Tales From The Fast Show

Posted on August 28, 2026 by Chris Axon

Chelsea vs. Luton Town : 27 August 2026.

Xabi Alonso’s first competitive game was behind him, and his first competitive game at Stamford Bridge was a League Cup encounter with Luton Town.

When the draw was made a few weeks ago, I wasn’t completely convinced that I would attend. This first week of the football season was going to be busy enough, with three Frome Town games and two Chelsea games from Saturday 22 August through to Monday 31 August; that’s five games in ten days. Did I really want to squeeze in another?

One of my main aims this season is to see if I can complete my fifth consecutive season of complete league fixtures; a run of 190 games. It would be quite some achievement and something that I would never ever have contemplated doing way back in my formative Chelsea years. Was I that fussed about missing an early League Cup game? Apparently not. After all, I have chosen to miss the occasional home game – invariably midweek – in past seasons, so one more game would not matter too much in the grand scheme of things.

Our new manager’s first home game was the friendly against Real Sociedad a couple of weeks ago, and on that day, Frome Town were at Havant & Waterlooville, aiming for a third consecutive league win. There was absolutely no way that I was missing that one.

However, as I thought about it, and as the decent price of £29 was announced, I threw caution to the wind and bought my ticket for the Luton tie. PD and Parky were keen to go too.

In the end, it would be rude not to.

Count me in.

It would now be a run of six games in ten days.

Back with a bang, eh?

Of course, there was a pre-season that centered on Australia and South-East Asia in July to kick things off for Alonso. I was certainly not tempted with that, despite gorgeous memories of Thailand and Malaysia in 2011, China in 2017 and Australia in 2018, but I saw the highlights of a few of those matches. Our first game of Alonso’s reign was against Western Sydney Warriors on 28 July; a match that ended 6-4 to Chelsea. I remember glancing at some of the unfamiliar names in our squad that night and some looked like particularly difficult selections of letters in a game of Scrabble.

Since those early days of 2026/27, Alonso has added to his squad. We have opted for a couple of old hands to add experience to the legion of “youngsters with potential” after the realisation that teams don’t “win with kids” too often became all too apparent last season. The acquisition of our perennial nemesis Danny Welbeck – I’ve lost count of the goals he nabbed for Brighton against us – was well received by me. However, our club’s desire to add Jordan Henderson to the mix was hard for me to swallow. I was aghast when he was named in the England squad in the US, and I could hardly believe that he was to join us at Chelsea. At the time it boiled down to Henderson, ex-Liverpool, or Xhaka, ex-Arsenal; neither to my taste. But then people spoke of Henderson’s role in helping to instil good practices in the squad environment and his leadership qualities.

Maybe he will turn out to be a Captain Mainwaring rather than a Corporal Sponge in the new army of players at Stamford Bridge this season.

We wondered if he might be involved against Luton.

At work the day after the Fulham game, several colleagues mentioned to me that they had enjoyed the match. This surprised me in a way. When I met up with the lads after the match on Monday night I had quickly judged the game as being 6/10, since it contained a mixture of performances. I think it was too close a result for me to enjoy it more and score it higher. Yet the neutrals had enjoyed the end-to-end passages of play, and why not? Perhaps I was being too harsh.

I worked another 6am to 2pm shift, but the commute up to my secondary place of work was hit by delays on the M4. On the raised section of this road at around Brentford’s stadium, I glanced at the shining arch of Wembley (a grim destination for us these days) six miles to the north and I also managed to spot the thin metallic needle of the Crystal Palace TV transmitter on the rise of high land around twelve miles to the south-east; the first-time that I had ever spotted it. This stunned me. I have seen over nine-hundred games at Stamford Bridge (and this means I surely must have visited London at least a thousand times in my life) yet I had not spied that spire ever before from the M4. It just goes to show that London never stops surprising me.

What with the delays, I didn’t drop the boys off outside “The Wolfpack” until 5pm. I revisited “Koka” again, then amazed myself by bumping into many Chelsea friends on the short walk down the North End Road. I then met up with PD, Parky, Jimmy the Greek and Salisbury Steve at “Tommy Tucker.”

We saw the team; Mike Penders, Valentin Barco and Danny Welbeck were debuting.

“Where do you think you are going, Sponge?”

Jordan Henderson wasn’t even on the bench. Perhaps he would be preparing the half-time energy drinks, checking the towels, or other light duties.

Rain was threatening with dark clouds overhead, and I only stayed a short while. There were a couple of photos on the walk to The Bridge (thanks for the photo, Jimmy; a rare snap taken by someone other than little old me and shared herein) and I was inside Stamford Bridge at just after 7pm. My phone would have to suffice for photos again and I apologise now.

Despite the cheap price of tickets, there were gaps everywhere. With around 4,500 Luton supporters in The Shed – to the west side – Parky was now repositioned alongside PD, and I was next to Alan.

With ten minutes to kick-off, “Our House” was played and I smiled. I was glad that I chose to attend this one.

Many of the away supporters were bedecked in the orange home shirt and I liked this flash of colour. Their kit has changed quite often over the years, and when we played them at Wembley in 1994, their first-choice kit was white shirts and light blue socks for some reason. I always like the orange and black combo.

At kick-off, many seats around us were unused.

We attacked The Shed.

First thoughts; four at the back this time?

Yes, it seemed so.

Mike Penders

Malo Gusto – Josh Acheampong – Maxence Lacroix – Pep Chavarria

Reece James – Valentin Barco

Estevao Willian – Cole Palmer – Morgan Rogers

Danny Welbeck

Former Chelsea youth Kasey Palmer was in the Luton team.

It was all Chelsea for the first five, ten, fifteen, twenty minutes. There were a couple of rare forays into our half for Luton early on – enthusiastically cheered by the Hatters’ support – but they did not threaten at all. They sat deep, unsurprisingly.

Nerdspeak : “Luton had a low block.”

Immediately, we were passing quicker, moving quicker, finding gaps quicker. I immediately felt happier watching this style of football.

It was still Chelsea, but faster.

The bright ginger hair of Barco seemed to make him stand out and I could not help concentrating on our young Argentinian starlet. He immediately looked neat and purposeful.

After around ten minutes, the setting sun behind the West Stand caused the steel of the East Stand and the sand brickwork of the hotel above the stand to obtain a surreal terracotta blush. The photo I took of the Chelsea lion has not been altered; it really was that orange. It gave the Stamford Bridge stadium an ethereal glow.

The orange Luton jerseys, on the pitch and in The Shed, the orange tint to the surroundings, and the deep ginger mop on Barco’s head. It was all in synch.

On eleven minutes, a sublime shimmy and run from Cole Palmer, following a pass from Estevao, squeezed in among combatants in the Luton box, thrilled us all but his shot was blocked by the ‘keeper Josh Keeley, and his follow-up effort was saved too.

From the corner, Palmer’s shot went wide. Malo Gusto shot wildly over, and then Welbeck headed at Keeley from close range.

On eighteen minutes, a well-struck free kick from Reece James was saved very well by the Luton ‘keeper, at full stretch to his left.

This was nice stuff from Chelsea. We were playing with ease, and it all looked very smooth. Gone was the reticence of previous eras in the recent past. There were purrs of delight among the SW6 loyalists.

Thankfully, Stamford Bridge had filled considerably but there were still tons of empty seats. I had seen that 49,000 had attended the Tottenham vs. Charlton game the previous night in the same competition; an impressive number. I wondered if we might get up to 35,000; I suspected not.

Barco continued to impress. He kept the ball moving but not in the ponderous way of Jorginho. His touch was light, and he played passes with an unerring calmness, and with pin-point accuracy. I bizarrely spotted the likeness to Danny Bonadeuce of “The Partridge Family” from those joyful Saturday mornings of my youth; “Sesame Steet”, “The Partridge Family”, Sam Leitch on “Grandstand” with his football preview.

I had just mentioned to Alan, who lives close to the Crystal Palace mast, that the visitors had not enjoyed a single effort on Penders’ goal, when a minute or so later, a shot came in from an angle down below us but was blocked.

On thirty-eight minutes, Barco slid a fine ball to meet a beautifully timed run into the box from Estevao, just beating the offside line, and this resulted in a shot that was whipped low across the goal, but which went wide of the far post.

It was hard to believe that we had not scored in this half of football. But there were no catcalls, nor boos. We could all see that this was an improvement in a playing style; the quality of opposition notwithstanding.

Dear reader : it was such a bloody relief.

In the first portion of the half, Estevao and Palmer had looked sensational, combining well, and full of tricks. Again, lovely to witness.

I had mentioned to Alan earlier : “It’s the Estevao show tonight, mate” and, at that very moment, he double-touched the ball as he stumbled and it went out for a goal-kick. I need to learn when to keep my gob shut.

In the last few five minutes of the half, however, I whispered to Alan “we have plateaued a bit.” We had lost a little zip of energy. Passes were taking a little longer to be made.

With that, a Luton free-kick, and a header from Hakeem Odoffin was on target but Penders easily claimed it.

On forty-four minutes, Estevao was the creator again as he set up Morgan Rogers, otherwise relatively quiet, but his volley smacked against the bar.

Nice interplay between Chavarria and Rogers set up Palmer, but another blocked shot.

It had been a night, thus far, of almost total domination, but it was 0-0 as the half came to an end. Lacroix had impressed me; physically strong, pacey, and happy to make decisions quickly. Alongside him, Josh continued to look a fine prospect.

At the break, I messaged some pals in the US :

“The players look like they know what they need to do. Bit of a radical approach to be honest.”

Five minutes into the second period, Estevao played a decisive pass that allowed the overlapping Gusto – our least-effective player thus far – to punch a super cross over and onto the head of a leaping Welbeck.

GOAL.

A trademark Welbeck goal.

Fantastic.

How he loved celebrating that one.

Alan looked at me.

I looked at him.

We both fidgeted with our glasses, Eric Morecambe-style.

“They’ll have to come at us now.”

“Come on my little diamonds.”

Lovely stuff.

We could relax, or could we?

Possibly not. A Luton equaliser, however unlikely, might mean that we would go into penalties right after the final whistle.

Barco continued his fine debut; receiving, a touch, a pass, on target, always. He reminded me of the light-footed Billy Gilmour with his economy of movement.

On the hour, Welbeck’s shot rolled just wide of the far post. Four minutes later, great shape from Palmer, but his beautifully struck shot skimmed the very top of the crossbar.

Three minutes later, a rare effort on Penders’ goal, a low drive from the other Palmer, but just wide.

Throughout this game, the atmosphere had not been too special. The away fans were hardly a wall of noise, but they kept producing a prime piece of glottal-stop English.

“Come on Lu’on, Come on Lu’on.”

They also quaintly sang of their rivals not as bastards or worse, but as just “Hornets.”

Bless.

Chelsea were quiet.

Shocker.

On sixty-seven minutes, some substitutions.

Jorrel Hato for Gusto.

Romeo Lavia for James.

Pedro Neto for Rogers.

On seventy-three minutes another.

Joao Pedro for Welbeck.

Or rather on seventy-four minutes; our punishment as Welbeck did not sprint off the pitch.

With ten minutes to go, Barco surprisingly lost the ball but soon wrestled the ball back and guided the ball to Palmer, who passed to Estevao outside. A shimmy, a shot at goal, but the unlucky Odoffin was in the way and could not divert the ball from going in.

Chelsea 2 Luton Town 0.

Phew.

Just after, Jamie Gittens replaced Steve-O.

Late on, Barco played the ball over to Acheampong but his header dropped just wide of the far post.

On ninety-minutes, a fine phase of possession football in and around their box, and an eventual shot from Joao Pedro that was blocked.

Then a moment later, a strong run from Gittens down below me but he smacked the post with a firm drive.

We should have won 5-0 really.

But I enjoyed this game. I saw glimpses of a fine future.

So, we play Leeds United at home in the next round, and a game that will be our eighth consecutive match in London. Just like Luton, we seem to avoid Leeds for years and years, but then play them again and again.

I think the atmosphere will be better for that one.

I met up with Parky and PD outside “The Mitre” at 9.45pm, and – an earlier one on this occasion – I was home at 12.30am exactly. It had been a smashing night of football.

Next up, another home match; Brighton on Sunday at 2pm.

I will see you there.

DAVE McCROSSEN.

Before the photos, a plug for my friend Dave McCrossen and his newly published tome, which covers last season’s slog, and is available on Amazon via book or Kindle. I have just bought my copy, and it promises to be a good read.

Us Chelsea matchday-going bloggers have to look after each other; there are only two of us.

Tales From Twenty-Two Hours

Posted on April 25, 2026 by Chris Axon

Brighton And Hove Albion vs. Chelsea : 21 April 2026.

It never ceases to amaze me that despite our runs of disastrous form which have haunted us over recent years, there is still a clamour to attend Chelsea games, and especially away games. Home games have become a test of grim endurance of late but away fixtures have retained their sense of fun and adventure.

On the day of our evening flit to Sussex for our away match at Brighton & Hove Albion, I was up at just before 5am, and at work at 6am. At 8am, I received a text from my mate Mark, from nearby Westbury, enquiring if I knew of anyone with a spare. Within minutes, I had contacted my pal Jason from Swanage and had sorted things.

There would be one more body in the away end that evening.

Brighton, though. The mere mention of the name sent me back to those utterly grim back-to-back games at the Amex in the February of last year. They were two of the worst Chelsea performances in my memory.

On this occasion, with Chelsea losing our last four league games without scoring a single goal, I predicted our chances of winning to be at 25%.

I left work, with Parky and Paul, and headed down to Salisbury to collect Steve. I stopped for refreshments at Tilshead on Salisbury Plain en route, slowing me slightly, but the journey surprisingly took a whole hour. I continued, a familiar path this one, passing Southampton and Portsmouth, but I was up against some heavy traffic further east on the A27, so came inland at Arundel.

For the next hour we slowly drove through country roads, small towns, country lanes barely wide enough to accommodate two cars, and miniscule villages. There were signs for Hassocks where Matthew Harding lived. There were farms, and fields full of lambs, roads full of slow-moving traffic, overhanging branches, a gorgeous cloudless sky above, and we drove close to Ditchling and its famous Beacon. On two occasions, we found ourselves heading due north rather than south, or even east. We were in the middle of nowhere, a rural idyl, and it seemed ridiculous that we would soon be at a topflight football game.

We eventually closed in on our destination, Lewes, arriving at 6.30pm, some four-and-a-half hours after leaving Melksham. There was the usual battle to sort out parking at the train station car park, but after fighting my phone and an app for a full fifteen minutes, we caught the free train to Falmer.

Then the short walk up to the stadium, which has been enhanced by a new hospitality area called The Terrace which was being built last season.

I like the stadium at Falmer, but I am glad that not every stadium is like it. It makes a decent change. It’s quite aesthetically pleasing both inside and out and has a nice vibe. But I prefer city centre stadia.

I was inside at around 7.30pm, and soon bumped into Mark, who was happy as Larry to get the ticket from Jason.

“Thanks for sorting that, mate.”

“Steady on, you might have a different opinion at full time, mate.”

I was, as always at Brighton, near the front in the third row. Even with an SLR, the goal nets get in the way of decent photos at Brighton. I brought my small camera instead and doubted that I would be able to get any decent action photos. Instead, I turned the camera towards fellow fans. I would be watching the game alongside John and Paul, from Brighton, who was able to utilise Alan’s ticket.

I spotted some scaffolding at the opposite end and wondered if some sort of stadium enhancement was in progress, albeit cosmetic.

Liam Rosenior chose this team and bizarrely chose a new formation.

Robert Sanchez

Wesley Fofana – Trevoh Chalobah – Jorrel Hato

Malo Gusto – Moises Caicedo – Romeo Lavia – Marc Cucurella

Pedro Neto – Liam Delap – Enzo Fernandez

This change in formation did not fill me with too much confidence I hasten to add.

The ground filled, but there were gaps in the home areas. Sadly, just a few empties around me too. Fireworks filled the air to my right, and there was a hearty rendition of their club anthem.

“You may tell them all that we stand or fall.
For Sussex by the Sea”

Then, the entrance of the teams.

Again, I wondered about the cleverness of wearing all black at an evening game, especially when probably 75% of the spectators were wearing black, dark grey or dark blue coats and jackets. Why not get us a nice all-yellow ensemble for midweek games?

Above, high up in the sky, a thin sliver of a crescent moon shone down on us all, the sky still pure blue and beautiful.

At 8pm, the game kicked off, the only Premier League fixture on this day.

The home team attacked us from the off, and Chalobah made two strong defensive headers in the first few minutes as they came at us from all angles. Already Kaoru Mituma and Georginio seemed to be the main nuisances. On three minutes, the former found himself completely unmarked at the far post and bounced an effort at goal that Sanchez did well to fingertip over the bar.

From the resulting corner, the ball came in towards the near post and rather than taking Chalobah’s lead, Hato avoided good contact and only flicked the ball on. The ball dropped for Ferdi Kadioglu to smash it goalwards. His low effort took a deflection off Wesley Fofana, and flew into the net, just to my left.

Brighton must hate us, the way we have robbed key personnel over the last few seasons, but they often get their retaliation done on the pitch. This soon looked like being another one of those occasions.

The home team continued their dominance, and the Chelsea faithful watched, dumbfounded at our inability to match them.

There was another super tip over by Sanchez from a header by Jan Paul Van Heck.

The away fans bellowed “we want our Chelsea back.”

On fourteen minutes, a thirty second segment summed up our current health. Neto advanced well on the right and cut in but slipped at the all-important moment. Brighton gathered the ball quickly and raced away with desire and direction. There was a moment when Lavia had enough of the ball after a tackle to clear, but he hesitated, allowing Rutter to strike at goal. Luckily his effort was off target.

Four minutes later, Sanchez blotted his copybook as he attempted a tight pass out to a teammate despite the close presence of attackers. His pass was intercepted by Yankuba Minteh who squared to Jack Hinshelwood. Thankfully, his shot was swept off the line by Our Trev.

Fackinell.

I leaned towards John and Paul and said “it’s bad when only 20 minutes have gone and you want the referee to blow up for half-time.

The Chelsea choir were quiet, in a state of shock, but there were a few resilient shouts.

“COME ON CHELSEA – COME ON CHELSEA – COME ON CHELSEA – COME ON CHELSEA.”

On twenty minutes, Calvin came over to talk and commented that we had just one touch in the opposition’s box. I think it may well have been Neto’s slip.

One touch, bloody hell.

The rest of the half gave us nothing to celebrate. Our play was sluggish, especially when compared to the home team.

On forty minutes, I glanced at the BBC website and saw that we were still on one touch in the opposition box.

On forty-one minutes, hallelujah, a header from a Chelsea corner.

Two touches.

As we kept the ball for the longest period of the entire first-half, the home fans chortled.

“We want our ball back.”

The cheeky so-and-sos.

At half-time, I kept saying to everyone “how is it only still 1-0?”

In the end, we ended up with four touches in the Brighton penalty box. It had been an utterly woeful performance with only Sanchez – bar his one crazy pass – and Chalobah pleasing me.

We wondered what on earth Rosenior would be saying to the players inside the dressing room. I suspected that he was so livid that he would be using five different colours of highlighter to illustrate his plans for the second period.

He decided to replace Fofana with Alejandro Garnacho, and we reverted to a more familiar shape, at least on paper.

Believe it or not, we improved in the first moments of the second period. Garnacho was sent through and zipped a shot at goal.

The Chelsea crowd gasped.

“We’ve had a shot.

We’ve had a shot.

We’ve had a shot. We’ve had a shot. We’ve had a shot.”

Gulp.

We had a little more of the ball, but it struck me that when we broke we seemed like rabbits staring at headlights, unsure of what to do. Brighton, in comparison, had a natural flow to their play.

Five minutes in, the old “Second Half At An Away Game” chant kicked-in, to the tune of “Amazing Grace.”

“Chelsea.

Chelsea.

Chelsea. Chelsea.

Chelsea. Chelsea. Chelsea.

Chelsea. Chelsea. Chelsea. Chelsea.

Chelsea. Chelsea. Chelsea.”

Brighton had a penalty shout at the far end, the ball hitting Cucurella.

On fifty-three minutes, we similarly had a penalty shout when the ball flipped up onto Yankuba Minteh’s sleeve, but no decision. With that, they broke like an express train and Rutter set up Hinshelwood to steer home.

Ugh.

Things turned nasty in the away end.

“Fuck off Rosenior.”

The focus had changed from the idiot board to the manager.

On sixty-two minutes, Mitoma did a few “keep-uppies” before a shot that dipped just over. I found myself involuntary clapping, just happy to see some bona fide skill in these days of robotic football.

There was a decent break from Brighton in the inside-left channel, but another lovely save from Sanchez. And then another save from Sanchez. Both were from Kadioglu. He was producing a man of the match performance.

On seventy-two minutes, there were two changes.

Marc Guiu for Delap.

Dario Essugo for Lavia.

While all of this was going on at an increasingly chilly Amex Stadium, Frome Town were playing Portishead Town in the final of the Somerset Premier Cup, which was being played at Bath City’s Twerton Park, the former home of Bristol Rovers from 1986 to 1996.

We went 1-0 down, then levelled with a Zak Drew penalty. Portishead went 2-1 up in the second half, only for Sam Meakes to equalise. Then, as Chelsea entered the final quarter of an hour in Falmer, Callum Gould scored a 3-2 winner.

It would be Frome Town’s first double in one-hundred and twenty-two seasons.

On seventy-six minutes, Gusto passed to Garnacho but his shot was deflected wide.

Paul received a text from Alan who said that he was watching the test card as it was more exciting.

I replied that he had more chance of seeing the girl put an “X” on the noughts and crosses board than us getting a goal.

A Guiu shot was deflected for a corner.

I still kept thinking “how is it only 2-0?”

We grimaced when Danny Welbeck was introduced by the Brighton manager Fabian Hürzeler.

Thousands of Chelsea brains clicked as one : “he always scores against us.”

The away end was sparsely populated now, and perhaps some just couldn’t take the ultimate humiliation of this chant from the home areas :

“Are you Tottenham in disguise?”

Lo and behold, on ninety-one minutes a pass inside from Brighton wide man Maxim De Cuyper, and a Brighton player, looking suspiciously like Welbeck, slashed the ball high into the net.

“It’s Welbeck, innit? It’s bloody Welbeck. Bloody hell.”

He reeled away in celebration.

Fackinell.

Josh Acheampong replaced Gusto and you wondered why.

At the final whistle, cheers from Brighton and jeers from Chelsea.

The away end, as at Everton, was probably only one-fifth full by now. I stayed because I was intrigued to see the reaction of the players, and maybe the supporters to the players.

Well, first and foremost, as far as I could tell, none shot off down the tunnel and I took some photos of the scene taking place a few yards away. Jorrel Hato, Alejandro Garnacho and Marc Cucurella first appeared, their faces showing nothing but sadness. Others walked over. There was no patronising clapping from any. They stood meekly still and in front of us. I saw Liam Rosenior slowly walk over. Again, no clapping, but he put his hand on his heart and gestured. There was a volley of boos. This was painful to watch.

The players didn’t hide. They let us vent. And I can’t deny that I felt sadness with them.

My gaze became focused on Marc Cucurella and Enzo Fernandez, who stayed the longest, and then on Enzo who stood silent and still for a minute or so after the rest had turned to walk away.

He still didn’t clap, and I was OK with that. I appreciated that he stood and took it all. He did not hide. There was no emotion. What emotion could there be? He played it straight. He played it as he should. He became the focus for the supporters’ anger. He played it exactly right in my book.

I can only hope that those moments stay with him, as captain, and with the others and that it can inspire them to try to win back our affection.

We all met up outside in the concourse and shuffled away to Falmer Station. Darren from Crewe chatted about the depressing state of affairs, and how he was dreading the Wembley game against Leeds United on Sunday, a game that still has Chelsea tickets for sale.

“I’m not even reading your blog for the rest of the season. I’ve had enough.”

We were back at Lewes station at 10.45pm, and I then faced the tortuous journey home.

As I drove through the town’s tight streets, Parky wondered what Rosenior had said during the post-match interview.

“We were not good enough. Brighton were very good. And can I buy Danny Welbeck please?”

I replied.

“Danny de Vito would be a fucking improvement at the moment.”

It was a long trip home with a few painful diversions. I dropped Steve off in Salisbury at 1am.

As I headed north over Salisbury Plain, the moon was now just above the horizon, and straight ahead of where I was driving. It seemed like it was haunting me. That thin sliver of silver that appeared so high in the sky as the game began had now dropped to eye level and had grown in size and had turned a deep yellow.

A metaphor for how our club has dropped in status and league position?

Who knows?

I dropped the lads off and I reached home at 2.30am.

I fell asleep, dreaming of fading moons and fading fortunes, at 3am.

I had been awake for twenty-two hours.

You can write your own punchline.

Tales From The Usual Suspects And Danny Bloody Wellbeck

Posted on September 28, 2025 by Chris Axon

Chelsea vs. Brighton And Hove Albion : 27 September 2025.

After four consecutive away games, the boys were back in town.

And after driving a total of 768 miles on Saturday and Tuesday, I was bloody happy about it. As PD mentioned, “this will seem like a five-minute flit up the M4.”

Indeed.

We were all pleased that we were back to our first “Saturday 3, o’clock” fixture of the season too.

It was an easy trip east. The 120 miles took me a few minutes shy of three hours and, at the suggestion of Tim from North Bristolshire, I parked at a new location, on Moylan Road, which seems to be as close as I can get to Stamford Bridge to enable me to still park for free on Saturdays.

After a breakfast on the North End Road, there was a rendezvous with the usual suspects at “The Eight Bells” for a couple of hours. Allongside me were Jimmy the Greek, Nick, Salisbury Steve, Ian, Bobby, PD and Parky. My two Brighton mates Mac and Barry called in to see us all and of course I enjoyed seeing them both again. Minnesota Josh called in for a couple of scoops, too. However, the guests of honour were Lorna and Rich, from Edinburgh, on a Chelsea and Oasis weekend. I decided to head off to Stamford Bridge relatively early. I left with Josh at around 1.45pm.

There was a stand-off at the security – “is that a camera? – but I was in at 2.15pm. My SLR, therefore, would thankfully be used at a game for the first time this season. I was determined to take some decent shots, having made do with the inferior Sony “pub camera” in the previous six games.

Elsewhere in the football world, it was the day of the third qualifying round of the FA Cup. Frome Town were to play at AFC Totton, now two levels above my home town team, at the same time that Chelsea were to start in SW6. That would be a very tough match and I never really expected too much.

However, our local neighbours Westbury United, for who my old Chelsea mate Mark is the club chairman, were kicking off at 12.30pm at home to Farnborough, who are from the same division as Totton. There was a great deal of “buzz” locally about this match, as Westbury had been picked by the BBC to show via the red button, and a massive crowd was expected.

I had texted Mark a “good luck” message in the morning.

That game began at 12.30pm, and a workmate was keeping me updated. Farnborough had a player sent off on the hour, and Westbury were holding on. Sadly, at 2.40pm, just as I was getting ready for our game at Stamford Bridge, I saw that Westbury conceded a late goal on ninety-eight minutes.

Ah, bugger.

As I was waiting for a few people to arrive in The Sleepy Hollow, I was able to glance at a friend’s match programme. In the obituary section, I spotted the face of Albert, who used to sit in front of me in the years since 1997, but who sadly passed away last May.

I include it below.

Bless you Albert. You are missed.

The troops rolled in. First was Ollie, a lad from Brighton, who is the son of my long-time mate Andy. We go back to the promotion season of 1988/89 when we used to drink in “The Black Bull” aka “The Pensioner” and now “The Chelsea Gate.” Clive arrived, fresh from a drink with Gary, and then PD.

None of us really knew what to expect from this match. We had walloped Brighton 4-2 at home back in October but had lost 1-2 and 0-3 in a horrible week of away games in February.

“Without Cole Palmer, we’re not much of a team, are we really?”

Enzo Maresca chose this starting eleven.

Sanchez

James – Chalobah – Hato – Cucurella

Santos – Caicedo

Estevao– Enzo – Neto

Joao Pedro

This eleven featured no fewer than four Brighton players, with Buonanotte the most recent addition not involved on this day.

It was a sunny day in SW6.

At three o’clock, the game began, as did the one in Totton just outside Southampton.

We began brightly. This is a familiar phrase that I use. To be truthful, I am sick to death of it, especially since it implies that our play often fails to live up to a good start, and the sad fact is that this is true; that our play often then struggles to maintain its momentum.

There was a crisp free-kick from Enzo Fernandez, playing in the hole – or “the ten” in modern parlance – that drew a smart save from Bart Verbruggen, who sounds like the destination of a cross-channel ferry.

“Good save, son.”

Marc Cucurella then flashed a shot wide.

Next up, it was Reece’s turn from a free kick, from a greater angle, but his effort was parried by Verbruggen.

Brighton threatened a little, but nothing too sinister.

There was an impudent nutmeg performed with aplomb by Estevao on Lewis Dunk very close to the half-way line and the pacy wingman raced away down the right-hand side of the pitch. It seemed almost inhuman that the wiry and lithe Brazilian should attempt such a clever dink against Dunk, who has the turning circle of the QE2. Estevao, urged on by us all, neared the goal but was still at an angle and his low shot was blocked.

Soon after, in a very similar position, he tried again but it the outcome was almost the same, an easy parry.

I noted to myself that the stadium, despite some decent football being played before us all, was like a morgue. There had been virtually no singing, not stimulation from the crowd; it was all very dispiriting.

I hate modern football.

The two wingers, like at Lincoln on Tuesday, then swapped flanks.

Halfway through the first-half, I realised that nobody had updated me with score updates from Totton, so I did so myself. It wasn’t good news. Frome were losing 0-2.

Ugh.

A mere two or three seconds after, a brilliant ball from Moises Caicedo was played into the path of Reece James. He took a couple of paces and floated a great ball towards the goal. The cross took a slight deflection off the leg of a Brighton defender, but the ball sat up sweetly for Enzo to rise unhindered at the far post to knock in with the easiest header of his career.

We were 2-0 down one minute and we were 1-0 up the next.

An odd sensation.

And an even odder sentence.

Football, eh?

With us coasting, and on top, playing well, Clive changed direction.

“How old is Boris Becker?”

“How old is Lance Armstrong?”

“What’s this nonsense, Clive? Shall I have a go? What’s Franz Klammer’s shoe size?”

Clive responded with “how old was Larry Grayson when he died?”

It must be noted, here, that Clive visits nursing homes, and provides games, music and quizzes for the residents, hence his odd trio of questions.

Answers :

57
54
Not a clue.
71.

The game continued, and we enjoyed most of the ball. Brighton’s attacks were rare. Their fans were subdued and quiet too. On the balcony between their two tiers of supporters, I spotted a joint Hearts and Brighton flag – “Brothers In Arms” – and I wondered if Rich had spotted it. Hearts are his team in Edinburgh.

We were pretty content at the break at Stamford Bridge. Down in Totton, it was still 0-2.

The second half began with Chelsea attacking us in the Matthew Harding, and the atmosphere was still deadly dull and quiet. I was tempted to think it was the worst-ever.

The.

Worst.

Ever.

Think about it.

Not long into the second half, there was a heavy touch from Andrey Santos, and this put us under pressure. Trevoh Chalobah raced back alongside Diego Gomez, and there was a coming together of players just outside the box.

It was a shame, because Santos had impressed me in the first-half, alert and well-balanced, doing the simple things effectively.

VAR was called into action. After an age, the referee spoke into his mic.

Off went Chalobah.

Maresca chose to replace Santos with Josh Acheampong.

From the resulting free-kick, Gomez blasted over.

What now?

With around half-an-hour to go, who could possibly say?

At least this sudden adversity stirred the Chelsea supporters into life and a loud “CAREFREE” boomed, momentarily at least, around Stamford Bridge.

On the hour, there was a spritely run from Kaoru Mituma and his shot ricocheted across the box. The ball could have gone anywhere. We were starting to lose control.

On sixty-three minutes, Malo Gusto replaced Estevao.

Shortly after, there was a change from the Brighton bench too, and one of the substitutes was Danny Bloody Welbeck, and thousands of Chelsea fans around the world uttered the immortal lines “he always scores against us.”

On seventy-two minutes, Welbeck screwed a shot just wide.

There was a roller from Enzo that did not threaten. This was a rare threat from us.

Sadly, on seventy-seven minutes, Yankuba Minteh raced past Gusto and pinged a swift cross into the six-yard and that man Welbeck headed home emphatically.

Well, bollocks.

On eighty minutes, Maresca had clearly decided that all of the meaningful action would be taking pace in our half and changed things again.

Benoit Badiashile replaced Hato.

Romeo Lavia replaced Neto.

Thinking to myself : “you know we’re in trouble when Badiashile” comes on as a substitute.”

Sometimes I wished that Todd Boehley’s Lamborghini had broken down near Lyon or somewhere.

Malo Gusto, urged on by everyone, was sent free and as I reached down to pull up my SLR to record a goal, he decided to pass.

The frustrated crowd groaned.

This whole match was drifting away from us.

I thought, as did many, that a very high challenge on Gusto on Minteh would lead to a penalty, but after another VAR delay – how boring – we were let off, somehow.

There was an argy-bargy down at The Shed End but I was too far away to see who was pushing who.

The referee signalled eleven extra minutes and Stamford Bridge collectively sighed.

After two minutes of injury time, Acheampong booted out a ball cheaply for a corner, and from a short corner, a deep cross was hooked in from their left and I was aghast to see two, or even three, Brighton players unmarked at the far post. Mats Weifer was on hand to head the ball back across the box…we all experienced a fear of impending doom…and Maxim De Cuyper was one of two players free who headed home.

The scorer raced over to celebrate in front of Barry, Mac and co, and I felt ill.

In the tenth minute of stoppage time, with us trying to navigate the ball out of the box with Brighton players swarming, the ball was stolen and – guess who? – Wellbeck was sent through and calmly slotted home past Sanchez.

Well, bollocks.

By now, a good three-quarters of the Stamford Bridge crowd had left, some spewing words of anger at the manager and players alike.

Ollie, and Big John, but not many others, remained to the very last whistle.

Down in Totton, Frome had lost 2-4.

It had not been a good day at all.

I felt like saying “would the real Chelsea step forward and make themselves known please?”

You know what, it might take us all season long to discover who the real Chelsea are, and there isn’t a punchline.

Next up, two more home games, Jose Mourinho’s Benfica and champions Liverpool.

Excited?

No, neither am I.