards had dropped and I was being too kind to the fare that was being played out in front of me.

On twenty-six minutes, Chelsea were trying to win the ball on the edge of the Brentford box, and Enzo was the main protagonist. Luckily a clearance from a defender conveniently rebounded off him into the path of Joao Pedro. His quick shot was blasted high past the Brentford ‘keeper Caiomhin Kelleher.

Get in.

We were up and celebrating, but then VAR took control of proceedings. After the usual wait – it’s always too long – the goal stood.

The home crowd roared and “Chelsea Dagger” was aired. I turned to anyone that might be listening and shouted, “I’m not cheering a VAR goal and I am not singing along to this shit.”

I believe the phrase that describes this is “shouting into the abyss.”

I do a lot of that at football.

The play continued and Brentford enjoyed a very good spell. On thirty-five minutes, a header from a corner whistled past the post. Just after, a long ball out to their left was turned into the box, and after a clever flick-on, the ball fell to Mikkel Damsgaard but his volley shaved the far post. Then, an effort from Damsgaard was saved by Sanchez.

Accompanying all these Brentford near misses were a variety of shrieks and yells from the female Icelandic visitor in front, and it reminded me of some of Bjork’s best efforts.

She was certainly living every second of her visit.

On forty-three minutes, a strong tackle from Enzo instigated a break down our right and Pedro Neto raced on before slotting a brilliant low ball across the six-yard box. We saw the blonde mop of Garnacho arrive, level with a defender, but his effort flew wide.

Garnacho pulled his Edvard Munch face and we screamed our displeasure.

Fackinell, and whatever that is in Icelandic.

It had been deathly quiet all game, and it drains the life out of me, it really does. Every season it gets worse. Before we know it, we will be able to hear the reversing beepers of London buses in Oxford Street and the shuffle of papers inside the British Museum during games at Stamford Bridge.

Brentford were lively on the break, and we needed to thank Moises Caicedo to block an effort from Yehor Yarmolik just before half-time.

The second half began with a shot that was blasted high and wide by Pedro Neto. Soon after, another Brentford break set up that man Schade and he raced on to a ball, before steadying himself to shoot. He attempted to curl an effort towards the far post but miraculously Sanchez stuck out his left leg and the ball went wide.

Superb stuff.

On fifty-seven minutes, a double substitution.

Wesley Fofana for Tosin.

Andrey Santos for Garnacho.

Brentford then dominated the game and we struggled to compete. Brentford created some half-chances. We did not.

On sixty-six minutes, my frustration rose as we were awarded a free-kick wide right and chose to work the ball inside not once but on three separate occasions, and this just about summed it all up. Each time the ball went back to a central defender. This systematic “playing by numbers” is ruining my love of the game.

Fackinell.

On seventy-two minutes, Thiago’s towering header went wide.

After seventy-four minutes, Liam Delap took over from Joao Pedro.

Just after, Palmer put Nathan Collins under pressure, and the defender was forced into playing the ball to his ‘keeper. Kelleher’s touch was poor, and the substitute Delap tried to reach the ball. Kelleher bundled him over.

I saw the referee bring the whistle to his mouth, then point to the spot and I roared.

Phew.

All eyes on Palmer.

Snap.

A cool finish.

Get in.

But no usual celebration.

Chelsea 2 Brentford 0.

At last the Matthew Harding sang.

“Ole, ole, ole, ole – Chelsea – Chelsea.”

Two late substitutions for Rosenior.

Josh Acheampong for James.

Jorrel Hato for Enzo.

I rated Enzo as our best performer on this day in SW6. He impressed me with both his defensive and offensive qualities and was the engine that kept the gears turning. I liked Trevoh Chalobah in this game too; strong tackles, good headers away, a decent performance. Robert Sanchez, of course, made a couple of fantastic stops. More power to him.

The game dwindled on, and many left before the end.

At the final whistle, relief for the points if not for the overall performance. This had undoubtedly been a lucky win, this one. Brentford deserved at least a point.

My takeaway from the game?

A saveloy and chips from “The Anchor on Lillee Road”, just the job on a long cold walk back to the car.

Tales From A Doubleheader

Aston Villa vs. Chelsea : 27 April 2024.

Ahead of the 8pm game at Villa Park to the north of Birmingham city centre on Saturday 27 April, the pre-match drinking was spent in two pubs in Frome, Somerset.

Let me explain.

After Tuesday’s game at Tavistock. when the home side inflicted a 3-2 defeat to Southern League South league leaders Wimborne Town, all eyes were on Frome Town’s final game of the regular season against Bristol Manor Farm. A win for Frome and anything but a win for Wimborne at nearby Melksham Town would result in my local team returning to the Southern League Premier South for the first time since relegation in 2019.

So, despite Chelsea playing in Birmingham later that day, plans were set in motion to attend the Frome game too. A football double-header? It was simply an offer that I could not refuse.

I had never seen my two teams play on the same day and, if it was to happen, I always presumed that both matches would take place in London. In the days when Frome were playing in the division above, from 2011/12 to 2018/19, there would often be away games in the Home Counties or London itself. I myself saw a game at East Molesey between the Met Police and Frome Town in the autumn of 2018.

But here would be two games one hundred and sixteen miles apart. The distance did not worry me. In fact, I was looking forward to the challenge.

On this heavy day of football, I collected PD in Frome at 11am, then looped up to Holt near Melksham to pick up Parky at 11.30am. Just after midday, we were sat in “The George Hotel” in Frome’s historic Market Place.

On Facebook, I set things up.

“So, it all comes down to this.

This is my thirty-third Frome Town game this season. If it turns out to be my last, we will have made it.

Buzzing. Loads of friends going today. Perfect.

Stop dreaming of the quiet life.

UTFD.”

My good friend Kev – of sound Chelsea heritage, nurtured and honed in Basingstoke and London, and now recently Bristol – was staying in the hotel with his partner Sally and soon joined us. Kev, however, was wearing the colours of the visitors from Shirehampton; the oddly-named Bristol Manor Farm, supported by the Farmy Army, and ironically the team that defeated Frome Town 3-1 in a league play-off at Badgers Hill in 2022.

Kev and I, taking inspiration from the Flamengo vs. Fluminense derby in Rio, have named the games between our two teams as the “Far/Fro Superclassico” over the past few seasons and we have a shared love of the non-league scene. We only met up at a minor cup competition when the two teams met at Frome in 2017 despite being friends on Facebook for years, and having mutual friends all over the Chelsea universe. We settled down to some pre-match banter. Kev was meeting PD and Parky for the first-ever time, but he soon said that he felt that he has known them for years such is the power of social media. At 1pm, I drove us out of the town centre and up the hill towards the next pub, “The Vine Tree”, which is only one hundred yards from the Badgers Hill ground.

Halfway up the hill, Parky made a typically wry comment to a point that I was making and the whole car exploded with laughter. It was almost jolted into oncoming traffic.

“Well, there you go, Kev. That’s the Chuckle Bus for you.”

Once inside “The Vine Tree”, we were joined by my mate Francis, looking rather nervous ahead of the afternoon’s game, and we enjoyed a couple of drinks until it was time to walk up the hill to the stadium.

At about 2.30pm, we were inside, and it already felt like my prediction of a gate of just over 1,000 would be about right. I soon lost PD and Parky and found it hard to meet up with other friends such was the number of fellow supporters in all areas of the stadium. By the main entrance gate, I proffered my hand to the chairman but instead of grabbing hold of it and shaking it, he preferred to give me a big hug. That felt special.

Eventually I met up with the usual match day crew – Francis and I were joined by Steve and Louise, Tom, Rob, Darren, plus Rick from Portsmouth – and we took position on the lower slope of “The Club End” as the game began. An early free-kick to Frome, who were uncharacteristically attacking the home end in this first-half, allowed me to dash over and snap away with my SLR. There are no unyielding bag searches at this level of the game and thankfully no confiscation of cameras. Experienced midfielder George Rigg sent a ball in from out wide and the flight of the ball seemed to bamboozle everyone, not least Seth Locke, the former Frome ‘keeper, now between the sticks for Manor Farm. The ball dolloped in. Pandemonium in East Somerset.

Just after, we heard that Melksham were 1-0 up against Wimborne. At this exact moment, the Dodge were going up.

Alas, this was the highpoint of the game. The away team, dressed in all blue – yes, I was confused a few times – scored through Daniel Dodimead on fifteen minutes after a free-kick was fumbled. The visitors dominated the rest of the first-half, despite few chances for both teams. In Melksham, meanwhile, Wimborne had equalised.

This was a very tense affair.

In the second-half, the gang of us repositioned ourselves under “The Cowshed” at the other end of the stadium, but sadly saw Owen Brain drilled a rising free-kick in at the far post soon into the second period. Frome made some changes and tried to re-assert themselves but the team from Bristol were a tough opponent. We looked tired and leggy. On seventy-one minutes, more calamity. Our ‘keeper Kyle Phillips raced out to clear but lost his footing, leaving Dodimead with an easy lob into an open goal.

At this stage, Wimborne were 2-1 up, and I suddenly knew that I needed to be on my way to Birmingham.

I made my way through a noisy knot of away fans in a fine gate of 1,028 and signalled to PD and Parky, still watching in the “Club End” and with another Chelsea fan Dan – who would be coming to Villa with us – that it was time to make a move.

The guilt of me leaving early at two consecutive games – on 92 minutes at Arsenal, on 75 minutes at Frome Town – was not pleasant, but needs must. The priority now was to get to Villa Park for the 8pm kick-off. At 4.40pm, I pulled out of “The Vine Tree” car park knowing full well that I would be back in Frome for the league play-offs semi-final on Wednesday evening.

I made really good time en route to Birmingham. I even had time to stop off at Strensham, what a luxury. Dan updated us on the results.

“You won’t believe this. Frome ended 3-3.”

“You’re joking.”

“Nope. 3-3.”

The home team had scored two very late goals via James Ollis on eighty-seven minutes and substitute Reece Rusher on ninety-minutes to tie things up, and to maintain an unbeaten home record in the league for the first time since 1911. A fine achievement.

On Wednesday 1 May, it will line up like this :

Frome Town vs. Mousehole

Cribbs vs. Bristol Manor Farm

The winners will meet each other in the play-off final on Bank Holiday Monday, 6 May. If Frome make it, we will be at home. Within ten days, there could be three gates of over 1,000 at Badgers Hill. Non-league football is on the rise, gates are up at all levels, and who can stop it now?

There were no delays as I headed further up the M5 and then turned past The Hawthorns into the badlands of Birmingham. I dropped the lads off at the roundabout near Witton Station and doubled-back on myself to park up at my allotted “JustPark” spot.

It was 7.15pm.

I had made it.

Just like in 1986/87, I was attending my second of two games at Villa Park in the same season; on Wednesday 7 February we mullered Villa 3-1 in the FA Cup in our most complete performance of the campaign thus far. It didn’t seem five minutes ago since I made the short walk towards the Doug Ellis Stand. The bag-check was minimal.

“What’s that, a camera? OK.”

I had moved our tickets around so that PD could stand next to Parky in the front few rows of the Upper Tier. Meanwhile, I was further back, and alongside a former work colleague who was attending his very first Chelsea game. I have known Terry for the best part of twenty years and in the last couple of years he has very kindly been following my exploits on this website. Last season, as I mentioned the build-up to a game at Villa Park, he spoke to me about the years when he lived very close to the stadium at Perry Bar. If a spare ticket became available for this season’s game at Villa, I promised that he could come along. Recently retired, Terry lives to the south of Birmingham, and I had not seen him for a good six months. It was a joy to see him in the Chelsea section.

Terry had grown up in Erdington in a family of Villa fans, but had never followed them. This was his first-ever game at Villa Park. I explained to Terry how I got to know Ron Harris over the years, and Terry had a nice story for me too. Charlie Aitken, who played more games for Aston Villa – 660 – than anyone else, was Terry’s first landlord when he got married.

795 and 660, what a couple of stalwarts.

As the countdown to the kick-off took place, I was intrigued to see how a Chelsea “newbie” would react to a night of football, but with a Chelsea-esque feel.

After another flurry of flames, then fireworks, then “Crazy Train” by Ozzy – Osbourne, not Osgood –  the teams appeared opposite.

Despite the late kick-off, this was a full house for sure, and the Chelsea section on two levels were pretty buoyant. My mate Rob was attending game number two of the day too; earlier he had seen his team Walton & Hersham beat Poole Town 3-0.

Mauricio Pochettino had selected the following.

Petrovic

Chalobah – Silva – Badiashile – Cucarella

Gallagher – Caicedo

Madueke – Palmer – Mudryk

Jackson

Game number two began.

We attacked the Holte End in the first-half, or at least tried to. There was a brief foray into the Villa penalty box but after just four minutes, we were exposed. A Villa attack, virtually their first, broke down our left. Marc Cucarella scurried away to keep the danger at bay, but the ball was neatly transferred to the other side. Lucas Digne was free and in acres of space. Our marking was woeful. He found John McGinn, just inside and in a good position for a shot. His effort was miss-hit but took a big enough deflection of Cucarella and fizzed past a stranded Djordje Petrovic.

Just like at Arsenal on Tuesday evening, a goal from the right-hand side of our defence had left us chasing the game. And on this day of two games, earlier in Somerset, Frome had been 1-0 up after four minutes but here in Birmingham, Chelsea were 1-0 down after four minutes.

The Villa fans down to our right were cheering a second soon after, but we could see from our vantage place that Digne had only hit the side netting. Petrovic saved well from Ollie Watkins. We were struggling to find a foothold.

We were all cheering when Conor Gallagher sent a ball over for Nicolas Jackson to score – “he scored in the Cup game too, didn’t he?” – but our elation was stopped by the intervention of VAR. From my position up the other end of the stadium, it did seem like an offside.

We ploughed on, but our approach play was so laboured. Frustrations grew with each passing minute. Noni Madueke, who had begun brightly, drifted out of the game but Mykhailo Mudryk never ever got going. He received the ball in wide areas often enough, but exhibited no guile nor nous in making any telling contribution. Two identical efforts after cutting in drifted so high and wide of the goal frame as to be hardly worthy of the term.

We managed to conjure up a couple of chances, but a Cole Palmer chance went wide while Moises Caicedo hit straight at Emiliano Martinez.

I lost count of the number of times that Badiashile and Silva received the ball from virtually all of our players. It was as if the coaching team at Cobham had inverted the entire direction of play.

“Don’t worry about hitting Nicolas and Cole as early as you can lads, keep looking for Benoit and Thiago, that’s the spirit.”

This was hard to watch.

Then, a deep cross from the boot of Cucarella at the by-line was headed down by an unmarked Jackson but his effort bounced back off the base of the post.

I wasn’t impressed with the home team though; they seemed to be playing within themselves, seemingly content with a narrow lead.

Sadly, just before the half-time whistle, Villa enjoyed a very rare break. The ball was played simply to Morgan Rogers – “there’s always a spare man that side” – who adeptly struck low into the corner of our net.

Neither team had played well, yet Chelsea went into the break 0-2 down.

This was always going to be a tough game. And here we were, right in the middle of it and right up against it.

To my right, Cliff hoped that Poch’s half-time pep-talk, no pun intended, would inspire the troops, but this was said with his tongue well and truly in his cheek. I knew what he meant exactly.

The second-half began with Chelsea attacking our end.

All of a sudden, out of nowhere, we improved immensely. Madueke was full of running and trickery down below us, though was too reliant on his left foot to be truly sensational. A few chances came and went.

Cucarella.

Madueke.

Silva.

On sixty-two minutes, excellent Chelsea pressure in the Villa box from Palmer and Gallagher allowed the ball to run for Madueke. He wasted no time, hitting the ball as it came across his body with his left peg. The ball sped past the substitute Villa ‘keeper Robin Olsen and into the goal. We were back in it. The scorer ran off into the middle distance but seemed to be ranting at the Chelsea crowd at the same time. Answers on a postcard.

“CAM ON CHOWLSEA. CAM ON CHOWLSEA. CAM ON CHOWLSEA. CAM ON CHOWLSEA.”

Chelsea continued to shine, and there was special praise for both Caicedo and Badiashile who grew with each passing moment. At last we saw crunching tackles from Caicedo. The Chelsea support were soon to applaud. We were playing with more bite, more hunger, and we found spaces in tight areas. Jackson never stopped running, a real handful for his markers. This really was much better.

There was a fine low save from Petrovic after a rare Villa break in front of the Holte End.

A few more chances. Everyone, of course, was stood, as we had been for the entire match. We urged the players on.

With eighty-one minutes played, Gallagher found a little space for himself and curled a magnificent shot towards goal with his left foot. The flight of the ball was perfection. The net rippled. We went doo-lally. We were level.

Fackinell.

On eighty-nine minutes, and with not a soul having left, the manager made two very late changes.

Axel Disasi for Silva.

Cesare Casadei for Mudryk.

It had been another cool and calm performance from Silva. It had been the antithesis of cool and calm from Mudryk.

Palmer swept into the box but produced a fine save from Olsen.

A corner down below us. Palmer swung it in. A Villa header and the ball bounced high. Badiashile won a challenge and hooked the ball back in. Disasi the substitute seemed to arrive late but flung himself at the ball.

Snap – GOAL – snap, snap, snap.

To my left, Terry was punching the air like a loon, and I was too. What a comeback, what a game, and I was sure that one or two snaps of the screaming Disasi would make me happy.

Wild celebrations.

But then, the bloke behind me mentioned VAR and a push.

Of course. I remembered it now. The push by Badiashile. Yes. It looked unlawful. No shoulder charge, that.

The inevitable wait, but VAR spoke.

No goal.

Ugh.

So, there was modern football encapsulated within a few seconds.

Joy, pain, euphoria, annoyance, ecstasy, misery.

“You don’t get VAR shite at Frome Town.”

I said my farewells to Terry and the lads around me. I soon met up with PD, Parky and Dan outside. We hobbled back to the car and I began the drive home. We had enjoyed the second-half, not so much the first. We stopped to refuel at Hilton park, and I eventually made it home at about 2am.

It had been another long day, but it threw up a lot of fine memories.

Kev had left me a message that I did not spot until very late on :

“From Parky’s quip in the car onwards, it has been a day of comebacks.”

I smiled.

Next up, we play the old enemy at Stamford Bridge on Thursday.

Chelsea vs. Tottenham.

Makes you shiver with excitement, doesn’t it?

See you there.

Frome Town vs. Bristol Manor Farm

Aston Villa vs. Chelsea

Tales From 4.45am To 3.00am

Chelsea vs. Manchester United : 4 April 2024.

Some finish, eh?

But don’t hop straight to that. Every story has a start, then a build-up, and a back-story or two.

Fasten your seat belts though; I don’t want you to fall off at the end of the ride.

On the way home in the car after the Burnley game that ended in a disappointing 2-2 draw, we engendered a pretty intense post mortem about where the club is, where the team is, our strengths and weaknesses, the whole nine yards. It was an exhaustive chat. The closing thought was along the lines of “well, hopefully we will all be healthy enough to keep going to games for a while yet” with a deeply pragmatic “we can only show up and support, the rest is fluff” as a final word on the day’s events. Although we had been dismayed with a draw against a weak, and weakened, team we have all been going to Chelsea for too many seasons to let a draw get us suicidal.

On the Easter Monday, I travelled to my place of work, Melksham, to watch a local derby. In a tough game, Frome Town raced to a 2-0 lead early in the first-half, and withstood a late Melksham Town charge to eventually squeak it 2-1. The crowd was a very decent 1,103 and the win put Frome Town top of our division.

The next Chelsea game, the 8.15pm kick-off against Manchester United at Stamford Bridge on the following Thursday, meant that I had to turn up at work for another 6am to 2pm shift. I was up at 4.45am and I dreaded to think what time I would be returning home. Before I left for work at 5.30am, I had a quick check on all of the previous Chelsea vs. Manchester United games that I had attended; across all venues, it currently stood at eighty-one This game would be number eighty-two.

There are four Manchester United followers in the office, though two were absent on this particular day. I set things up by saying that of the previous eighty-one games, few had excited me less. There was no banter in the office during the day. Oh well.

Only PD was travelling up with me for this game; the other two regulars were not able to attend unfortunately. Our friends from Jacksonville – Jennifer, Cindy, Brian, Tom – met us in “The Elephant And Barrel” on Lillee Road for some pre-match chat. I was reminded of the first time that Jennifer and Brian attended a game at Stamford Bridge; it was the game against West Ham United in April 2018, just a few days after Ray Wilkins sadly passed away. What an emotional game that was. And here we all were, six years later, on the exact anniversary of his passing. That Ray played for both Chelsea and Manchester United was fitting.

We called in at “The Cock Tavern” and I bored the Americans rigid with how I enjoyed my first-ever pint at this popular pub in April 1984, almost forty years ago. The boozer was packed when we arrived at about 7pm and I hoped that as we squeezed out to the beer garden the crowds would thin out. If anything, it got busier. We were packed in like sardines.

I said to Jennifer “this is when us English types stand around and look awkward.” But Brian had a different take.

“What could be more typically English than this? We are in London, in a pub, before going to the football. It’s raining and the Spice Girls are playing on the pub’s speakers.”

I smiled.

With rain threatening to get worse, we made our way along the Fulham Road.

I was inside Stamford Bridge just before 8pm.

We had heard the team.

Petrovic

Gusto – Disasi – Badiashile – Cucarella

Caicedo – Enzo

Palmer – Gallagher – Mudryk

Jackson

There were the usual three-thousand United fans staring us down in the opposite corner. They came with a few flags draped over the balcony wall, including one I remember from a few years ago.

“Levenshulme Reds : MUFC – No Mither.”

There were flags from up north – St. Helens – and down south – Patchway – and the away crowd were already in good voice. Before the game, the annoying PA chap shouted at us and obliterated any chance we had of building our own atmosphere.

Then came the dimming of the lights, the flames in front of the East Stand and a display of flags being waved in The Shed. Then, vertical “Keep The Blue Flag Flying High” banners draped down into the lower tier.

The fools who had paid £5,000 per seat took their places behind the Chelsea dugout.

The stadium lights brightened and the players strode onto the pitch.

The famous blue, the famous red.

The three visitors from Florida – not Tom, he is originally from Ireland, and not Chelsea, but Cindy’s partner, and watching his own team in a nearby pub – finally made their way into their seats front and centre of the Shed Lower. I easily spotted them.

Clive was alongside me, but sadly Alan was unable to make this one.

The game began.

And how.

After just four minutes of play, with us attacking both sets of fans in The Shed, Enzo played the ball out to Malo Gusto on the right with a fantastic pass. Gusto sent over a low cross, and the ball fell nicely for the onrushing Conor Gallagher. The captain quickly dispatched the ball towards goal in a way that was very reminiscent of Frank Lampard in his prime. To my eyes, the habitually mocked United ‘keeper Andre Onana appeared to dive over the ball. There was an air of disbelief, a slight delay, before everyone realised that the ball had rippled the United net.

Get in.

As the scorer raced down towards the corner flag in the South-West corner, I purred with happiness when I immediately thought back to the absolutely nonsensical abuse suffered by the player since the Burnley match.

Chelsea 1 Manchester United 0.

I shouted over to PD; “I remember Pedro’s early goal in 2016 against this lot” and wondered if there would be a ridiculous repeat.

Chances were exchanged as the game continued. United looked dangerous at times with Alejandro Garnacho looking particularly mischievous. Rasmus Hojlund looked as though he could cause us some trouble too. But we had decent spells of our own.

On nineteen minutes, Marc Cucarella played a one-two with Mykhailo Mudryk, and was upended in the box by Antony.

It looked a penalty from one-hundred yards away, cough, cough.

Cole Palmer took the ball and cleanly despatched the ball past Onana, and then celebrated with a trot right in front of Cindy, Jennifer and Brian.

Snap, snap, snap, snap, snap, snap.

Some good ones there I hoped.

Chelsea 2 Manchester United 0.

There was a magnificent Zola-esque bamboozle out on the right by the half-way line by Palmer that made us squeal with delight. But at 2-0, I felt we didn’t really push on as much as we should. Our play was a little too slow, a familiar complaint this season, and in others too. But the once buoyant United hordes were quiet. We had them on the ropes. It was such a shame that we didn’t really go for it.

There was a Gallagher free-kick from out on the right and an Axel Disasi header but not much else.

Sadly, on thirty-four minutes, an errant square pass from Moises Caicedo to Benoit Badishile was cut out by the raiding Garnacho. He sped away and tucked the ball home.

Chelsea 2 Manchester United 1.

Bollocks.

Caicedo looked devastated.

We looked second-best for a while and on thirty-eight minutes, Cucarella gave Garnacho too much space down below us and he had time to pass back to the unmarked Diogo Dalot. His cross cut out everyone, but was expertly headed home by Bruno Fernandes at the back post, the ball dropping in past Petrovic. I found myself muttering “good goal” to myself and immediately questioned my very existence.

Fackinell.

Chelsea 2 Manchester United 2.

Right at the end of the half, a screamer from Gallagher rattled against the near post, right in front of Cindy, Jennifer and Brian.

At half-time, there were comments about how loose the game at been.

“Woeful defending for our two conceded goals.”

“It’ll be 4-4 at the final whistle.”

Soon into the second-half, we were treated to two excellent tackles / interceptions by Disasi, one seemingly while on his arse.

We struck at the United goal via Nicolas Jackson and Enzo.

In the Fernandez versus Fernandes battle, things were tight.

The game was opening up, and Chelsea peppered the United goal with efforts. Onana made several dramatic one-handed saves during the evening.

Sadly, halfway through the second-half, a lightening break down our right allowed Antony to advance and play a spectacularly good ball with the outside of his boot into the penalty area. We were stretched, and the ball bounced up and allowed Garnach to stoop nimbly just before Petrovic could clear. It was an odd goal, quite unique, and it gave the visitors the lead.

Chelsea 2 Manchester United 3.

I imagined the four United fans at work preparing a few barbs for me.

The away fans bellowed “Who the fuck are man United and the reds going marching on, on, on?”

I grimaced.

This self-deprecating song always gets aired when they are on top.

Pochettino changed it around.

Carney Chukwuemeka for Caicedo.

Raheem Sterling for Mudryk.

Then Trevoh Chalobah for Disasi.

Onana continued to thwart us. What had happened to the woeful ‘keeper of the first few months of his United career? An angled shot from Palmer blazed over.

The final fifteen minutes was an increasingly odd period. We attempted to find gaps, and Enzo tried to create openings out of nothing. His prods into players helped keep the pressure on.

The United fans were in full voice.

“Red army! Red army!”

This was met with some Chelsea boos, but I soon realised that this was aimed at Mason Mount who was preparing to replace the impressive Garnacho on the far touchline. If I was honest, I was hoping that Mount would not play.

I didn’t boo. Why would I? Although the volume of boos was loud – and it surprised me – I looked around and behind me and I could not see anyone booing in our section. One suspects, if everyone had been booing, the noise would have been stratospheric.

Thanks for Porto, Mason. But you were shite last season, all of it, and that’s it, it’s over. He managed to get into a little spat straight away.

On the eighty-ninth minute, the last throw of the dice and Noni Madueke replaced Gallagher. I struggled to work out the formation, but we kept going.

“Come on Chelsea. Come on Chelsea. Come on Chelsea. Come on Chelsea.”

Ten minutes of extra time were displayed.

We kept plugging away.

I turned to Clive.

“We’ll score.”

Injury time continued. Sterling and Madueke tried their best. The game was being played out in the United defensive third in front of us.

The time ticked by.

With three minutes to go, we seemed to have run out of steam, and both Clive and I agreed that it looked a lost cause.

Clive left, as had Albert, who sits right in front of me, a few minutes earlier.

Then, a late and forceful run by Madueke the substitute. He drove at the United box and we gulped in the night air. It was already way past 10pm. He ran and run, and was clipped by Dalot. We gulped some more.

…thinking : “looked like a penalty.”

The referee pointed at the spot.

Then, surprise surprise, the inevitable VAR interaction.

We waited. The United players stood around the referee. There was a commotion.

We waited some more.

I had walked a few steps to my left, down to the front of the MHU for a better view.

This was so tense.

Penalty.

I did not cheer.

I took a few photos of Palmer as he waited to strike. Alas, the photo of the strike is too blurred to share here.

Palmer struck.

Low to Onana’s left.

Goal.

Bedlam.

Fucking bedlam.

I snapped as the scorer raced away, but the stand was trembling so much that all of the photos are magnificently blurred

Chelsea 3 Manchester United 3.

Fackinell.

I immediately thought of Clive, poor Clive.

I walked back up to my place alongside PD. I patted him on the back and we hugged.

“Bloody hell mate.”

After the re-start, United attacked – so much for killing the game, oh well, they are the great entertainers – and we won the ball back in our half. A flick from Enzo to Sterling, a touch to Madueke, who kept the ball well despite being hounded by three red shirts. He pushed the ball to Jackson who played in Sterling. There was a prod into the box. The low cross was cleared, but only to Cucarella. He passed to Chukwuemeka who shaped his body well. A curling shot, deflected, the ball just missing the frame of the goal. We grimaced.

But a corner.

I had taken ten photos of this move which had taken fifteen seconds to unfold. I was waiting for that one magical moment to capture for eternity.

Was there even time for a corner?

Our hearts were racing.

I flipped my camera up to The Shed to take a photo of the Jacksonville Three. Their cameras were posed too.

A short corner on the far side. Cole Palmer, unexpectedly free, received the ball from Enzo.

He took a touch.

I snapped.

He shot.

The ball deflected off Scott McTominay.

The net rippled once more.

Stamford Bridge erupted.

Chelsea 4 Manchester United 3.

My shot is blurred but I have to share it here.

I had just witnessed pure theatre, pure emotion. It was a moment that I will remember for years and years.

My head exploded.

Such joy.

Such ridiculous joy.

Such raucous joy.

For a few moments we all lost it.

“One Step Beyond” segued into “Freed from Desire” and then into a dancey version of “Three Little Birds.”

We all made arses of ourselves.

It was 10.20pm in SW6.

I quickly tried to think of a game at Stamford Bridge that had witnessed such a phenomenally quick – one minute and nineteen seconds I think – turnaround.

Not in my eight-hundred-and-sixty-six games anyway.

I certainly remembered the very late Wiliam Gallas screamer against Tottenham in 2006 that probably engineered similar feelings of joy, but there had never been anything like this.

Fackinell.

Game number eighty-two wasn’t so bad after all, eh?

We walked back to the car.

The night did not want to end. We had heard of the M4 being shut, so I diverted down to the M3. Then, that was shut, so we diverted onto the A322 to the M4 but then we were forced down onto the A4, the old Roman road.

I was philosophical.

“Not getting too downhearted about this late night, mate. Millions of Chelsea fans around the world would love to be in this car after what we have just witnessed.”

I reached Melksham just before 1.30am, and I eventually made it home at 1.50am. I would eventually fall asleep, after sharing the usual smattering of late night photos, at 3am.

4.45am to 3.00am, oh Chelsea we love you.

Tales From A Tough Time

Chelsea vs. Burnley : 30 March 2024.

Our last game against Leicester City seemed such a long time ago. In the meantime, there had been an international break, involving games that I almost completely ignored, an entertaining Frome Town away game, but also some very sad news.

At that Leicester City FA Cup game, as the match began, I had found it hard to concentrate. I didn’t draw attention to it in my match report that would follow, but Ron Harris did not travel up with us in my car for this game. During the preceding day, the Saturday, Ron’s daughter Claire had contacted me to say that Ron’s wife Lee had suffered a couple of strokes. That weekend took on a strange feel; throughout it, my thoughts were not far from Ron and his family.

Sadly, we were to learn that Lee passed away in the early evening of Monday 18 March.

Despite the sadness of the loss, Ron was keen to get back into his routine of attending games at Stamford Bridge, so it was lovely to be able to collect him at 7am for the league game with Burnley. We made our way up to London and we tried our best to get back into our own match day routines. Unfortunately, Parky was unable to join us on this occasion. He had a swollen ankle and couldn’t get his shoes on. His place was taken by Glenn, although he did not have a ticket for the game. Instead, he volunteered himself to chaperone Ron around for the day, from various parts of the stadium, and to be on call if he was needed; a very fine gesture.

I made ridiculously good time. I dropped PD near “The Eight Bells”, then I deposited Ron and Glenn outside the main gates before parking up. All this completed by 9.15am.

I trotted down the North End Road, stopped for a breakfast, then had a little chat with Marco and Neil at the “CFCUK” stall. I then disappeared down the steps at Fulham Broadway to catch the District Line to Putney Bridge station. It was the day of the Boat Race, and the busiest that I had ever seen the station at that time on a Saturday morning. Thankfully, none of the fellow passengers were headed for the “Eight Bells” which was resolutely and solidly Chelsea on this first Spring-like day of the year.

Ollie from Normandy was with us again – always a pleasure to see him – and we were also joined by a friend who first met Parky and yours truly at a Chelsea vs. Birmingham City game in April 2011. Mike was living in Seattle in those days, but has been living in Regensburg in Germany for two years or so. It was super to see him again. Back in 2011, I was able to search out three tickets for him, his fiancée and a friend. On this occasion, he had to go solo and had to pay through his nose for a West View ticket.

I toasted my friendship with PD which would soon be forty years in length; I famously met him in a train on the way back from the infamous 3-3 draw at Ninian Park on 31 March 1984.

Towards the end of our three hours or so in the pub, we were joined by Dave – from Swindon – and his Chelsea-mad daughter Aimee – now living in Los Angeles – and we enjoyed a good natter. Dave has recently started reading the blog and wanted to say “hello” and I think PD got a kick out of this stranger knowing who he was.

“Where’s Parky?”

“Oh – he can’t make it. His hand is swollen and he can’t get it in his pocket for his wallet.”

We were later than usual leaving the pub. I didn’t get to my seat until 2.57pm.

Good job I work in logistics.

There was a quick check on our team; Mudryk and Badiashile were in.

Petrovic

Gusto – Disasi – Badiashile – Cucarella

Caicedo – Fernandez

Palmer – Gallagher – Mudryk

Jackson

The game kicked-off at 3pm. However, there was another game kicking off at 3pm that would be on my mind too. My other footballing love, Frome Town, were at home to Bideford in a reverse of the fixture that I saw three weeks ago.

To be truthful, there was a part of me that wished that I could defeat the laws of physics and attend both of the day’s games at the same time. Last weekend, I drove up and over the beautiful Cotswolds to see Frome Town play at Evesham United. The visitors raced into a 2-0 lead in the first-half with two goals from Kane Simpson. It was an odd half, badly affected by gusts of wind and a bumpy pitch, and we were rather lucky to be 2-0 up. The second-half was a tight affair, but a better quality game with the wind less of an issue. Simpson scored his hat-trick and we held on to win 3-2. Sadly, the league leaders Wimborne scored a late winner in their game to remain top.

A possible season-defining visit to Wimborne sadly takes place on the same day that Chelsea are at Wembley in the FA Cup semi-final, so I am rather annoyed that I will be missing that key game. However, our final league game of the season takes place in Frome against Bristol Manor Farm a week later on Saturday 27 April. On the same day, Chelsea play at Villa Park at 8pm. On the drive to London, I warned PD that I might be attending both games. Watch this space.

Back to London SW6.

I remember a Burnley away game from a few years ago, and making the point that most of the Burnley players had traditional Anglo-Saxon names, the team seemingly unaffected by the influx of foreign football players. The game in question was from 2016/17, that freezing cold afternoon, when the town of Burnley made an even bigger and bolder attempt to be the most Northern football town of them all.

That team?

Heaton, Lowton, Keane, Mee, Ward, Boyd, Barton, Westwood, Brady, Barnes, Gray.

Was the 2023/24 model still containing traditional names, maybe traditionally Northern names, as before? Who was playing?

Bobby Crumpet? Alf Glossop? Eddie Vimto? Sid Clackett? Burt Blenkinsopp? Kevin Sludge?

No, Burnley has now officially entered the twenty-first century. Their team now contains such exotic names as Arijanet Muric, Lorenz Assignon, Vitinho, Jacob Bruun-Larsen, Wilson Odobert and Zeki Amdouni.

The club even threw us a curve-ball. On the bench was the much-travelled and exotically named Jay Rodriguez. But he was born in Burnley.

What the chuffing heck is going on?

Over in the far corner, around one thousand away supporters had travelled down from Lancashire to cheer on those Burnley players. However, their yellow shirts with a vertical stripe over the heart, combined with dark shorts and yellow socks, reminded way too much of Barcelona’s visit in 2008/9 and Iniesta, bloody Iniesta.

Gulp.

The game began and Burnley had the best of the opening few minutes. But we then came into the match enjoying a few efforts on goal. Our first real chance came from the boot of Enzo Fernandez, but his shot was incredibly well saved by Muric after taking a wicked deflection off a Burnley defender. There was then a fine save from Djordje Petrovic in front of the Matthew Harding.

Cole Palmer had four early shots on goal.

“Don’t mind that Al. At least he shoots. So many don’t.”

Nicolas Jackson was magnificently played in by Palmer but his dribble took him too close to the ‘keeper and the shot went awry.

Overhead there were few clouds, and the sun cast some strong shadows for what seemed the first time in months. The atmosphere was, of course, rather tepid. We couldn’t even rely on a noisy away following to generate some melodies that we would then steal for our own songs.

On twenty minutes, Mykhailo Mudryk sent in a cross that Axel Disasi prodded home. There was a delay, a predictable delay, for VAR to throw its murky shadow on the game. As Alan alongside me commented “if the mistake is clear and obvious, why is it taking so long to sort out?”

I felt my joy for football leave my soul with every passing second.

After a minute or so, VAR spoke. No penalty. Handball.

In Somerset, Frome were 1-0 up.

You beauty.

At Stamford Bridge, the game meandered on, with not a great deal of quality on show. On thirty-five minutes, a lightning move, stretched out wide on the right to Jackson, eventually gave Mudryk a chance but his shot was central and poor.

Meanwhile, Frome had gone 2-0 up and then 3-0 up.

Superb.

I whispered to Alan : “I dread getting to half-time because there are bound to be some boos.”

With a couple of minutes of the first-half remaining, Mudryk was upended by Assignon and the referee signalled a penalty. But VAR had to push its unwanted snout into the game again. Another delay.

Penalty.

It was Assignon’s second yellow so off he went. The Burnley manager Vincent Company was then given his marching orders in the resulting melee in the technical area. Palmer sent the ‘keeper to his right as he delivered a cheeky and crafty “Panenka” to give us a deserved lead.

Chelsea 1 Burnley 0.

Once the celebrations had finished, I checked my ‘phone.

Frome were 4-0 up.

Love it.

At the half-time whistle, I detected a few boos from the bowels of the Matthew Harding Lower.

I give up.

Going in to the game, without really broadcasting it too loudly, I certainly expected us to win against a team that had been haunted with relegation all season long. But although it hadn’t been a great watch, we were winning and could have scored more. With Burnley down to ten men, I hoped for more success in the second-half.

Oh boy. Our old problem of conceding early in the second-half resurfaced again. Just two minutes in, a ball from the right was knocked back into the path of Josh Cullen who took a swing – “fuck off!” – and the ball few into the net, Petrovic stranded. All our defenders appeared to be ball-watching. They were loitering like nervous teenagers at a youth club disco, unsure of how to interact with anyone.

It was a horrible goal to concede.

Chelsea 1 Burnley 1.

The team needed some backing from the home crowd but the response was virtually non-existent. With each passing minute, with Chelsea labouring to break through a packed defence, frustrations rose. However, our finishing was as collectively poor as I can ever remember. I don’t honestly think I can recollect as many shots that ended up being ballooned high over the crossbar. This affliction that had started in the first-half continued with increasing regularity throughout the second-half. It was horrible to watch.

On sixty-two minutes, after another high shot into the MHU, this time from Conor Gallagher. It was Gallagher’s worst game of the season. He was duly replaced by Noni Madueke.

We were now playing with three dribblers; Mudryk, Palmer, Madueke. I called them “wingers” for poetic effect.

Mudryk was trying his best to dance in and create but he was flummoxed by the lack of space. He was irritating PD and after a vigorous verbal attack on the Ukrainian, I leant forward and looked over at PD just as the five people sitting past him did exactly the same. At least he didn’t boo Mudryk.

But this was frustrating stuff.

On seventy-three minutes, the equally poor Moises Caicedo was replaced by Raheem Sterling. It was pleasing to hear applause for Sterling.

I looked over to PD and beyond.

“Four wingers!”

This mess of a game continued.

Shots wide, shots high, shots blocked.

The frustrations rose.

With a quarter of an hour to go, I made a mental note of the first “Carefree” of the entire game.

A minute or so later, Cath got going with a shrill “Zigger Zagger” down below and the crowd nearby responded.

“OI OI OI.”

On seventy-eight minutes, a fine move was enjoyed by us all. Palmer advanced and played the ball to Cucarella. He passed back to Enzo who had spotted Sterling on the edge of the box. A deft flick, not unlike the Palmer to Chukwuemeka flick against Leicester City, played in Palmer. He drilled the ball low across Muric into the net.

NOISE!

The scorer kindly ran towards The Sleepy Hollow where my camera was waiting.

Snap. Snap. Snap. Snap. Snap. Snap. Snap. Snap. Snap. Snap. Snap. Snap.

Sterling came in for a lot of love from his team mates and quite rightly. His flick was pure poetry. Axel Disasi faced the Matthew Harding and stabbed a pointing finger at Raheem.

Chelsea 2 Burnley 1.

Sadly, just two minutes later, a corner from Parkyville, and a free-jump at the near post for Dara O’Shea and the ball had too much velocity for Petrovic to parry. The ball seemed to go right through him.

Fackinell.

Chelsea 2 Burnley 2.

Alfie Gilchrist replaced Gusto late on. We had two last-ditch efforts. A shot from Noni Madueke rustled the near post netting, with half of the MHL celebrating. Then, a really intelligent run from Sterling to meet a beautiful dink from Palmer, but he got underneath the ball, and we groaned as it flew over the crossbar like so many other efforts.

Down in Frome, the game had finished with a fine 4-0 win in front of a very decent gate of 615.

Bizarrely, there was almost a late Iniesta moment via Jay Rodriguez, who had appeared as a second-half sub for Burnley. From a corner, his powerful header smashed against the post, but he could not convert the rebound.

There were the inevitable boos at the final whistle.

We sloped out, dispirited and disconsolate. The team is such a very long way from where it hopes to be. I still think, as I always have, that we will finish in tenth place this season.

Next up, Melksham Town vs. Frome Town on Monday and Chelsea vs. Manchester United on Thursday.

See you at one or the other.

In Memory Of Lee Harris.

23 September 1944 to 18 March 2024.

Tales From Our Tenth League Cup Final

Chelsea vs. Liverpool : 25 February 2024.

We just weren’t good enough were we?

This was always my fear. Despite a resurgence in our play over the past month – high points at Villa, the second-half at Palace and at City – there was still a niggling doubt that whatever team was selected to play at Wembley, the players just could not be trusted to drag us over the line. And despite Liverpool players falling by the wayside with injuries as the final approached, I had a fear that there would not be enough in our locker – nous, determination, skill – to give us a much-needed win.

All of our deficiencies – and a few of our positives – were discussed at length as I collected PD, Glenn and Parky and drove up to the M4 at Chippenham. As I approached Junction 17 I made my views clear.

“Right, that’s enough about the game today. Let’s not talk any more about it. Let’s enjoy the day ahead.”

I was up just after 5.45am. I had collected the two Frome lads at 7am and Parky in Holt at 7.30am. By 9.30am, we were tucking into our breakfasts at “The Half Moon Café” on the Fulham Palace Road. At 10am, I pulled up outside “The Eight Bells” at Putney Bridge and PD shouted out to Salisbury Steve, who was just about to disappear inside as the front doors were opened, to get a round in. For the third League Cup Final in a row, we were staying the night at the Premier Inn opposite, and I soon parked the car outside. We were hoping that this would be third time lucky. Against Manchester City in 2019 and against Liverpool in 2022, we had narrowly lost on penalties.

On the Saturday, I had watched Frome Town obtain a relatively easy 3-1 win at home to Tavistock to nudge themselves into pole position in the table. As the beers started to flow, I never felt confident that Chelsea would follow up Frome’s win to give me a perfect weekend. Mark, now living in Spain, and his son Luca, still in The Netherlands, joined us and the laughter roared around the pub. We tried not to think too much about the football.

This would be Chelsea Football Club’s tenth League Cup Final.

Our first final took place four months before I was born in March 1965, when we defeated Leicester City over two legs. In 1972, we infamously lost 1-2 to Stoke City at Wembley and I have no recollection of the game. We had to wait ages for the next one; a 2-0 triumph against Middlesbrough at old Wembley in 1998 after extra-time. Next up was a match in Cardiff at the Millennium Stadium against Liverpool in 2005; we narrowly edged it 3-2 after extra time.  Two years later, at the same venue, a 2-1 triumph against Arsenal. In 2008, the 2-1 loss to Tottenham Hotspur, after extra-time, at the new Wembley Stadium. In 2015, we comfortably defeated the same opponent 2-0. Then, the two tight losses in 2019 to Manchester City (0-0 after extra-time, losing 3-4 on penalties) and in 2022 to Liverpool (0-0 after extra-time, losing 10-11 on penalties).

A potted history of us in nine previous League Cup Finals does not tell the entire story of course.

1965 : there are numerous stories about Eddie McCreadie’s apparently masterful solo run up the middle of the park before sliding the ball past the ‘keeper. It was only our second piece of silverware in sixty years.

1972 : “Blue Is The Colour” was released specifically for this game and I used to get such a thrill listening to it on the radio for years after. An Osgood goal for Chelsea, but George bloody Eastham gave Stoke their sole trophy in 161 years.

1998 : the first-part of a Cup Double that season and another Wembley goal from Roberto di Matteo. The good times were returning to Stamford Bridge.

2005 : the first Mourinho season and the first Mourinho silverware. In an enthralling match, we went behind early on after John Arne Riise belted one in from distance. A Steven Gerrard own goal levelled it and two late goals from Mateja Kezman and Didier Drogba gave us a huge win. Mourinho was sent-off for his “shush” but we did not care less. It was the first game that I had seen Chelsea play in an enclosed stadium.

2007 : two more Didier Drogba goals gave us a win after Theo Walcott scored early for Arsenal. The game that Cesc Fabregas was pelted with celery at a corner and the game where John Terry was knocked unconscious by a boot to his head.

2008 : we went ahead through Didier Drogba, but Tottenham levelled with a Dimitar Berbatov penalty before Jonathan Woodgate headed Tottenham in front. Our support that day was the worst that I can ever remember. It was one of my all-time lows as a Chelsea follower.

2015 : this was a tough game for me, coming just three days after my mother’s passing. Goals from John Terry and Diego Costa gave us a relatively easy win.

2019 : a decent performance and great support from the Chelsea crowd. This was the day that Kepa notoriously humiliated Maurizio Sarri by not following instructions to be substituted by Wily Caballero.

2022 : this could have gone either way, but a ridiculously long penalty shootout went against us when Cesar Azpilicueta missed the only penalty out of twenty-two.

Going in to the 2024 Final, our record was won 5 and lost 4.

At 12.45pm, we caught a District Line tube up to Paddington and changed trains to get ourselves over to Marylebone. Here, the ever-reliable Jason handed over a spare ticket to me that would then be passed to Glenn. Just as we were about to hop on a train to Wembley Stadium, the call went out that a few of the lads that we know from Westbury and Trowbridge were in the “Sports Bar.” The drinking continued.

“What football?”

We eventually caught a train at about 2.15pm to Wembley.

We bumped into many familiar faces at Marylebone, on the train, at the station, on the march to the turnstiles.

I remember my first visit to the old Wembley, in around 1972 or 1973, on the back of a visit to see my grandfather’s older brother in Southall. There was no game. I just wanted to see Wembley, beguiled by either the 1972 or 1973 FA Cup Finals. We parked just off “Wembley Way” – actually Olympic Way – and I remember being mightily impressed as I saw the twin towers for the first time. The stadium was at the top of a slight rise in the land, with its own added embankments and steps giving it an air of importance. It stood alone, not encumbered by any buildings nearby, only the London sky above it. It exuded a great sense of place.

Wembley in 2024 is much different. Bleak flats and hotels take up every spare square yard of space, from the walk up to the stadium from Wembley Park Station, right up to the immediate surrounds of the stadium itself. I don’t suffer from claustrophobia and I am glad I don’t. At Wembley, between the bland stadium walls and the oppressive bleak apartment buildings I would be surely panting with anxiety.

It is a horrible stadium. I hate it.

Regular readers of these tales will know only too well how we struggle to get in to Wembley in time. At 2.50pm, I was still in the queue. Once inside, an escalator was not working, delaying me further. I eventually made it in at around 3.05pm.

Sigh.

Our seats were in row thirty-eight, just a few from the very back of the highest part of the stadium. We were virtually on the half-way line. My calves were aching. God knows how much pain PD and Parky were in.

A quick check of the team. As expected, the same as against Manchester City.

Petrovic.

Gusto – Disasi – Colwill – Chilwell

Caicedo – Enzo

Palmer – Gallagher – Sterling

Jackson

Everyone was stood. PJ and Brian – from the pre-match pub at City last weekend – were right behind us along with Feisal and Martin. We would find out later that Gary, Daryl, Ed and Clive were a few seats in front.

These seats only cost £41. Decent.

Liverpool had the best of the very early part of the game and we looked stretched at times. They enjoyed the first real chance when Axel Diasi allowed Luis Diaz a shot but Djordje Petrovic was equal to it.

There wasn’t a great deal of noise thus far. But I always try to look for clues to see which support is more “up for it.” My first observation wasn’t good. On the upper balcony wall, to my left – our unlucky East End – there were red banners everywhere. To my right – the West End, us – the same balcony between the Club Wembley tier and the upper tier was almost completely devoid of Chelsea flags and banners.

Ugh. An early lead to The Scousers.

As the game continued, neither sets of fans were particularly noisy. Were nerves to blame? It couldn’t have been due to the lack of alcohol. Maybe the game needed to ignite to fully engage the supporters and their voices.

Chelsea began to grow into the game and on twenty minutes, a Conor Gallagher cross from the right was played in to Raheem Sterling. There was a heavy touch and the ball eventually found Cole Palmer. His stab at goal was from close-in but the Liverpool ‘keeper Kelleher saved well. Nicolas Jackson’s follow-up was blocked too.

On the half-hour mark, Palmer padded the ball forward to Jackson who moved the ball square to Jackson. His grass-cutter cross to the far post – towards Sterling – was perfection and as our often-maligned striker prodded home, I turned to PD and we both screamed at each other like fools.

Alas.

VAR.

The goal was disallowed. Offside.

Bollocks.

Liverpool’s Gakpo headed against the base of Petrovic’ near post.

The game had taken a while but it was warming up. However, still not much noise, and virtually nothing from our end to the right. There were a few half-hearted chants from our section – “Three Little Birds” is a difficult one to get going in the huge spaces of the upper tier at Wembley – and the noise did not build.

Just before the half-time break, I spotted many red seats in the Chelsea end, the lure of a pint or a pee too strong for many. In contrast, there were hardly any empty seats in the Liveroool end. Advantage still to Liverpool. Bollocks.

When the whistle sounded, I disappeared downstairs and hoped that I would be able to conquer the north face of the Eiger on my return. I made it, but it seemed that we had lost PJ and Feisal to frostbite.

The second-half began and we began to probe the Liverpool defence more often. Gallagher set up Enzo but the Argentinian managed to get his tango feet tangled up and the chance went begging. At the other end, Petrovic punched clear from Elliott.

On the hour, a long cross from the Liverpool left was met by a leap from Van Dijk. The ball nestled in the net. We groaned. In the Liverpool end to our left, red flares were ignited, a horrible reminder of a scene at the end of the 2022 FA Cup Final.

After what seemed like an age, VAR was summoned.

No goal.

Christopher Nkunku replaced Sterling.

The game increased in quality and intensity. Chances were exchanged.

A Gallagher corner dropped into the six-yard box. Levi Colwill headed it on but Disasi made a mess of the final touch. Kelleher was able to jump unchallenged to claim. From my vantage point it seemed impossible that we had not edged ahead.

Gakpo blazed over.

Everyone was still stood. Everyone in the stadium. You have to marvel at us football fans’ ability to stand for hours and hours.

There was a nice interchange between Gusto and Caicedo that set up the silky skills of Palmer. His touch inside to Gallagher was flicked on and we were exasperated when his effort came back off the far post.

Fackinell.

Gomez at Petrovic. An easy save.

Caicedo to Gusto, but a searching ball was just too long for Nkunku at the far post.

Gallagher was given another chance, set up by Palmer, but with just Kelleher to beat there was a lame finish.

Fackinell.

We still created chances. A fine ball by Enzo out to Jackson who did well to hold the ball up. He played it back to Gallagher who blazed over.

Mykhailo Mudryk for Jackson.

Another attack, with bodies in the box, Kelleher saved at point blank range from Nkunku.

Oh my bloody goodness.

At ninety-minutes it was 0-0.

“We have been here before Liverpool, we have been here before.”

There was no time to pause, no time to think, the game began again. Or rather, it didn’t for us. All of the momentum that we had built in the last quarter of the game seemed to disappear as the night grew colder.

Noni Madueke for Gallagher. What? Answers on a postcard.

Trevoh Chalobah for Chilwell.

Liverpool came again, with a few efforts on our goal. We had Petrovic to thank once more. His had been a fine performance. There was a hugely impressive “Allez Allez Allez” from the red corner to my left. It was the loudest noise of the entire match. I looked over at the blue corner to my right. I heard nothing. I just saw a few blue flags being waved in the far corner. As far as responses go, it was almost fucking laughable.

Where has our support gone? It was excellent in 2019 against City. This, in 2024, was even worse than the 2008 debacle against Tottenham. It makes me so sad.

At half-time in extra-time, I suspect we all feared penalties once again.

The second period soon came and we watched as Chelsea grew weaker. The minutes ticked by. Our new additions did not add anything to the team. Mudryk frustrated us in the way only he can do. We looked tired. I felt tired.

Penalties surely.

With just two minutes remaining, a Liverpool corner. I found myself momentarily gazing over at the lower tier opposite, the Chelsea section. Everyone was still stood. I looked back just in time to see the ball fly into the net from another Van Dijk header.

There were red flares again at Wembley Stadium.

Tales From The Loyal Three Thousand

Manchester United vs. Chelsea : 6 December 2023.

Originally the plan was to stay up in the North-West for four nights, taking in the matches at Manchester United and Everton without the need to travel up and back twice. I had booked accommodation near Piccadilly for Wednesday night, and accommodation near Goodison Park for the other three nights. With it being our last-ever visit to the old lady, I thought it worthwhile to base ourselves in Liverpool, exploring some previously unvisited areas – North Wales maybe – while being close to the stadium for one last hurrah.

That was the plan.

And then Frome Town buggered it all up.

The Mighty Dodge drew ex-Football League outfit Torquay United in the Third Round of the FA Trophy. Well, I couldn’t miss that. I even thought about leaving PD and Parky in Liverpool and driving to Frome on the Saturday. But then Parky decided that he needed to make other arrangements and we chose to cancel both stays.

At 1pm I collected PD in Frome and we began our journey north. It honestly did not seem too long ago that I last visited Old Trafford; it came at the end of last season, the first of two games in Manchester in a mere five days.

It’s a well-worn path. This would be my twenty-eighth away game with Chelsea at Old Trafford. It used to be a decent hunting ground. However, those days seem a long time ago. It is now over ten years since our last win at United, a lone strike from Juan Mata giving us the points in May 2013. Alex Ferguson announced that he would retire as United manager the very next day. I would like to think that the two are linked.

We reached “The Windmill” at the Tabley Interchange on the M6 at 4.45pm and we had a bite to eat. At 6pm, I set off on the last stretch. Alas, we were hit with tiresome traffic congestion as we crawled along the A56 through Altrincham and Sale, and then eventually along Chester Road and into Stretford. Past the old Art Deco cinema. Past the new McDonalds where “The Drum” used to be, past the shopping centre. We were parked up at 7.15pm.

It was a clear night. A little cold. No rain.

I am sure I could walk this last section in my sleep. It is so familiar.

Across Gorse Hill Park. The floodlights of the cricket ground to my right. Back onto the Chester Road again. Past a lot of new buildings, much changed in the last fifteen years. But still that working men’s club on the right. A new car dealership. The hot dog stand. The steel of Old Trafford across the way. That large “Tesco” on the right. A new pop-up bar on the other pavement, a re-furbished 20’ sea container. Those tower blocks to the left. The trot over the road. “The Bishop Blaize” pub. The line of fast food places as you walk up to the cross-roads. Red-brick terraced houses beyond. Lou Macari’s chip shop. People queueing for food. The pungent smell of vinegar. The grafters selling match day scarves. Onto Sir Matt Busby Way. The bloke yelling out “United We Stand” and yet more stalls selling scarves and tat. The crowds getting deeper, a mix of accents. The line of police as the forecourt is reached. The neon signage on the East Stand. The Munich memorial. The Munich clock. The slope down to the away turnstiles. The hunt for familiar faces.

“Kim!”

I spotted Kim, from the US, now residing in Liverpool, and I handed over her match ticket. We bump into each other at a variety of locations – the last one a boat in Bristol harbour – and this was her first visit to Old Trafford for a few years.

It’s always the biggest away game for me, this one. It’s a classic battle. North vs. South. Red vs. Blue. Manchester vs. London. Old Trafford. The largest club ground in the UK. The scene of our 1970 FA Cup win. The scene of our 1915 FA Cup loss. Some huge battles over the decades.

My SLR is banned at both Manchester stadia and so I again wanted to take a few photos of the match-going support, close-up, rather than rely on too many grainy and fuzzy action shots using my smaller camera. There was a mandatory search and I was in. It was 7.50pm.

There was a new vantage point for me for this one. I am usually positioned in the curve above the corner flag. This time I was in Section 233, square behind the goal-line, a few yards inside the pitch. I was only a few seats away from the home fans. It allowed me a few new angles of Old Trafford for which I was grateful.

This was an 8.15pm kick-off. This relatively new kick-off time, at the behest of Amazon, seems particularly pernicious. An extra twist of the knife for match-going fans. There seemed to be no valid reason for it. Why not stage all of “their” midweek games at 7.30pm? With an 8.15pm start, it’s more tiredness, more pain, more stress, especially for those pour souls who were straight back in to work the next morning.

Alan, alongside me in row seven had travelled up by coach. There were no trains back to London after the game. He aimed to get back home to South London by around 6am, another couple of days of annual leave used up, just like me.

Kev, a few rows behind me, had travelled up with some friends from the Bristol area, and although his father Brian was taking a turn to drive, Kev would be back in work at 6am on the Thursday, the poor sod.

Despite the ridiculous kick-off time, our end was full. Three thousand strong. But of course. We may be going through a tough spell but the clamour for away tickets is as frenzied as ever. I saw no gaps in our section. Not one.

Top marks.

Before the kick-off, I met up with Pete from Texas. His wife, a United fan, was in The Stretford End.

The teams entered the pitch from the corner. I had not yet seen the team.

Sanchez

Cucarella – Silva – Disasi – Colwill

Enzo – Caicedo

Sterling – Palmer – Mudryk

Jackson

Or something like that.

The home team had a mixture of names that I was and wasn’t overly familiar with. This isn’t the team of Rooney, Ronaldo, Ferdinand and Evra.

It isn’t even the team of Coppell, Buchan, Hill and Macari.

The current United team is not known in my household.

The game began.

I had heard a new song in the crowded concourse before the game and here it was again.

“Who’s that twat who comes from Portsmouth?”

Well, Mason Mount wasn’t even playing, nor was he even on the bench.

We were under the cosh from the start and in the fourth minute Robert Sanchez collapsed well to finger-tip an angled shot from Rasmus Hojland, whoever he is, past the far post. It was all United.

On nine minutes, after another United attack, the referee signalled a penalty after VAR was called into action. I did not know why the penalty was given. There is no TV screen at Old Trafford. There was just the briefest of mentions of the penalty on the scoreboard in the corner of the Stretford End. So, I was left in the dark as Bruno Fernandes tee’d up the penalty. I lifted up my camera to capture the kick. With everyone stood, I saw nothing. I just heard a roar and I immediately tried to ascertain, in a nanosecond, if the roar was from us or from them. It was from us.

GET IN.

I had no idea if the ‘keeper had touched it, but I did not care one jot.

It was still 0-0.

Not long after, Cole Palmer intercepted a pass from Sofyan Amrabat, whoever he is, and the ball fell to Nicolas Jackson. He passed to Mykhailo Mudryk who tamely shot against the near post.

Gary wasn’t sure who the United midfielder was and we both said that he looked like Juan Sebastian Veron.

“Don’t worry, we’ll sign him in the summer.”

United were carving us open, with their wide men enjoying tons of space. I didn’t like how Levi Colwill, the night’s captain, was not close to his man, while Raheem Sterling was reluctant to double-back and help Marc Cucarella, who often had to cope with two or even three men running at him. A shot from Alejandro Garnacho was saved by Sanchez and in the immediate break, Mudryk must have been overwhelmed as he raced forward with players in support to his left and right. In the end, his pass to the right to Sterling was awful, and was easily intercepted.

Shots were exchanged. Antony at Sanchez. Enzo at Onana.

Possession was given up easily. It was as if the ball was an unexploded bomb awaiting detonation. The ball was nobody’s friend. On twenty minutes, a move down our right carved us open, and when the ball came back to Scott McTominay, the midfielder purposefully volleyed it low and into the net. He celebrated down below us.

More mistakes followed. And chances. A poor touch by Jackson allowed Onana to block.

It frustrated the living hell out of all of us to see Chelsea continue to play the ball out from the back. This well-rehearsed ploy attempted to entice United on, allowing us to cut them open with a series of blistering passes played with cutthroat precision that would lead to devastating counter-attacks.

“Er…what?”

Our passing throughout the first-half was to prove to be our Achilles heel. Yet United were almost as bad. This was no remake of the 2008 Champions League Final.

On the half-hour, Jackson set up Mudryk. He drove on in the inside left channel but his effort was as tame as they come, the ball idly missing the near post by yards.

The mood in the away end was of frustration and then perhaps even anger.

I noted how Cole Palmer often came deep in an effort to knit things together but he found it oh-so difficult. Enzo was quiet. Caicedo non-existent.

Approaching the last five minutes of the first-half, I quickly tallied up that it could have been 5-3.

Crazy game.

With Harry Maguire finding himself in an advanced position on their right down below us, the tall centre-back adeptly back-heeled the ball to a team mate and the United fans in the Sir Bobby Charlton Stand collectively laughed.

On forty-five minutes, Mudryk played in Palmer. He drifted in along the edge of the penalty box, defenders close by, and magnificently stroked the ball in at the far post.

YES!

We went doo-fucking-lally.

He must have loved that, an ex-City player scoring at the Stretford End.

There was a song for Palmer.

“He moves it from the left to right. Cole Palmer is dynamite.”

This was followed by a loud “Carefree” that rung out from Sections 230 to 233. We had been pretty quiet as the half developed but here was a moment to enjoy.

The inevitable “just like London your city is blue.”

At half-time, I bumped into a few faces in the concourse.

“Not much quality but there’s a lot going on.”

I briefly met up with Johnny Twelve from California, celebrating his fiftieth Chelsea game. His wife was alongside him in the away section. I spotted that hundreds of central seats in the lower tier of the Stretford End were empty at the start of the second-half. This is obviously where United had decided to locate many of their corporate guests, many of whom were taking their time to return to their seats.

The lower tier of the Stretty.

Good God.

This end was the beating heart of Old Trafford when I was younger, when I first visited the stadium in 1986, and throughout the next few decades. I can’t imagine what the United faithful think about this.

Modern football, eh?

Mauricio Pochettino replaced the keen but exposed Cucarella with Reece James. The second-half began and we wondered what on Earth would happen next.

Chances were not so frequent as in the first-half.

Luke Shaw, at left-back, and defending near us, was the object of some abuse from Gary.

“The size of your shorts, Shaw.”

“Oi, Shaw. Billy Smart wants his tent back.”

A corner from down below us from Mudryk was flicked on by James and Jackson’s header at the far post really should have hit the target. A strong run from Mudryk then took him into the danger area but his shot was deflected for a corner. At the other end, Garnacho cut inside and his shot on goal reminded me so much of Ole Gunnar Solskjaer’s late equaliser against us in the autumn of 1997. Thankfully, this effort continued to rise over the bar.

Alas, from virtually the same place in the penalty box, Garnacho sent a teasing cross over to the far post and Teddy Sheringham, Eric Cantona, Andy Cole, Denis Law, Lou Macari, Ruud van Nistelrooy, Wayne Rooney, Gary Pallister, Billy Meredith and Bobby Charlton were among those lining up to head home. Scott McTominay got the touch.

2-1. Bollocks.

Two goals for McTominay. Bollocks.

There was a sniff of VAR cancelling the goal – again, I have no idea what for – but the goal stood. What with late kick-off times and VAR replays for those watching elsewhere, football is a TV game now. As if anyone was in any doubt.

There were twenty minutes’ left. The mood in the away end deteriorated. Rather than improve things with stability, James was having a ‘mare. In fact, the whole bloody team were awful.

Garnacho, with an instinctive angled shot, wide.

Fackinell.

In the first-half there had been rare breaks. In the second-half there had been virtually nothing. Armando Broja replaced Mudryk on seventy-seven minutes, and I wondered why Jackson will still playing. He had been, perhaps, the poorest of the bunch all night long.

Reece James blazed over from an angle.

Ridiculously, we were only losing 2-1 and we were one goal away from the most improbable point. In the last few minutes, a deep cross from James found the leap from Broja at the far post. He hit the frame of the goal.

Oh God.

The final straw for me took place in added time, with us showing no urgency at all at a throw-in, and no players looking like they were too bothered about anything.

No movement. No desire. No talking. No gesticulating. No fervour.

No hope.

The final whistle was blown and I headed for the exits. I couldn’t face clapping the players, but I heard the boos from among our fans. I just glowered.

We walked, as quickly as we could, back to the car. I overheard a few conversations from the home fans. They were pragmatic, but generally subdued, far from euphoric.

“Scott McTominay. He’s our top scorer now.”

“Says it all, doesn’t it?”

Yeah, Scott bloody McTominay.

We walked past the chippies. The smell of vinegar cut through the air again. Along the Chester Road, the familiar walk, the familiar feeling.

We were back on the M6 at 11pm and, after stopping at Keele Services and Strensham Services, I made good time heading south. PD ran through the league positions and – yes – all of the teams above us are undoubtedly better than us. We seem destined to finish in tenth place this season. I joked that the best that we can hope for in May is to finish top of the West London League, ahead of Brentford and Fulham.

Everton on Sunday will be a struggle and I can hear the words already.

“I’ll take a draw now.”

It is becoming our mantra this season.

I eventually made it home at 2.50am.

There is no punchline.

TEAMS

US

CORNER

STAND

YELLOW

STEPS

THEM

ALONE

OUTSIDE

> dedicated to the loyal three thousand

Tales From A Ball Of Confusion

Chelsea vs. Brighton And Hove Albion : 3 December 2023.

There was a black and white photograph of Terry Venables on the front of the match programme. The news of his sad passing, at the age of eighty, came through while we were sat at a café in Gateshead on the day after the match at Newcastle. He had actually died on the day of the game. Although he had played for three other London teams, and managed them all, he was always fondly remembered at Chelsea, a club that he never really wanted to leave. Later that Sunday, in the pub that had become our local for the weekend, we raised our glasses in memory of one of the brightest lights of that ‘sixties Chelsea team, and one of the most innovative coaches of the past few decades.

I never saw Terry Venables play. In fact, he was the manager of the opposing team in games that I saw a surprisingly few times. But he always seemed to me to be a genuine football man. The tales of him taking on Tommy Docherty with ideas of football tactics are legendary, and undoubtedly the reason why he was eventually moved on from Chelsea. There was only ever going to be one winner there. He joined the hated Tottenham, then QPR, then Crystal Palace. He was cherry-picked by Barcelona and won La Liga in his first season at Camp Nou. Alongside him as his number two was Alan Harris, brother of Ron. I always remember that I did a tour of the towering Barcelona stadium with two college mates in September 1987 on the very day that “El Tel” got the elbow, sacked after just over three seasons at one of the World’s largest clubs. As we left the stadium, I remember a gaggle of folk assembling outside the main stand and, at the time, I did not know why. The next day, we found out.

Later, there was Tottenham and a few famous battles with Chelsea. With England there were the highs – I was at the Holland and Spain games of Euro ’96 – and lows of being national team manager.

Terry Venables was an English football legend who lived life to the full – a singer and novelist too – and touched the lives of many. I often wonder how Chelsea’s story would have panned out if he had stayed in 1966.

Rest In Peace.

I was inside at about 1.30pm ahead of the 2pm kick-off, and I found myself chatting to my mate Daryl. Neither of us were too optimistic about the outcome of the upcoming match with Brighton.

“I’ll be happy with a draw mate.”

After the second-half capitulation at Newcastle, it felt that the twin games against Tottenham and City were a blip and that our state of health was again being questioned.

It had been a decent pre-match and the tight confines of “The Eight Bells” had been livened by the appearance of our friends Linda and Deano, calling in before their three-month adventure in Thailand, and also my Brighton mate Mac and his four pals, plus Chad, Danny and Josh from Minnesota.

Unlike the coldness of the day before, the weather was mild. The Chelsea team was announced and I took a look at it.

In goal, Robert Sanchez. A back four – without the suspended Reece James and Marc Cucarella – of Axel Disasi, Thiago Silva, Benoit Badiashile and Levi Colwill. In midfield, Moises Caicedo, Enzo Fernandez and Conor Gallagher. Out wide were Raheem Sterling and Mykhailo Mudryk. In the middle, Nicolas Jackson.

No Cole Palmer.

Three former Brighton players; Sanchez, Colwill, Caicedo.

I immediately turned to Alan and admitted that I – probably for no logical reason – disliked tall full-backs.

“Only Ivanovic was any good…”

Why is that? I do prefer full-backs to be more compact, nippier, think Ashley Cole, Graeme Le Saux, Cesar Azpilicueta.

Our back four was made up of centre-backs and with Brighton likely to be quick and agile, I feared the worst. At least there was no Kaoru Mitoma in the starting line-up.

There were a few moments of applause in memory of Terry Venables before the game began.

After showing up in a vivid orange away kit for the League Cup game at the end of September, this time the Brighton kit man chose green and black striped shirts. It didn’t look right. If you were playing for your school and an opposing school showed up in green and black stripes, you would fancy your chances.

“Looks like a rugby-playing school this, lads. Who wears green and black? Into them!”

Well, despite all this, Brighton began brighter and I wondered if even a draw might be a tad optimistic. But we dug in, became a little more aggressive and won some battles. Conor Gallagher carried out his usual corner routine of holding the ball up above his head for a moment, before placing it in the quadrant.

“That’s code for another shit corner…”

One or two of these missed their intended targets.

A ball was played through to Nicolas Jackson who ran on but soon ran out of steam. I would soon lament that he had neither the pace, strength nor nous to be effective.

Lo and behold, on seventeen minutes, another Gallagher corner from out on our right beat the first man and Benoit Badiashile did ever so well to keep the ball alive and hook it back into the six-yard box. Enzo Fernandez rose to head home, and then celebrated wildly down in Parkyville.

GET IN.

Jackson then surprised everyone with an excellent dribble into the box and to the by-line before prodding it goal wards but the Brighton ‘keeper Jason Steele saved. The rebound was headed well wide by Enzo.

This was a good little spell for us and a cross from Sterling was hit into the danger area but went off for a corner. Gallagher’s delivery again caused Brighton problems. Jackson headed back for Levi Colwill to head towards goal. In the follow up, a shot from Axel Disasi was thumped against the side netting. We groaned. But within a heartbeat the initial header from Colwill was signalled as having crossed the line. There was only four minutes between the two goals.

2-0, oh my bloody goodness.

The game then meandered for a while. Despite us being 2-0 up, the atmosphere inside Stamford Bridge was truly dreadful. The away fans – any away fans – can usually be relied to stir things up a little, but the Brighton fans were as quiet as us.

Pah.

There was defensive hari-kari in our six-yard box, and – really Mister Pochettino – we need words, I already had a few heart attacks back in 2020. Please stop all that buggering about please.

Simon Adingra seemed to be giving Axel Disasi a bit of a runaround.

Mykhailo Mudryk spun on a sixpence and accelerated away but his shot just missed the target. His effort was warmly applauded. Bit of an enigma, that kid, eh? We all wish him well though.

It wasn’t great, despite the 2-0 score line.

PD blurted out “poor” just as I was thinking it.

It was deathly quiet.

Sadly, just before half-time, Facundo Buonanotte was on the end of an uncontested move and sent a fine curling shot between defenders and past Robert Sanchez to narrow the margin.

Bollocks.

Raheem Sterling danced into the Brighton box but then fell over himself.

Another rapid break from Mydruk down the left showed him at his best; electric pace, a dangerous cross. Sadly, this resulted in a quite brilliant reflex save from Steele as a Brighton defender deflected the cross goal wards.

The away fans had found their voices.

“Albion, Albion…Albion, Albion.”

Then, a very clumsy – and silly – challenge by the previously-booked Gallagher on our former player Billy Gilmour resulted in a second yellow and marching orders.

The Brighton lot were happy.

“Cheerio, Palace scum.”

This was the second red for a captain in consecutive games.

Fackinell.

It had been a Curate’s Egg of a first-half. There had been periods of good play but areas of concern too. I spoke with Oxford Frank about our failings during the first period. Despite the two goals, much of it was pedestrian. I recounted the game I attended on Saturday, a come-from-behind win by Frome Town at home to lowly Exmouth Town, and soon realised that I was far more excited as I found myself describing that game than dwelling on the match taking place below us. A special mention for my mate Josh – one of the Minnesota triplets – who travelled down to Somerset specially to see Frome play. The win, in front of a decent 376, left Frome in third place but with plenty of games in hand.

As I returned to my seat, Clive and Alan were in discussion about our second teams; Clive with Hereford, Alan with Bromley, me with Frome Town.

“If your two teams played each other, who would you want to win?”

And it is a great question.

I was asked this same question years ago, maybe before my love for Frome Town reached its full blossoming, and I replied “Chelsea, of course…”

Now, it’s a little more blurred.

But it’s still Chelsea.

Say, though, Frome Town defeat Torquay United in the FA Trophy next Saturday and are then drawn away to Oldham Athletic on the same day that Chelsea at home to Fulham on Saturday 13 January. What to do? What to do? Thinking about that could ruin my Christmas.

The second-half began.

After five minutes of play, the Stamford Bridge crowd eventually took the bull by the horns and got involved with the usual strains of “Amazing Grace” being used :

“Chelsea, Chelsea, Chelsea, Chelsea – Chelsea, Chelsea, Chelsea.”

You know how it goes.

I joined in. But I then – gulp – realised that this was my first vocal involvement of the entire bloody game. Oh Christ. Is this what I have become? My 1993 self would have been distraught to see this. Bloody good time travel is not yet with us.

We were down to ten men, of course, but it didn’t really show.

Roberto De Zerbi made four substitutions on the hour, including James Milner, a player I have loathed for ages now.

Alan had just been talking to Clive about playing Mudryk down the middle – not always, just on occasion, to mix things a little – when we broke at pace.

A Brighton corner was claimed by Sanchez. A roll out to Sterling. To Jackson. To Mudryk. In on goal. Milner racing back.

I took a photograph.

Mudryk’s legs crumpled.

Did I immediately think it was a penalty? I hoped so.

Play continued. The crowd was roaring. I studied the image I had taken. I had my own little review. It looked like he had been caught.

VAR was called into action.

The nerds at Stockley Park were not sure.

Back it went to the referee Craif Pawson.

Penalty.

I did not cheer.

Enzo.

Goal.

A roar from me.

A roar from everyone.

A slide into the corner down below us.

Snap.

GET IN YOU BEAUTY.

Objectively speaking, my thoughts are that if the team of VAR “experts” can’t decide, then it doesn’t go back to the referee on the side of the pitch. The initial decision stands. I know that it would have meant that we would not have won that penalty, but VAR is killing our game.

The chants in support of the team grew louder.

“Chelsea, Chelsea, Chelsea, Chelsea – Chelsea, Chelsea, Chelsea.”

We played well in the remainder. Pochettino made further substitutions.

Cole Palmer for Sterling.

Ian Maatsen for Jackson.

An extra man at the back now? I thought so,

Armando Broja for Mudryk.

We were treated to a punt up field from Sanchez for Broja and I approved. A little variation in our attacking play always makes the opponents uneasy.

“Chelsea, Chelsea, Chelsea, Chelsea – Chelsea, Chelsea, Chelsea.”

That man Mitoma looked lively. Sanchez stretched low to turn away a long shot from Pascal Gross.

Ten minutes of extra time were signalled.

A corner from their left, in front of their fans, was whipped in and Joao Pedro lept well to glance the ball in; near post to far post.

Oh God.

The rain was lashing down now.

The minutes ticked by.

I kept glancing at Alan’s ‘phone; he always puts the timer on at ninety minutes.

6 minutes.

8 minutes.

Another save down low from Sanchez.

10 minutes.

A cross from Adingra was slashed in.

I saw nothing, nothing odd, nothing untoward. Imagine my shock when it became apparent that a penalty had been awarded.

What? Why? Who? Where? How?

Those of us in the ground were baffled, but obviously crestfallen. There was a big old kerfuffle in the penalty box. Confusion reigned.

VAR.

Another delay.

The referee went back to the TV screen.

Another delay.

I was fearing the worst.

The referee drew a rectangle with his hands like some stupid game of charades.

I thought it was a penalty that he had signalled.

So did the Brighton fans who roared.

My heart sank.

But then a roar from the home fans.

What?

No penalty.

What the fuck has happened to our game?

Tales From Tottenham Away, Love It!

Tottenham Hotspur vs. Chelsea : 6 November 2023.

Not much happened in this game, eh?

Without further ado, let’s try and cobble together some sort of coherent description of a ridiculous night of football in North London, though I am not sure that I am going to be able to sufficiently contain it all in one piece. Maybe it will need several addendums, many edits, perhaps even a re-write.

Let’s go.

After three home games – a draw, a loss, a win – we were now back on the road. The game at Tottenham – funny how we always call them Tottenham, but Tottenham often call themselves Spurs – was filling me, and I am sure countless others, with dread. Unbeaten in the league thus far, they were carving out a decent start to the season with Ange Postecoglou in charge. Chelsea, in comparison, had been patchy at best. I had commented to several mates that we were in the middle of a phony war thus far; many of our players were out injured, many of the teams that we had been paired against were not of a very high standard. The last few weeks had felt a little phony, a little false.

Tottenham away though. This was a bloody test alright.

With our game with them being moved to a Monday, it allowed me to drive up to the Malvern Hills on the Saturday to follow my local team. On a wet, then misty, then sunny afternoon, Frome Town won 3-1 away at Malvern Town. It was deeply enjoyable. I wasn’t quite so confident about the visit to N17.

I set the alarm for 4.30am to enable me to work a flexi-shift of 6am to 2pm. I was subdued and quiet throughout Monday as I battled a few logistical problems. I tried not to think too much about the upcoming game. The time flew past and at just after 2pm I picked up PD and Parky in the pub car-park opposite my place of work and then shot around to collect Sir Les from his house. I then drove south to collect Salisbury Steve from his gaff a few minutes after 3pm.

We were on our way.

“Take a draw now.”

“Be happy with nil-nil.”

Steve supplied me with Jelly Babies to keep me alert and I ate up the miles. The traffic was light and we were parked up at Barons Court tube just after 5pm. We dipped into a local café for some drinks before heading east and then north.

Barons Court to Holborn to Liverpool Street to White Hart Lane.

Tottenham away – “love it!” – is a familiar journey.

I had worked out that this would be my twenty-fifth away game against Tottenham, though this includes a few at Wembley Stadium too. My overall record was pretty decent.

Won : 9

Drew : 7

Lost : 8

I know that during the long unbeaten stretch, I veered away from going to White Hart Lane, convinced that my appearance would put the glorious run to an end; I didn’t show up from 2001 to 2008 at all.

But I have had some superb times in this part of London and a few of them flitted through my mind. These days we always alight at the White Hart Lane over ground station, though for all of the first half a dozen visits, I always used to get off at Seven Sisters tube and then walk up the High Road to the old stadium.

For some reason, the game in August 1987 – only my second-ever visit – came to mind. I travelled up with Glenn by train from Frome. It seems odd now, but we shot over to Upton Park and had some pie and mash at “Nathan’s” and even had a drink in “The Queens” pub on Green Street. I think Glenn just fancied some authentic East End food before our trip into north London. We had begun the season with two wins and Chelsea descended on White Hart Lane in huge numbers and with high hopes.

I remember walking into a pub with Glenn – halfway up the High Road – and being, obviously, wary, but then relishing the joy of being among many Chelsea fans who were dropping in for pre-match refreshments en route. We had huge numbers there that day; I had bought a seat in the Park Lane after the home opener the previous weekend while Glenn nabbed one from a tout outside. Thousands filled the pens in front. There looked like severe crushing until the police moved the away support into a section under The Shelf. It felt magnificent to be part of such a huge away support. The gate was a massive – for the time – 37,079 and we must have had 8,000. I remember we played in white shorts. We lost 0-1, fucking Nico Claesen with a very late goal at the Paxton Road End. Ten days later, at Old Trafford, I can remember similar scenes; Chelsea travelling in huge numbers and our away support being shuffled along into one of the side pens of the United Road Paddock, with the United fans outraged as they had to move along into another pen.

“What the fook is going on?”

Incredible times. Chelsea away in the ‘eighties. You had to be there.

Our escapade across London had gone well. At Liverpool Street, the tribes were amassing; a few shouts from a Chelsea crowd behind us, a few shouts of “Yid Army” on the platform. We just missed a train but caught the next one. I sat with PD. Les was by himself. I saw Parky talking to a Tottenham chap. I knew he wouldn’t give the game away. Steve was chatting away too, but I wasn’t sure if that bloke was Tottenham or not.

There is always a frisson of tension for this game.

At about 6.30pm we reached White Hart Lane station. Out onto the High Road, the huge stadium loomed large. The atmosphere, unlike a previous visit, wasn’t too prickly. As we sloped north towards the almost hidden approach to the away section, I spotted two away supporters, both with Chelsea tops, both with Chelsea scarves.

I could not help but think one word.

“Tourists.”

We were inside pretty quickly. It was easy too, despite having to go through a metal detector. Knowing this would be the case, I left my SLR at home and instead took along a small pocket camera. I placed this under my phone and wallet to the side of the frame of the detector and the security guard didn’t clock it; we were in.

I knew that my ticket was, as in the previous three league visits this fine stadium, down low in row three and I knew that my pocket camera would not be able to take too many decent photos. To make up for it, I had decided to turn the camera on us, the fans, and as I walked through the away concourse I began to snap away.

There was a surprise reunion with Andy and Steve-O from California and also Chopper from New York. The away support was in good form, singing defiantly. I hoped the singing would continue inside.

Down in our section – 118, nearest the home support, next to the pretentiously named East Atrium – the troops were amassing. I continued to click my camera, the focus on mates not millionaires.

The kick-off approached.

Nerves? Yeah, just a bit.

The lights dimmed in the stadium, and there was an instruction on the TV screens.

“Lights On.”

With that, thousands of mobile ‘phone torches were hoisted above heads in the towering South Stand and elsewhere.

“What’s this? A fucking Barry Manilow concert?”

Good grief.

To continue the cringe-fest, I spotted a flag in the opposite corner.

“We’re Loving Big Ange Instead.”

Barry Manilow. Robbie Williams.

For Fuck Sake.

But then the mood changed.

I very much approved of the way that Tottenham Hotspur marked the upcoming Remembrance Day. As the two teams lined up on the centre circle, two Chelsea Pensioners in bright red (usually so incongruous at a Tottenham versus Chelsea game, but on this occasion just right) placed two poppy wreaths on the turf. Well done Tottenham for inviting the Chelsea Pensioners; top marks. I was sure that the PA announced that there would be a rendition of “The Last Post” and then a minute of silence, but after the last few notes of the haunting tune finished, the crowd roared.

Tottenham in all white – but looking slightly off-white to my eyes – and Chelsea in all blue.

Our team?

Sanchez

James – Silva – Disasi – Colwill

Caicedo – Enzo

Palmer – Gallagher – Sterling

Jackson

Our seats were filled.

Standing behind me was Lee. I had not seen him for such a long time. He was there with his son Kayden. It was his boy’s first-ever away game. It was wonderful to see them both.

At 8pm, the game began.

I had, repeatedly, told others – not surprisingly – that we needed to keep them at bay in the first part of the game. Well, we could not have started more poorly. A Tottenham move down their left was then switched to their right and, horribly, I had a perfect view of what developed. The ball was played out via James Madison and then to Pape Matar Sarr to Dejan Kulusevski.

“Get closer, get closer.”

Sadly, Levi Colwill didn’t get closer and he allowed the Tottenham midfielder time to cut inside and shoot. His effort deflected off the defender and into the net.

Fucksake.

Tottenham 1 Chelsea 0.

Only six minutes had gone.

Calvin sneaked into the row in front, standing alongside his father and uncle, and we shared some banter.

Chelsea were chasing shadows and other clichés in the opening part of the game and it wasn’t long before the home team pounced again. A flowing move down their left fed in Son Heung-Min who deftly flicked it low past Robert Sanchez.

Noise.

Oh fuck.

A quarter of an hour gone and we were 0-2 down.

But then, a quick glance to my right and I, and others, spotted the raised yellow flag of the linesman a few yards away.

Please. Please. Please.

I honestly cannot remember if the VAR check was long or short, but the decision was upheld and so the score stayed at 0-1.

Behind me, there was the gravelly and rasping voice of a Chelsea fan who was singing alone and pleading others to do so too. He was irritating all of those around us. I am pretty sure the same bloke in virtually the same seat was doing the same last season too.

“And he fucked off after an hour” said John, and we smiled.

To be honest, the Chelsea choir had begun well and there were outbreaks of support, but the home areas, completely full, were in the ascendency with their, um, three songs.

“Oh when the Spurs…”

“Glory Glory…”

“Yid Army…”

Yawn.

And then, imperceptibly, we slowly got into the game, especially with some progressive play down the wings. There had already been a half-chance for Nico Jackson, but as the half-progressed we had more of the ball.

I am not sure if I had a clear view of it, but the idiotically named Destiny Udogie went in recklessly on Raheem Sterling and VAR was called into action again; no red card, a yellow.

With a player from each side down, Caicedo exploited some space out on our left to find Sterling, who was increasingly involved. He ran through, and despite a couple of bobbles, lifted the ball into the net from an angle.

GET IN.

How we celebrated.

Alas, VAR was involved for the third time and judged that the ball had ricocheted back off a Tottenham defender and hit Sterling’s upper arm.

Bollocks.

However, it was half-way through the half and we had improved.

It is worth noting that I had no idea that Romero had carried out a petulant kick at Colwill during the build-up. I was probably too busy doing one of ninety-seven other things.

We dominated the play with home attacks rare.

The Chelsea support was roused.

“CAM ON CHOWLSEA. CAM ON CHOWLSEA.”

On thirty-five minutes, a Chelsea move deep into their box and the ball was pin-balled around. It fell nicely to Moises Caicedo just outside the penalty area.

I uttered the immortal words :

“Hit it you fucker!”

Hit it, he did, and the ball flew into the bottom left corner of the goal.

Wild, and I mean wild, celebrations.

YES!

And then, and then, the awful realisation that there was a raised flag for offside over on the far side. It then became crazier. As crazy as it has ever been. The goal was cancelled, an offside somewhere, but then as we were getting our head around that, the TV screen signalled VAR for possible violent conduct and we stood bewildered and confused, and I suppose a little elated. I don’t know and I was there for fuck sake. It was mad, it was shite, it was all the things I knew that I would hate about video technology. After what seemed an age…five minutes, six minutes, seven minutes?…Christian Romero was sent off, not sure what for at the time, but a penalty was awarded to us too.

Oh boy.

The ever confident Cole Palmer struck the ball goal wards and it cannoned in off the right upright.

Chelsea 1 Tottenham 1.

GET IN YOU FUCKING BEAUTY.

With Sterling dancing down the left wing, Chelsea continued to dominate the rest of the first-half. We had the ball in the net again, a break down the left, but Sterling had gone too soon, thus negating the eventual goal from Jackson due to an offside decision. Did that go to VAR? Not a clue.

By this stage, the little group of supporters in my immediate area were starting to chat away to each other; it felt like we were starting to initiate a self-help support group. There was chit-chat about our fortunes and misfortunes, smiles at the ludicrous nature of the match thus far, self-deprecating humour, hugs when goals were scored, glum faces when things went against us.

To my right, Parky, Gary, John, to my left a girl – voraciously swearing, I approved – with her boyfriend, in front Calvin and his father and his uncle, behind, Lee and his son, quietly taking it all in, then a smiley chap who I semi-recognised who was enthusiastically revelling in every second of the madness.

A ridiculous twelve extra minutes were added on to that first-half. It finished just before 9pm I guess. I felt exhausted. Phew.

I made my way out to the concourse – with an eye to more fan photos – and spoke to Noel from Brackley.

“I can’t watch that. We’re off.”

Noel is no fool. He is as level-headed as they come. I see him everywhere with his wife. Yet he was so disgusted by the farce of VAR that he had decided that enough was enough.

I was shocked, but maybe not. Just a few minutes before, another mate – Rob – had said that if we hadn’t scored that penalty after all those layered VAR decisions, he would have left too.

I hate VAR. Always have. Football is about passion and momentum. The ebb and flow of the game can be tantalising. It is a game that mustn’t be stopped in its tracks for the slightest misdemeanour. We might have gained something through VAR, but look what we have lost.  VAR is killing football, the spectacle of football, and I fear that it might eventually turn me away from the professional game.

Nerds are taking over the game.

Fuck them.

A substitution at the break :

Marc Cucarella for Colwill.

The game re-started with Chelsea attacking our end. Both John and I commented that Reece James, now in full vision in front of us, seemed to be playing within himself. His fragile body continues to worry us all.

We had much of the ball in the first part of the second-half. On fifty-five minutes, Sterling broke away centrally, Chelsea three on two, but a terrible pass outside to Palmer was hit right at Udogie. The ball became free, but Udogie then hacked Sterling down. Others around me had remembered that Udogie had been booked earlier and it soon became obvious that he would get his marching orders.

Tottenham were down to nine men with over half-an-hour to go. The game then reached a strange stage. It seemed that a win was almost sure to happen, and of course nothing was further from the truth. We relaxed a little bit too much and slowed our tempo. Tottenham’s defensive line was so high that at times they could have been queuing up for tickets at Seven Sisters.

But we did create chances.

From a lofted cross, Jackson, from under the bar, headed at Pierre-Emil Hojbjerg.

A shot from our Reece; wide.

Balls out of midfield into space were lazy.

Jackson, one on one against Guglielmo Vicario, but another good chance missed. The ‘keeper did well. The away end sighed three thousand sighs.

I made a bold statement to John : “Jackson will score, don’t worry.”

Marc Cucarella ran onto a ball over the top of the Tottenham line but spurned the chance to either shoot or pass to Sterling to his right. The Tottenham goalie was turning into our nemesis. Couldn’t he fuck off down to Seven Sisters too?

On the hour, Mykhailo Mudryk replaced Enzo.

On seventy-five minutes, with the Tottenham line still playing silly buggers, the ball was pushed forward for Sterling. I snapped his pass inside to Jackson, who – at last – slipped the ball easily past Vicario.

Now we exploded.

GET IN.

Such wild scenes in row three and throughout the away segment. Hugs with everyone.

YES.

But then. The inevitable VAR check. Was Sterling off?

We waited.

Goal.

Tottenham 1 Chelsea 2.

“Told you he would score, John.”

Calvin started to initiate a song.

“Spurs. Spurs are falling apart again.”

…mmm, that didn’t seem right using “Spurs.”

Malo Gusto for James.

Mudryk wasted virtually every chance that he was given…good grief, that boy can frustrate.

The drama continued. A Tottenham free-kick was lumped into the box. There was a knock on and a white-shirted body – Dier – thumped the ball in from beyond the far post.

I spotted another flag.

Offside.

Fackinell.

Then, Son shimmied into the box, and as he advanced I think we all expected the worst. He was forced a little wide but still managed to get a shot on target. The out-stretched dive of Sanchez saved the day.

“Fantastic save!”

I don’t think I noticed Les replace Raheem.

We continued to press on. There was no room for game management on this crazy night in North London. Conor Gallagher was set free and, just at the right moment, played the ball square to Jackson who finished with a fine finish.

Tottenham 1 Chelsea 3.

Deep into injury-time / VAR time, we were bouncing. Good old Chelsea had done it again. We serenaded the home fans and how :

“Tottenham get battered. Everywhere they go. Tottenham get battered. Everywhere they go.”

With that, and as we continued to sing this infamous song, another long ball pierced the Tottenham defence, this time releasing two. Jackson was in no mood to pass to Mudryk, who had already flashed one high over the bar, and rounded the ‘keeper to score.

Tottenham 1 Chelsea 4.

Bloody hell.

I was up on my seat now, bouncing, as were others.

“Tottenham Hotspur. It’s happened again.”

I grasped Lee’s hand.

“So good to see you mate.”

To be fair, credit where credit is due, the home fans stayed until the end and resolutely got behind their team with their songs of support.

At the final whistle, after eight minutes extra, joy unbounded.

Quite bizarrely, only right at the end, did the name Mauricio Pochettino flicker inside my head. What a night for him, eh?

During the day, an occasional thought about us beating Tottenham had entered my head – “just imagine!” – but I soon dismissed it as lunacy. But, against all odds and further clichés, we had done it. Sure, it wasn’t a convincing performance but this is a team that is still evolving. This team needs to be given a little slack. It needs time to grow.

I would later discover on the internet that some fans had been scathing of our performance, which I found a little unnerving, and I wondered if I had got carried away with the emotion of it all. I even read that some fellow couldn’t bring himself to cheering our third and fourth goal as he was so livid with our performance.

Me? Oh, I can forgive Chelsea for winning 4-1 at Tottenham.

Sometimes, football isn’t pretty. Sometimes it frustrates. But sometimes you have to just wonder at the madness of it – and the joy of beating Tottenham. Again.

We were in no rush to leave. We knew that the streets would be mobbed for a while. We enjoyed the moment. This was my fourth visit to their new digs and my record was pretty decent.

Won : 3

Drew : 0

Lost : 1

That meant that my overall record at Tottenham Away – “Love It!” – now stood at :

Won : 10

Drew : 7

Lost : 8

The Tottenham PA played a few songs; I thought initially that it was a cynical ploy to drown us out, but whatever.

The first one up was the Postecoglou- remix of “Angels.”

The residual Chelsea support gave it a special ending :

“We’re loving Chelsea instead.”

The five of us met up outside and drifted away into the night. We ate up some junk food on the High Road, then turned left onto White Hart Lane to join the residual queue at the train station. We caught the 11.18pm train to Liverpool Street and then made our way across London. We reached Barons Court at 12.30am. Last week against Blackburn, I got home at 12.45am. At that time on this night I was still in London.

We continued on. I dropped Steve off in Salisbury at 2.30am, I dropped the lads off in Melksham at just after 3am and I eventually got home at 3.40am.

It had been a great night.

GAME

FACES

Tales From The Hollins Suite

Chelsea vs. Liverpool : 13 August 2023.

Within the final match report of last season, there were a few references to my first ever Chelsea game. Sadly, during the summer, the Chelsea family lost two players from the team that played Newcastle United on that day back in 1974. The then captain John Hollins passed away on 14 June and Chris Garland passed away on 13 July.

I often used to see John Hollins in the Millennium Hotel on match days at Chelsea as he joined up with some his former team mates before commencing their hospitality roles. He was always very pleasant, always smiling, and I easily imagined his enthusiasm in the dressing room of that fabled Chelsea team in the early ‘seventies, and then when he took over the captaincy from Ron Harris a little later. In that Chelsea team of yore, Hollins was an integral part, alongside perhaps more vaunted names such as Osgood, Hudson, Cooke and Bonetti. I remembered him as a busy midfielder who weighed in with a fair share of goals. In the second ever game that I saw, at home to Tottenham later in 1974, it was his penalty that gave us a narrow 1-0 win.

After relegation in 1975, Holly joined QPR and then Arsenal. It was a big surprise when he returned, aged thirty-seven, in 1983 to add experience to a re-vamped Chelsea team seeking improvement after a dicey flirtation with relegation in 1982/83. His professionalism and personality surely helped that team gain promotion. The 1983/84 is still my favourite ever season and it needs no further explanation nor qualification.

If you were there, like me, you’ll know.

Taking over from John Neal as manager in 1985, Hollins was in charge for the next two-and-a-half seasons, but his skills as manager, rather than as a coach to Neal, were exposed. He was unceremoniously sacked in March 1988.

His one solitary England cap seems unfair and ridiculous. He was an engine in our 1970 and 1971 cup-winning teams and he was a bloody nice man to boot. John Hollins had been in poor health for a few years but still occasionally made trips to Chelsea on match days. He is fifth on the all-time list of appearances and he will always be a legend in my eyes.

Chris Garland joined Chelsea in 1971 just after the Real Madrid cup win and he was an integral part of the first Chelsea team that I can remember watching on TV, alongside a few of the newer signings such as Steve Kember and Bill Garner. It would be easy to say that these were lesser players compared to the golden era, but that would be doing them all a disservice. Garland in particular was an honest and hard-working player, mainly deployed as a wide attacker. As a young boy falling in love with my team, they were all heroes to me. He was transferred on to Leicester City in late 1974 so his part of my Chelsea story was relatively fleeting. He would return, latterly, to Bristol City – a local team to me, my closest league team in fact – and he would go down in City folklore as one of the “Ashton Gate Eight” who tore up their contracts to save the club in 1982. He had been suffering from Parkinson’s Disease for such a long time.

Of that team from 16 March 1974, five players have now sadly passed away; John Phillips, John Hollins, Chris Garland, Peter Houseman and Ian Hutchinson.

May God bless them all.

That gap between the last game of 2022/23 against Newcastle United and the first game of 2023/24 against Liverpool was just eleven weeks. It was almost a “football-free” time for me. There was no trip abroad to watch Chelsea in the US this year. I used to enjoy those expeditions a while ago, but they’re not for me anymore. I only really saw a few bits from the first game – the ludicrous match against Wrexham – and that just about turned my stomach; everybody sat, no singing, a flat atmosphere, and what seemed to be thousands of American couples out on some sort of bizarre “date night.”

Strangely, on a birthday flit up to the North-East in early July, I had been out drinking with my Everton mate Chris – a lovely long session of us putting the footballing world to rights – when we were joined at the last minute by Skoot, the singer from Declan Swans, a Wrexham-based band who regularly appeared in the Wrexham TV Show.

The “Wrexham TV Show”? Yeah, I know. It would never have happened in 1983.

For days after I had “It’s Always Sunny In Wrexham” invading my brain.

“Less than a mile from the centre of town a famous old stadium crumbling down.”

There were two Frome Town friendlies – live football is my drug – to pass the time; a keenly-contested 1-1 draw at Dorchester Town, a narrow 0-1 loss at home to Weston-Super-Mare.

My Frome Town mate Fordy, who now works opposite me in the same transport office, reported back on an evening match involving his team Arsenal against AS Monaco at The Emirates. The whole shooting match left him bitterly disappointed and underwhelmed with the whole modern-day football experience.

As the game began, the youth next to him uttered the immortal words : “it’s just like watching FIFA, innit?”

God only knows what I would have said if I had been there.

Fordy was just repulsed by everyone slagging off the Arsenal players and offering virtually no encouragement.

“I know mate. Everyone is a fucking critic these days.”

As the opening game of the new season approached, I found it difficult to keep up with the ins and outs at our beloved club. The “Supermarket Sweep” of the winter transfer window had continued, but with the added fascination of waving goodbye to a host of players who had been – mainly – underperforming for months.

Mason Mount – off you go, you little twerp.

Kai Havertz – thanks for Porto, yeah I know you’re not a false nine, but I grew tired of your lack of effort and your bleak and unsmiling high-cheek boned expression.

N’Golo Kante – I loved you then, I loved you now, safe travels you absolute treasure.

Kalidou Koulibaly – off you go.

Christian Pulisic – Captain America, my arse.

Mateo Kovacic – I liked you until I didn’t, good luck on the City bench.

Ruben Loftus-Cheek – ah, so much potential, but it never worked out after that injury, good luck.

Edouard Mendy – you were like a curate’s egg, my friend, but thanks for Porto and Abu Dhabi. On you go.

Piere-Emerick Aubameyang – who?

Cesar Azpilicueta – Dave, we loved you, and you will always be one of us.

As for the incoming players, time will tell. I have never heard of most of them. But I’ll get to know them over time. I wish them all well.

The overhaul, in fact, reminded me so much of the summer of 1983. I am not so sure that the spending spree of 2023 will be remembered so fondly, but we live in hope.

During the last week of the close-season, my plans for the opener against Liverpool dramatically changed.

Garrett’s Story.

A friend from Tennessee – Garrett – was coming over for his first-ever game at HQ. He had asked me during the summer if I could get him a ticket, but – as it was going to be his first match – I didn’t want to take the risk. I would have felt awful if I couldn’t conjure up a ticket from somewhere. Unfortunately, the US supporter groups’ deadline had come and gone so Garrett was forced to go down the hospitality route.

“Oh bloody hell. Please don’t tell me how much you paid for a ticket.”

We made plans on meeting up. I have never met Garrett in person but he was a fan of the blog and was looking forward immensely to meeting up with the lads that he reads about each week.

Then, a horrible twist. Garrett was hit with a nasty medical condition and couldn’t travel. He immediately cancelled his flight and hotel, but decided to give me his ticket. I was dumbfounded. My mate Glenn – previously unable to find himself a ticket – would have mine and I would watch the game from the middle tier of the West Stand.

On the Saturday, I watched the first Frome Town league game of the season, a dour 0-0 with newly promoted side Cribbs from Bristol; it was red versus blue, the Frome Bloods versus the Bristol Cribbs, boom boom.

Later that day, Garrett was re-admitted to hospital and I wished him well.

The new season was now breathtakingly close.

On the day of the game, I picked-up Parky at PD’s house and then Glenn; all three had been to see a ska band at a local venue the night before. The last of the passengers – he played in that first-ever game in 1974 – was collected at 8am and we were on our way. During the close season, there had been an internet campaign to get a flag for Chopper in The Shed, and the game against Liverpool would mark its debut. T-shirts were produced using the same design and Glenn was sporting it.

It was a perfect trip to London.

The pre-match was typical; a few photos of a waiting Stamford Bridge, then a short hop to Putney Bridge tube and a couple of hours with the usual suspects; The Chuckle Brothers, Salisbury Steve, the Kent Lot, and a guest appearance from the Three Amigos.

All was good with the world.

Almost.

Stephen’s Story.

“Stephen had not enjoyed most of his school year. He had struggled in the autumn and then spring term. He did not know why, but he had been the target for a few of the school bullies. His school work suffered. His parents, Dale and Jane, were so worried about him. Stephen was fourteen, and was on the often troublesome journey through the early teenage years. He was a quiet kid, well-behaved at home, but a little bit of a loner at school. Mac was his best friend, and a fellow Chelsea supporter too. They were like brothers.

At Easter, Stephen’s parents sought some independent counselling for their son, and during the summer term, everyone was elated to see Stephen’s schoolwork improve. In the exams in June, Stephen did well, better than expected.

Dale, decided to reward Stephen with something that he knew that his son would appreciate. One evening when Mac was visiting, Dale sat them both down and talked of a nice surprise. Dale knew how much the two boys loved Chelsea Football Club. By an odd twist, both of the boys’ birthdays were in the same week. Dale explained how proud he was of Stephen’s progress over the past few months, and thanked Mac for his support and friendship too. He had looked ahead to check what Chelsea game was being played around the time of the lads’ fifteenth birthdays in October. Dale was going to buy the lads a ticket apiece for the Chelsea vs. Brentford game.

It would be their first games at Stamford Bridge. Dale had quietly observed the two of them over the past few months and had been impressed with their behaviour. They seemed, to his eyes, more grown up than their peers. Living in Croydon, Dale was sure that they could make their own way in to London by train. He remembered how he used to love going in to London to see bands at around the same age in his youth.

Stephen was overjoyed and gave his father a hug. Mac was lost for words.”

Unfortunately, there will be no Chelsea game for Stephen and Mac. The club took the ludicrous decision over the summer to limit those under sixteen to only be allowed inside Stamford Bridge if they are accompanied by adults over the age of eighteen. We chatted about this in the pub. It’s a horrible, cynical decision.

“When you are in your early teens, you are so keen to dip your toe in the adult world, to test yourself, to grow as a person, be independent. Or at least we did. When I was in my early teens, it was all about football, all about trying to get to a game, either with parents or by yourself, or with mates. It’s one of our rights of passage in Britain. That visceral thrill of doing something a little outside your comfort zone. To join in with something. To be part of it all. To feel like you belong.”

Have I ever mentioned before how I hate modern football?

Glenn spoke of his first game that he saw by himself. It was early September 1981. Chelsea versus Watford. He was just fourteen. I think he travelled up by train from Frome. I remember where I was that afternoon; at an aunt’s wedding, and I remember darting out to my Dad’s car at 4.40pm to hear we had lost 1-3.

The first game I attended alone? August 1981, aged sixteen, a 2-0 win versus Bolton Wanderers.

You remember these things.

You – and Chelsea – against the world.

Priceless memories.

At 2pm, I set off from the pub and took the tube back to Fulham Broadway. By 2.30pm, I was sat at table 44 in the Hollins Suite in the West Stand at Stamford Bridge. How utterly appropriate that I should be in the Hollins Suite. It felt just right.

On the same table as me was Jeff, an Australian from Melbourne, with his two young sons, both wearing half-and-half scarves. They were all Liverpool fans. Alongside me were three quietly spoken people who were clearly of far-Eastern descent. I smiled and I tentatively leaned in.

“Hi, I’m Chris. Where are you from?”

“Colchester.”

They were Chelsea fans.

Completing the table was Dave from King’s Langley, a Watford season ticket holder, who had won the match ticket in a raffle at a London train station. I kept them entertained with a few Chelsea stories. Bizarrely, Dave mentioned that John Barnes’ full debut for Watford was at the game Glenn saw in 1981.

The food was proper poncy stuff. It tasted lovely but didn’t fill me up. I include the photos almost ironically.

There were a few nice “never-seen-before” photos of John Hollins, and a section remembering his stewardship of our 1986 Full Members’ Cup win against Manchester City.

[…new fans Googling “Full Members’ Cup…NOW]

It was, I have to admit, all very pleasant, but absolutely not worth the price.

[…everyone Googling “Chelsea Corporate Hospitality”…NOW]

I checked the programme; up from £3.50 to £4 but down from 84 pages to 52.

Righty-oh.

At least my copy was free.

At about 2.10pm, I made my way into the – padded – seats. I was at the very back row, around eight seats from the wall abutting the Matthew Harding. As the crow flies, Glenn, Clive, Alan and PD were around twenty yards away but I could not see them, nor them me.

My view was a little odd, with the overhang of the next tier cutting out the sky. I couldn’t even see the new signage atop the East Stand nor ol’ Gatling Gun himself.

But this was fine. This was a decent experience. I spotted my lunchtime companions a few rows in front. I had been sharing photos with Garrett throughout the day. I wanted to keep him involved.

I needed to focus now. The view was superb. I ran through the team that Mauricio Pochettino – I am not comfortable with “Poch” just yet, in the same way I was never happy with “Mou” – had selected for his first game :

Sanchez

Disasi – Silva – Colwill

James – Gallagher – Enzo – Chilwell

Chukwuemeka

Sterling – Jackson

…or something like that.

I was probably the only person in the ground, or the entire fucking world, who spotted three members of the Scottish “Wembley Wizards” team who defeated England 5-1 in 1928.

Hughie Gallacher / Conor Gallagher

Alex Jackson / Nicolas Jackson

Alex James / Reece James

[…everyone Googling “Wembley Wizards”…nah, maybe not]

At the Derby game in 1983, we had four debutants; Kerry Dixon, Joe McLaughlin, Eddie Niedzwiecki, Nigel Spackman.

On opening day forty years later, we also had four; Robert Sanchez, Axel Disasi, Levi Colwill, Nicolas Jackson.

As the build-up was turned up a notch, a few bars of “A Town Called Malice” were heard. This is the pre-match song at Frome Town. I liked the synchronicity.

“…better stop dreaming of the quiet life.”

Indeed. When were things last quiet at Chelsea? Around 1992 I reckon.

The teams entered the pitch.

Flames on the pitch. OK, stop that now. It’s getting tedious.

The floodlights were on. In August. Why?

There has been a change in the positioning of the Chelsea bench since the back end of the last season, and one that I absolutely endorse.

Way back in January 2021 – the Luton Town cup tie, Frank Lampard’s last game – I posted this on Facebook :

“Often thought it odd that the away bench has the best view of the pitch at Stamford Bridge…nearer the half-way line, better sightlines. Also with the home dressing room being on the north side of the tunnel. And what with the northern end being the home end now. Makes no sense to me.”

I was pleased to hear that the new manager spotted this flaw too and switched things over. Top marks.

However, I am not quite so sure about the twenty or so ultra-expensive seats – from £480 – in the new “dugout club” that allows some fans – presumably those with more money than sense – to watch the game from just behind both dugouts. It reeks of baseball and the need for spectators in the US to boast about “great seats” ad nauseam. Twats.

I remember watching one game – only one – from behind a dugout. Back in 1994, our first European game since 1971…I left getting tickets to the last minute, I know not why. Glenn and I watched right behind the Chelsea bench…it was a shocking view. I always remember that the God-fearing Glenn Hoddle saw a Chelsea near-miss, swung around towards the bench and said “Jesus wept.”

Tut tut.

At the centre circle, a minute of applause for John Hollins MBE.

Bless him. And bless Chris Garland too.

Game 1 – 1974.

Game 1,401 – 2023.

Let’s go to work.

Liverpool undoubtedly had the best of the opening spell, of the first twenty and then thirty minutes perhaps. Shots from Jota and Szoboszlai – who? – were pinged towards Robert Sanchez, newly obtained from Brighton, who must now be truly trained in the Chelsea negotiation process, and an effort from Salah smashed against the bar. These were worrying times and I thought Levi Colwill struggled in the first part of the match.

The atmosphere wasn’t great.

“Fields Of Anfield Road” could be heard from the away section opposite me.

The new kit looked decent. I was initially worried when I saw the release on social media; the blue looked too light, too washed out, anaemic. But this looked fine. I really wished that the white stripe under the arms was replicated on the shorts though. That would have completed the look in my mind. I don’t like the bizarre panel on the rear beneath the collar though.

One last gripe. If this shirt was meant to celebrate the silver anniversary of the ECWC triumph of 1997/98, it’s surely a season too late.

Should we not have worn this kit in 2022/23?

I think so.

On eighteen minutes, Salah pushed a ball through our back line and Luis Diaz finished from close in.

Bollocks.

A female Liverpool in front of me shrieked and stood up. Her bloke soon told her to sit down. To be honest, I was pleasantly surprised how involved the “corporate lot” were in our section. There was plenty of clapping and cheering throughout.

Chelsea began to grow into the game. Nicolas Jackson started to get involved, often emerging with the ball from deep, and after good work by Levi Colwill, he fired a “sighter” wide.

Not sure how he wears his shorts, though; like a “Reeves & Mortimer” character maybe.

A “Carefree” sounded in our section.

Things looked over for us when Terence Trent-Alexander-Arnold-D’arby slipped a ball in to that man Salah.

Pre-match, with so many new signings, I secretly thought we might lose heavily.

I texted some mates in the US : “knew we’d get humped.”

Thankfully, VAR came to our rescue; no goal.

I still don’t cheer VAR decisions in our favour though. Why would I? I loathe it.

On thirty-two minutes, applause in memory of Josh Hillier, a very distant Chelsea acquaintance, but who was well-loved at Chelsea. He sadly lost his lengthy and hugely brave fight with leukaemia over the summer.

RIP Josh.

Raheem Sterling was – sadly – involved a lot, but usually unable to add to the game. He shot from close in but the effort was thumped away.

After a corner, the ball was eventually crossed in by Colwill and new boy Axel Disasi prodded it in past Alisson Becker.

We were level.

Get in.

The West Stand celebrated wildly.

Axel – great name, great first two letters especially – ran and jumped right in front of Parky and Ludo and Steve in the Shed Lower.

A mere few seconds later, a ball was pushed through to Ben Chilwell who steered himself and the ball around the ‘keeper to score…throughout the move though, I wondered if the scorer was offside. Sadly, after the usual ridiculous wait, the goal as cancelled. A photo that I took of the premature celebrations contained the words “goal and no” – oh the irony.

In the closing minutes, shots were traded. A fine move that slid effortlessly through the red ranks ended with a shot from Nicolas Jackson that just cleared the bar.

I had enjoyed it. Back inside for the smallest meat pie ever. Jeff commented that the momentum had changed in the last part of the first period.

We were, of course, attacking our end in the second-half.

The second period surprised me. Liverpool seemed content to sit back as Chelsea grew and grew. It became a deeply pleasurable experience, watching this new team – the latest in a long line of new teams at Chelsea – push the ball around and work for each other. I was especially pleased to see Enzo Fernandez, in the totemic number eight shirt, skipping past challenges, clipping balls to runners, controlling our forward momentum.

It was a joy.

The Argentinian tandem of Pochettino and Enzo will hopefully evolve further.

Chilwell was having a super game, and the visitors were gifting him so much space down below me. A superb ball from Enzo set Chilwell up but Alisson blocked well at the near stick.

A shot from the strong and surging Jackson. Another save from Alisson.

Some substitutions.

75 minutes : Malo Gusto for James.

Malo Gusto.

Malo Gusto.

My mind deviated. I could not stop thinking of the Morrissey song “Maladjusted” – and as per the introduction to this blog, I can’t resist this…

“I want to start from
Before the beginning
Loot wine, “Be mine, and
Then let’s stay out for the night”
Ride via Parkside
Semi-perilous lives
Jeer the lights in the windows
Of all safe and stable homes
(But wondering then, well what
Could peace of mind be like?)
Anyway do you want to hear
Our story, or not?
As the Fulham Road lights
Stretch and invite into the night.”

80 minutes : Ian Maatsen for Chukwuemeka.

80 minutes : Mykhailo Mudryk for Sterling.

Mudryk wearing number ten, but a winger. Memories of Clive Walker dancing away. I liked the look of Mudryk when he came on. Personally I would play him over Sterling. Mind you, I’d play Parky over Sterling, stick and all.

89 minutes : Ugo Ugochukwu for Chilwell.

I long for the day when Carney and Ugo are on the pitch at the same time.

The Chukle Brothers?

Oh yes. I wonder if Morrissey has a song for them.

I feared the absolute worst when Darwin Nunez shot from distance and a wicked deflection saw the ball spinning towards the goal, scene of many a late winner over the years. Thankfully it dropped just wide of the far post. No Iniesta moment this time.

A chance for Mudryk but he dallied. A last chance for Maatsen but no real contact.

It ended 1-1.

I think everyone was really warmed by this rounded performance by Chelsea against a formidable opponent. This was our seventh draw in a row against Liverpool.

Before the season began, I conservatively predicted a top eight finish.

Maybe we can aim a little higher.

Next up, three away games.

Bemerton Heath Harlequins in Salisbury on Tuesday, Falmouth in the FA Cup on Saturday and West Ham on Sunday.

Oh – and Johnny Fucking Marr in Frome on Wednesday.

2023/24 – let’s have you.