Tales From Two Archbishop Desmonds

Posted on September 13, 2026 by Chris Axon

Chelsea vs. Hull City : 12 September 2026.

Two games were on my mind on this day. My local team Frome Town were playing Hanwell Town at home, while Chelsea were also at home to Hull City. If I am honest, I wanted to see both. Frome were riding the crest of a fine recent wave – three wins, fifth in the league – but I knew that I would be attending the Chelsea match. This wasn’t to be something as serious or as life changing as me having to decide between the two.

“The first temptation of Chris?”

Not quite.

But I knew that I wished I could have been in two places at once. One day I will have to decide between Chelsea and Frome Town. It will be the toughest of decisions, the toughest of days.

At 6.50am, I set off for London.

The Half-Moon Cafe

We have been visiting “The Half-Moon Café” on the Fulham Palace Road for a few years now. I had dropped PD and LP at “The Eight Bells” at 9.45am, where they breakfasted at “The River Café”, but I had to park up near Queens Club, so tied in a visit to this excellent café first. Everything lined up in a traditional 4-4-2.

Bubble

Bacon – Bread – Butter – Fried Egg

Baked Beans – Liver – Black Pudding – Mug Of Tea

English Mustard – Brown Sauce

I wolfed it all down. Not only tasty but cheap; all this for just £11.50.

The Eight Bells

From my spot on Kinnoul Road, I decided to walk the mile-and-a-half from the bottom end of Hammersmith to the bottom end of Fulham. The District Line was closed, so many supporters going to the match would be faced with alternative methods of reaching Stamford Bridge and their usual watering holes. I got my steps in and was happy that I walked into the pub at 11.19am, not 11.20am, one minute ahead of schedule. We’re always happy to beat the GPS predictions, aren’t we? Deano had just joined Salisbury Steve, Lord Parky and P-Diddy.

The People Who Grinned Themselves To Death

I soon took a photo of the lads and shared it on “Facebook”. Deano had just mentioned that he had played some Beautiful South in the morning, but chastised himself for the links to The Housemartins, and thus Hull. So, I jumped in and gave the photo a reference that stemmed from The Housemartins’ second album. Rather that, on this day of days, than the title of their first one; London 0 Hull 4.

PD And Deano

The Perry Boys. Steve was wearing a Fred Perry polo-shirt too, and to complete the roll-call, Parky was wearing a “Pretty Green” polo shirt, and I was wearing a “K-Way” polo. After all, Hurlingham was just a stone’s throw away.

Selfie

My friends Nat from Kansas and Sujin from California arrived at 12.30pm and settled down for a chat alongside us. I last Saw Nat at Cardiff City last year, but I had not seen Sujin since a match at Manchester City a few years ago. Nat is a keen University of Kansas college football fan and when she mentioned their rivalry with Missouri, I reluctantly mentioned that the latter’s band, “The Marching Mizzou” once appeared at Stamford Bridge before and, infamously, during a game that I attended against Derby County in March 1975. Her face dropped. Nat was aghast that Kansas’ big rivals had a link with her beloved Chelsea. There was also a predictably sad moment when I asked where their two seats were located. Whenever friends say “West Lower” I always feel like giving them a pacifying hug and say something sympathetic, knowing that it’s a quiet section of the stadium, full of folk that never feel the need to join in with our hundred and one songs of support. We spoke about a lot of football and I absolutely loved it that both Americans saw the logic of me and my boycott of the 2026 World Cup.

Chelsea Smiles

We caught a bus on Putney Bridge to Fulham Broadway, then made our way towards Stamford Bridge. Time was moving on but there was time for photos.

London Five

Wiltshire, Somerset, Kansas, California. Ironically, we had not mentioned the match in the pub. But Hull City were riding high and yet to concede a single goal.

Fly The Flag

I was in, rather too rushed for my liking, at 2.45pm. I took my place alongside Alan, Clive and PD, fresh from the nine-goal jamboree on Wednesday. I spotted a new addition among the flags and banners in The Shed Upper; an old-school Union Jack that carried the same Chelsea font as an infamous flag featured in “The Football Factory” in 2004.

Teams

I was looking forward to seeing the fine lines of the classic Hull City kit. In my mind, it’s the best of the bunch of this season’s Premier League teams. I love the broad stripes and far from intrusive sponsor. It’s class. Ours isn’t too far behind.

Xabi Alonso lined up his troops in a 4-2-3-1

Emi Martinez

Malo Gusto – Wesley Fofana – Levi Colwill – Jorrel Hato

Reece James – Romeo Lavia

Pedro Neto – Cole Palmer – Morgan Rogers

Joao Pedro.

Hands Up

Oh those lovely kits.

Flap

In the early-exchanges, I caught a shot of Emi Martinez attempting to catch a high ball. His form over the course of the game would be variable, to say the least.

Goal

After just seven minutes, a lovely break up field. Palmer carried the ball up the right, guided the ball inside to Joao Pedro, who passed the ball on to Rogers. A burst of speed, a low shot at goal. It wasn’t apparent to me, straight away, that the ball was in. The roar of the crowd, and the lack of a linesman’s flag, was enough.

Joy

I love the smiles on the face of the scorer and the supporters in the East Lower.

Leap

And I love this leap against the backdrop of supporters too.

Remembering

Just after another lovely passing move that ended with a shot from Gusto, many of the crowd – literally thousands – clapped on the twelfth minute in memory of the much-loved Agi who passed away during the week. I stood, too, as did a few around me. Although I never see it on a match day, there is a large Cyprus Blues flag that hangs on the wall of the Matthew Harding to my immediate right, overlooking the West enclosure. Agi was proud of this permanent fixture at his beloved Stamford Bridge. I took a photo of a flag that usually hangs at the other end of the West Lower. It’s the flag that father and son Tony and Kyle Broadbent took to Munich in 2012. Sadly, not long after Munich, Kyle died in a terrible accident at work, and then the grief-stricken Tony died of cancer a few years later. It seemed appropriate to commemorate all three on this day.

Loft

Here, Neto tries to hit a blue shirt from a free kick. On twenty-one minutes, Palmer was in a very similar position to his goal on Wednesday, and I was hoping for the same cool shot to the left, but he passed outside to Neto and the chance was lost. Until then, we had carried the bigger threat but looked slower than most occasions this season in moving the ball forward. Not long after, the Hull City ‘keeper Konstantinos Tzolakis went down injured, and there was a break in play.

Punt

After the extended stoppage, the visiting goalie took a goal-kick that was punted long. The ball bounced high inside our half, but the next time that a player touched it was when it was a couple of yards from the goal-line below me, and Gusto was trying to shadow his marker and hope that the ball would go off for a goal-kick at our end. Alas, a stronger challenge would have been better. Ryan Giles was able to hook the ball in, high, but Hato made a complete mess of the flight of the ball, decided not to meet the bounce. Mohamed Belloumi was on hand to smash the ball past the dive of Martinez. Bollocks.

You’re So Vane

I wonder how many in our global support base – millions upon millions of the buggers – can name the former player who is depicted on the old weathervane that sits high upon the East Stand roof. Down below on the pitch, Hull created a very similar chance that resulted in Leeds’ second goal on Wednesday. A cross, a lay-off, but thankfully Martinez saved the effort this time.

Catch

Martinez caught this one, and so did I.

Tigers

The visiting Hull supporters packed out their allocation of three thousand. I have enjoyed visiting Hull over the years – five games, five wins – and it is a city that now shuffles its love for both rugby league and football. We once memorably stayed in a hotel / pub in Hull for the mighty sum of £7.50 per person for the game in 2020.

Chasing The Game

Six minutes after the equaliser, a corner down below me, and a free header from Semi Ajayi with Martinez unable to reach the cross. His effort crashed against the bar. It came back and Belloumi was able to slam the ball in via a deflection. Buggering bollocks. Soon after, the away supporters sang “we’re gonna win the league” but nobody believed them. Not even them.

Wide

This shot from Gusto was deflected wide.

Spot The Ball

There had been a terrible lack of movement from the lads in the forward positions as the first half fizzled out. Two lame corners ended a frustrating half. Sadly, down in Frome, Dodge were losing too; 0-1. Hanwell Town’s home ground is just eight miles from Stamford Bridge. I was hoping for a “Frome / Chelsea doubler” this season but it won’t happen; shame. At the break, we were all disappointed with our wilting in the second part of the first period. Alan handed out some treats to cheer us. He did the same midweek. Would his lucky halftime Cadbury’s chocolates do the trick like they did against Leeds, or were these ideas of mine just a careless Wispa? At the break, Alonso replaced Hato with Chavarria.

Twist

This was a classic Cole Palmer move. I love capturing these moments.

Threatening

We hoped a new vitality would dominate as we attacked – here via Rogers – the Matthew Harding. Down in Somerset, joy as Jon Davies made it 1-1.

Line

I often try to capture the jostling for position at throws and corners. It’s almost like a sub sport these days; a sport within a sport. Or rather, a non-sport.

Face-Off

Joao Pedro, up to his antics.

Sir!

“He’s being naughty, sir!”

Who? Me?

“What have I done?”

Waiting

Reece James takes aim.

Shot

Sadly this flew wide.

Waiting For The Ball To Drop

All eyes on the prize.

Claimed

The Hull City ‘keeper just about reached this. At the other end, Martinez blocked well from Regan Slater, then reacted to stop the ball from reaching Oli McBurnie.

Wing Play

Neto put in another good shift out wide, but I am afraid that his final ball was occasionally lacking. Nevertheless, this felt like we were turning the screw.

Pace

On sixty-six minutes, I captured the pace of Cole Palmer on film, as he raced past his marker down below me. He nutmegged a second defender, and the ball was played perfectly to the waiting Joao Pedro.

Wallop

I only caught the follow-through of the strike; the ball was well on its way into the top of the goal net. It was absolutely slammed home.

Thumbs Up

Phew.

Let’s Go

There were no celebrations; just a desire to keep going.

Close

More wing play from Neto. Down in Somerset, Frome were 2-1 via a first-ever goal from left-back Zack Ali. On seventy minutes, much applause for Valentin Barco who replaced Romeo Lavia. The Chelsea world has been purring about Barco of late. Alan said that he was reminded of N’golo Kante somewhat, what with his nimble-feet and effortless passing. Chavarria down below me was enjoying a fine game; something about his running style and his gait reminds me so much of Cesar Azpilicueta.

At The Other End

On seventy-five minutes, a low shot from James was saved. On seventy-eight minutes, Danny Welbeck replaced Gusto. He hadn’t had a great game, but I didn’t like the roar as his name was announced. At the other end, Brooke Norton-Cuffey broke well but this shot did not worry Martinez. An effort from Welbeck – his first touch I think – was saved.

A Late Chance

A strong run from Rogers suggested we had it in us to nab a late winner, but his low shot was saved by Tzolakis. However, with five minutes to go I admitted to Clive “I’ll take a draw now.”

A Low Cole

This lad’s close control was amazing, even when off balance.

Outnumbered

Five against one, he still maintained possession. At the other end, a super low cross was met at the back stick by Mohamed-Ali Cho, but Martinez scrambled across to smother brilliantly. Down in Frome, Hanwell Town scored a very late equaliser, and it ended 2-2.

Fresh Legs

On eighty-six minutes, Alonso replaced Neto with Estevao and Fofana with Lacroix. The Brazilian soon tested the Hull ‘keeper at his near post.

Closing In

Here, the zesty Brazilian tries to race away but our marked man sees his space closed down.

Pink Boots

What would Chopper have made of all of this? Estevao was upended soon after this photo, and we sensed one final chance.

Summit Talks

Five Chelsea players figure out the best way to steal a winner.

Decision Time

Cole or Reece? I wasn’t sure, but it was more suited to an inswinger from Cole.

Over

The ball ballooned over, the final moment.

So, two 2-2 draws for my two teams, and that was that. It took me a further thirty minutes to walk the one-and-a-half miles back to the car; at least I had given myself a nice cardio-vascular workout between the breakfasts and the football. I back-tracked down to “The Mitre” to collect my fellow passengers and we headed west.

It had been a disappointing game of course; there is no doubt. But I had to keep reminding myself that Xabi Alonso has only had six games – and only four Premier League games – to test his ideas and to get some sort of plan together.

He knows where there are shortcomings.

He knows the score.

We’ll be OK.

See you at Brentford.

Tales From The Cheap Seats

Posted on March 21, 2025 by Chris Axon

Chelsea vs. FC Copenhagen : 13 March 2025.

The home game against Leicester City was to be followed by three more trips to London for me in the following week. There would be two more Chelsea matches, but also a drive up to London on the one-hundred-and-twentieth anniversary of the formation of the club on Friday 10 March 1905.

Unbeknown to me, it seems that the club must have sent emails out asking for nominations to attend a stadium tour in the evening of Monday 10 March to mark the moment, and to my great surprise and pleasure I had been selected as one of the chosen few, or rather one of the chosen one-hundred-and-twenty.

I am still unaware who nominated me.

If it is you…THANK YOU SO MUCH.

It was a great evening.

I met up with my good friend Luke in the “Butcher’s Hook” where the club was formed all those years ago, and we chatted to other lads that I know, the brothers Dan and Eddie. Our tour was the last of the night, beginning at 6.30pm and ending at 8pm.

Ninety minutes, how fitting.

This would be the fifth stadium tour that I have attended; the others were in 1997 with a bunch of fellow fans including Glenn and Alan, a solo tour in around 2005, a tour with a friend from the US in 2016 and a tour with a friend from Germany later the same year.

The highlight was the chance to meet up, albeit briefly, with club legends Jimmy Floyd Hasselbaink and Carlo Cudicini. There was the chance for photos, but I couldn’t really say too much to Jimmy and Carlo due to the lack of time.

To Carlo : “The last time I spoke to you was in Beijing in 2017.”

To Jimmy : “You know what, even though you played for Leeds, you’re not a bad bloke.”

There was plenty of laughter, plenty of smiles and giggles, and I loved it that Jimmy’s perfect hat-trick against Tottenham was mentioned a few times. In some ways, the star of the show was the Stamford Bridge pitch itself, bathing under self-tanning ultra-violet lights on a cold Spring evening. Knowing my obsessional desire to photograph Stamford Bridge as often as possible, in as many different circumstances as possible, it is quite likely that I would have driven up from Somerset just to take photos of the pink pitch and the large structures hovering over it.

I include those photos here along with a few others from that night. It was lovely to see a few people that I knew on the three tours. A special mention to Annette and Mark, pictured, who often act as my un-paid spell-checkers on this blog.

Before we disappeared into the home dressing room, the tour stopped by the Chelsea bench. A few of us sat in what is now “the dug-out club” and we spoke about the ludicrous price that the club charges spectators to sit in these twenty or so seats. For the two games against Liverpool and Manchester United, still to come this season, each seat costs a mammoth £12,995.

That’s correct.

It’s not a miss-print.

£12,995.

There have been many words of disdain written about this over the past few months. And this is no surprise. The bizarre thing is that these seats offer really crap views of the pitch. The Perspex tunnel roof, for example, obliterates much of the pitch at The Shed End.

But I have fostered a different opinion of late.

These tickets are clearly aimed at VIPs and the super-wealthy (though, perhaps, the mentally unstable too) and it could be argued that a few years ago VIPs might well be gifted match tickets dependent upon their status. Now, there is an alternative. And if the club can sell such shite tickets – and it’s only twenty of them after all – for such a ridiculous amount of money, then fair play to them.

In an ideal world, the monies raised – £259,900 per game! – would be used to offset the price of match tickets for the rank and file, but I am not naïve enough to believe this will always be the case.

To be honest, this “dug-out club” malarkey is a sign that the suits at Chelsea don’t really understand the differences between sports in the US and the UK, or at least baseball and football. At a baseball game, 95% of the important stuff – the pitcher versus batter duel, the base-running, the infield action – takes place in front of the dug-out and in front of home plate. Over there, seats in these areas are justifiably the most expensive. In football, having seats so low down is not really seen as a positive.

That said, despite all of the talk of the club charging extortionate amounts for some tickets at Stamford Bridge, the cost of my ticket for the game against Copenhagen on the Thursday was just £34, a decent enough figure if I am honest.

For this game I was accompanied by just Parky, with PD unable to attend. I picked him up from his village at 2.15pm and I made really good time. I parked up at my usual spot, dipped into “Koka” on the North End Road for a pepperoni pizza and then headed down from West Brompton to Putney Bridge to meet up with Michelle, Parky, Jimmy, Nick, Steve, Andy and Kim once more.

The pre-match in “The Eight Bells” was, as always, a laugh.

I had some good news for them. At long last, I had witnessed a home league win for Frome Town this season. On the Tuesday, in a tight and scrappy game, an Archie Ferris goal on eighty-seven minutes gifted Frome a huge 1-0 win against Hanwell Town from West London. The crowd was 335. In goal for the visitors was Sam Beasant, son of Dave.

A spare spot was available in “The Sleepy Hollow” and so Michelle sat next to Alan and me. Alas, Clive was absent in addition to PD. Alan had met Michelle before; on that trip to Porto almost ten years ago.

I soon spotted that Copenhagen had not taken the full three thousand allocation. This was our third tie against this team. We had played them in 1998/99 and 2010/11 too. Out of interest, I had pulled up the blog report for the game in March 2011 – “Tales From The Return Of Jesper Gronkjaer” – and I was amused to read this :

The most memorable moments of the entire night’s football involved the banter between the two sets of fans. Again, fair play to the Danes. In superb English, they goaded us with –

“Can you hear the Chelsea sing? I can’t hear a fucking thing.”

“Sing when you’re winning, you only sing when you’re winning.”

The MH responded with a classic of our own –

“Speak fucking Danish, why don’t you speak fucking Danish?”

As kick-off in 2025 approached, we checked our team.

Jorgensen

Chalobah – Tosin – Badiashile – Acheampong

Caicedo – Fernandez

George – Dewsbury-Hall – Sancho

Neto

I was worried about this match. We were 2-1 up from the first leg but if we were to concede early, there was a good chance that both the team and the support would implode on a horrible nervy night.

At the kick-off, the two-and-a-half thousand away fans were bouncing wildly, and I suspected that they would prove to be the stars of the show.

Unlike Copenhagen’s vivid pink away shirts of 2011, this time they were wearing the opposite of our colours.

Chelsea : blue / blue / white.

Copenhagen : white / white / blue.

As the game got going, I became fascinated by the lack of spectators in the East Middle. Apart from a hundred lonely souls dotted around, the whole tier was empty. Never mind the dug-out club, Chelsea had royally messed-up with the pricing structure for that part of the ground, although the middle sections of the West Stand were not full either.

Bloody hell Chelsea.

No shirt sponsor.

A whole tier empty.

Sort it out.

Down on the pitch, my fears were real. There were two early Copenhagen attacks in the first five minutes and then on twelve minutes Josh Acheampong made a timely block on a shot from a Copenhagen attacker. The Chelsea youngster had begun well and would often drift inside during the first half.

Pedro Neto was put through, but their ‘keeper Diant Ramaj burst out to almost the halfway line to clear. This was one of our few attacks thus far, and we were really struggling to create anything.

After half-an-hour, I struggled to remember a single shot on goal, on target or off.

This was dire.

Football is meant to entertain us.

On thirty-six minutes, a nice piece of skill from Tyrique George brought the stadium to life – “fackinell, some skill” – but his touch to Sancho was just a little too hard.

On forty-two minutes, Alan realised that he had neglected to open his “lucky European” wine gums, and as Michelle and I tucked in, Moises Caicedo, as steady as anyone this season, won the ball and played in Neto. He tumbled over inside the box, but no penalty.

For a moment, I wondered if the “Maynards” were going to have an immediate effect.

From the away fans, shades of 2011.

“Is this a library?”

“You’re shit and you know you are.”

There was no witty riposte this time.

We were funnier fourteen years ago.

Well, this was as shocking a game as I had witnessed for years. We all agreed; not one effort on goal.

The boos at half-time seemed – as much as it hurts to say it – par for the course.

Enzo Maresca made two substitutions at the break.

Marc Cucurella for Acheampong, slightly harsh I felt.

Cole Palmer for Enzo, deserved.

On forty-seven minutes – REJOICE – an effort on goal, from Trevoh Chalobah after some typically fine play from Palmer. Then, a shot from Jadon Sancho.

Bloody hell.

“Smelling salts please nurse.”

On fifty minutes, a break down the other end and I yelled out “two spare at the far post” and a cross from their left hit one of them, but the effort was clawed away by Filip Jorgensen.

Ugh.

Just after, some tenacious play by Keirnan Dewsbury-Hall, played in initially by Palmer, enabled him to force his way past some defenders and he did well to persevere and flash the ball in at an angle.

We celebrated the unlikely scorer and the fact that we were now 3-1 up in the tie.

Time to relax?

I think so.

However, the goal that they conceded seemed to inspire the visiting Danes even more. Their show of support during the evening really was sensational.

There was a loud song for Cucurella, who was pleasing everyone with some tenacious play of his own.

We had little bits of the game, but nothing to set the pulses racing. There was a nice move and a shot from Palmer that was swept wide.

On sixty-five minutes, Christopher Nkunku for Sancho.

On seventy-six minutes, a Palmer free kick down below us but an easy save for Ramaj.

On seventy-nine minutes, Reece James for Caicedo (“for you, Michelle” as he had not appeared versus Leicester City).

Late on, another shot for Palmer, this one blocked too.

A very late sub, and a debut.

Genesis Antwi for Neto.

At the death of a poor match, there was a close-in effort for the visitors that was blasted high into the Shed Upper and then there was one last effort from Palmer that was saved by Ramaj.

It finished 1-0 to Chelsea.

The gate was 35,820, and oh those empty seats.

A Celebration Of 120 Years