Tag Archives: David Duru

Tales From The Big Weekend

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Chelsea vs. Brighton And Hove Albion : 30 August 2026.

After our win against Luton Town in the League Cup on the Thursday, Chelsea’s next match was another home game – against Brighton – on the Sunday. But that fixture was only the middle fixture of games on three consecutive days for me.

Either side of the game with those pesky blighters from Brightonia, Frome Town were at Chertsey Town on the Saturday and at home to Bath City on the Bank Holiday Monday. Each one of these games were important, but as they came one after the other, I am breaking Tales protocol and writing about the last game here, rather than splice it together with a later Chelsea match report.

It seems the natural thing to do.

Three games in three days.

The big weekend.

But don’t worry; the Chelsea game is the sizeable filling in the middle.

Here goes, then.

An away game at Chertsey Town was the first on the agenda. They were top of the Southern League Premier South and represented a very difficult assignment for manager Danny Greaves and his troops. I drove up to London with my friends Louise and Steve, and we constantly spoke about Frome’s recent glories, and other points of interest, which invariably featured footballing minutiae from our personal histories. I am amazed Louise stayed awake.

I admitted to them that I was sorely worried about the possibility of Dodge getting zero points from the two games on this momentous weekend. Unbelievably, Steve was uncharacteristically gung-ho about our chances and predicted a win. I was so shocked, I almost crashed my car. Steve is, at times, rather negative – “glass half empty” – about football matters, so this was a real surprise.

We hit some dreadful weather en route, but at around 1.30pm we were huddled around a cosy table in “The Coach & Horses” just a few minutes’ walk from Chertsey’s neat Alwyns Lane ground. A gaggle of Frome’s loyal supporters were at the next table. I had visited it on the corresponding Bank Holiday weekend in 2024; a deserved 1-1 draw that time.

We took our seats in the fine main stand, and I spotted a few Chertsey supporters with Chelsea attire. The ground is just inside the M25, and the rollercoasters of Thorpe Park are visible at the northern end.

With one eye on Monday’s game, the manager made several changes to his starting eleven. It was a tight and combative match from start to finish. On thirty-seven minutes, Frome’s Archie Ferris poked home a cross from close range. It was a deserved lead. The home team enjoyed a dominant spell, but David Duru made it 2-0 just as the home team started to fade. A late consolation goal from Chertsey made the last few minutes incredibly tense, but Frome held on for a very fine victory. The gate was a disappointing 496 which included around forty travelling Frome supporters.

On the drive back to Somerset, I think I had caught Steve’s bug; I had a feeling that we could defeat Bath City on the Monday too.

Saturday evening was spent basking in the glory of Frome’s victory, but my attention soon turned to the Sunday. This would be our new manager’s first league match at Stamford Bridge, and of course there was a frisson of excitement about this.

However – and you might want to look away now, dear reader – I had to solemnly admit to myself that the Frome vs. Bath game on the following day was the biggest of the three. Bath City have experienced a massive fall from grace of late. In 1979/80, in the inaugural season of the Alliance Premier – the first-ever national “fifth division” – they finished second. In that season, Bath City were only three levels below Chelsea.

They have always found themselves in Step 1 or Step 2 of the non-league pyramid, and they have always been a big non-league outfit. However, they now find themselves in Step 3 after relegation last season. While Bath have dropped, Frome have risen and the game would be the first league match between the two clubs since 1906.

Yes, 1906.

One hundred and twenty years.

But first Brighton.

I collected PD at 7am, and Parky at 7.30am. There was the usual early morning McBreakfast at Melksham on the way. These morning matchday football routines are lovely, and they hark back to my childhood when there seemed to be a very clear set of events that I used to follow. I mentioned those joyful Saturday mornings of my youth in the Luton Town match review; “Sesame Steet”, “The Partridge Family”, Sam Leitch on “Grandstand” with his football preview. But before I settled in for a few hours of football, I would be sent down to the village post office to pick up a loaf of bread, and with a small amount of change I would purchase one or maybe two packs of football cards – four per pack – that contained the absolutely inedible bubble gum.

Players from those days lie deep in my memory to this day.

David Wagstaffe – Wolverhampton Wanderers.

Alan Bloor – Stoke City.

Dick Krzywicki – Huddersfield Town.

Allan Hunter – Ipswich Town.

Sunday traffic was light; I dropped the passengers off near “The Eight Bells” at just before 10am. Joe from Virginia would soon join them, along with my good friends Even, Jon, Roy and Hans from Norway. I spun around and parked up on Rylston Road and walked down to Fulham Broadway. For fifteen minutes, I was in agony; my hips were killing me. Those carefree days of me in 1971/72, scampering down to the shop, were a long way away. I’d like to think that the pain I was experiencing was due to those mesmerizing twists and feints that used to confuse opposing full-backs – and myself – during my footballing days, to give it all some sort of footballing credibility, but I suspect that the shooting pain was just due to the passage of time and old age.

I stopped by at the “Walham Green” pub and sat for twenty minutes, nursing a drink. Miraculously, when I stood up, the pain had gone. Behold the therapeutic powers of Fulham Broadway.

On the train down to Putney Bridge, I spotted my Brighton mate Mac in another compartment. We met up on the platform and while he shot off for a quick bite to eat, I joined up with the lads in “The Eight Bells”; the time was about 11.30am.

Unlike the Fulham game, the pub was a lot less crowded, a lot more homely, and a lot quieter. There were familiar faces everywhere. I sat on a table with Mac’s fine mates Barry, Rob and Guy. Brighton have given us a torrid time of late; those recent three away games were absolutely horrific. There was a 1-3 defeat at Stamford Bridge last September too.

I asked Mac how the Brighton faithful will react to Danny Welbeck in Chelsea colours.

“We’ll be fine.”

“Ah lovely.”

Barry shared a photo of some old – literally – Chelsea faces that he had seen on a recent “Facebook” post. He wondered if I recognised any. All of them were in their ‘sixties and ‘seventies.

“Well, I can spot Eccles, but that’s about it. He was the leader of The Shed back in the day, or to be exact, the North Stand.”

I was inside Stamford Bridge at 1.30pm after having safely smuggled the SLR camera in.

On the pitch, Gary Chivers and Jason Cundy were being asked to share their memories of the recently departed Bobby Tambling and Ken Bates.

I always remember the first time I met Bobby Tambling; it was with Parky and Glenn at a local Wiltshire pub, when Ron Harris and Peter Bonetti were in attendance too. It was in April 2011. Outside in the pub garden, I remember Parky and Bobby chatting away like they were old friends. They were sharing anecdotes about their hip replacements, and Parky could not believe how pleasant Bobby was. That was a Friday evening, and we soon bumped into Bobby walking along Fulham Broadway the following morning before a game and he was all smiles and laughter; a truly wonderful man.

Kick-off time approached.

We checked the team.

New signing Emilio Martinez had made it just in time.

Martinez

Fofana – Lacroix – Colwill

Pedro Neto – Gusto – Lavia – Hato

Palmer – Joao Pedro – Rogers

This looked an odd selection with square pegs in round holes; the pushed-on wing backs and the midfield duo especially.

A Xabi Alonso tifo involving a puny pun was unveiled in The Shed and the teams arrived.

Then, floral tributes with members of the families of Bobby Tambling and Ken Bates – I spotted Bobby’s widow Val – and some heartwarming applause for the two Chelsea legends.

Chelsea attacked The Shed. It looked like many of the visiting support had opted for the white away shirts. Mac wasn’t too happy with the blue with thin white pinstripes of their home kit. In the pub I had asked him about it, narrowly avoiding a mention of the 1983 FA Cup final.

“Not a fan. Prefer stripes. Saw Rangers on TV recently, and their kit looks like ours.”

Chelsea began well. My SLR was at hand on just four minutes to record a brilliant start for the chaps.

The corner from Pedro Neto near Parkyville.

The perfect flick-on from Joao Pedro. He must have been watching highlight reels of Archie Ferris. The ball was blocked on the line by the defender Mats Weiffer and ‘keeper Bart Verbruggen made a hash of grasping the loose ball. The ball dropped nicely.

Alas, the camera missed the nimble flick-in from Romeo Lavia, his first goal for us, but my first reaction was to quickly check the linesman to my right, but his flag was kept down. No infringements.

GET IN.

I captured the celebrations, naughtily taking place in front of the away fans.

Alan : “THTCAUN.”

Chris : “COMLD.”

What a start. We continued to play some lovely stuff in the Brighton half.

On fourteen minutes, a throw-in from Jorrel Hato, a headed pass from Joao Pedro to Morgan Rogers, who shuffled past Mario Vuskovic. His square ball was pushed in by Neto on the six-yard line.

Beautiful stuff.

We were purring.

“We’ve got our Chelsea back” sang the crowd.

On twenty-four minutes, Neto chased down Feri Kadioglu and played the ball inside to Joao Pedro, but his shot – on film – was guided just past the left-hand stick.

On twenty-eight minutes, a rare Brighton attack but a hint of things to come. There were three attackers roaming at large down our left, with only one Chelsea shirt in sight.

“Fallen asleep there Chels.”

The resultant cross was thankfully claimed by Martinez.

Brighton then enjoyed a little spell.

However, on thirty-two minutes, there was a lovely interchange of play between Hato and Rogers – quick feet to release the ball – and this allowed Hato to race up the left. He won the footrace with Wieffer and crossed low. As the ball flew off Joao Pedro’s boot, I clicked.

GOAL!

This made up for the earlier miss.

I always remember Mac’s reaction to us signing Joao Pedro.

“Good luck with the sulky twat.”

I wondered, briefly, what his thoughts were as the scorer celebrated right in front of the Mac Lads.

This goal, oddly, brought back memories of Gary Chivers’ goal versus Newcastle United in October 1980. That one came from a rapid move down the left too. And, also oddly, Clive – a few seats along – thought the same. The ball travelled in different parts of the pitch in 2026, but it had the same feel as the goal from forty-six years ago.

Three-up and hinting at more, my mind wandered, far too quickly for my liking.

“Two wins in two games. Will this team surprise us all, gel ridiculously quickly and mount a serious challenge for the title?”

Yeah, I know.

Throughout all this attacking wizardry, Cole Palmer had been a little quiet. He gave away possession on a couple of occasions early on and didn’t dominate in the way he can.

On thirty-five minutes, Neto missed his challenge, allowing Diego Gomez in on goal. His shot was parried by Martinez – on film – but Malick Yalcouye slammed a shot in off the far post.

Bollocks.

On forty-one minutes, Rogers rifled a shot from distance just past the post. Gomez, at the Matthew Harding, headed wide.

At the break, I had no complaints, apart from the noise and the atmosphere.

It was darned quiet.

At half-time, a message from Mac.

“Exactly as I saw this going.”

The game recommenced, and Brighton managed to have a bigger share of the game. However, three minutes in, Martinez pumped a long first-time ball forward, enabling Joao Pedro to slalom his way forward – pictured – but he seemed to take one touch too many and his run was blocked.

On fifty-five minutes, a Brighton free-kick and a header at the back stick from Gomez that glided past the other post.

I was waiting for the net to bulge.

Phew.

A minute later, we went wide of the far post, then a minute after that Rogers walloped a ball into the six-yard box but Palmer uncharacteristically volleyed over the bar.

Then a couple of Brighton efforts, and a fine Martinez save. Sadly, from the resulting corner, Yalcouye played a ball in to Pascal Gross whose attempted pass to a teammate flew in off Joao Pedro’s leg.

There was still half-an-hour to go, and it was getting nervy. It felt that we were sitting back way too much. At 3-2, this was a different game completely.

On sixty-four minutes, Maxim De Cuyper headed wide of the far post.

Martinez saved well down low from Olivier Boscagli.

This was getting even more edgy.

On sixty-eight minutes, Xabi Alonso made some changes.

Josh Acheampong for Fofana.

Moises Caicedo for Neto.

Reece James for Lavia.

It meant that Gusto was pushed out wide.

The crowd responded with a loud, and much needed chant.

“CAREFREE.”

On seventy-two minutes, Pep Chavarria took over from Colwill.

Two minutes later, a throw-in from Gusto, a neat lay-off from Joao Pedro and Palmer raced forward. He ate up the yards and with calm efficiency he swept the ball in at the far post.

What a lovely strike.

Chelsea 4 Brighton 2.

That’s better.

More noise.

“PALMER AGAIN, PALMER AGAIN, PALMER AGAIN OLE, OLE.”

I said to Alan : “to be honest he has been 5/10 until now.”

Brighton continued to attack and carve out chances. One effort was slashed wide from a corner.

Sadly, Caicedo had to be replaced by Valentin Barco on eighty-two minutes.

Towards the end of the game, my fellow occupants in The Sleepy Hollow – Alan, Clive, PD – departed and so it was only me that witnessed the last goal of the game on ninety-five minutes. Another long throw, the ball was headed on, and a free header for Gross.

Thankfully, that was it.

The whistle blew soon after the re-start.

Phew.

There was some sort of gallows humour on the way out.

“3-2, now 4-3…I guess we will win 5-4 at Arsenal.”

No, don’t put any money on it.

It had been a game that started so well with lots off attacking verve, but one that soon became a roller-coaster ride like those experienced by thousands at Thorpe Park.

But Alonso will learn fast and make the right changes.

Won’t he?

Let’s hope so,

I made my way back to collect PD and Parky and who should I see talking to three friends on the Fulham Road?

Eccles.

I messaged Barry to tell him.

I reached home at around 6.45pm with another game heavily on my mind.

The plan was to meet up with a few close friends in the FTFC clubhouse at around 1pm on Bank Holiday Monday. I have a digital season ticket at Frome, and until this day, the scanning process had not worked. My old Oakfield Road School teammate Steve – manning the gate with his father Maurice – was surprised as I was when there was a lovely big green “tick” on his scanner. I took that as a positive sign.

There were Bath fans in early at Badgers Hill, and it soon became apparent that we would be witnessing the largest ever away following seen at Frome Town in decades and decades. I had spoken to a director a fortnight earlier and they had budgeted for an attendance of 1,000, expected 1,200, but I – and others – was hoping for 1,500 at least.

I soon met up with Louise, Steve, Francis, Tom and Glenn. We could not believe how many away fans were in. They began to cluster as one black mass in The Cowshed to our right. The weather had been favourable; there were grey skies in the morning – perhaps deterring many from travelling too far on this day’s holiday and enticing them to the match instead – but as from midday there were blue skies overhead.

As game time approached, Badgers Hill looked an absolute picture.

All stands were full; there were still spectators queuing at the turnstiles and a buzz of huge anticipation hung in the air.

The visitors had featured heavily in the local news of late; a consortium that included Tears For Fears’ Curt Smith were about to swell the coffers of the club to the quite amazing tune of £6M.

And here they were visiting little old Frome for the first time in a league game since 1906.

The teams strode onto the pitch to the tune of “A Town Called Malice” and we girded our loins.

The first half was a relatively mundane affair, and Frome Town had to rely on the heroics of ‘keeper Kyle Phillips to keep the score tied. With five minutes to the break, the last of the spectators eventually made their way in. We all played “guess the gate” and the consensus was around 1,700.

The second half began with the red shirts attacking us in the club end.

Eventually, the home support found our voices.

I bellowed out –

“COME ON YOU” – but stopped at saying the word “reds.”

I just can’t do it.

There were a few chances for both teams. Bath wasted a golden one-on-one; the chance of the match.

Frome manager Danny Greaves made some changes.

Three substitutions on sixty-four minutes.

Our play improved.

“AWAY THE DODGE, AWAY THE DODGE, AWAY THE DODGE, AWAY.”

Two more substitutions followed on eighty minutes.

Just after, a Warren Maidment throw-in (pictured), a scramble, and substitute George Dowling, with his first touch of the game, rifled the ball in via a deflection.

GET IN.

He had only been on the pitch for less than twenty seconds.

The home team held on, and the away fans sloped back to Twerton, Weston, Lansdown, Odd Down, Bathampton and Whiteway.

The gate was announced as 2,051.

We had smiles as large as Cley Hill, a local landmark that can be spotted on the horizon if you know where to look.

We basked in the glory some more.

I was worried about winning a solitary point in this toughest of weekends, but Frome Town had won six.

And good old Chelsea had picked up three too.

Fackinell.

Three wins out of three.

What a blinkin’ glorious weekend.

And here’s to many more.

See you at Arsenal

Game One : Chertsey Town vs. Frome Town

Game Two : Chelsea vs. Brighton And Hove Albion

Game Three : Frome Town vs. Bath City

Tales From Two Derbies

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Chelsea vs. Fulham : 30 August 2025.

Our third match of this new season was to see us play Fulham at home. Our nearest neighbours – I can hardly give them the honour of labelling them as rivals – had beaten us 2-1 on Boxing Day at Stamford Bridge last season and so we all hoped for no repeat. That defeat started a run of poor form from us, but ironically the win by the same score at Craven Cottage in April initiated a fine revival.

With the kick-off for this game taking place at 12.30pm, there was no time to lose. I collected PD at 7am and Parky at 7.30am. We called in at the “McDonalds” at Melksham and we breakfasted “on the hoof” to waste as little time as possible. There were grey skies on the way up to London, but the clouds cleared over the last part of the familiar journey. After driving down onto the Fulham Palace Road, I dropped the lads off at 9.45am at the very southern edge of the King’s Road, and I was parked up on Charleville Road to the north ten minutes later.

For twenty minutes I had driven right through the heart of Fulham, and I mused that the neatly-appointed terraced houses that have undergone a metamorphosis from pre-WW2 working class homes to the dwellings of the “well-to-do” formed an ironic backdrop to the lunchtime game, in a sport that has undergone its own gentrification over the past three decades.

Of course, Fulham is part of the larger borough of Hammersmith & Fulham, and within its boundaries there is another professional football club; Queens Park Rangers. We last played them in the league over ten years ago. What happened to them? Actually, who cares? I never liked them, and I dislike them much more than jolly old Fulham.

On the drive up to London, I was able to update the two lads about the fine form of my local team Frome Town.

On Bank Holiday Monday, I assembled with a few good friends, and the might of Frome’s travelling away army, as we travelled the eight miles over the county boundary into Wiltshire for the away game at Westbury United. In a scenario that strangely mirrors the situation in West London, there is a rather placid rivalry between Frome Town and Westbury United, whereas Frome’s most heated local rivalry is with Melksham Town, further away to the north.

Frome and Westbury have not met too often in recent league seasons, whereas Frome and Melksham have enjoyed many tussles over the years. The Melksham fixture has become a real “grudge match” of late, whereas with Westbury it seems a lot friendlier. To illustrate this point, when Westbury United were met with huge financial problems last season, it was Frome who allowed them to play a few home games at Badgers Hill.

A crowd of 842 assembled at Meadow Lane – now Platinum Hyundai Park – for the game on the Monday. It’s a pleasant little ground at Westbury, the green paintwork of the stands mirrors the all-green of their kit, and the pitch is surrounded on three sides by trees, leaving enough space for the white horse carved into the steep slope of Salisbury Plain to be seen in one corner. Like many non-league grounds, there is a perfect ambience.

Before the game, my Chelsea mate Mark who lives near the ground was able to pose for a photo in the main stand – two rows of seats – alongside Glenn and Ron, who were at their third Frome Town matches of the season. Mark and I go back a long way. He was with Glenn, PD and I on the drive to Stamford Bridge for the monumental game with Leeds United in April 1984.

On a bumpy pitch, and with a troublesome wind blowing, the first half began poorly. However, on thirty minutes a fine cross into the box was met with a leap from Archie Ferris who nodded down for new striker David Duru to slam home. It became an increasingly feisty affair, and the quality only improved slightly, but the away team held on to an important 1-0 win.

Thus far, Frome Town have won all their games this season; three in the league, one in the FA Cup, one in the FA Trophy.

After the Chelsea vs. Fulham game, whatever the score, my attention would be centered on a tough away game at Plymouth Parkway in the next round of the FA Cup that would be kicking off at 3pm.

I caught the train at West Ken, changed at Earl’s Court – bumping into three mates who were headed the opposite direction, “The Clarence” on the North End Road – and reached Putney Bridge at 10.30am. Our cosy corner of the pub just had enough space for one more. I squeezed in alongside the usual crew.

A big shout out here to my mate Ian, who I have only really got to know these past two years, but who was celebrating the fiftieth anniversary, to the actual day, if not the actual time, of his first-ever Chelsea match. His “first time” was an away fixture at Kenilworth Road in the old Second Division on Saturday 30 August 1975.  The match unfortunately ended up 3-0 to Luton Town. The team that day was a real mixture of old and new, with 1970 stalwarts John Dempsey, Ron Harris and Charlie Cooke alongside Ray Wilkins, Ian Britton, Teddy Maybank, John Sparrow and Brian Bason. The gate was a decent 18,565.

Ian’s non-league team Brackley Town, who were in the same division as Frome Town in 2011/12, would be featured on TV later in the day with their National League home game against Scunthorpe United being shown live.

It was super to meet up with Deano once again. Since we last spoke, he had visited Chile and Argentina with his dear wife Linda, and he regaled me with some lovely stories, although the time that a puma jumped up on top of his camper van during a night in Patagonia scared me to death.

I spotted an old photo of “The Eight Bells” and I include it for interest.

Our favourite Fulham pub dates from 1629. From 1886 to 1888, Fulham Football Club used it as their changing rooms when they played at nearby Raneleigh Gardens. Unlike Chelsea, Fulham have had many previous grounds, just like QPR, and flitted around this area, on both sides of the Thames for many years before finding a permanent home at Craven Cottage. It would have been all so different if Gus Mears had successfully tempted Fulham Football Club to play at Stamford Bridge at the turn of the twentieth century, eh?

Still wary of malfunctioning digital season tickets, I left the pub before the others at 11.30am. There was a gaggle of Fulham lads on the northbound platform and no doubt a lot of their match-going fans would have been drinking in the pubs in the immediate area of “The Eight Bells.”

There was no queue at the turnstiles, and no issues with my ‘phone, and I was in.

It was 11.50am.

On Thursday we had heard about the teams that we would be playing in the Champions League first phase, that long and laborious process that will stretch out from 17 September to 28 January. I have a few things to say about all this.

Firstly, I don’t like the fact that UEFA have tagged two extra games into this phase. An away game in Europe is no laughing matter for the many supporters that try to attend as many games as possible. Isn’t that the point of being a supporter? As a result of this, I am absolutely toying with the option of missing one of the four home games as a single game protest that won’t mean a jot to anyone else but will mean a lot to me.

Secondly, I am fearful of how much the home games will cost. Will the prime Barcelona game be priced at a different level to the other three, most noticeably Pafos? Or will all of these come in at the same mark? If so, how much? I am guessing £60 for my seat. Ouch. That’s £240 for those four games. Double ouch.

Thirdly, due to my attendance at four games in the US in June and July, I only have six days leave left until the end of March. Ouch again. With of this this in mind, I will try to get to one European away match, but surely no more. Domestically, I have a fruity little trip to Lincoln City – can’t wait – to plan out, plus there is the problem of the away game at Elland Road on a Wednesday in December, which will surely need paying attention to.

Munich is out. It’s too early. Plus, there is a part of me that wants to keep that 2012 memory pure, and unaltered. I might never visit Munich again for this reason. Atalanta is an option as it is the only stadium, and city – Bergamo – that I have not visited. Napoli is an exhilarating place, its team now managed by Antonio Conte, and during any other year, I would be tempted even though I visited it in 2012. And then there is dear old Baku. I have visited it three times already; in 2017 and 2019 with Chelsea, and last December on my return hop from Almaty. I would dearly love to return, but there is the huge problem of the time it takes to get to and from Azerbaijan.

All I can say is that is a lovely problem to have and watch this space.

Incidentally, isn’t it odd that we have been paired with four teams from the 2011/12 campaign?

Napoli, Benfica, Barcelona, Bayern.

Inside Stamford Bridge, all was quiet. Not much was happening. Everything was quiet. My focus, again, because of the proximity, was on the ridiculous line of “Dugout Club” spectators who were watching the players go through their pre-match shuttles pitch side.

At 12.20pm, a trio of pre-match songs that are meant to get us in the mood.

“Our House.”

“Parklife.”

“Liquidator.”

Enzo Maresca had chosen the same eleven that started at Stratford.

Our Robert, Our Malo, Our Trev, Our Tosin, Our Marc, Our Enzo, Our Moises, Our Estevao, Our Joao, Our Pedro, Our Liam.

Willian and Pedro on the wings? Well, it worked in 2016/17.

“Blue Is The Colour” boomed out and now we joined in.

Beautiful.

As the teams appeared, fireworks were set off from the top of The Shed roof once again, and I wasn’t sure if I really, deep-down, liked this or not. It seems to have taken over from flames in front of the East Stand anyway.

Modern football.

Flash, bang, wallop.

Fulham have gone for an all-white kit this season and I wonder what their traditionalists think about it. On this occasion, they wore black socks.

With Clive and PD alongside me, the game began.

We were treated to an early flurry of chances; a Joao Pedro roller, a Liam Delap shot that was blocked, a well-worked Fulham move that ended with a shot just wide.

Fulham : “is this a library?”

Chelsea : “there’s only one team in Fulham.”

Alas, Delap went down with what looked like a strain as he chased a long ball, and after some treatment was substituted by the youngster Tyrique George, he of the equaliser at Craven Cottage in April. Without the physical presence of the robust Delap, we looked a lot weaker up front. I have never been convinced with George leading the line.

There were two shots on goal from Fulham, who were looking the livelier now.

On twenty minutes, a spin away from trouble by Rodrigo Muniz, and the ball was played forward to Joshua King. I immediately presumed that King was offside, as did one or two others. However, play continued. King turned Tosin easily and fired the visitors from down the road ahead.

Ah, bollocks.

I hoped and prayed that VAR would chalk out the goal for offside. Firstly, there was nothing, but after a considerable wait, VAR was called into action, but for a foul and not for offside. Colour me confused.

Then another wait. Eventually, the referee Rob Jones walked over to the pitch side monitor and gazed at it for yet more minutes. The decision was no goal because of a foul.

What foul? We never saw a foul.

Anyway, I didn’t cheer the decision and on with the game.

This “get out of jail” moment resulted in the loudest moment thus far as a loud “Carefree” sounded out from the Matthew Harding.

However, PD was unimpressed.

“We are awful.”

We toiled away but didn’t create much at all. There was a lovely, cushioned flick from Estevao that set up the overlapping Malo Gusto but his cross was easily claimed by Bernd Leno.

Fulham then retaliated, and Robert Sanchez blocked, but offside anyway.

“Neto is quiet, eh?”

On thirty-seven minutes, a passage of play summed it all up. Enzo Fernandez tried his best to plod away from his marker, but took an extra touch and lost possession, and then Moises Caicedo invited a booking with a silly and lazy challenge.

Oh dear.

When Tosin ventured forward for set pieces, the Fulham fans sang a very derogatory song about him.

“He’s a wanker you know, Tosin Adarabioyo.”

I was at least impressed that they knew how to pronounce his surname; a feat that is still too difficult for us Chelsea fans.

On forty-two minutes, at last a jinking run from Neto out on the left that forced a corner. From that, a header over.

Just after, I moaned about Estevao coming inside when he had so much space behind the last defender. With that – he must have heard me – he set off on a jinking run down the right and into all that beautiful space, but it came to nothing.

This was all so disjointed.

With the VAR delay, there were eight minutes of extra time signalled.

Deep into this stoppage time, there was a run of corners. Shots were blocked, pinball in the six-yard area. Then, one final corner from the boot of Enzo in front of the baying Cottagers. A perfect delivery, and a perfect leap from Joao Pedro. His header was clean, and unchallenged.

We were up 1-0.

Phew.

At the break, we reflected on a poor game of football thus far.

Thankfully, there was a tad more energy and vigour in the way we began the second period. On fifty-four minutes, with me trying to get a worthwhile shot using my pub camera, I spotted a Trevoh Chalobah shot / cross hitting the arm of a Fulham defender, and I immediately thought “handball”, before snapping the resulting shot from Caicedo on film. There was an appeal from Enzo, nearest to the referee, but I saw the man in black gesture that the ball had hit his shoulder. I wasn’t so bloody sure.

After what seemed an age, VAR was called into action, and then more staring at the pitch-side monitor from Rob Jones. After – what? – three minutes maybe, the mic’d up referee began babbling to the crowd but it wasn’t too clear. I then I heard him utter the phrase “unnatural position” and I knew our luck was in.

Penalty.

I whispered to Clive.

“Unnatural position? Is that the same as Parky going to the bar?”

Enzo made up for his wavering display by striking the ball right down the middle, right down Broadway, right down Fulham Broadway, right down Walham Green.

We were now 2-0 up.

Another phew.

There were glimpses from Estevao of potential greatness. There was a fantastic wiggle, but his effort went just wide.

“Champions of the World” sang the Chelsea faithful, and I toyed with notion of us being top, but I soon decided against a “Catch Us If You Can” update on “Facebook.”

I looked over at the Fulham fans.

They derided us with a “WWYWYWS” chant, and Clive and I just laughed.

“Villa Park.”

“Exactly.”

No more needs to be said. They couldn’t even send 20,000 to Birmingham in their biggest game for decades and decades.

I looked above The Shed, saw the “World Champions” banner and mused that they aren’t even champions of their own postcode.

On the hour, Joao Pedro came close with three efforts. He was sent through, one on one with Leno, but missed out. Then came a shot that was blocked. Then a fantastic cross from Neto down below us that picked him out, but the ball as just out of reach, which I just about caught on film.

On sixty-eight minutes, Jamie Gittens replaced Estevao.

“I’ve seen enough. He’s going to be good.”

Gittens looked neat in his cameo down below me.

On eighty-one minutes, a double substitution.

Andrey Santos for George, who had been quiet.

Reece James for Pedro Neto, who had improved in the second half.

With that, PD and Clive substituted themselves and left too.

On eighty-five minutes, a Joao Pedro volley but a fine Leno save. Our striker was everywhere inside the box in that second period; my man of the match, I think.

I am sad to report that the atmosphere was so mild, though.

Sigh.

There was a great cross from the Fulham substitute Adama Triore from the right that went unpunished, a free header missing the target.

A shot from distance from Reece James.

Another eight minutes of injury time was met with groans.

“Groans from even the Fulham fans I think.”

I just wanted to get on my way home.

There was a little late drama. Another cross from Traore was just a touch too deep, and then the resultant corner allowed a header that was hacked off the line by none other than Joao Pedro.

Definitely man of the match.

At the end of the game, at around 2.30pm, yet more bloody fireworks flew into the air from the top of The Shed.

Good grief.

The chap in front commented “that’s a bit much, innit?”

“Yeah, it’s only Fulham.”

Postscript :

On the drive home, I was elated to hear that Frome Town had beaten Plymouth Parkway 4-0 in the First Qualifying Round of the FA Cup. This was a fine away win against a team one step above in the football pyramid.

BA13 vs. BA11

SW6 vs. SW6